# The power of Ted Jesus COMMANDS YOU! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744 "2004-03-05T19:23:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/81 "2004-03-08T15:49:18Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > Someone should sic a ninja on this guy. If he thinks dragons are bad, a ninja wigging out would make this guy shit his public area. I almost shat my trousers when I read this! Thanks **iampunha**! Please note that I would not then rub my shat on anyone, according to the commandments of the most holy TJCG. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/82 "2004-03-08T17:47:18Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Funny, I tried to post this yesterday and I got the Blue Screen of Day-uth along with a keyboard.exe error. Maybe Ted really _is_ watching… :eek: You jest, but there are those who KNOW that SATAN is behind these computer “malfunctions”. Like John Debney, who nearly got into a brawl with the Evil One (whose image also appeared on his monitor) after his computer kept freezing up while he was composing the soundtract to “The Passion of the Christ”.\* \*containing such greatest hits as “Flagellation”, “The Stoning”, “Peaceful But Primitive” and “Song of Complaint”. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/83 "2004-03-08T19:13:16Z")
What do you suppose this guy does for a living? White collar? Blue collar? I guess it doesn’t matter, since you can’t see his collar under the mullet anyway. 😛 You think his friends and co-workers see him as strange? Or maybe he presents a relatively normal face to those around him and keeps his odd obsession private? Perhaps we’ll read about him in the news: “He was so quiet and unassuming before he started firing that howitzer into the orphanage.” Or, alternatively: “He just wouldn’t shut up about that Ted Jesus stuff. We knew he was crackers, but he knew how to make a tasty batch of cornbread, so we kept him around. Yeah, we had to let him go when he stabbed his hands and bled into the batter. Shame, really.” Based on his new commandments, we know he doesn’t make porn, and he’s not a terrorist, strip club MC, tattoo artist, or genetic engineer. That leaves quite a spectrum of possible careers, though. Maybe we should just try to guess his income. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744/84 "2004-03-08T22:49:32Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > What do you suppose this guy does for a living? White collar? Blue collar? I guess it doesn’t matter, since you can’t see his collar under the mullet anyway. 😛 > > You think his friends and co-workers see him as strange? Or maybe he presents a relatively normal face to those around him and keeps his odd obsession private? Perhaps we’ll read about him in the news: “He was so quiet and unassuming before he started firing that howitzer into the orphanage.” Or, alternatively: “He just wouldn’t shut up about that Ted Jesus stuff. We knew he was crackers, but he knew how to make a tasty batch of cornbread, so we kept him around. Yeah, we had to let him go when he stabbed his hands and bled into the batter. Shame, really.” > > Based on his new commandments, we know he doesn’t make porn, and he’s not a terrorist, strip club MC, tattoo artist, or genetic engineer. That leaves quite a spectrum of possible careers, though. Maybe we should just try to guess his income. Thanks, **Cervaise**. Your usual sparkling wit has lifted my afternoon out of the doldrums. If you don’t write humor for a living, you should. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-power-of-ted-jesus-commands-you/232744.md?page=4)