# The perfect Star Trek **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 19, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006 "2003-06-19T21:06:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/21 "2003-06-23T02:53:42Z")
The perfect Star Trek? Wesley. WESLEY! **AND MORE WESLEY!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/22 "2003-06-23T05:15:51Z")
I like Daniel’s idea for the anthology series. The Trek universe is filled with people, places, things, etc. that could be turned into good one-episode stories. How about the Guardian of Forever doing the “Rod Serling duty”? It’s mysterious, sees everything but never acts on it, and is prone to cryptic statements… it’d be perfect. Camera flies through space, approaches a desolate planet orbiting a burned-out star. We zoom in smoothly until we’re sitting on the ground, looking at the Guardian. As we slowly zoom in on the images appearing in the donut hole, the Guardian gives a creepy little speech, then our story begins. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/23 "2003-06-23T05:19:48Z")
I was hoping the tenth movie (Nemesis) would involve DS9 and Voyager. “Admiral Janeway” in a 30-second cameo doesn’t really count. If they’d made a movie about the end of the Dominion War, that would have been really cool. Involve everyone in a huge, full-fleet battle that could mean the end of the Federation. That’s a good Trek. But no, we get a goddamn Kahn redux. Khan was good. Don’t do him over; you can’t. ---
**Author:** ![Hazel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Hazel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/24 "2003-06-23T05:42:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daniel \* > \*\*I always thought it would be cool to do a Star Trek series in the style of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits in the regard that it has completely different charaters every week. The ST universe is, by now, vast enough that we can have disconnected episodes … one episode could focus on a young Bajoran’s decision to join the resistence on Cardassian-occupied Bajor … another could focus on a great mind being assimilated into the Borg collective and lost forever … and so on. \*\* **Daniel,** that’s a great idea! One benefit would be that we could learn more about things that were brought up but not fully explored in the various series and movies. **Terminus Est,** I wouldn’t rate _Wrath of Kahn_ as perfect. Here’s what’s always bugged me about that one: it seems to me that, once Kahn and his people were left on whatever planet they were left on, the Federation would have kept an eye on them. From a distance, unbeknownst to them. When their planet met with disaster, the Federation would have rescued them. Either their planet would have been fixed up, or they’d have been moved to another planet. I just don’t see the Federation abandoning them and forgetting them. Therefore, the whole movie would never have happened. Some other movie involving Kahn and his people might have happened, but not that one. ---
**Author:** ![Hazel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Hazel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/25 "2003-06-23T05:51:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Vlad Dracul \* > \*\*I like Daniel’s idea for the anthology series. The Trek universe is filled with people, places, things, etc. that could be turned into good one-episode stories. > > How about the Guardian of Forever doing the “Rod Serling duty”? It’s mysterious, sees everything but never acts on it, and is prone to cryptic statements… it’d be perfect. > > Camera flies through space, approaches a desolate planet orbiting a burned-out star. We zoom in smoothly until we’re sitting on the ground, looking at the Guardian. As we slowly zoom in on the images appearing in the donut hole, the Guardian gives a creepy little speech, then our story begins. \*\* Great idea, **Vlad!** **Raisenbread** … I _like_ the time travel stories. As for the holodeck – I _want_ one! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/26 "2003-06-23T05:55:11Z")
If Holodecks were real, I’d never come out of one. Remember the episode where Barclay was addicted and had Troi as a Sex Goddess or somethin’? Yep… that’d be me. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/27 "2003-06-23T06:31:20Z")
