# the proper way to initiate a threesome **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2001, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321 "2001-06-19T12:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/41 "2001-06-21T16:24:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*Well, my plan works like this: > > First, **magdalene** opens a thread saying she’s coming to New York. I suggest alcohol. > > Next, **Geobabe** mentions that she might pop down for the event. I suggest bar-dancing. > > How am I doing so far? \*\* Damn, you beat me to it. Can I operate the video camera? Sua ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/42 "2001-06-21T16:38:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wishbone \* > \*\*Here’s something to think about; All of the threesomes I’v had have been isolated incidents. That means that either I am a bad lay, or it just didn’t feel right. > \*\* Poor, poor, **Wishbone**. Why don’t we give it a try and find out which one it was, ay? _smiles seductively_ You _know_ you wanna… ---
**Author:** ![theendisnear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@theendisnear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/theendisnear)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/43 "2001-06-21T17:26:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jmonster \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by scredle \* > > Second-why do you want to get in bed with both > > of them anyway? I’ll ask all the guys this-why 3some > > fantasies when most guys can’t even keep up with one > > girl in bed? > > Ive always wondered this?! > > **Four** boobs. \*\* What exactly is the appeal of four boobs when you only have two hands and one mouth? Three i can understand, but the fourth boob just goes to waste and thats truly a shame. ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/44 "2001-06-21T17:54:29Z")
I suspect that the essential element in any deal like this is money, and lots of it. A pair of “sex workers” (gender of your choice) with no inhibitions to give the money to would help. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/45 "2001-06-21T18:49:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by theendisnear \* > \*\*What exactly is the appeal of four boobs when you only have two hands and one mouth? Three i can understand, but the fourth boob just goes to waste and thats truly a shame. \*\* But you left out your nose. Next time you have the chance, put your face between your lady’s breasts and inhale deeply. A heady, intoxicating experience. You are appreciating two breasts at one time, freeing both hands to appreciate two breasts elsewhere. Of course, both hands could also be free to appreciate your lady’s back. And waist. And buttocks. And thighs. And calves. And thighs. And… And goddammit, I’m still at work, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/46 "2001-06-21T21:38:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > \*\*Bon jour, matt\_mcl & Barbarian. > > Matt, s’il vous plait, pardonez vous le francais que j’ecris. Si je vous comprends, vous ne concernez pas. Je ne casse le miroir. 😉 S’il vous plait, une question. Qu’est-ce que ca veut dire “vouvoie” en anglais. > > Barbarian, qu’est-ce que ca veut dire “pauvre tete carre” en anglais? > \*\* There is no translation for “vouvoie”. It means to be using “vous” instead of “tu” because the person is your superior in some way or for a formal thing. (correct me if I’m wrong) And the direct translation of “pauvre tete carré” is “poor square head”… I assume he means blockhead or something of the like. And hey, check it out… **Barbarian, matt\_mcl, celestina** … The French angle might work out for you, after all, **amati**. ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/47 "2001-06-22T00:03:29Z")
Ah, the proper way to initiate a threesome. Miss Manners finds it refreshing in this day and age where, “Nice shoes. Wanna screw?” is considered a witty pick-up line to find a young man interested in proper menage etiquette. As with any momentous occasion in one’s life the formal inivitation is definitely the way. Nothing matches the impression made by opening that crisp white envelope and reading: ``` Mr Amati J. Hornyguy cordially invites Miss Candi Hotbuns & Miss Trixie Wellendowed To the christening of my new waterbed Drinks and Dinner provided BYOA ``` This will let your ladies know they dealing with a man of true class and distinction. However, understand that all invitations may be turned down without explanation and you are to accept this gracefully. Happy hunting! ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/48 "2001-06-22T00:51:33Z")
The only proper advice that appears to be left unsaid is that all three parties should be sexually attracted to **both** of the other partners, and be willing and eager to lick, suck or fondle either partner. Otherwise, you’re just asking for negativity like hurt feelings, jealousy, boredom, “get your ass outta my face” comments, etc… I dated a girl in college, actually lived with her for six weeks one summer, who didn’t think of herself as a bisexual, but I caught her in bed several times with Elizabeth, our third roommate, an outwardly bisexual woman. Unfortuately, I couldn’t stand her, and she couldn’t stand me. We were cordial, but it was mainly just to keep the household pleasant. (She’s the main reason I didn’t stay permanently - she was intensely jealous of me and Pam, even though she slept around like a cat in heat.) My girlfriend asked me once what I thought about a threeway with her and elizabeth, and at first it sounded appealing, because Elizabeth was a 4’8" screaming hot readhead that couldn’t have weighed more than 70 lbs soaking wet. But then I realized it was Elizabeth we were talking about, so I answered no, and expressed my fear that it would only make our daily lives worse. Pam accepted it. Later I learned that Pam and Elizabeth had talked about it earlier, and Elizabeth had been willing! Actually, I think Pam was the reluctant one. And that was my only opportunity in my entire lifetime to have a three-way, and I still don’t regret it. Even though I think Pam and Elizabeth went and found someone else for their little menage. Obviously it didn’t go as planned, because they didn’t make a habit of it. ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/49 "2001-06-22T02:09:40Z")
