# The power of a man's tears **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2014, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959 "2014-05-08T08:11:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/81 "2014-05-09T19:00:00Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I’ve heard that there are 3 ways at dealing with problems - passive-aggressive, aggressive and assertive. Before I cried I said “I don’t want to do that job”. I wasn’t necessarily saying I wouldn’t do it - just that I didn’t want to do it. I think that approach involves being assertive… You kind of need a follow through to call it assertive. Personally, I only cry to get out of major fuckups with my girlfriend. I am manly that way. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/82 "2014-05-09T20:07:14Z")
I heard Chuck Norris’s tears cure baldness. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/83 "2014-05-09T20:13:18Z")
I just remembered another anecdote. Back when I was in High School my good friend got a call from his girl friend saying that she wanted to “talk”. He wasn’t very happy about it but was resigned to his fate. So they were walking and she explained to him that what she really needed was a boy friend who was more sensitive. “Fair enough,” he thought but it was a cold evening and his nose started running. He sniffled a little bit to remedy the runny nose which his girlfriend mistook for weeping. She then realized that she had been too hasty in her assessment. He really was a sensitive guy and she wanted to give it another try. They dated for another year. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/84 "2014-05-09T20:35:05Z")
And then he strangled her and stuffed her body into a chimney. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/85 "2014-05-09T20:43:52Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I’ve heard that man tears have the power to invoke Taylor Swift, if the ritual is performed correctly. Would the ritual work in a motel room? On short notice? Would I need to go buy a live chicken? Oh, no reason. Just . . . umm . . . curious, that’s all. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2014, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/86 "2014-05-09T20:59:44Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Would the ritual work in a motel room? On short notice? Would I need to go buy a live chicken? > > Oh, no reason. Just . . . umm . . . curious, that’s all. Don’t do it, **Frank**. If you so much as touch her, there will be an album entirely about what a mean jerk you are at #1 on the Billboard charts in three weeks. Based on what we’ve seen of her so far. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/87 "2014-05-10T01:02:04Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > I heard Chuck Norris’s tears cure baldness. Actually, they cure cancer. Problem is, he’s never cried. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/88 "2014-05-10T01:08:25Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > You could try, “Sorry but I’m refusing to do that boss. Ball’s in your court”. At that point he’s going to decide whether you are worth keeping around. If your contributions to his goals are heavily valued then the results are the same as if you cried - but without all the drama. Actually my tears and saying “I don’t want to do it” is just saying that I really don’t _want_ to do it but there is the possibility that I _could_ do it… on the other hand you’re talking about an ultimatum where I either don’t do it or get fired. > [@](#): > > Crying makes him re-evaluate whether your emotional state is safe for his work environment. If he doesn’t like emotional outbursts he may be weighing that against keeping you around. Making him uncomfortable with your tears may just drive him to accepting “lower performance with less drama” from your replacement . I didn’t plan to cry. Anyway by letting me not do that task it meant less drama… if he had made me do that task he would have risked more drama. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/89 "2014-05-10T01:13:57Z")
May we know what exactly the task was, the better to contemplate its relative cryworthiness? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/90 "2014-05-10T01:26:43Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > You have a mental illness, so you get some slack. But that only goes so far. This is about the first time I’ve had trouble doing my job in the last 2 years or so… well I did decline another task many months ago. Also I get paid less than half of what other employees there get I think. I am very productive doing the other new tasks now. > [@](#): > > An adult in this situation uses reason. I’d say to my boss that I’m uncomfortable doing this task for these reasons and list them out. Well he did come up with reasons himself - he asked if it was too messy or something. > [@](#): > > I’d offer alternatives. I did - I said I’d rather do those other tasks. > [@](#): > > If he insisted that I take on the task I’d ask for assistance and then give it my best shot. If I failed I’d go back to my boss and explain what I think went wrong and how best to deal with the situation. The boss gets annoyed if I ask the other guy for help. So does the other guy because he’s got