# The Power of my small Penis **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845 "2001-04-04T23:31:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/1 "2001-04-04T23:31:44Z")
In [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=65992&pagenumber=1) thread, the cosmically stupid OP later defends his statements by asserting that all gun owners have tiny penises, and own handguns to compensate. Needless to say I’ve lost what grudging respect I had for this unrepentant ass. Consideration is a one way street with this guy. Plus, the statement is totally false. My owning handguns has nothing to do with my tiny penis. I am **proud** of my tiny penis. I have no need to compensate for it, as I wouldn’t have it any other way. A moment’s honest asessment will show you why my tiny penis is so superior. 1. It doesn’t accidently get dunked when I stand at the urinal. 2. I don’t have to worry about standing up in front of a group of people after I’ve been fantasizing about the hot babe sitting in front of me. 3. It is much less likely to get ensnared in heavy machinery. 4. Doesn’t bounce around when I jog and whip me in the face. 5. Doesn’t get caught in car doors. 6. Don’t have to worry about sitting on it. 7. Doesn’t stick out of my shorts. 8. During fellatio my partner always goes all the way down to the root. You big penis guys are only getting the tip of the iceberg. 9. Partner never gags. 10. Can have lots of sex because I don’t make my partner sore. 11. It’s not the size of the boat it’s the motion of the ocean. 12. I can have sex with any woman. I don’t have to worry about hurting them, and I don’t have to stick with stretched out used up types. I can break the fresh ones in. 13. I can have sex without waking my partner up 14. It takes a lot of blood to fill up a big penis hen it gets an erection. This can cause a sudden drop in blood pressure and lead to dizziniess, unconscious and even death in large penised men. I don’t have to worry about this. 15. I don’t have to worry about accidentally stabbing the mattress during sex and breaking my penis. 16. I can let small children sit in my lap without fear of embarassment. 17. Nobody ever asks me if that is a comb in my pocket when I slow dance (They just want to know if they can have a tic-tac.) 18. Since I have big hands, I get full credit anyway. 19. I don’t cause envy or jealousy in the locker room. 20. I can get away with wearing bicycle pants. 21. A big penis strains the hydraulics and is prone to early failure. My “Little warrior” will run forever, like a Honda Civic. I hope that clears things up for the ignorant fool. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/2 "2001-04-04T23:37:57Z")
Amen! Preach the word, brother! Now I just need to get a handgun, and go to the range and shoot something other than blanks. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/3 "2001-04-04T23:52:25Z")
Sure, **Scylla** , but you still wish you had a bigger one. ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2001, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/4 "2001-04-04T23:53:21Z")
Great rant. But I want to point out a line with a hilarious typo. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > **14. It takes a lot of blood to fill up a big penis hen** Damn you, Scylla! You made me spew Dr Pepper[sup]TM[/sup] all over the monitor! :::trying to imagine what a big penis hen looks like::: :::failing miserably, and shuddering::: :::wonders if that means there’s a “big rooster c\*\*t” out there somewhere::: ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/5 "2001-04-05T00:05:14Z")
> [@](#): > > :::wonders if that means there’s a “big rooster c\*\*t” out there somewhere::: Oh, we’ve already [established](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1025946#post1025946) that. **Scylla** it’s worse having an average size penis! You have all the drawbacks of a large one (bed-breakage & dizzyness) with none of the bennies of small ones (standing up after fantasizing & waking up your partner). Lucky bastard. … [sub] Waitaminute…?![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/6 "2001-04-05T00:14:20Z")
Scylla, you fucking bastard, I’m laughing so hard I woke up the neighbours kid. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/7 "2001-04-05T00:30:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*1. It doesn’t accidently get dunked when I stand at the urinal. > > 1. It is much less likely to get ensnared in heavy machinery. > > 2. Doesn’t bounce around when I jog and whip me in the face. > > 3. Doesn’t get caught in car doors. > > 4. It takes a lot of blood to fill up a big penis hen it gets an erection. This can cause a sudden drop in blood pressure and lead to dizziniess, unconscious and even death in large penised men. I don’t have to worry about this. > > 5. I don’t have to worry about accidentally stabbing the mattress during sex and breaking my penis. > > 6. A big penis strains the hydraulics and is prone to early failure. My “Little warrior” will run forever, like a Honda Civic. > > \*\* The size of my penis has no bearing on the following statement: I dunno about you guys, but I’m really, really, really scared. Not because of the implications, although that heavy machinery one made me cross my legs. No, it’s because there are minds out there that think stuff like this up! [sub]Keep it comin’, **Scylla**![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![cheezit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@cheezit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cheezit)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/8 "2001-04-05T00:46:26Z")
