# The \*perfect\* way to kill mixed martial arts!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116
**Category:** The Game Room
**Created:** [August 3, 2009, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116 "2009-08-03T01:54:58Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/1 "2009-08-03T01:54:58Z")
This never occurred to me before (“No, really, Darrell?”), but I now know how MMA’s opponents can kill the whole sport for good. Here in America, at least.
First off, I’d like to point out just what kind of colossal chumps they must feel like. We’re talking about a sport that’s not even two decades old in this country, that start with absolutely nothing and had some absolutely horrendous events in the early days. Boxing was still a big mainstream sport at the time (Mike Tyson hadn’t gone completely insane yet) and, more importantly, backed by corporate giants like Budweiser. Add to that the fact that most sports fans, even those with some experience with martial arts, didn’t know the first thing about the sport. The fact that pro wrestling or Bruce Lee ever entered the discussion at all tells you just what kind of ignorance the fledgling MMA leagues had to deal with. And yet, the opposition, with a cruise-ship sized advantage in EVERY category, failed utterly. Not only that, but MMA is thriving, with a plethora of prospering leagues, and it just continues to grow bigger. It’s like the Washington Generals beating the Harlem Globetrotters by 50 points. Imagine being one of the Globetrotters.
Nonetheless, this is still a battle they can win. And as I was flipping through a magazine, it hit me.
Decry the skimpy models, card girls, dancers, etc., and the ads promoting everything from better orgasms to enhanced libido. ESS-EE-ECKS. (I’m talking in the cosmically broad sense it used in America, y’know, the definition of “sex” that doesn’t require penetration or genitals or breasts or bodily fluids or open-mouth kissing or massages or hugging or pleasure or affection or smiling or anything normally associated with copulation.)
Think about it. Do we even _want_ to stop violence? We were once embrolied in a terrible, endless war that was going absolutely nowhere and slaughtering innocent civilians by the millions, to say nothing of the billions of dollars thrown into this morass and tens of thousands of our own guys getting killed or maimed for life (and not a clue how to get out). Now, 40 years later, fully aware of how badly we screwed the pooch, **we’re doing it again!**'Cause we kick butt! And we’re going to keep kicking butt until our legs break off! Which we hope doesn’t happen for a while!
Or how about Columbine? Remember that? Let’s see, a couple of kids get constatnly bullied, the people who are supposed to be running things do jumping jack crap (wow, big surprise…), and the kids handle the situation in the worst possible way. Do you remember the school, oh, enacting tough new regulations? Or attempting to break up the pecking order which caused the killers’ alienation? Or doing an in-depth investigation? Or expelling other problem cases? **Anything? Any goddam action whatsoever??** Oh yeah, there was some babbling about how “Goth culture” was to blame. Keee-rist. A bloody, horrific massacre, and the response was “S\_\_\_ happens.”
Need I even mention fictional violence? The House of The Dead 2 is the goriest mainstream-release arcade game _ever_. I haven’t seen a word of protest about it anywhere. I’ve seen at least one father _hold up his little kid_ so he could play. Todays systems can render carnage more realistically than in even the digitization era. See any firestorms over Grand Theft Auto 4 lately? Oh, sure, there was a time, way back in 1992, where Mortal Kombat was all over the news and the controversy was through the roof. Well, guess what, the eighth installment is on the shelves right now…not including the numerous spinoffs and upgraded versions…and you probably don’t even know it exists. No one’s interested in fighting a lost battle.
And that’s why trying to get MMA banned on the grounds that it’s too violent, or too barbaric, or too brutal are doomed to failure. _We don’t care._ MMA proponents frequently cite the numerous deaths which occur annually in football and boxing. Yet both sports survive to this day (boxing’s run into a low point, but it’s far from dead). Because _we don’t care!_ Escalating troop presence in Afghansistan for lord knows what reason? Let’s roll! A nationally-televised commentator called for the murder of Barak Obama? And that’s a bad thing how?
But _sex_ (the ultra-broad definition I menitoned earlier)? What is the one thing that has sparked more ham-handed bans (and fervent cries for ham-handed bans) than _everything else in American history put together?_ What is the one subject that can turn the most intelligent, sensitve, open-minded parent into a mindless raving authoritarian pighead slightly to the right of Genghis Khan? What is guaranteed to elicit bleatings about protecting the children from pathetic numbnuts who can’t name their _own_ children? What is pefectly natural, is as old as the human race itself, absolutely necessary for the continuation of the species, and when done right is one of the most joyful of human experiences, yet gets treated by a huge segment of our population as slightly preferable to bathing in toxic waste?
A dime-a-dozen spoiled rich ditz releases a dime-a-dozen sex tape on the internet, and the news _howls_ about this. A Democratic candidate who lost the primary _months_ ago admits to an affair, and the message boards go absolutely nuts. Janet Jackson reveals a _partially_ exposed nipple for like ONE GODDAM SECOND, and from our collective national response you’d think the moon had crashed into the Earth.
