# The power of a man's tears **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2014, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959 "2014-05-08T08:11:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/61 "2014-05-09T03:56:14Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Leave his very ugly\* wife out of this! > > \*according to JohnClay. Hey now! Be fair to **JC**. He thinks his wife is is mediocre-to-average! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/62 "2014-05-09T04:13:30Z")
Back in the 90’s I was working as an engineer for a mediums sized company in the manufacturing department. I had been there for six years or so when a fresh out of school engineer started. As had been done several times before, the new engineer was assigned to me for training. Manufacturing engineering can be very stressful. There is a lot of pressure to ship on time but things go wrong a lot so you have to make quick and correct decisions. So one day the kid was in danger of missing a shipment largely because of things out of his control which is just part of the job. He got the news that the shipment was in jeopardy and took me to the manager’s office to talk about it. He started out with, “I need to talk to you guys about my job,” and then starts crying. A 24 year old man with an engineering degree with big old tears running down his cheeks. It was fucking mortifying. The boss and I gave each other a wtf look and then the boss sent him home for the rest of the day and told him that he would call the customer and tell them that the shipment would be a day late and that it wasn’t a big deal. We never spoke of it again. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/63 "2014-05-09T06:08:26Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Ever consider writing country music? Here’s my previous attempt at making “music”: [http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3](http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3) I am quite embarrassed with how it turned out… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/64 "2014-05-09T06:11:54Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > That’s not a particularly adult way of dealing with problems. But hey, whatever makes you happy. I’ve heard that there are 3 ways at dealing with problems - passive-aggressive, aggressive and assertive. Before I cried I said “I don’t want to do that job”. I wasn’t necessarily saying I wouldn’t do it - just that I didn’t want to do it. I think that approach involves being assertive… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/65 "2014-05-09T06:15:15Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > the hell? It’s weird how it took over 4 hours for the first person to reply to this thread. BTW less than a minute ago my wife sent me this text message - “Ur the best husband in the world. Love [name]” ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/66 "2014-05-09T06:16:42Z")
Telemark: There is also direct and indirect. I was being direct but sometimes I’m indirect… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/67 "2014-05-09T06:23:56Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > That’s not a particularly adult way of dealing with problems. But hey, whatever makes you happy. BTW what would be the adult approach to dealing with a task my boss claims is something I don’t have a choice with? Is it to just always obey him? Well my approach left me far happier. What if he had asked me to do unpaid overtime or something and said I had no choice? Is the adult thing to never question that? I happen to know that they depend on me quite a lot at that job. I don’t get paid much, I’m very flexible in terms of working hours and it would be hard for them to get someone to learn how to take over my work. Anyway my boss knows I have a mental illness… he even got the government to fully pay back my wage for the first 6 months. (there was meant to be a gap of $4/hr but he convinced the government to pay the gap as well). ---
**Author:** ![sara20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@sara20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sara20)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/68 "2014-05-09T06:34:48Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I remember reading something by (I think) a New York State Trooper in which he shared the various ways people try to get out of tickets. He mentioned that it was not infrequent for women to cry, and he said that it was actually not a terrible tactic – although it didn’t move him, he said he knew a number of fellow officers that would cut a crying woman a break. > > He then mentioned that while he’d never had a man try it, he speculated it might even be more effective…a stocky, bearded trucker breaking down and sobbing over the prospect of a speeding ticket, he said, would probably have made him so uncomfortable he’d want to get out of the situation as fast as he could. has anyone here cried to get out of a ticket? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/69 "2014-05-09T06:36:15Z")
You should say [“I prefer not to.”](http://youtu.be/U-9tAqdd_4Y?t=35s) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/70 "2014-05-09T06:44:18Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > You should say [“I prefer not to.”](http://youtu.be/U-9tAqdd_4Y?t=35s) In this example I couldn’t see myself carrying through with the task at all. So what should I have said after he said “you don’t have a choice”? Just “I’d prefer not to”? To me that sounds like you are accepting his statement but just would have preferred not to. