Is being naive a reason to be culpable now? I don’t really how it can be your fault if you just honestly didn’t know–you can be ignorant or even stupid, but I don’t see culpable in there.
You logic is wonky though. There are thousands of cases where someone is accused and convicted of a crime they didn’t commit. Without knowing the circumstances of this particular case I can’t judge it–but I do know that if “I” was to be convicted of something I didn’t do, I would know that my wife would stand by my side. There was a series of cases just recently I read about here on the Dope about a pathologist whose testimony convicted all these people in Canada on child abuse–turns out he fabricated the testimony.
Now I am not saying the case against this guy is not true–it most likely is. But you are jumping from A to Z pretty fast.
No, but she was considering these things and you were not sure yourself if they were rational.
There are a lot of reasons why a women might stick by a pedophile. I wouldn’t, but I’ve met people who think marriage vows are so sacred that they have no choice. Its possible that she herself has been victimized into believing she does not deserve better, and sticks it out due to fear and shame.
If you and your wife feel the need to judge this woman, that’s your business. But it isn’t kind to let anyone else know and try and rally sentiment against her. Your wife and her friends can find another Weight Watchers meeting if they aren’t comfortable, and if it just your wife, simply saying 'hey guys, there is a meeting on Tuesday, that works way better for me" would be the right thing to do.
Its perfectly ok to cut someone from your social circle because you disapprove of their behavior. However, it isn’t right to try and convince others to do the same. That’s where the line is drawn.
He plead guilty, he told the details in court to confirm it, the sentence was not a deal; pretty much certain, no if-ands-or-buts about his guilt.
Ah - I see my flaw. I phrased it wrong. I suppose I am trying to say either she saw signs or didn’t. If she did, then culpable in not doing anything. If not, he’s sicne been convicted, therefore (and I see the reasoning behind arguing against this point), culpable in staying with him - but more in a “how can you spend decades as a child care provider and stay with this guy now!!!” way. Though, as Dangerosa points out, there may be other reasons why…
Well there is that 
But even with that, I can only speak for myself, I would just move on and find a different group if I was your wife. It still doesn’t mean she ‘knew’ about it, and as pointed out above, some people take their marriage vows to an extreme and stand by their spouse regardless.
I just see nothing good out of spreading gossip–but to each their own. “SHE” wasn’t convicted of anything. Hell if we are to be judged by our associations–some of the folks here at the SDMB would be questionable companions! Just my two cents.
Okay, true. But how do you know she is staying with him? If he’s in jail…? Though I guess you mentioned she still wore her wedding ring.
ETA: Okay I read your post about the house arrest and such.
A question that she has no obligation to answer. Especially to a woman who has ideas of putting up a poster specifically to defame and harass her.
I suspect that the woman has made some hard choices. May the OP and his wife find similar strength if they are tested in their marriage.
Ah. My apologies for making bad deductions. It appears that this deduction business is not as straightforward as it seems.
No one has made any such accusations. In your words:
In my words:
To help prevent any erroneous deductions I will spell it out more cleanly. In regards to the things you are thinking of doing it is my opinion that you should leave this woman alone. Or: Don’t do any of the things you have said you were considering, not now, not in the future. Leave her alone.
I’m going to stake out a different position here and say, yes, this particular woman should be held partially culpable, because of the specific circumstances. This isn’t a case where the husband was abusing children without any way for her to know what was going on. She was running a daycare center, which her husband used to gain access to children to abuse. She was responsible for the children’s safety, and failed miserably. The fact that she can continue to trust him in any way tells me she’s more concerned with his future and his well being than for the children she failed to protect from him. So yes, I’d treat her as a pariah as well.
Question was already answered.
That’s an incredibly light sentence for a someone pleading guilty to pedophelia with multiple victims. Plus keeping him in a neighborhood with children, even under house arrest.
Conviction was based on 1 victim - was investigated for more.
Yup. Not happy 'bout that one.
But there is a difference between leaving the group you have joined that she is in (treating her like a pariah) and forcing her out of the group through rallying others. Its perfectly acceptable for her to choose not to be in the same place as this woman, its bad form to ask others to choose sides.
For the OP – How did you learn the details of the case? Was it only because one of your children came into contact with the man, or at least his wife? Is it possible the women in this group might find out on their own? I’m curious what this woman has to say when asked the usual ‘getting to know you’ questions (‘What do you do?’ ‘Are you married?’)
Well, since he was convicted, I would assume that it is pretty publically known that he is a pedo. I really dont think posters are the way to go about it, and if it is a weight loss group, what the fuck does that have to do with her husband if SHE is the one attending it? If the friend gets her panties in a bunch, then she needs to leave.
Look, the wife may or may not have known what was going on, but since she wasnt tried and found guilty, why the fuck punish her? She is the one that decided to stay with the guy, just like some abuse victims decide to stay with their abusers. I got out as quickly as I could, and am lucky … but it would be like tormenting me because my SO was the abuser … does that make sense?
Ok, I have no idea if I’ve interpreted the OP correctly, but here’s what I’ve got:
Your wife is in a group with this guy’s wife. There are no children there. THe woman lost her job as a daycare provider as part of his sentence (I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed to be within X feet of children). So exactly what is the point of embarrassing this woman in front of her weight control group? Is your wife pissed off because the woman didn’t leave her husband? What is her motivation?
I would phrase it as the following:
Is your wife pissed off because the woman (who has no job and no means of support according to the court) didn’t leave her husband?
Maybe she wishes she could leave but doesn’t think she can do it when she has no money, no job and no way to get a job in the thing she knows how to do. Maybe she feels trapped. Ever think of that?
I feel kind of bad for the wife. Okay, if she knew and condoned it, that’s wrong, but we don’t know that. A few years ago, it came out that a teacher at my old high school had tried to seduce an underage girl and he ended up going to jail. He had a wife and a daughter around the same age as the girl he was going after, and I didn’t know either of them but I felt really bad. Especially for the girl. I just couldn’t imagine the pain of that. Someone you love doing something that, in most people’s eyes, is unforgivable. And it’s not so easy to just stop loving someone, even when they’ve done something this evil.
Putting up a poster isn’t going to help. This woman’s probably already in a world of hurt–I don’t think she needs to feel worse.
It would seem she’s trying to pull herself together by attending this group. If she conciously or unconciously enabled the pedo having support to gain control of her self will help.