**Viva** , I believe **MsJohn** was speaking of: “To bodly go where no man has gone…_before_” [swish!] oooo oooo oo oo oo oo ooooooo wa wa wawa wa waaa[swish!] I like crewman **Daniels** outerlimits-ish idea, too. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/28 "2003-06-23T07:24:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aesiron \* > Remember the episode where Barclay was addicted and had Troi as a Sex Goddess or somethin’? Yep… that’d be me. That’d be 98% of all the guys out there (straight or gay, doesn’t matter). Or, as Dogbert put it, “Once virtual reality is cheaper than dating, society is doomed.” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/29 "2003-06-23T11:44:08Z")
I’d like to see a spin-off series where the “time continuem police” guys are the main focus. I forget what their actuall name is called. Somebody throw me a bone… hell… ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/30 "2003-06-23T11:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Terminus Est, I wouldn’t rate Wrath of Kahn as perfect. Here’s what’s always bugged me about that one: it seems to me that, once Kahn and his people were left on whatever planet they were left on, the Federation would have kept an eye on them. I don’t know about that. The Federation high command has always struck me as a very cold-hearted and authoritarian bunch. They probably said to themselves: “OK, Kahn & company are on Seti Alpha V, and they can’t get off of it by themselves, so we don’t have to worry about them anymore. We’ll just send out a warning to avoid any contact with Seti Alpha V.” That’s what they did about the Thalosians: they declared that anyone making contact with Thalos IV would be executed, and then they left the Thalosians to their own devices. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/31 "2003-06-23T12:49:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*The perfect Star Trek? > > Wesley. > WESLEY! > **AND MORE WESLEY!!!** \*\* Guys, this idea’s great! But I’d like to expand it a bit: Take all the biggest LOSERS - the whiners, the morons, the know-it-all whiz kids - put 'em together in a terribly demanding, stressful situation, and watch wackiness ensue! Say they’re in some ship that crashes somewhere terribly hostile; in an alien war-zone, or something. The must pool their mental (in)capacities and special skills (or lacks thereof) to survive. But, of course, they’re all useless assclowns, so it doesn’t really work out– Wesley Crusher and Harry Kim are trying to make repairs to the ship, but their egos and sensitivities get into it, and they just and up having a big, bitchy catfight. Neelix tries to cheer everybody up, but he just ends up annoying the living shit out of all the other characters. Eventually, they gang up on him and beat him to death. Data (whom I generally like, but not when he’s in “I wish I were a real boy!” mode) goes into Pinnochio overdrive, and he and the whiny Borg, Hugh, try to emulate the organic humanoids. Though, of course, the people they’re stranded with aren’t the best of models. Now they’re EXTRA-annoying! I’m hoping everybody dies in the end. It’d be like Hamlet, only not tragic. Love, K\*\*\* ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/32 "2003-06-23T14:36:10Z")
And, for the dues ex machina in **Kn(\*)ckers** little episode, the anger eating entity from _Day of the Dove_ (TOS) leaves a bunch of rusty knives and cleavers around for everyone to find. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/33 "2003-06-23T18:14:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SHAKES \* > \*\*I’d like to see a spin-off series where the “time continuem police” guys are the main focus. I forget what their actuall name is called. Somebody throw me a bone… hell… \*\* Temporal Investigations or something similar, I think. I like your idea. ---
**Author:** ![McJohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@McJohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McJohn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/34 "2003-06-23T21:00:01Z")
Oh. Well, if NCB is already used to being ridiculed for his grammar, can we make fun of his hair? [Unfolding note passed hastily hand to hand from someone called “Moderator”.] What does “off-topic” mean? Hey, you guys, you know, that sweet-faced lady who played the empath in that sadomasochistic ep in which they tied up Kirk and beat the snot out of him is still around. She’s on a soap opera. I bet we could get her back for an ep in which she’s taken an enforcement job with the twenty-whateverth-century descendant of Sandy Meisner’s acting school and she looks up Kirk and kicks the tar out of him again for the eye-popping, nostril-quivering way he bellowed “Khaaaaaaaaan!” into the communicator in the second movie. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/35 "2003-06-23T21:19:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hazel \* > \*\* Here’s what’s always bugged me about that one: it seems to me that, once Kahn and his people were left on whatever planet they were left on, the Federation would have kept an eye on them. \*\* They sent some clown like Terrel’s “Let’s give them a little more time” F.O., or the guy who’d get his transporter Tuesday, or some other moron to check up on them and when he souldn’t find Ceti Alpha IV he reported they weren’t there. That was an excellent movie, whatever it’s faults. I too would like to see Voyager and DS9 included in a Trek movie. ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/36 "2003-06-23T21:35:49Z")