The verdict is clear. Harp on the skimpy models and any endorsed product even remotely sex-related, and even Seanbaby will be calling for MMA to get hacked to bits and buried forever.
Hey, it’s worth a shot. I mean, what other choice do you have? Terrorism?
---
### Author:  [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/2 "2009-08-03T02:50:30Z")
Or just emphasize that there’s a lot of sweaty guys rolling around together going on. Somebody wiill get squicked out, I’m sure.
---
### Author:  [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/3 "2009-08-03T03:43:14Z")
[Obligatory Penny Arcade link](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/7/15/)
---
### Author:  [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/4 "2009-08-03T03:46:53Z")
I like MMA.
And Top Gun.
And Roadhouse.
---
### Author:  [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/5 "2009-08-03T03:50:31Z")
> [@Lamar\_Mundane](#):
>
> I like MMA.
>
> And Top Gun.
>
> And Roadhouse.
Pain don’t hurt!
---
### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/6 "2009-08-03T04:31:46Z")
> [@Lamar\_Mundane](#):
>
> I like MMA.
>
> And Top Gun.
>
> And Roadhouse.
I think the “I’m not gay, but…” thread is somewhere else.
Just kidding.
---
### Author:  [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/7 "2009-08-03T07:04:42Z")
Kill all the people who are willing to pay to watch other people pummel one another.
---
### Author:  [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/8 "2009-08-03T14:03:20Z")
> [@LouisB](#):
>
> Kill all the people who are willing to pay to watch other people pummel one another.
Do it on live TV! PPV!
---
### Author:  [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/9 "2009-08-03T18:01:13Z")
So the answer is: start an MMA league consisting only of female fighters who all resemble characters from _Dead or Alive_ and/or _Soul Calibur_\*, and have them fight in skimpy, fragile, strategically-tear-away clothing.
- Admittedly, the most unrealistic part of this scenario.
---
### Author:  [@Neverender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverender)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/10 "2009-08-03T18:05:41Z")
> [@Pazu](#):
>
> …Admittedly, the most unrealistic part of this scenario.
Too right, have you _seen_ a female MMA fight? Not pretty - The women or the results!
---
### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/11 "2009-08-03T18:38:55Z")
> [@Neverender](#):
>
> Too right, have you _seen_ a female MMA fight? Not pretty - The women or the results!
[Gina Carano](http://cdn.cagepotato.com/www/sites/default/files/Gina_Carano-MMA-Elite-XC.jpg) is pretty cute.
---
### Author:  [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/12 "2009-08-03T19:08:11Z")
People should have the right ot beat the crap out of each other if it’s consentual.
---
### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/13 "2009-08-03T19:09:08Z")
How is MMA any different from boxing in this regard? Boxing has scantily-clad card girls, too, and I imagine that the commercials shown during boxing also use sex (since, after all, _all_ commercials use sex).
---
### Author:  [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2009, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/14 "2009-08-20T18:10:54Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#):
>
> [Obligatory Penny Arcade link](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/7/15/)
I like Ctrl+Alt+Del’s earlier take: [http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20090518](http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20090518)
---
### Author:  [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/15 "2009-08-20T20:23:55Z")
> [@Pazu](#):
>
> So the answer is: start an MMA league consisting only of female fighters who all resemble characters from _Dead or Alive_ and/or _Soul Calibur_\*, and have them fight in skimpy, fragile, strategically-tear-away clothing.
>
> - Admittedly, the most unrealistic part of this scenario.
What time and station? I couldn’t find it on Tivo.
---
### Author:  [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2009, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/16 "2009-08-20T22:23:43Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#):
>
> What time and station? I couldn’t find it on Tivo.
Stalled in recruiting, I would guess.
---
### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/17 "2009-08-20T22:48:36Z")
> [@pravnik](#):
>
> [Gina Carano](http://cdn.cagepotato.com/www/sites/default/files/Gina_Carano-MMA-Elite-XC.jpg) is pretty cute.
“Could tear my arms off” is a deal breaker for me.
---
### Author:  [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/18 "2009-08-21T00:36:48Z")
MMA has “opponents”?
I just thought that there are some people who like a sport and some who don’t.
---
### Author:  [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/19 "2009-08-21T07:43:21Z")
> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> “Could tear my arms off” is a deal breaker for me.
Just because she _can_ doesn’t mean she _will_.
---
### Author:  [@Hellestal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hellestal)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2009, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116/20 "2009-08-21T08:47:18Z")
> [@Kobal2](#):
>
> “Could tear my arms off” is a deal breaker for me.
Do you know how a praying mantis will start to consume her mate during the act of coitus?
You have to realize, from the perspective of the male, that she’s so damn sexy _it’s worth it_.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-perfect-way-to-kill-mixed-martial-arts/505116.md?page=2)