# The Post Count Padding Party **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2000, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682 "2000-08-09T06:39:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Mundo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mundo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/241 "2000-08-13T03:47:51Z")
Bedevere stands on a stage in front of a large crowd of wild villagers. Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her? Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER! Bedevere: But how do you _know_ she is a witch? Villager: She looks like one! Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!! Bedevere: Bring her forward. (a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the platform. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.) Witch: I’m not a witch, I’m not a witch! Bedevere: Er,…but you are dressed as one. Witch: THEY dressed me up like this. Villagers: No! nooo! We didn’t! We didn’t! Witch: And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one! (Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman’s real nose, which is in fact rather small.) Bedevere: Well? One Villager: Well, we did do the nose. Bedevere: The nose? Villager: And the Hat. But she’s a witch! Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this? Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no… One Villager: yes. Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit. Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a wart… Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch? Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!! (pause) Bedevere: a newt? (long pause) Villager: I got better… Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER! Bedevere: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of _telling_ whether she is a witch! Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us! Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches? V: BUUUURN!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!! You BURN them!!! BURN!! Bedevere: And what do you burn apart from witches? Villager: More Witches! Other Villager: Wood. Bedevere: So. Why do witches burn? (long silence) (shuffling of feet by the villagers) Villager: (tentatively) Because they’re made of…wood? Bedevere: Goooood! Other Villagers: oh yeah… oh… Bedevere: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood? One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er! Bedevere: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone? Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm… Bedevere: Does wood sink in water? One Villager: No! No, no, it floats! Other Villager: Throw her into the pond! Villagers: yaaaaaa! (when order is restored) Bedevere: What also floats in water? Villager: Bread! Another Villager: Apples! Another Villager: Uh…very small rocks! Another Villager: Cider! Another Villager: Uh…great gravy! Another Villager: Cherries! Another Villager: Mud! Another Villager: Churches! Churches! Another Villager: Lead! Lead! King Arthur: A Duck! Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh! Bedevere: exACTly! Bedevere: (to a villager) So, _logically_… Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If…she…weighs the same as a duck…she’s made of wood. Bedevere: and therefore… (pause) Villager: A Witch! All Villagers: A WITCH! (they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere’s largest scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.) ---
**Author:** ![orestes543](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b5e925/32.png) [@orestes543](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orestes543)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/242 "2000-08-13T03:54:35Z")
My ex-boyfriend wrote this little poem: School preaches knowledge, Knowledge is power, Power Corrupts. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/243 "2000-08-13T04:30:07Z")
i have a friend named Orestes. We call him Tico. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/244 "2000-08-13T04:42:57Z")
tell me a bedtime story. I want a good one too. none of this cabbage bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/245 "2000-08-13T06:34:47Z")
:: dropzone adopts a superior sneer :: I don’t NEED to pad my post count by posting pointless and stupid things here. I already do that wherever I want! Hmmm, this makes it 879, doesn’t it. And nothing of value in ANY of them! ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/246 "2000-08-13T10:21:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zenith \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Mullinator \* > > \*\*I will not be a party to this sham. \*\* > > but can I be a sham at this party? > > 🙂 \*\* And can I be a sham on this pillow? ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/247 "2000-08-13T10:26:54Z")
I finished my baking finals yesterday in culinary school! Yay! Ok, so I have to go straight back to school on Monday, but that means I didn’t have homework this weekend, which is a rare thing indeed! ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/248 "2000-08-13T14:55:58Z")
Short poem: C me ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/249 "2000-08-14T14:09:27Z")
Anybody else find this funny? According to Ashley Postlewaite of Renegade Animation, Chester the Cheetah, the personification of Chee-tos, was also starting to be perceived as “too goofy.” “He’s supposed to be goofy, but he’s also supposed to be very cool,” Postlewaite explains. A decision was made to push Chester toward “having a cooler personality.” Now, “instead of being a complete goof, he pulls it back into control,” she says. “His head still spins around. His eyes bulge out … Everything’s dangerously hot, dangerously cheesy. But then, somehow, he pulls it back into control to say – Chee-tos.” Postlewaite provides an example of how this works in practice – incidentally revealing criminal-friendly behavior parameters that would cause mass cardiac arrest among the Doughboy’s handlers. “In an upcoming spot, we have him breaking into a factory while the security guard sleeps,” she says. “The old Chester would have been tripping over things, kind of bungling his way in. Now, he’s very suave. He takes a moment to dust off the security camera with his tail.” She pauses. “It’s just a lot of subtle acting things,” she says. ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/250 "2000-08-14T14:11:06Z")
Also, to make up for no weekend posts, a short poem used many times by a friend of mine in high school. He used it very effectively to get dates. Roses are red Violets are blue Damn, I’m good looking ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/251 "2000-08-14T14:12:39Z")
Wow. I’ve never started a new page before. Oh well, that’s enough padding for one day. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/252 "2000-08-14T14:47:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*I just realized that I’m getting close to 1000 posts. Cool! \*\* I am no longer getting close. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/253 "2000-08-14T15:49:52Z")
I had no idea we were still doing this! Hmmm…what can I post…Okay, I’ll read you today’s _Far Side_. _(The Far Side [sup]registered trademark[/sup] Millenium Off-The-Wall Calendar 2000 is copyrighted by FarWorks, Inc.)_ Okay, so…There’s a **really** ugly baby in a cradle. This baby is SO ugly…it has sort of a cro-magnon look to it. Anyway, it’s laying in this cradle and the mom is standing over it with her hands on her hips and she’s looking over her shoulder at what is obviously the dad. The dad is sitting at a desk, apparently doing some sort of research with some type of book, and his mouth is open like he’s talking. The caption says, “Aha! According to this, your great-great-grandmother, Abigail Woodsworth, was once married to a man townsfolk simply called ‘Grog.’” Not one of the better _Far Sides_, if you ask me. I like the one better where there’s a little kid pushing as hard as he can on a door that says ‘pull’. And it just so happens that the door leads in to “So-and-So’s School for Gitetd Children” or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/254 "2000-08-15T07:21:21Z")
I just got my grades back from my Business Math class… a 93% on the final test, and a final grade of 98.27! Yay! ---
**Author:** ![astrangefish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@astrangefish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astrangefish)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/255 "2000-08-15T13:24:00Z")
I have done nothing constructive all day. That includes making this post. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/256 "2000-08-15T23:17:51Z")
Gee, it’s been three days since I’ve last posted to this thread. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/257 "2000-09-02T20:04:36Z")
::bump:: I loved this thread. And now that I have bumped it back up it is time for some more post count padding fun. Woohoo! ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/258 "2000-09-02T20:35:09Z")
After 13 months and only ~120 posts, it’s time for some padding. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/259 "2000-09-02T20:36:34Z")
Ooops, hit the “submit” button before I could say anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682/260 "2000-09-02T20:38:00Z")
Dagnabit! Did it again. Maybe this time I’ll [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-post-count-padding-party/28682.md?page=14)