# The Perfect Guy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536 "2000-08-08T05:46:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/21 "2000-08-09T06:08:00Z")
25 things the perfect guy would do Hmm. Lets see how I measure up. 1.know how to make you smile when you are down Check. A certain amount of assumption is required here, of course, but I’m pretty good at this, if little else. 2.try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice Check. Assuming you mean on your head, though this is negotiable. Ok, that was _really_ crude. I’m sorry. Really, I am. Not quite sorry enough to delete it, but sorry, nonetheless. 3.stick up for you, but still respect your independence Check. 4.be so wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you Check, but you may wish that you were more specific about “everything else” later. 5.fit his arms firmly around you Well, that depends on how big YOU are, dosen’t it? But as I’m a pretty big guy, lets assume check. 6.hint that he wants to kiss you Check, if possible. I offer no promises that you’ll always “get” them, though. 7.his hands always find yours Check. Assuming that you are within, say, five feet of me. More than that is kinda tough. 8.be cute when he really wants something Well, I try. Check. 9.never run out of new games to play Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Uh, sorry. Check. Games, I’m good at. Either the kid kind, or the other kind. 10.never run out of good jokes Haven’t so far. Check. 11.never run out of love Well, I have several years and a bitter childhood’s worth stored up. Check. (Why do I DO that? That always freaks people out . . .) 12.be funny, but know when to be serious Check. Most of the time. 13.realize he’s being funny when he needs to be serious Can’t swear to this one. I’m not serious very often. X 14.be patient when you take forever to get ready Check. 15.react so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts Hmm. Is, “Thank you mistress!” cute? Assuming no. X 16.smile Check. I’m good at that. 17.kiss you Check. At pretty much any oppertuity, I might add. 18.try to hide that one stuffed animal when you come over Do action figures count? Assuming no. X. I do have a little stuffed gerbil-in-a-ball that my sister gave me, but I doubt I’d bother to hide it. 19.act like Mr. Big Don’t do this nearly enough. X 20.apologize for acting like Mr. Big Now, THIS, I’m good at. Check. 21.ask you for a pen in class and you know he has one N/A. The odds that I’ve brought appropriate writing material to a class is pretty low. In fact, that is presupposing that I’m there at all which, is a bit of a strech. 22.blast the music when he picks up the phone X. Don’t usually play music by itself unless I’m driving or housekeeping. 23.turn it off when he notices that you are on the phone Assuming the “basic consideration” is the important feature here. Check. (Basic consideration on your part, would of course include not picking on my spelling. Yes, I’m 25 and can’t spell. I’ve been using word processors for at least 14 years. My handwriting is even worse.) 24.look at you during class and make you get butterflies in your stomach Oh, so now _I_’m responsible for your attraction? That hardly seems fair. From past achevements, as Massachusetts’ leading expert on being a “wonderful friend, but don’t look at my body, that would be like having my brother(pause to consider, horrified)–yuck!” I’m gonna have to, unfortunatly, assume a X on this one. 25.hug you on a bad day and the clouds seem to lift Now this is just blatantly unfair. Not only am I supposed to forcably alter your brain chemestry, at range, without you neccisarily being aware of it, but I’m supposed to influence gross metological phenomina as well? I’m sorry. I’d like to help, but I just can’t promise this. Well, after careful examination, I am between 62.500% and 70.833% perfect guy, depending on how you feel about sadomasachism and action figures. I was, honestly hoping for higher. I’d compare it to Oicu812’s “Perfect Girl” list, but I’m honestly afraid I’d score higher on that one. ## Note that [I}Sadomasachism and Action Figures\* would make a great title for an independant movie. “I’m 11 weapons and one arm lighter!” ---