* * * Tygr said: "But you left out your nose. Next time you have the chance, put your face between your lady’s breasts and inhale deeply. A heady, intoxicating experience. You are appreciating two breasts at one time, freeing both hands to appreciate two breasts elsewhere. Of course, both hands could also be free to appreciate your lady’s back. And waist. And buttocks. And thighs. And calves. And thighs. And… And goddammit, I’m still at work, aren’t I?" * * * [celestina fanning herself] Whew! Is it hot in here or what? Tygr, I like your way of thinking. Whatever ladies you grace with your hands and nose sure are lucky to have you to pay attention to them. 😉 You can pay attention to me anytime you want to, baby. Parlez vous francais? LaurAnge, merci beaucoup por la traduction. 😃 Interesting thought about matt\_mcl, Barbarian, and myself. Hmmm. I sure would like to practice my French with them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/50 "2001-06-22T03:20:36Z")
All this plotting and intrigue. The times I wanted a threesome, I just asked. Of course, I knew the participants ahead of time, knew enough about them to be familiar with their habits, and knew everyone involved was at least a little adventerous. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/51 "2001-06-22T14:14:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > \*\*[celestina fanning herself] > > Whew! Is it hot in here or what? Tygr, I like your way of thinking. Whatever ladies you grace with your hands and nose sure are lucky to have you to pay attention to them. 😉 You can pay attention to me anytime you want to, baby. Parlez vous francais?\*\* Leider nicht. Auf Deutsch, ein bisschen. Beispiel: Ich habe einen Dreizehnzoll-langen Stab der Liebe. 😃 [sub]Vielen Dank, Ingwer von dem Nord![/sub] You’re very sweet, my dear **celestina**. Believe me, I _have_ been paying attention. The nose is often not given enough credit for being a powerful erogenous zone. It certainly is for me. There are few things I like more, when first getting to know a lady, than standing close behind her, leaning down, and tracing my face from her shoulder up her neck, behind her ear to her hair, drinking in her scent all the way. Of course, with my face that close, my lips might trace lightly along the way as well. Is that be the sort of attention a lovely lady such as yourself would be interested in? As for hands, well, years were spent in study before I learned how to use my hands to grace a lady’s skin with gentle touch. Slowly, lightly tracing fingertips back and forth up the inside of her forearm from her wrist to her elbow can be extremely sensual. Which should naturally lead to tracing them across even more sensitive places: her neckline, the small of her back, the back of her knee… In a continuous line, of course… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/52 "2001-06-22T16:58:47Z")
* * * Tygr wrote: "Leider nicht. Auf Deutsch, ein bisschen. Beispiel: Ich habe einen Dreizehnzoll-langen Stab der Liebe. Vielen Dank, Ingwer von dem Nord!" * * * Oooh, Tygr! You’re one dangerous fella. 🙂 I don’t know what the hell you just said because I don’t gesprechen ze Deutch. Why don’t you email me a translation, okay sugar? But the rest of what you wrote, [celestina standing over the air conditioning vent and holding her dress out so she can cool off her you know what] you damn skippy that is DEFINITELY be the kind of attention I’m looking for! Not only are you skilled with your hands and nose, baby, but you have one SWEET MOUTH. 😉 I’ll just bet some lucky lady’s done already snapped you up IRL because ladies recognize quality when they see, feel, hear, and taste it, but I’m surprised you don’t have a harem of Doper ladies at your beck and call, hon. I am looking forward VERY much to flirting with that sweet mouth of yours because the words that come out of it are pure art. [giggle] I know I can’t touch the exalted ranks of flirthood that jarbabyj, Arden Ranger, hardygrrl, Hamadryad, and others have attained, but I’m right proud of myself. I’m having a blast flirting on this board! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/53 "2001-06-23T01:57:10Z")
Tygr… -whimpers- I want… ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/54 "2001-06-23T04:38:29Z")
Ma? Pa? You up? \>\>\>running for my life…\<\<\< 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/55 "2001-06-24T23:19:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > \*\*Oooh, Tygr! You’re one dangerous fella. 🙂 \*\* Me? Why, what possible sort of trouble could I be? > [@](#): > > \*\*Why don’t you email me a translation, okay sugar? \*\* Done. Or you could plug it into [Babelfish.com](http://Babelfish.com). > [@](#): > > **[celestina standing over the air conditioning vent and holding her dress out so she can cool off her you know what]** No, what? 😃 > [@](#): > > **Not only are you skilled with your hands and nose, baby, but you have one SWEET MOUTH.** Well, years were spent in study before I’d learned how to use that, too. In every way. And I do welcome the opportunity to practice those skills, if you’d like to help me study… [sub]\[/sub] > [@](#): > > **I’m surprised you don’t have a harem of Doper ladies at your beck and call, hon.** _Laughs_ Not as surprised as I am… Let’s just say I’ve had the means and the motive, but not the opportunity. > [@](#): > > **I am looking forward VERY much to flirting with that sweet mouth of yours because the words that come out of it are pure art.** _blush_ Gracious, you’re sweet. And don’t bother comparing yourself to others here with more tenure. Because this is a text-only board, what comes across is pure mind and personality. You’ve certainly got plenty of both. It’s a pleasure to meet you and please do stick around and feel free to enjoy yourself. (sidles up to **celestina** and whispers) Or just enjoy yourself a free feel! ---
**Author:** ![amati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@amati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amati)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/56 "2001-06-25T03:50:51Z")
hey, **celestina, tygr** , get a thread of your own. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/57 "2001-06-25T04:28:14Z")
No no, **amati** , you’re suppose to _join_ them…hence the threesome! \ I gotta explain everything these days. Oh, and it helps if you mention that…you _shave_. ---
**Author:** ![amati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@amati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amati)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321/58 "2001-06-25T04:40:45Z")
i never wanted a mmf threesome…plus, i wasn’t invited. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proper-way-to-initiate-a-threesome/69321.md?page=2)