# The power of Ted Jesus COMMANDS YOU! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744 "2004-03-05T19:23:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/21 "2004-03-05T20:56:14Z")
Best [contact page](http://tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcg_email.htm) ever. > [@](#): > > TJCG is now again ENORMOUSLY UNSTABLE and it is that Satan or Devil have caused Ted to have to move again and live out of a suitcase for a while. During and after the 40 days and 40 nights it was that Satan or Devil and Demons have accomplished getting Ted kicked out of many different places that Ted has lived in a short time frame that Ted was and is ENORMOUSLY UNSTABLE! > > […] This is THE 100% TRUTH and email is NOT working for TJCG now that things have ESCALATED! You’d think that he’d go with “Theo” instead of “Ted,” though. I mean, if _my_ given name was Theodore, and I was cultivating a baroque psychosis and delusions of religious grandeur, I would shun the diminutive in favour of the literal _Theo_. Maybe elaborate it to _THEOne_ when I was feeling manic, or maybe _THEOdours_ (with oblique reference to Revelations 5.) “Ted”? No style. ---
**Author:** ![Earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90db22/32.png) [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/22 "2004-03-05T21:00:44Z")
So did anyone bother to look at his [home page](http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/)? Should we be bothered that Jesus (or Ted, whatever) wears a mullet? ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/23 "2004-03-05T21:10:09Z")
I wonder who Ted Jesus Christ God endorses for the 2004 Presidential Election? Or, maybe Pat Robertson is correct, and Ted Jesus Christ God will give Bush a landslide win come November… ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/24 "2004-03-05T21:13:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Some keep telling Ted that I sent you email on that and on the phone Ted keeps telling them I did not get this and then Hosts of Ancient Heaven tell Ted that Ted is getting email erased by Demons under the INSISTENCE of Satan or Devil. In fact Ted enough times has seen a large amount of email in the inbox only to have ALL of this erased and not by Ted a few minutes later and then Satan or Devil DRASTICALLY CUSSES at Ted through Teds mouth and takes the credit for that! Oh, sure, blame it on Satan when you swear at your computer, Ted. Everywhere you look on this site is gold. > [@](#): > > Do not compete too much with the Creator. Can I compete with the Creator just a little bit? > [@](#): > > Do not touch any strippers in Stripper Clubs or Stripper Bars or Nude Clubs or Sex Clubs. But it’s OK to put dollar bills in their g-strings. > [@](#): > > Do not decorate with snow men that are a DISTRACTION from Christ and Christmas. OK, I give up. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/25 "2004-03-05T21:15:45Z")
[Hey, even Ted screws up sometimes.](http://www.tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcg_rside.htm) > [@](#): > > The suit that TJCG is wearing is actually blue and NOT black. Therefore in this HE is wearing White and Yellow and Blue that are HIS favorite color combination. Ted actually trimmed the beard too much and cut too much of the corner of this under the right side of the lip and the cheek should be covered more where the V is and this can be fixed with future photo touch ups and also artist renditions. Uh, yeah. Got it. Jesus needs Photoshop. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/26 "2004-03-05T21:16:50Z")
I like how he accidentally broke one of his own commandments by trimming his beard to much. But no worry, he’s going to photoshop it. Where are all the sexually adventurous saviors? I want commandments like Thou shalt not be afraid to let thine wife insert her vibrator into your nether regions. and Thou shalt attempt sex on the beach at night at least once. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/27 "2004-03-05T21:23:11Z")
Apparently in order to be the Son of God you must have long hair and a beard. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90db22/32.png) [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/28 "2004-03-05T21:23:17Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > Where are all the sexually adventurous saviors? Ask, and ye shall [receive](http://www.datejesus.com/date/). ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/29 "2004-03-05T21:32:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Ted Jesus Christ GOD is the Son of David and is from the Bloodline and Linage and Line of David from Adam through Noah and through Abraham and Isaac and then through David. For Ted Jesus Christ GOD; we use the initials of TJCG for short. TJCG also genetically has the look. TJCG has THE LOOK? And he’s managed to track his family tree all the way back to Dave…geez he must have a good geneologist working for him. That seals it then. I bow down before thee Ted. 😃 OMG…this is just too funny ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/30 "2004-03-05T21:32:47Z")
Crap, I thought I was doing okay and then he had to go put in this bit: **"Do not eat anything with Processed Sugar in this. This is WHY there are the many problems with teethe."**. I am so screwed. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/31 "2004-03-05T21:35:31Z")
What the Ted? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/32 "2004-03-05T21:36:40Z")
I’m waiting for “Thou Shalt Not Steal Ted’s Lunch Money. Really. I Mean It, Guys. C’mon…” ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/33 "2004-03-05T21:47:51Z")
