# The Pope Masturbation Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384 "2000-09-24T19:38:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![KarlGauss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karlgauss/32/3713_2.png) [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/1 "2000-09-24T19:38:03Z")
**Background** : I am not religious or observant in any way. I think that organized religion is bullshit and its participants are frequently assholes and/or morons. **My point** : I find it offensive that people contributed to, and the moderators permitted, a thread which is so clearly derisive of the Pope, and presumably offensive to many Catholics. Would a thread mocking Muslims, Jews, Martin Luther King, or other minorities and/or their icons have been tolerated? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/2 "2000-09-24T19:45:11Z")
Well, I’M Catholic and I’m not offended. Totally disgusted and nauseated, but not OFFENDED. BTW, I don’t really CARE whether or not the Pope masturbates. It’s really nobody’s business. But it’s just a question of curiosity, really. Okay, how about this one: Does the Dali Lama masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![KarlGauss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karlgauss/32/3713_2.png) [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/3 "2000-09-24T19:54:48Z")
Actually, the masturbation question _per se_ was not what concerned me. Rather, much of the thread was devoted to crude, sexual jokes about the Pope. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/4 "2000-09-24T20:03:05Z")
So I noticed. There are so many religious jokes about various religions that these are hardly the worst. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/5 "2000-09-24T20:52:28Z")
Yeah, try telling those jokes without the Pope. See what happpens? Right. They’re not funny anymore. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/6 "2000-09-24T22:45:24Z")
Sorry Karl, if I may call you Karl. I didn’t mean to offend. Its just been on my mind nonstop lately. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell you. Besides, I think people need to take topics such as these a little more lightly. Ya’ can’t let these things get to your head. Hey, I’m sure the Pope has heard some Pope masturbation jokes, and probably laughed at them (he’s a cool guy like that). If people can learn to silence that little Hitler in their heads, telling them not to do this and not to do that, and not to say this and that, think of how the world would be. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/7 "2000-09-24T23:03:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sk8rixtx \* > \*\*Sorry Karl, if I may call you Karl. I didn’t mean to offend. Its just been on my mind nonstop lately. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell you. Besides, I think people need to take topics such as these a little more lightly. Ya’ can’t let these things get to your head. Hey, I’m sure the Pope has heard some Pope masturbation jokes, and probably laughed at them (he’s a cool guy like that). If people can learn to silence that little Hitler in their heads, telling them not to do this and not to do that, and not to say this and that, think of how the world would be. \*\* How the fuck do you know that the Pope has heard some masturbation jokes? How the fuck do you know that he is a cool guy like that? I don’t actually think having some basic respect for other people’s belief systems equates to having a little Hitler in one’s head. If learning to silence the little Hitler equates to spewing whatever foetid shit happens to be brewing in the turd like excresence you fondly call brain matter, then I am all for silence from you. I am thinking how the world would be if we were all like you. Shit, now I need to go backflush my brain. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/8 "2000-09-24T23:05:42Z")
So, the Buddha goes up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything.” The vendor thinks “smart-ass” but makes him a hot dog, The buddha gives him $5.00 which he puts in his pocket. The buddha says, “Hey, where’s my change.” The vendor says “Change must come from within.” There … happy now? ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/9 "2000-09-24T23:19:32Z")
Eutychus if making change equated to forbidden practice within Buddhist beliefs then yeah, you would have a point. But as far I know Buddhists are allowed to buy hot dogs and allowed to ask for change. ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/10 "2000-09-24T23:22:36Z")
Settle down Primaflora. I’m not trying to start a fight, and leave Eutychus55 alone. That was actually a cute joke. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/11 "2000-09-25T05:46:41Z")
But Primaflora has a point- just about the only group you can be intolerant about here, without being attacked from all sides, is Christians. The Buddha joke is fairly funny, but also inoffensive. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/12 "2000-09-25T06:23:58Z")
I would still like an answer from the Masturbation Master as to how he knows that the current Pope (who last time I looked was extremely hardline on sexual matters) is totally cool on matters such as celibacy and chastity. I keep getting these visions of a pimply teenager on a skateboard and the College of Cardinals and the Pope having a circle jerk while telling masturbatory jokes (hear the one about sk8rixtx and the lump of raw liver?) but I am working really hard on repressing the images. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/13 "2000-09-25T08:53:01Z")
I think **sk8rixtx** ’s comments were toungue in cheek. It’s a ‘sense of humor’ thing. And for **KarlGuass** ’s question “Would a thread mocking Muslims, Jews, Martin Luther King, or other minorities and/or their icons have been tolerated?” My WAG would be yes, they would be tolerated. But we would have to start one to find out. Who’d like to start? ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/14 "2000-09-25T10:30:31Z")
Spooje, I doubt that they would last. I cant remember the Darwinian Reject who started a thread mocking MLK, but it got closed pretty quickly after a flamefest. As for Christian-bashing, It does happen, but not too much. I dont get involved, so I’m not prepared to comment ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/15 "2000-09-25T10:36:53Z")
I’m sure MLK had the odd wank 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/16 "2000-09-25T17:32:39Z")
**Primaflora** prehaps if the Pope were a bit more respectful of other faiths and people, it’d be easier to respect him. His recent commentary about the intrinsic deficiencies of non-Christian faiths and how “intrinsicially evil” homosexual acts shows he has little respect for me. It’s a two-way street. I’ll respect the Pope, if he’ll respect me. So far he’s shown me none, why should I respect him? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/17 "2000-09-25T18:21:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KarlGauss \* > \*\ ***Background** : I am not religious or observant in any way. I think that organized religion is bullshit and its participants are frequently assholes and/or morons. > > \*\* Does anyone else find it funny that he says that participants of organized religion are usually assholes and morons, but also gets mad about a lighthearted joke about the Pope? I don’t hate the Pope-he’s done a lot more good than he has bad. However, I just find KG’s statements contradictary… hmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/18 "2000-09-25T18:45:57Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s a two-way street. I’ll respect the Pope, if he’ll respect me. So far he’s shown me none, why should I respect him? Its not about respecting the Pope, I doubt he’s a straight dope regular anyway (unless he’s Satan, now that WOULD be funny) it’s about respecting those people on this board who believe that he’s God’s representative on earth. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/19 "2000-09-25T18:46:52Z")
I’m Catholic, Christian, religious, all that stuff. I don’t find jokes about the pope masturbating or any of that kind of thing at all offensive. It just points out that he’s human . . . no less so and no more so than any of us. kinda like the whole “I put on my pants one leg at a time” bit with FDR(?). ---
**Author:** ![Germ\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Germ\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Germ_Boy)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2000, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384/20 "2000-09-25T19:29:41Z")
I’ve not seen the aforementioned thread but I have a WAG based on the points presented here. Perhaps the reason Christianity (and its derivatives) attracts so much derision and scorn is that it audaciously says to non-believers: you are going to hell. I’ve yet to have a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Shinto, Shaman, or Wiccan hand me a lame tract outlining my inevitable doom nor wake me up on a Saturday morning to share the ‘Good News!’ with me. If Christians didn’t stick their belief in everyone’s face the jokes at their expense would wither on the vine. They’re asking for it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-pope-masturbation-thread/34384.md?page=2)