# The power of a man's tears **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2014, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959 "2014-05-08T08:11:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/101 "2014-05-11T08:41:14Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Well, he certainly is _now_… So what mental illness would you diagnose a person as having if they cried in front of their boss like I did? Would the guy in hajario’s story have the same mental illness? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/102 "2014-05-11T15:28:53Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I think something that applies to my situation was: > [Peter principle - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Principle). Perhaps the Peter _Patter_ Principle is more descriptive. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/103 "2014-07-02T11:30:24Z")
It’s past July 1 so I can talk about my life and my wife again. Here is another story about my tears that happened a few weeks ago. I had been complaining to a flatmate every day about some aspect of the meals. e.g. that I like roast potatoes that are crunchy - that I couldn’t stand the silverside - and that the rice serving was too small. Then the next time I was saying something she got really upset. She said that it was rude for me to complain like that. She said I should just not say anything. I said that I was just giving feedback and also said she had responded positively to it in the past so I assumed it was ok with her. Her husband also backed her up. Anyway soon I started getting tears and then I found it hard to talk but I still talked fairly loudly. I also said that I always thanked her for her meals. I said that if there was something about my meals that she wouldn’t like I’d want her to say so. I wouldn’t want her to be eating something she hates and not say anything. I kept on talking for another minute or two even though I could hardly talk because of my crying. The husband touched me in a friendly way because he was uncomfortable about my tears. My wife came and was wondering what was going on. Afterwards my wife said that she can’t really cry because she’s been through too much. I reminded her about a funeral we went to a while ago and she seemed to run off because she was starting to cry. I said it is ok for her to cry. BTW about my job again - I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by a recent task and told my boss that I might take a really really long time. He said that was ok and that I’d become faster as I got used to it. I was getting really stressed out and told him and later I told him I was frustrated but he didn’t react negatively. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/104 "2014-07-02T11:39:54Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > It’s past July 1 so I can talk about my life and my wife again. Welcome back, **JC**!! ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/105 "2014-07-02T11:49:09Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > It’s past July 1 so I can talk about my life and my wife again. Here is another story about my tears that happened a few weeks ago. > I had been complaining to a flatmate every day about some aspect of the meals. e.g. that I like roast potatoes that are crunchy - that I couldn’t stand the silverside - and that the rice serving was too small. Then the next time I was saying something she got really upset. She said that it was rude for me to complain like that. She said I should just not say anything. I said that I was just giving feedback and also said she had responded positively to it in the past so I assumed it was ok with her. Her husband also backed her up. Anyway soon I started getting tears and then I found it hard to talk but I still talked fairly loudly. I also said that I always thanked her for her meals. I said that if there was something about my meals that she wouldn’t like I’d want her to say so. I wouldn’t want her to be eating something she hates and not say anything. I kept on talking for another minute or two even though I could hardly talk because of my crying. The husband touched me in a friendly way because he was uncomfortable about my tears. My wife came and was wondering what was going on. > > Afterwards my wife said that she can’t really cry because she’s been through too much. I reminded her about a funeral we went to a while ago and she seemed to run off because she was starting to cry. I said it is ok for her to cry. > > BTW about my job again - I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by a recent task and told my boss that I might take a really really long time. He said that was ok and that I’d become faster as I got used to it. I was getting really stressed out and told him and later I told him I was frustrated but he didn’t react negatively. I’m not a medical professional, but this kind of over-emotionality seems odd. Have you always been like this? I mean crying over potatoes? Have you told the mental health doctor about how this is interfering in your life? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/106 "2014-07-02T12:01:40Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I’m not a medical professional, but this kind of over-emotionality seems odd. Yes I’m aware that it is odd. > [@](#): > > Have you always been like this? The earliest time I can remember crying was when I was sitting in my flatmate’s room and crying due to jealousy of her boyfriend. I was 21. She didn’t notice but I told her friend and the friend told the girl. I had been taking Zoloft for about a year by then. > [@](#): > > I mean crying over potatoes? No it was because my flatmate was very offended with me. > [@](#): > > Have you told the mental health doctor about how this is interfering in your life? I’ve told my doctor. BTW I think it has been enriching my life - it can make people feel sorry for me. It can do more than just words alone can do. BTW when I’m crying I’m very detached. I don’t really identify with the crying. I just let it happen. I don’t fight it. I thought tears can be good anyway. In my opening post I talked about another time when I had tears and how I explained how it seems similar to split brain experiments. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/107 "2014-07-02T16:06:21Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > It’s past July 1 so I can talk about my life and my wife again. Oh, goodie. Wasn’t the point of this month that you were supposed to demonstrate that you were capable of interacting on this board without resorting to nothing but these stories? How’d that work out? ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/108 "2014-07-02T16:36:14Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > …e.g. that I like roast potatoes that are crunchy… If you are going to get tearful over roast potatoes, make sure that you use a tissue, or turn your head to one side, otherwise they’ll never stay crunchy. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/109 "2014-07-02T20:47:56Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Afterwards my wife said that she can’t really cry because she’s been through too much. I reminded her about a funeral we went to a while ago and she seemed to run off because she was starting to cry. I said it is ok for her to cry. That’s kind of a shitty thing to do, JohnClay. No, actually that IS a shitty thing to do. Maybe you should spend more time thinking about the appropriate times and places you should share particular pieces of information… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/110 "2014-07-02T21:36:51Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Oh, goodie. > > Wasn’t the point of this month that you were supposed to demonstrate that you were capable of interacting on this board without resorting to nothing but these stories? How’d that work out? I am allowed to tell stories and that is what I want to do. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/111 "2014-07-02T21:38:16Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > If you are going to get tearful over roast potatoes, make sure that you use a tissue, or turn your head to one side, otherwise they’ll never stay crunchy. I was criticizing the girl about her roast potatoes and I was tearful about her being very offended. There was a few days between the potatoes and the crying. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/112 "2014-07-02T21:42:45Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Afterwards my wife said that she can’t really cry because she’s been through too much. I reminded her about a funeral we went to a while ago and she seemed to run off because she was starting to cry. I said it is ok for her to cry. > > That’s kind of a shitty thing to do, JohnClay. No, actually that IS a shitty thing to do. What’s “shitty”? Telling my wife that it is ok to cry? BTW I told her it was ok to cry a few weeks ago and the funeral was a couple of years ago. > [@](#): > > Maybe you should spend more time thinking about the appropriate times and places you should share particular pieces of information… What did I share that was inappropriate? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/113 "2014-07-02T21:51:35Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > What’s “shitty”? Telling my wife that it is ok to cry? BTW I told her it was ok to cry a few weeks ago and the funeral was a couple of years ago. Bringing up a particularly painful moment in someone’s life just to score a meaningless point in a conversation is a shitty thing to do. > [@](#): > > What did I share that was inappropriate? The incident itself wasn’t all that inappropriate, but the manner in which you did it was. This should be obvious, since it made your wife cry by doing it. Since you seem incapable at the moment of figuring that out, you should probably spend more time thinking about the appropriateness of your sharing, than the time you actually spend doing the sharing. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/114 "2014-07-02T22:01:48Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > You must not be familiar with this poster. **Mr. Nylock** must not be familiar with this SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/115 "2014-07-03T00:56:57Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > **Mr. Nylock** must not be familiar with this SDMB! Oh, I’m starting to familiarize . . . there really are some very interesting people that post things on the interwebs. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/116 "2014-07-03T03:51:41Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I am allowed to tell stories and that is what I want to do. I, for one, appreciate your story sharing. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/117 "2014-07-03T05:07:41Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Bringing up a particularly painful moment in someone’s life just to score a meaningless point in a conversation is a shitty thing to do. I cried quite a bit in that funeral. All my wife did was start to leave because she was starting to cry. I believe that people should communicate as much as they can. Especially if they’re married. My wife didn’t seem to get offended one bit when I brought up the funeral. On the other hand my flatmate seemed to think my complaining about her was painful. > [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > What did I share that was inappropriate? > > The incident itself wasn’t all that inappropriate, but the manner in which you did it was. This should be obvious, since it made your wife cry by doing it. The only time that I know my wife was crying was at that funeral. Not lately. Though at that funeral the incident only lasted for several seconds. Maybe one or two tears were shed by my wife. > [@](#): > > Since you seem incapable at the moment of figuring that out, you should probably spend more time thinking about the appropriateness of your sharing, than the time you actually spend doing the sharing. What “sharing” do you mean exactly? Recalling the funeral? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/118 "2014-07-03T05:14:17Z")
About my statement “I believe that people should communicate as much as they can” - I try not to offend people in real life and if possible I try and word things in a way that doesn’t offend them. e.g. recently I was talking to my hardcore Christian sister about an old school acquaintance of hers. I recalled her saying that when she was younger he was running around the streets naked. So I said that he got up to some mischief (without being specific) and she agreed. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/119 "2014-07-03T12:40:20Z")
Whose funeral was this? And what was there relation to your wife? The point people are trying to make is that bringing up what was obviously a painful memory out of the blue is a pretty shitty thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2014, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959/120 "2014-07-03T13:04:24Z")
> [@grude](#): > > The point people are trying to make is that bringing up what was obviously a painful memory out of the blue is a pretty shitty thing to do. Then again, the passage of time helps. I don’t think JC was trying to be cruel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-a-mans-tears/687959.md?page=7)