I wholeheartedly agree with every one of the 21 examples that you gave. And that is why my motto is: “It may not be very big around, but at least it’s short.” Yep, that about sizes it up. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/9 "2001-04-05T01:33:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andros \* > \*\*Sure, **Scylla** , but you still wish you had a bigger one. \*\* No way, man! I read in this medical journal that blood travels fast as it rushes to fill up a penis in the process of erection. With a very large penis, the blood can pick up tremendous velocity and inertia as it flies down the lengthy member. When it finally crashes into the “helmet” at the end it can do so with such force that it can create a horrible injury that can only be described as “blowout.” A large penis can literally explode. Picture a water balloon filled from a high presure hose, and you’ll get the idea. No, I’m quite glad I don’t have to worry about that. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/10 "2001-04-05T02:22:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > > 1. Since I have big hands, I get full credit anyway. Oh honey, you get EXTRA credit for that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/11 "2001-04-05T02:24:37Z")
Ever hear the one about the guy who went to the doctor for his stutter and discovered it was because his giant penis was screwing up his vocal chords? He had the doctor do an operation and give him a much smaller penis, and his stutter went away, but he quickly discovered that having a small johnson wasn’t worth it. So he went back to the doctor and asked, “Doc, can you give me The Braunschwauger back?” “T-t-t-too late,” said the doctor. ---
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/12 "2001-04-05T02:39:08Z")
**Scylla** , are you the rock or the hard place? Either way, sure you don’t maybe wanna change sides and sidle over to the left? That’s one wicked sense of humor you got on you. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/13 "2001-04-05T02:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*15. I don’t have to worry about accidentally stabbing the mattress during sex and breaking my penis. > \*\* Wow…um… would you look at that? You know, I have _never_ considered that as a hazard for guys. _scribles note to ask questions of her SO_ Do matresses often break big penises? How would you know Scylla? experianced before and after, maybe?..no insult meant just trying to get my mind around this one…while laughing really really hard… Anyone else have dangers I have been ignoring? Seriusly, I need to know if guys think about this stuff so I can protect my sweetie. I’d hate to not be aware of a common danger (such as a mattress) and have it damage one of my favorite organs that aren’t attatched to me. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/14 "2001-04-05T03:56:11Z")
\*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*15. I don’t have to worry about accidentally stabbing the mattress during sex and breaking my penis. > \*\* This can happen. Don’t ask for specifics 'cause I’m not volunteering any, but. . . It wasn’t broken, just really, really sore-- or so my writhing husband tried desperately to articulate between bloodcurdling screams. Remember girls, no sudden moves. Let’s be careful out there! ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/15 "2001-04-05T03:58:51Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Do matresses often break big penises?\*\* I haven’t heard about mattresses, but I do know that Cecil has discussed [penile fractures](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_426.html) before. And **thinksnow**? Thanks for the memories of that thread. I had forgotten the details of that one. As for me, my penis isn’t too big or small…it’s _just right!_. Dissenting ladies are invited to sample. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/16 "2001-04-05T04:33:41Z")
I couldn’t say for certain about mine, as I’ve never measured it. Well, not, like, erect. Well, not like, you know, with a ruler or a tape measure or anything. No. Not me. I’ve never done anything remotely like that. Because no guy has ever done anything like that. No guy has ever been that curious about quantifying the length of their member. And I’m like all those other guys. Who have never done anything like that. Ahem. Hey! Look at that other Pit rant! Over there! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/17 "2001-04-05T05:36:21Z")
Scylla, the _Lifestyles_ people are [thinking of you](http://more.abcnews.go.com/sections/us/wolffiles/wolffiles.html). 😉 Does that “penis hen” have anything to do with the cock crowing? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/18 "2001-04-05T05:57:43Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. It is much less likely to get ensnared in heavy machinery. Mr. Bodoni once, while a mere grade-schooler, zipped himself up without making sure to tuck it in first. This has left him Scarred for Life, or so he assures me. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/19 "2001-04-05T06:19:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Mr. Bodoni once, while a mere grade-schooler, zipped himself up without making sure to tuck it in first. This has left him Scarred for Life, or so he assures me. So… uh… you haven’t seen it yet? Huh… maybe that explains why you’re Queen of the Pit… ---
**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845/20 "2001-04-05T07:05:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > > [sub]Keep it comin’, **Scylla**![/sub] \*\* But given the small size would we notice if he did? 🙂 /Andreas - not sure if entering the pit so early is a good idea [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-my-small-penis/60845.md?page=2)