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/71 "2014-05-09T11:01:25Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Here’s my previous attempt at making “music”: > [http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3](http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3) > I am quite embarrassed with how it turned out… Never be embarrassed by your creativity. It’s better than I could create. Taint no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones. Dude. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/72 "2014-05-09T11:45:35Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Never be embarrassed by your creativity. It’s better than I could create. > > Taint no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones. Dude. I did it through a song-writing group for mentally ill people. A lady did the mixing using prerecorded samples. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/73 "2014-05-09T12:34:54Z")
> [@sara20](#): > > has anyone here cried to get out of a ticket? I tried once, but even with tears streaming down my cheeks they wouldn’t budge. They said I’d need it when I came back to pick up my dry cleaning. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/74 "2014-05-09T13:23:36Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > In this example I couldn’t see myself carrying through with the task at all. So what should I have said after he said “you don’t have a choice”? Just “I’d prefer not to”? To me that sounds like you are accepting his statement but just would have preferred not to. You could try, “Sorry but I’m refusing to do that boss. Ball’s in your court”. At that point he’s going to decide whether you are worth keeping around. If your contributions to his goals are heavily valued then the results are the same as if you cried - but without all the drama. Crying makes him re-evaluate whether your emotional state is safe for his work environment. If he doesn’t like emotional outbursts he may be weighing that against keeping you around. Making him uncomfortable with your tears may just drive him to accepting “lower performance with less drama” from your replacement . ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/75 "2014-05-09T13:33:12Z")
I still fail to see what sort of power you are attributing to your tears in either of the two anecdotes you provided in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/76 "2014-05-09T13:50:52Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW what would be the adult approach to dealing with a task my boss claims is something I don’t have a choice with? Is it to just always obey him? Well my approach left me far happier. What if he had asked me to do unpaid overtime or something and said I had no choice? Is the adult thing to never question that? I happen to know that they depend on me quite a lot at that job. I don’t get paid much, I’m very flexible in terms of working hours and it would be hard for them to get someone to learn how to take over my work. Anyway my boss knows I have a mental illness… he even got the government to fully pay back my wage for the first 6 months. (there was meant to be a gap of $4/hr but he convinced the government to pay the gap as well). You have a mental illness, so you get some slack. But that only goes so far. An adult in this situation uses reason. I’d say to my boss that I’m uncomfortable doing this task for these reasons and list them out. I’d offer alternatives. If he insisted that I take on the task I’d ask for assistance and then give it my best shot. If I failed I’d go back to my boss and explain what I think went wrong and how best to deal with the situation. If I found that my boss was putting me in unreasonable situations and was unwilling to listen to reason I’d look for another job. You think you’re difficult to replace, and maybe you are, but you’ve given your boss a strong reason to look for a replacement. Again, you’re approach left you happier in the short term but it will bite you in the long run. You’ve told your boss that you’ll never be more than you are right now and if he wants more out of that position then he’ll need to look elsewhere. Maybe he’s comfortable with what you’re doing, but if he was why did he ask you to do this new task? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/77 "2014-05-09T14:01:51Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I still fail to see what sort of power you are attributing to your tears in either of the two anecdotes you provided in the OP. The power to make all of us collectively say WTF. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/78 "2014-05-09T14:34:28Z")
“a song writing group for mentally ill people” oh my. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/79 "2014-05-09T15:22:22Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Here’s my previous attempt at making “music”: > [http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3](http://drdanick.com/legowolf3d/Jade.mp3) > I am quite embarrassed with how it turned out… [Very King Crimson-ish.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3DppaXz4-o&feature=kp) Vinyl, you a funny boy. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/80 "2014-05-09T16:26:24Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > “a song writing group for mentally ill people” oh my. I think I know where a lot of pop picks up its tunes now though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=5)