# The Poundstonian Heresy
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359
**Category:** Great Debates
**Created:** [April 1, 2001, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359 "2001-04-01T10:13:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 17
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/1 "2001-04-01T10:13:31Z")
William Poundstone’s 1993 book _Biggest Secrets_, on page 33, in the “Ghostwriters” section, part of the “Secret Identities” chapter–it troubles me even to repeat the words–states:
> [@](#):
>
> We hate to blow a fellow _vade mecum_ author’s cover, but _Straight Dope_ columnist Cecil Adams (variously described as “one of the world’s legendary recluses” and “reputedly the world’s smartest human being”, and never photographed) is a guy named Ed Zotti. Zotti is credited as Adam’s “editor and confidant”.
End quote. Poundstone thus makes the heretical claim that our beloved Uncle Cecil _does not exist_, being at best a literary device, and, at worst, a three-decade-running humbug. Moreover, if Poundstone’s awful assertion were true, it would imply that being a “moderator” of a Straight Dope Message Board forum is no more substantial than being a “referee” at a pro-wrestling match. (To select an individual entirely at random, one **DavidB** would of course be the last person to ever be a party to the irrational promotion of belief in a nonexistent being–Cecil as “an intellectual Santa Claus for adults” if you will–and would no more be willing to “referee” a message board under those circumstances than to dance naked around a fire, frantically chanting incantations into the night sky.)
Poundstone’s assertion is, of course, in direct contradiction to the known true facts about Unca Cece. In “What makes Cecil Adams the world’s greatest reference librarian?”, (Paul S. Piper, _American Libraries_, February, 1995, page 147) the author recounts Cecil’s assumption of his exalted destiny:
> [@](#):
>
> How did he get into this profession? Reputedly it was a divine calling, with the archetype of Cecil, a relative of the Norse god Odin, coming to him in a dream and commanding him to “take the helm.”
End quote. So, I call upon **DavidB** –and all others who read these words–to either:[list=1][li]Announce, in their full voice, their rational and total belief in the existence of Cecil Adams as a real person, who was called to his mission in a dream by a relative of the Norse god Odin, and is smarter than all other persons, while denouncing all non-believers who refuse to do likewise, orIn keeping with their own rational standards, denounce the entire Cecil Adams cult as a fraud, kept alive merely for amusement’s sake or to make a quick buck, and apologize to all and sundry for participating in this shameless charade. And also explain why they willingly participated so long in this cruel deception, and offer a sincere apology. (Suicide of course is “the sincerest form of self-criticism”, but that would be extreme). Plus pay monetary damages. And a pony. Plus a second pony, to keep the first one company.[/list=1]I, of course, renounce the Poundstonian heresy and its adherants, and proclaim my unwavering belief in the existence of Uncle Cecil, designated font of all knowledge via one of Odin’s relatives, “ignorance’s worst nightmare”, and The Smartest Person in the World.[/li]
All hail Cecil! Heed his wisdom! Buy his books (all five)!
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### Author:  [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/2 "2001-04-01T10:19:57Z")
I have it!!
Poundstone is really Mark Serlin!
THAT’S why he keeps bothering us!! He found out about the boards after publishing his book and he can’t admit he’s wrong!!
😃
(On a more serious note… by denouncing the existence of Cecil, Poundstone seems like he’s setting himself up as the “World’s Smartest Human Being”… keep an eye out for those shady motives, people!)
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### Author:  [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/3 "2001-04-01T16:19:03Z")
“Who is Cecil Adams? Cecil Adams is the world’s most intelligent human being. We know this because: (1) he knows everything, and (2) he is never wrong.” – [Faq 1:1](http://www.straightdope.com/faq/officialfaq.html)
“How do we know that Cecil knows everything and is never wrong? Because he said so, and he would never lie to us.” –[Faq 1:2](http://www.straightdope.com/faq/officialfaq.html)
Clearly, Cecil has at least implicitly claimed to exist, and to be a separate Person from His Editor, Ed Zotti. If Cecil did not exist, His claiming to do so would be a lie. But, we know Cecil does not lie, because it is written in the Faq. And the Faq, while not the actual Word of Cecil, must clearly be accepted as inspired by Cecil, and therefore as fully authoritative concerning all matters of which it speaks.
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### Author:  [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/4 "2001-04-01T18:00:55Z")
Only one possible answer to such heretical rubbish :
- There is only One Ghod, Cecil Adams is his Name and the Teeming Millions are his prophets\* 😛
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### Author:  [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/5 "2001-04-01T18:39:02Z")
In my opinion, it’s like this: Cecil Adams is said to exist, though we do not know for sure, and there are people who disagree on his existance-like Santa Claus or God.
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### Author:  [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/6 "2001-04-01T19:20:23Z")
**Thomas Hobbes:**
> [@](#):
>
> When we say anything is infinite, we signify only that we are not able to conceive the ends and bounds of the things named, having no conception of the thing, but of our own inability. And therefore the name of Cecil Adams is used, not to make us conceive him (for he is _incomprehensible_, and his greatness and power are inconceivable), but that we may honor him.
> [@](#):
>
> For the nature of Cecil Adams is incomprehensible; that is to say, we understand nothing _of what he is_, but only _that he is_. . .