lots of work to do. Also the other guy isn’t familiar with that task much at all. > [@](#): > > If I found that my boss was putting me in unreasonable situations and was unwilling to listen to reason I’d look for another job. That job really suits me. It is far easier just to keep the tasks in that job ones I like than to start all over again. > [@](#): > > You think you’re difficult to replace, and maybe you are, but you’ve given your boss a strong reason to look for a replacement. All I did was to switch which tasks I’m doing. I’m about as productive as the higher paid workers in the other tasks I think and they’re far far more productive in the task I declined. Not really a “strong reason to look for a replacement”. > [@](#): > > Again, you’re approach left you happier in the short term but it will bite you in the long run. You’ve told your boss that you’ll never be more than you are right now and if he wants more out of that position then he’ll need to look elsewhere. He has different workers… some for the difficult tasks some for easier tasks. There will always be work for easier tasks. I think it is highly unlikely he’d find someone with as much flexibility with working hours and competence for easier tasks at the same amount of pay I get. > [@](#): > > Maybe he’s comfortable with what you’re doing, but if he was why did he ask you to do this new task? There are many projects going on. The one I didn’t want to do was on the “to do” list. Anyway he asked another worker if he can have a look at it and see if it can be done within a few hours. I think your suggestion to look for another job is a bad one. You don’t understand my situation. This job is very convenient to me. I mostly get along with the people there very well. It is rewarding. I think it makes more sense to risk the job than to just look for another job. In the first case it is far more likely that I’d keep the job. But also apparently there is a rule that I need 3 warnings before I can be fired, so my job doesn’t depend on this one situation. BTW here is another story about me and my boss - a while ago I warned my boss about something and he didn’t listen to me. Then later a problem arose and he said I should have told him about it. He said I can’t make silly mistakes. I said that I can’t guarantee I won’t make silly mistakes in the future. He said “like what?” and I explained some of the problems I’ve been having. I think I might have cried a bit too then. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/91 "2014-05-10T02:05:10Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > May we know what exactly the task was, the better to contemplate its relative cryworthiness? Basically it was a technical complicated computer-related task. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/92 "2014-05-10T02:06:16Z")
> [@Mr.Nylock](#): > > The power to make all of us collectively say WTF. Yes that is such a mighty power! ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/93 "2014-05-10T02:24:46Z")
Just about my prospects for finding another job… after my mental illness began the first job a job placement agency found my was one where I help a boss manage her shares for about 4-8 hours a week. I’d type in numbers in a spreadsheet. Then the stock exchange conditions meant that she would just hold on to her shares and she didn’t need me anymore. Then I worked in a cafe putting out chairs and tables and salt and pepper, etc, and used the dishwashing machine. At one point my support worker complained that I didn’t smile. (In the past I’ve heard second-hand that someone complained that I never asked them how I was) Then I worked on two music videos for a friend and gave up the cafe job (which was maybe 12 hours a week). Then I went to another job agency (which was also for people with disabilities). They found a potential job that partly involved answering phones. You need to note that in the past my voice is seen as being monotone. (that song I recorded was after I’d experienced some mania) I’d also had a flat “affect” (emotion) in the past. Anyway then I moved out of my parent’s house and went to a shared living place with 24 hour nurses on call. While I was there I did volunteer work related to hospitality. Then I got a shared house of my own. I went back to university and in about my 2nd or 3rd year I found computer-related work there - there were 3 different jobs. And before that there was 1 job that 2 of us applied for. I said that I would do it for free to get experience. That allowed me to get those other 3 jobs. Only my current job knows I have a mental illness though. I originally was doing it unpaid but then I got in contact with yet another job agency and they organised them getting a refund on my first 6 month’s pay. Now that I’ve finished university I think it would be quite a bit harder to find more computer-related jobs. BTW I’ve hated most of my jobs. I’d get bored and time would pass slowly. I don’t recall that happening with my current job. The location is very convenient to the buses. The boss wants to move and he said he’d move somewhere that is convenient to my buses as well. ---
