# The postage stamp test for impotency **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 1, 2017, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724 "2017-02-01T03:17:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/1 "2017-02-01T03:17:16Z")
Rather than bump [this ancient thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7012588#post7012588) thought I’d start a new one. Used to be, there was a common test for impotency in which you wrapped a roll of postage stamps around your Mr. Happy before bedtime, and in the morning, if the perforations were detached, it proved you had an erection overnight and therefore it wasn’t a physical problem. Two questions: (1) Are _any_ postage stamps made the old way, in a roll with perforations instead of a backing plastic that you unpeel? Because I sure haven’t seen any in years. (2) If not, what’s the substitute for the famous perforated postage stamp test? (In case anyone’s wondering…don’t need answer fast.) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/2 "2017-02-01T03:18:25Z")
Remember Christmas Seals? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/3 "2017-02-01T03:34:43Z")
“Mom, do we have stamps?” “Your dad has some next to the bed.” _hwork_ ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/4 "2017-02-01T03:39:32Z")
They don’t hand out [Blue Chip Stamps](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Chip_Stamps) any more, but apparently you can buy them as collectibles. Just don’t tell the seller what you’re using them for. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/5 "2017-02-01T03:42:35Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > (1) Are _any_ postage stamps made the old way, in a roll with perforations instead of a backing plastic that you unpeel? Because I sure haven’t seen any in years. Checking the website, you can order a roll (what they call a “coil”) of 100 US flag stamps, although it’s not clear if they’re self-adhesive and mounted on wax paper, or are the old-fashioned perforated type. Make sure you explain to the counter clerk why you’re ordering that particular product. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/6 "2017-02-01T04:22:38Z")
“Honey, did you mail my Johnson, again?” ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/7 "2017-02-01T05:09:39Z")
[QUOTE=Dewey Finn] Make sure you explain to the counter clerk why you’re ordering that particular product. [/QUOTE] Yes, as in, “I need these stamps for my package.” ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/8 "2017-02-01T07:02:29Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > (1) Are _any_ postage stamps made the old way, in a roll with perforations instead of a backing plastic that you unpeel? Absolutely. Deutsche Post still makes perforated stamp rolls; I saw post office employees using them as recently as last month. Pretty sure I’ve seen the same in other countries’ post offices in the past year. Potentially impotent men in countries that no longer make perforated stamp rolls can always order them from somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/9 "2017-02-01T09:51:11Z")
Surely the absence of a stamp busting erection is a sign of erectile dysfunction, not impotence. There are some well known ‘cures’ for ED. ---
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/10 "2017-02-01T10:42:09Z")
Aren’t the two terms synonymous? ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_N.Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Guy\_N.Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_N.Forest)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/11 "2017-02-01T10:58:44Z")
> [@bob\_2](#): > > Surely the absence of a **stamp busting erection** is a sign of erectile dysfunction, not impotence. There are some well known ‘cures’ for ED. So now we have a new acronym, SBE. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/12 "2017-02-01T11:44:13Z")
In the 80s I made extra cash as a normal control (heh) at a sleep lab. The best paying studies involved wearing a mercury filled strain gauge around the base of my penis to detect “nocturnal penile tumescence”. In one such study, a tech came into the room to visually confirm each erection. For that night the pay was $350. For just-plain sleeping the pay was $80 a night. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/13 "2017-02-01T12:05:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > In the 80s I made extra cash as a normal control (heh) at a sleep lab. > > The best paying studies involved wearing a mercury filled strain gauge around the base of my penis to detect “nocturnal penile tumescence”. In one such study, a tech came into the room to visually confirm each erection. For that night the pay was $350. I’ll have to pay you in installments, but I think I can swing it. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/14 "2017-02-01T13:48:56Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > In the 80s I made extra cash as a normal control (heh) at a sleep lab. > > The best paying studies involved wearing a mercury filled strain gauge around the base of my penis to detect “nocturnal penile tumescence”. In one such study, a tech came into the room to visually confirm each erection. For that night the pay was $350. For just-plain sleeping the pay was $80 a night. Years ago I underwent a [penile plethysmograph](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_plethysmograph), which I think is what you’re describing. I had a monitor box strapped to my thigh all night, with a couple of loops around my penis (one hear the head, one near the base) that gently contracted at regular intervals (maybe once every few seconds) to gauge whether there was an erection or not. If there’s an erection, then the loop can’t contract as much as if there’s no erection. I suppose the old postage stamp test would work, but the stamps might also tear as you’re tossing and turning in the night, and even if they don’t, they’ll only give you a single indication. The plethysmograph gives you a plot of tumescence vs. time, so you can see how many events there were, how long each lasted, when they occurred, etc. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/15 "2017-02-01T15:27:56Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > Aren’t the two terms synonymous? Kind of. ED is specific to the inability to maintain an erection. Impotence also includes this but can also mean inability to have an orgasm. I don’t to put words in **bob++**'s mouth but he may be using “impotence” to mean “sterility,” an entirely different thing. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/16 "2017-02-01T15:30:45Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > to have an orgasm > > \ > > in **bob++**'s mouth Impotence isn’t your problem… ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/17 "2017-02-01T15:36:12Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Years ago I underwent a [penile plethysmograph](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_plethysmograph), which I think is what you’re describing. I had a monitor box strapped to my thigh all night, **with a couple of loops around my penis (one hear the head, one near the base) that gently contracted at regular intervals (maybe once every few seconds) to gauge whether there was an erection or not.** If there’s an erection, then the loop can’t contract as much as if there’s no erection. > > I suppose the old postage stamp test would work, but the stamps might also tear as you’re tossing and turning in the night, and even if they don’t, they’ll only give you a single indication. The plethysmograph gives you a plot of tumescence vs. time, so you can see how many events there were, how long each lasted, when they occurred, etc. If you don’t get an erection from that… ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/18 "2017-02-01T16:12:42Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > Kind of. ED is specific to the inability to maintain an erection. Impotence also includes this but can also mean inability to have an orgasm. Do Viagra/Cialis even work if it’s a physical problem? (i.e. someone who fails the “stamp” test.) [Here’s a funny video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKFafViGnaY) with Johnny Carson & Charles Grodin discussing impotence, made even funnier since they weren’t allowed to say certain words on TV back then. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/19 "2017-02-01T16:21:20Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > … > (1) Are _any_ postage stamps made the old way, in a roll with perforations instead of a backing plastic that you unpeel? Because I sure haven’t seen any in years. > … AFAIK, all the coiled stamps are on the backing. But you can buy a rectangular sheet of many denominations of stamps that’re, say, 5x10 stamps. One row or column off that sheet would do the trick. e.g. [The Postal Store @ USPS.com](https://store.usps.com/store/browse/subcategory.jsp?categoryNavIds=buy-stamps%3astamps-by-type%3asheets-of-stamps&categoryId=sheets-of-stamps&q_pageSize=30&viewAll=true) Some of these stamps are pretty large; you might only need part of a row/column unless you’re superman. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724/20 "2017-02-01T16:23:27Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Do Viagra/Cialis even work if it’s a physical problem? (i.e. someone who fails the “stamp” test.) Viagra and Cialis overcome some categories of physical problem. Failing the stamp test indicates that the problem is physical rather than psychological. Males automatically have erections during REM sleep, when psychological issues can’t come into play. If you don’t, then your problem is physical. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-postage-stamp-test-for-impotency/778724.md?page=2)