# The Perfect Man Advertisement **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026 "2003-06-11T02:43:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/21 "2003-06-11T16:44:14Z")
This thread is more of an IMHO type of thing. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/22 "2003-06-11T17:22:57Z")
I’ve found a man with 1, 2, 3, half of 4 (public fine, private less so), 6, 7, most of 8, and half of 9 (strong, tough, would jump to the rescue but no formal combat qualifications). You should also add: 1. Excellent in bed 😉 2. Honest 3. Not possessive/jealous All in all, 2, 3, and 11 are by far the most important. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/23 "2003-06-11T17:55:38Z")
I was _so_ close! 8 of 9. Oh well, good luck! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/24 "2003-06-11T23:49:48Z")
Unfortunately, life has pointed out to me two qualifications that you need to add: 1. not an alcoholic or drug addict 2. has not been institutionalized with a serious mental disorder You might want to steer away from convicted felons also. And, seriously, it turns out you actually have to ask about these things. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/25 "2003-06-12T00:13:18Z")
Like **Khadaji** , I was doing really well until I got to numbers 8 and 9. (I liberally interpreted number one to be tall and/or handsome.) Intelligent? Check. Sense of humor? Shit, I’m laughing right now. I’m hilarious. Classy? Shit, I have more class in the folds of my scrotum than most guys have in their entire bodies. Happy? The attendants say I’m the happiest guy they’ve had in here in a long time, what with the constant laughing. Phobia free? I can’t say for sure, on account of being terrified of dictionaries, but I probably am. No violet tendencies? No way, I hate violets. Little fuckers. But I wouldn’t call my ideals old-fashioned, since I made them all up myself. And I don’t have a black belt, or any belt for that matter since they took it away. Thus, although near perfect, I am not the perfect man. Damnit. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/26 "2003-06-12T04:28:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zany280 \* > **Okay satisfying licious, you have proven beautifully that too much of anything, even sarcastic humor, is a bad thing…besides, I just want additions not auditions…** Just additions, hmm? Okay, how about “must be a self-absorbed twit.” That’s to ensure compatibility. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/27 "2003-06-12T05:15:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\* Thus, although near perfect, I am not the perfect man. Damnit. \*\* You could still make it. You get extra credit points for the prehensile tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/28 "2003-06-12T16:54:36Z")
Well, I don’t need them to be tall (although I’m not going to complain about handsome), and I definitely don’t need them to be classy. (Please! A well-timed fart can be absolutely hilarious.) A good phobia can add to quirkiness, which is always a plus. And anyone with old fashioned ideals can just leave me the hell alone. Not sure about the black belt thing - I wouldn’t rule someone out because they had one, but it’s certainly not a prerequisite for being The Perfect Man. So the points we agree on: 1. Good looking. Definitions can vary wildly, but a killer smile is mandatory. 2. Intelligent. Knowledgeable, articulate, imaginative and able to argue a point. 3. Funny as all get-out. (And thinks I am too.) 4. Happy. Or rather, positive, inspiring personality. (I love people who look for the good other people, and life in general. They usually find it.) 5. Non-violent. Laid back and no attempts at being macho. Plus some of my own: 1. Loves singing (having a good voice is also a plus, but someone who enjoys singing despite not being able to is also pretty damn sexy) 2. A good talker. Talks about everything from mundane pointless stuff to life, the universe and everything, _including their internal emotional state_, fer crying out loud. And does it with the good humour expressed in point 3 above. 3. Has a job that they love, and that adds something good to the world, but does not consume all their time. (That’s my job.) 4. Affectionate. Wild yet tender in bed. Can’t keep his hands off me out of it. Thoughtful and expressive all the way round. Hot damn, where can I get me one of these guys??? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/29 "2003-06-12T18:09:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zany280 \* > \*\* > The Perfect Man Ad > > 1. Tall and Handsome (dark or light it doesn’t matter) > 2. Intelligent (this means well read and well rounded. If you are smart and just never applied yourself you NEED NOT APPLY) > 3. A sense of humor (this is the only mandatory requirement) > 4. Classy (this not only includes refraining from the use of any bodily functions while in a public place, but also while in a private place ie. the bedroom) > 5. Happy (Although the occational bad mood is acceptable the Depressed Artist Syndrome is not) > 6. Phobia free (this includes but is not limited to ALL phobia’s listed on the web page [www.phobialist.com](http://www.phobialist.com)) > 7. No violent tendencies (this includes any animal violence)\ > 8. Old fashioned ideals (opening doors, paying tabs, no cheating etc.) > 9. A black belt in some form of fighting (and a willingness to fight if and ONLY if it becomes necessary) > \*\* My Sister met that guy once. He’s gay. So she married the next best thing–a shorter, blonde, not-genius with a kind heart as big as all outdoors. The family approves. Good luck with your sterile, loveless relationship with Pseudo-Superman, kid. ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/30 "2003-06-12T18:35:23Z")
re: the OP– _sigh_ Once again, the first attribute listed rules me out. “Tall” just doesn’t seem like it measures up (so to speak) with most of the other criteria you’ve selected. If more women were truly open to the idea of dating a 5’8" man, I believe I’d have a much more active social life. Anyway, I’ve got the rest of the attributes pretty well covered, except the black belt. Call me when you’re ready to expand your field a bit. And **MonkeyChews** –if you don’t mind a bit of a long-distance relationship, you sound like the perfect woman for me, and I the man for you, except I’m working on that ‘loves his job’ part, getting ready to change there. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/31 "2003-06-12T20:31:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doc Nickel \* > \*\* > My thing? Oh, right: Single, clean, house and cars are paid for, own my own business, nondrinker, nonsmoker, nonreligious, well-read, professional machinist and inveterate gadget freak, and I can spell “callipygous” without looking it up. > \*\* I had to read this three times before I stopped reading “_invertebrate_ gadet freak”. Back of my head kept trying to form PDA’s for earthworms… As to the OP - she did say “Perfect Man”, and I, therefore give her lattitude to form the impossible. I do think that “Non-violent” and “Black Belt” are somewhat incompatible. ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/32 "2003-06-12T20:33:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pablito \* > \*\*And **MonkeyChews** –if you don’t mind a bit of a long-distance relationship, you sound like the perfect woman for me, and I the man for you, except I’m working on that ‘loves his job’ part, getting ready to change there. \*\* Well, I’m the perfect woman for you apart from the small issue of being a guy. 😉 Thanks for the compliment though! ---