**Author:** ![turtlescanfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@turtlescanfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtlescanfly)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/94 "2014-05-10T02:26:16Z")
> [@Mr.Nylock](#): > > Having a good nemesis relationship requires work and emotional investment by both parties. I think the poster just thinks I’m a moron, so I don’t think our relationship has much of a future. As it happens, I’m in the market for a new nemesis (court order prevents me from disclosing details on the status of my former nemesis). PM me your resume with references, serious inquiries only. Warning: I have very high standards for arch-nemesis, you might be more comfortable taking a position as gadfly or even rival/adversary and working your way up. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/95 "2014-05-10T04:59:29Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > And then he strangled her and stuffed her body into a chimney. And that’s the _real_ meaning of Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/96 "2014-05-10T11:02:59Z")
I’m starting to read through: > **[Anti-pattern](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-pattern)** > > An anti-pattern in software engineering, project management, and business processes is a common response to a recurring problem that is usually ineffective and risks being highly counterproductive. The term, coined in 1995 by computer programmer Andrew Koenig, was inspired by the book Design Patterns (which highlights a number of design patterns in software development that its authors considered to be highly reliable and effective) and first published in his article in the Journal of Objec It wa... I think something that applies to my situation was: > **[Peter principle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Principle)** > > The Peter principle is a concept in management developed by Laurence J. Peter which observes that people in a hierarchy tend to rise to "a level of respective incompetence": employees are promoted based on their success in previous jobs until they reach a level at which they are no longer competent, as skills in one job do not necessarily translate to another. > The concept was explained in the 1969 book The Peter Principle (William Morrow and Company) by Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull. Hull wr... > [@](#): > > …The Peter Principle is a concept in management theory in which the selection of a candidate for a position is based on their performance in their current role rather than on their abilities relevant to the intended role… The authors suggest that people will tend to be promoted until they reach their “position of incompetence”… Since I had done pretty well at previous tasks he assumed I’d do well at this harder task… then eventually I might get to a point where I’m not doing well and then he’d stop making the tasks harder. But I didn’t want to risk failure like that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/97 "2014-05-10T11:08:45Z")
On the other hand… this anti-pattern: > [@](#): > > …Typecasting: Locking successful employees into overly-safe, narrowly-defined, predictable roles based on their past successes rather than their potential… ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/98 "2014-05-10T12:56:54Z")
> [@turtlescanfly](#): > > As it happens, I’m in the market for a new nemesis (court order prevents me from disclosing details on the status of my former nemesis). PM me your resume with references, serious inquiries only. Warning: I have very high standards for arch-nemesis, you might be more comfortable taking a position as gadfly or even rival/adversary and working your way up. But you’ll have to take the position unpaid. For experience. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/99 "2014-05-10T14:23:15Z")
> [@turtlescanfly](#): > > As it happens, I’m in the market for a new nemesis (court order prevents me from disclosing details on the status of my former nemesis). PM me your resume with references, serious inquiries only. Warning: I have very high standards for arch-nemesis, you might be more comfortable taking a position as gadfly or even rival/adversary and working your way up. Are you a middle manger with an over inflated sense of self importance (i.e. do you feel this middle management position is something lofty that makes you feel like you are at the top of the food chain)? Are you a little dense socially? Do you find a way to go on and on about yourself no matter what the subject is? Are you occupationally provincial? Are your comebacks to jibes similar to George Costanza’s Jerk store? I’m looking for a little bit of Ricky Gervais from the office hopefully mixed with a little Danny Devito’s character from Taxi - in other words the very low hanging fruit. I really couldn’t handle some sort of Putin-like nemesis. What can I offer? Sort of a Jim Ignatowski mixed with general shakespearian fool/jester - generally not one to take himself too seriously and finds people who do amusing. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/100 "2014-05-11T07:54:57Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW my boss is aware of my mental illness. Well, he certainly is _now_. > [@JohnClay](#): > > Let’s just say it involves computers… > [@kayaker](#): > > Cam work?:eek: That be my guess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=6)