Wow. I seem to have won the admiration of the Trekkies. Sweet. 🆒 Glad you like the idea guys. I also really like **Vlad’s** idea of letting the Guardian of Forever act as host. Of course, if this idea ever becomes an actual TV series, I predict they’ll not even think of the Guardian and instead just put Shatner on a holodeck set… ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/37 "2003-06-23T23:36:42Z")
How about a series finale for _Star Trek: Enterprise_? The only one that can make this godawful show fit into the Trek continuity: Archer wakes up, and discovers that the entire series was a dream. It turns out that he’s really a crewman on the Enterprise-E. He’s one of the “night shift” officers who man the bridge when all the main characters are sleeping. He’s been in a coma since the battle with the Scimitar in _Nemesis._ Once he wakes up, Picard comes in and tells him that he’s being promoted to the day shift. As Picard and Archer walk away down the hall, Picard says that someday, perhaps, Archer might get to be captain of the Enterprise, just like his famous namesake ancestor. (A guy can dream, can’t he?) ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/38 "2003-06-24T00:06:28Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Kn_ckers \* > \*\*Neelix tries to cheer everybody up, but he just ends up annoying the living shit out of all the other characters. Eventually, they gang up on him and beat him to death. > \*\* I think it would work out better if they offered to trade him to the enemy for supplies. The enemy declines because he’s so annoying, THEN Wesley and the gang beat him to death and offer him to the enemy to be used as a big, colorful throw pillow. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/39 "2003-06-24T01:09:59Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Kn_ckers \* > **Guys, this idea’s great! But I’d like to expand it a bit: > Take all the biggest LOSERS - the whiners, the morons, the know-it-all whiz kids - put 'em together in a terribly demanding, stressful situation, and watch wackiness ensue!** I think [Stephen Ratliff already did this](http://home.netcom.com/%7Emblackwl/mst.html). ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006/40 "2003-06-24T05:20:04Z")
Daniel and Hazel… thank you! Since “reality shows” seem to be a big deal, let’s have a sort of show-within-a-show, applying this concept to the 24th century… The 24th-century “reality” show “Inside Starfleet” is filming life aboard one of Starfleet’s lesser-known and less-important ships. We find that things are a little… different… when you’re not serving on the flagship of the fleet! It’s an older ship, medium-size, always kind of scuffed-looking because it’s overdue for refit and Starfleet Supply Division isn’t as efficient as they’d like you to think. Its assignment is border patrol along the edge of the Ferengi or Orion territory. Dirty work, and somebody has to do it. The skipper is a 2-meter, 160-kilo Tellarite. He’s grumpy, pessimistic, and slightly racist. Nearing retirement age, he’s only recently made commander, partly because Starfleet is biased against non-humans, partly because his people skills suck. He does not quote literature… he does not play a musical instrument. The crew is mostly just out of the Academy, because this duty is a good place for those cadets who DON’T graduate at the tops of their classes. Not everybody gets assigned to a Galaxy-class right away. The few older crew are aboard because, for whatever reason, they just didn’t make the cut for a better ship. Again, with only a handful of Galaxy and Sovereign ships out there, 99 percent of Fleet personnel have to go SOMEWHERE. This gives us an entertaining mix of oddballs, failures, resentful people who think they deserve better, and a whole bunch of aliens. Again, all those non-human personnel have to go SOMEWHERE. The show is done from the P.O.V. of the “reality” show, so the adventure of the week is often merely a background to crew interviews, bickering, personal affairs, etc. Incidentally… no technobabble! These people are much more likely to say “I don’t know what’s wrong… let’s just change all the fuses and see if that helps.” 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-star-trek/183006.md?page=1)