**Author:** ![HughManatee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/22d042/32.png) [@HughManatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HughManatee)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/33 "2003-06-12T20:41:57Z")
Well, since you make no mention of health or ability to produce healthy children, good luck with your “perfect” blank-shootin’, terminal cancer-ridden man. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/34 "2003-06-12T23:16:01Z")
_I’d_ fit the bill all the way through. I’m married. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/35 "2003-06-13T00:07:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > \*\*As to the OP - she did say “Perfect Man”, and I, therefore give her lattitude to form the impossible. I do think that “Non-violent” and “Black Belt” are somewhat incompatible. \*\* Ahem. I am a black belt. I am a pacifist. Any questions? ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/36 "2003-06-13T00:40:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NinjaChick \* > \*\*Ahem. > > I am a black belt. > > I am a pacifist. > > Any questions? \*\* Are you applying for perfect man? ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/37 "2003-06-13T00:48:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NinjaChick \* > \*\*Ahem. > > I am a black belt. > > I am a pacifist. > > Any questions? \*\* Yeah, I had a good friend who fit that description. Haven’t seen or heard from her for years. I wonder if you’re her. Have you ever studied in Japan? When she boarded her plane to Japan I met her at the airport and gave her an origami animal. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/38 "2003-06-13T01:14:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bren\_Cameron \* > \*\*I was with you (with quibbles on “tall” and “intelligent”) until I got here. > > No violent tendencies but an expert in a decidedly violent skill? Let me guess, you also want him to do everything you want, but be a take-charge kind of guy. > > And number 8 is just out. Any guy who insists on paying all tabs or opening doors makes me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction–I’m sure one of these days he’s going to tell me not to worry my pretty head about something. I am not a delicate flower who can’t take care of herself. I am an adult who wants a partnership, not a little girl looking for a daddy to take care of me. > > Now, I do expect someone I’m with to open doors when my hands are full, or hold them when it would be polite to do so–I also expect to do the same for him. And I would get tired of going out with someone who _never_ paid the tab (I wouldn’t be surprised if guys do, too, btw). And cheating is just out–I wouldn’t call that an “old fashioned ideal,” quite frankly. It’s as though guys who don’t hold doors and pull out chairs also think quite casually of cheating. Huh? > > My list would be a bit different– > > 1)makes me laugh > > 1. thinks about things, doesn’t just spout off whatever thought or opinion he heard at work > > 3)Doesn’t bad-mouth his exes (because what he says and thinks about them, he’ll say and think about you.) > > 4)Is employed (I’m willing to give this one a miss when unemployment is clearly not his fault) > > 5)Respects me. > > Everything else is variable. \*\* Bren\_Cameron, You sound like you have what a lot of guys are looking for, including me. It’s all about respect. You believe two people should show an equal amount of respect for each other, and it’s refreshing to hear. I was once walking in the park with a (now) Ex of mine, and she wanted to get off of her feet and sit down at a bench. When we found a place to sit, she sat on one side, leaving room for me. Before a I sat down next to her, she brushed off my seat’s surface with her hand. It don’t seem like much, but it really made me feel like my company was appreciated. I made sure she knew how much things like that meant to me. I’m NOT very tall, (5"5’). I’m not very smart at all… in fact, I know I have some severe learning problems. There are, however, some areas where I am extremely intelligent, but they aren’t immediately apparent to others. Not phobia free. I’m NOT a black belt. So you could immage how special I felt whenever this great gal went out of her way for me. I showed her the same respect. At that time, she didn’t have any faults. I embraced every thing about her. All my “what makes a ‘perfect’ woman, lists” went out the window. (BTW, we are still great friends.) ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/39 "2003-06-13T02:22:40Z")
One requirement I would like to make of a suitor is that he’d like to show me new things, be it foods or movies or books, but will respect my polite declination to try some. I have a guy friend who still quasi-teases me about a book he wanted me to try 4 years ago, that I got 30 pages into and decided I couldn’t follow it nor was I enjoying it. It’s like seriously, f\*ck off, I didn’t like the book, drop it. This is the same guy who as much as he knew his girlfriend was a tremendously picky eater, he would almost insist in any restaurant that she try what he was eating no matter how much the food was something she’d never eat. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026/40 "2003-06-13T02:45:54Z")
Let me throw my deformed, tacky, cheap hat into the fray: 1. Above average height and children don’t cry when I look at them, so I guess I’m handsome. 2. Umm…errr…well shucks, _of course_ 3. Well, what do you have/do that makes this so important 😛 4. Oh yes, when I pass wind I always descretely blame the person next to me. 5. I’m always pleasantly surprised when the worst case scenario doesn’t occur. Does that count? 6. [Clicks zany280’s link] Cripes, is Dutchphobia real? 7. Nope. 8. As long as you don’t think that the Armish is your ideal, I’m quiet polite. And since when “no cheating” old fashioned? I thought it was simply _good manners_. 9. Black belt in Karate. I’m a terrible fighter though (thank goodness fo kata), and I’m not going to put on a display just for to jump through hoops. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-man-advertisement/181026.md?page=1)