**Author:** ![Road\_Rash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@Road\_Rash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Road_Rash)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2000, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/22 "2000-08-09T06:16:27Z")
1. She will flirt with me big time at social functions, but do her own thing as I would. Touching base occasionally. 2. She will punish me when I am naughty. 3. She will be open minded to exchanging sexual fantasies. 4. She will let me spend the night alone sometimes. 5. She will let me poke her in the morning, when I have a stiffee 6. In return, I will rub and kiss her feet at night, and all other neccesary body parts. 7. She likes to skate. Just a few for now. Oh, yes. She will be physically attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/23 "2000-08-10T02:30:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Oicu812 \* > \*\*You can ALWAYS tell me where to go, Zyada… > > And Goddess is fine with ME… (The sacrifices should be INTERESTING!) > > \*\* It’s not so much what is sacrificed as the position one takes for the sacrifice. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/24 "2000-08-11T01:05:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > > It’s not so much what is sacrificed as the position one takes for the sacrifice. 😛 \*\* So tell us then Zyada, what’s your favourite position? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/25 "2000-08-11T01:14:18Z")
Who the hell needs a perfect guy? One that is breathing is good enough for me at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/26 "2000-08-11T02:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Who the hell needs a perfect guy? One that is breathing is good enough for me at this point. -swagering over- Nice post, Michi. It’d look great crumpled up next to my bed–D’oh! Dammit Dammit dammit! heh heh heh. – “Uncle Bobo has to go see Uncle Reconstructive Urologist.” ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/27 "2000-08-11T02:09:12Z")
:::panting heavily::: ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/28 "2000-08-11T02:10:30Z")
Damn smilies… That should be- ::: **Panting Heavily** ::: ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/29 "2000-08-11T02:17:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Oicu812 \* > \*\* She would enjoy backrubs and foot massages. Just as I enjoy giving them. > \*\* So Oicu812- Honey, I am SO with you! I fulfill all of the conditions you set forth. I assume you are a man, or the asking directions thing would not have been mentioned. So-where do you live? And how soon can you move here? My back hurts. And, I am told I am good at reciprocating. Did I mention that my feet hurt, too? Scotti ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/30 "2000-08-11T03:48:10Z")
Australia. But I guarantee a foot rub as soon as you get here. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/31 "2000-08-11T17:17:31Z")
dpr - The only proper position for a sacrifice is on your knees in front of me. Of course. ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/32 "2000-08-11T23:41:03Z")
> [@](#): > > So-where do you live? And how soon can you move here? My back hurts. And, I am told I am good at reciprocating. Did I mention that my feet hurt, too? > > Scotti Let’s see… I am of course male (amusingly so…), just turned 35, have a great job, house, etc… And just where do you live, Scotti? I should probably put the homestead up on the market soon… O * * * vidi vici veni! ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/33 "2000-08-12T00:08:51Z")
Oh, what did I read this post for? All it does is remind me that, to this one special girl, I’m the perfect guy, and that to me she’s the perfect girl. And she’s a few thousand miles and a few million gallons of ocean away… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/34 "2000-08-12T00:14:54Z")
☹ ::hug:: ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/35 "2000-08-12T05:05:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > \*\*dpr - > > The only proper position for a sacrifice is on your knees in front of me. > > Of course. \*\* How about beside you? Snuggled up beside you? ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/36 "2000-08-12T05:09:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KKBattousai \* > \*\*Oh, what did I read this post for? All it does is remind me that, to this one special girl, I’m the perfect guy, and that to me she’s the perfect girl. And she’s a few thousand miles and a few million gallons of ocean away… ☹ \*\* ☹ Sorry to hear it mate. I’ve been there too. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/37 "2000-08-12T05:45:55Z")
Thanks Audrey, DPR. _sigh_ Well, if finding true love was easy, it wouldn’t be any fun, right? ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/38 "2000-08-12T19:36:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > \*\* > How about beside you? > > Snuggled up beside you? \*\* :melt: Sigh. I miss snuggling. Lack of sex can be handled (so to speak), but there’s nothing that can replace laying in bed on a lazy Saturday morning, with a man’s arms wrapped around me and my body laying against his like two spoons, talking, dozing or just laying there enjoying life. dpr - anytime. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/39 "2000-08-12T21:22:55Z")
If it’s any comfort, KKB, you’re not the only one… ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536/40 "2000-08-12T21:30:18Z")
Aaww shucks , thanks **Fretful** 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-guy/28536.md?page=3)