I don’t mean to spoil anyone’s fun (because the web page \* is \* funny), but amusing as it is, there has to be a pretty tragic story here. I did a little bit of poking around the net and the guy’s biography checks out – there was a Ted Kurts who had some role at Quest Systems. In the one post I found (from 1993) he was a coherent and articulate senior executive of a software company. To go from successful entrepreneur to homeless schizophrenic is a long way down, but maybe also a frighteningly easy step. ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/34 "2004-03-05T21:51:45Z")
Whoa, I was kinda believing him until I hit this little nugget (from the Third Testament, or Introduction to TJCG for Christians): > [@](#): > > 9 It is TRUE that Christ and God and THE ONE when in Heaven in the 1950’s had the United States of America CALM and CONSERVATIVE and GOOD and then when killed in Heaven for this Second Coming in 1959 to World Earth again the 1960’s became WILD and OUT OF CONTROL and WICKED in the United States of America and all over World Earth! 😛 > [@](#): > > To go from successful entrepreneur to homeless schizophrenic is a long way down, but maybe also a frighteningly easy step. A frighteningly easy step off a sailboat after floating in the San Diego Bay (?) for 40 days, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/35 "2004-03-05T22:12:46Z")
Some ambiguity here, I think: > [@](#): > > Do not video tape any sex act. > > Do not show private videos or recordings of you and somebody having sex to anybody that are not the consenting adults in this. > > Do not video record persons having sex without their consent. > > _…then later…_ > > Do not make hard core pornography. > > Do not sell or distribute hard core pornography. > > Do not look a hard core pornography. According to the second and third rules, videotaping sex is okay if you have the parties’ consent. But according to the first rule and the last three, it’s _never_ okay to videotape sex, or basically have anything to do with it. Hmmm. It’s like he’s saying, “People named Bruce are evil if their last name is Boxleitner,” and then, “All people named Bruce are evil.” I think Ted the Jesus needs a copy editor. > [@](#): > > Do not dilute God. All-One! All-One! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/36 "2004-03-05T22:29:52Z")
_“…this is put into order with the Hottest Degree of Sin at the top and the Lowest Degree of Sin at the bottom…”_ This makes a lot of sense when you think about it, thermodynamically speaking. _“…and things that Ted did the most put lower in the degree of Sin…”_ Coming from anyone other than Ted, this might be viewed as self-serving. I am gonna go get a sody pop. Pray for me. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/37 "2004-03-05T22:54:19Z")
I sure hope _this_ isn’t the guy that Polycarp thought could’ve been the second coming… Anyway… I’m terribly disappointed that I’m going to have to scrub my plan to overthrow God. I had troops positioned for storming the Pearly Gates and everything. I even managed to bribe St. Peter into “accidently” leaving the gates unlocked… And is it really necessary to say “Do not Murder” and “Do not Mass Murder”? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/38 "2004-03-05T23:18:15Z")
LOL! He sounds almost Dobbsian. Do not go to theater? THERE goes the Passion! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/39 "2004-03-05T23:20:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Do not become a terrorist \What if a country has enslaved my people unjustly and keeps them from their homeland? May I not visit it with plagues and slaughter their firstborn?\ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/40 "2004-03-05T23:30:16Z")
**Finagle** , I may be a little bit more cynical than you, but I wouldn’t be nearly so ready to say that the bio “checks out” on the strength of a single archived usenet posting. On the contrary, it seems a bit suspicious to me that that’s apparantly the _only_ posting he’s ever made. I think it’s very possible that Ted is sort of anti-confidence man, and his site is _intended_ to stir up sympathy for such a wretched creature. It is mirrored in diverse places, and there are _always_ solicitations for donations, either to P.O. boxes or via Paypal, like [here](http://wypleader.freeservers.com/tjcg_cln.html), [here](http://tedjesuschristgod.org/tjcg_donations.htm), [here](http://www.codehappy.net/bots/cache/tjcg/12255.htm), [here](http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/Campus/4713/tjcgm_legal.htm), [here](http://tedjesuschristgod.freeservers.com/tjcg_donations.htm), and [here](http://ttb11.freeservers.com/ttb_legalnotice.htm). Quest Systems Corp was real enough. I’m not sure about Quest Systems Ltd, though, which, for the last several years has done nothing but [spam and scam](http://groups.google.ca/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&th=1f8aad217ab08fea&rnum=6) usenet, through dodgy e-mail addresses – looking for donations to help a “severely disabled person” become more independent. Sounds familiar. I’d think it _might_ be someone from Quest who really knew such an unfortunate, if they didn’t do things like [use phone-billing fleecing](http://groups.google.ca/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&th=ace143923ba42c59&rnum=4) on their “contact” numbers, and send out “Make Money Fast!” scams. Maybe there’s no connection at all. I dunno – he could be a fellow who’s fallen on hard times, or he could be a cynical scammer playing on your sympathies. God knows the “craaaaazy” panhandling routine is a well-established con. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744.md?page=3)