That sums it up rather nicely, I think. Whether Cecil is pen-name or person can never be known, and it is not for us discover, for that is the nature of Cecil, and it is incomprehensible.
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### Author:  [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/7 "2001-04-01T21:21:49Z")
“The fool hath said in his heart, There is no Cecil.”
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### Author:  [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)
#### Post date: [April 1, 2001, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/8 "2001-04-01T22:26:28Z")
If you were going to make up a person, would you name him Cecil? And then add the incredibly mundane last name of _Adams_? Only a real person, with a Mom and Dad and a wealthy uncle named Cecil, would actually be called Cecil Adams.
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### Author:  [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/9 "2001-04-02T05:28:49Z")
Well, it **would** explain that picture of Ed Zotti, which was claimed to be a picture of Cecil Adams…
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### Author:  [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/10 "2001-04-02T15:23:47Z")
One analogy could be the Christian Trinity, that is, three persons in one Cecil;
Cecil=The Father, remote and unknowable
Ed=The Son, bridge between the ineffable Cecil and the Teeming Millions
TubaDiva=The Holy Spirit, the agent of Cecil’s will on the SDMB,
which would make the Mods angels, a higher order of being than the TMs, who perform Cecil’s bidding
or you could go Hindu:
Cecil=Brahma, the Creator, who spoke the Straight Dope into being
Ed=Vishnu, the Preserver, who sustains the Straight Dope and the SDMB
TubaDiva=Shiva, the Destroyer, who punishes the wicked and rewards the virtuous
and if I may suggest:
Lynn Bodoni=Durga, the scourge of demons, AKA trolls
DavidB=Ganesha, the god of wisdom, scholarship, and citing references in GD
Coldfire=Agni, the god of fire (Well, he zooms about the Netherlands on his motorcycle, so close enough)
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### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/11 "2001-04-02T18:01:26Z")
Darn it, you’ve blown my cover.
your humble TubaDiva
Administrator
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### Author:  [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/12 "2001-04-02T20:29:41Z")
Maybe Poundstone is…oh yeah, we don’t mention his name anymore.
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### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/13 "2001-04-03T14:16:34Z")
Ed has said that Poundstone plied him liberally with libation during that interview, and that he (Ed) was as intoxicated as a mephitic weasel\*, and would have confessed to about anything, from the Jack the Ripper murders to the moon-landing hoax.
- i.e., drunk as a skunk
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### Author:  [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/14 "2001-04-03T15:41:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by whitetho \*
> **(To select an individual entirely at random, one DavidB would of course be the last person to ever be a party to the irrational promotion of belief in a nonexistent being–Cecil as “an intellectual Santa Claus for adults” if you will–and would no more be willing to “referee” a message board under those circumstances than to dance naked around a fire, frantically chanting incantations into the night sky.)**
And why exactly do you feel that “to dance naked around a fire, frantically chanting incantations into the night sky.” is the epitome of irrational behavior?
This is tantamount to saying
> [@](#):
>
> **(. . . and would no more be willing to “referee” a message board under those circumstances than to sing hymns in church on Sunday.)**
I don’t think either of these activities would negate DavidB’s intellectual honesty or otherwise impugn his honor in the way your post implies.
Hyperbole has its place but don’t use it to denigrate a custom that doesn’t fit into your world view.
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### Author:  [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/15 "2001-04-03T15:56:15Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \*
> \*_Ed has said that Poundstone plied him liberally with libation during that interview, and that he (Ed) was as intoxicated as a mephitic weasel_, and would have confessed to about anything, from the Jack the Ripper murders to the moon-landing hoax.
> \*\*
So Ed is not only Cecil, he’s also Jack the Ripper?
“Inspector, look at these wounds. They took precision, care.”
“Yes, this work was not done by normal hands. It was done by careful, professional hands…by editor’s hands…”
“Exactly…look at what he did to the large intestine”
“By God! He removed half of it!”
“Exactly…that colon is now only a semi-colon”
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### Author:  [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/16 "2001-04-03T15:59:20Z")
Please note the date I originally posted this. It was not meant to be taken seriously. (I actually thought it would be long gone by now.) This goes for all April 1st discussions I may have of Cecilian Metaphysics, including uncovering heretics, backsliders, and secret followers of Marilyn vos Savant).
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### Author:  [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-poundstonian-heresy/60359/17 "2001-04-03T17:06:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by whitetho \*
> \*\*Please note the date I originally posted this. It was not meant to be taken seriously. (I actually thought it would be long gone by now.) This goes for all April 1st discussions I may have of Cecilian Metaphysics, including uncovering heretics, backsliders, and secret followers of Marilyn vos Savant). \*\*
If this was targeted at me let me say I knew what the date was and I knew that the intent was humorous and ingenuine.
Believe me when I say that Pagans have the ability to laugh at themselves. Indeed I think that is almost a requirement. But there is a difference between not taking yourself seriously and seeing your activities used as an example of the height of the absurd in a piece of humor. For a large and growing segment of the population the activities you describe and lampoon might indeed be seen as a perfect evening.
When you compared Cecil to an adult version of Santa that was fair play. When you compared working for an imaginary boss to a particular form of religious observance, implying that the object of that observance was obviously as imaginary, that went beyond the realms of good taste. In the future use Cthulu or the Wizard of Oz if you want to picture somebody following an obviously false path.