# The proverbial sea has now been fished (online dating and me) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962 "2008-10-14T23:06:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/41 "2008-10-28T16:56:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Why in the world do you have a height requirement? Are you 7’ 3" and can’t bend down to kiss women shorter than 5’ 10"? Y’know… 🙂 I’m 6’3" (my two younger brothers are 6’4" and 6’7"), and my last two long-term girlfriends were actually 5’3" and 5’4". Which was fine, because they were great people, and compatibility certainly wins out over a difference in height. But (a) all things being equal, I’m more attracted to taller women, and would prefer someone who was, say, 5’7" or above (my height requirement on the site is 5’5" or 5’6", I think); and (b) there are a surprising number of logistical issues that arise when the height difference is too great. Not just kissing, but holding hands, cuddling on the couch or in bed, putting your arm around their waist… And I certainly wouldn’t mind having tall kids, if/when it comes to that. Gotta keep up with my brothers’ hypothetical future children. So yeah: preferred height range is 5’6"-ish and up; preferred age range is probably 25 to 33 (I’m 32). Exceptions could obviously be made in both cases, and have been. I will admit, somewhat relevantly, that it’s discouraging to feel like some people – actually, many people – whose profiles seem extremely interesting don’t respond to my messages because they’re not sufficiently attracted to me based on my photos. (You can often tell this because you can see if they’ve viewed your profile or just looked at the picture that came with the e-mail.) And while that makes me wish I could do more to maximize my attractiveness, it also reminds me that I’ve got my own criteria, and that everyone needs to find someone who works for them. Just wish I worked for more people who work for me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/42 "2008-10-28T17:02:45Z")
> [@Gadarene](#): > > Just wish I worked for more people who work for me. 🙂 Do you though? If this were true, you would have to spend more time and more money weeding through the crowd, with a greater probability of more frequent disappointment and disillusionment. Every loneliness is a pinnacle, man. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9de0a6/32.png) [@Baron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/43 "2008-10-28T17:30:14Z")
I’ve had probably the worst luck ever with online dating sites. I think I’ve sent out about 75 emails over the past 4-5 months, and maybe got two responses. I’ve contacted every member of OKCupid that I have even a slight interest in, send personalized, meaningful messages that are not too desperate or weird, and I invariably get nothing. It really screws with my psyche as well, since I do fairly well with women in meatspace. That being said, I think OKCupid is one of the best-designed dating sites out there. And [plentyoffish.com](http://plentyoffish.com) is by far the worst site I’ve ever seen…but there seem to be more people there. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/44 "2008-10-28T18:07:03Z")
**Gadarene:** > [@](#): > > Just wish I worked for more people who work for me. **Maegs:** > [@](#): > > Do you though? If this were true, you would have to spend more time and more money weeding through the crowd, with a greater probability of more frequent disappointment and disillusionment. Depending on what we both mean by “works for me,” I don’t think the disappointment and disillusionment would necessarily _be_ more frequent. If you see why. 🙂 Either way, it’s a problem I could live with. **Baron:** > [@](#): > > I’ve had probably the worst luck ever with online dating sites. I think I’ve sent out about 75 emails over the past 4-5 months, and maybe got two responses. I’ve contacted every member of OKCupid that I have even a slight interest in, send personalized, meaningful messages that are not too desperate or weird, and I invariably get nothing. It really screws with my psyche as well, since I do fairly well with women in meatspace. I definitely sympathize. Happy to take a look at your profile, if you want a semi-objective, semi-critical eye. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/45 "2008-10-28T18:29:00Z")
> [@mischievous](#): > > Also, I’m new in the area, so my attractive, intelligent, single friends are back in New York. To twist an old quote, my friends and I believed: Attractive, intelligent, sane…pick 2. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/46 "2008-10-28T23:40:46Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > Since we’re talking straight statistics here, you’ve really only looked at 50% of the available matches (give or take several percentage points). > > Clearly, the answer to your dilemma is homosexuality. Just think of the new and interesting possibilities that await you on the other side of the fence. > > 😃 I know this is a joke, and a fairly popular one at that, but it never fails to irritate me. I don’t mean I’m irritated at you, **Mahna Mahna** (love the username, BTW), but I’m irritated at the reality of the situation. If I were looking for an opposite-sex partner, the dating site I belong to would have 1,000 matches for me who live within 100 miles of my town. There might even be more than that, but I think 1,000 may be the limit on how many matches the site will display. When it comes to potential same-sex partners, I get only 80 matches. Most describe themselves as bisexual, which I do not have a problem with, but a great many of these are not actually looking for a same-sex relationship. Quite a few are married and are trying to recruit a third person for a threesome. Others make it clear that they only want to “experiment” sexually. If I narrow things down further to people within 5 years of my own age, who have been active on the site within the past month, and who have completed their profiles, my total matches drop to 39. (Would be 481 if I wanted an opposite-sex partner.) This number does still include people who are not really interested in same-sex dating, and a few who are pretty obviously prostitutes. So even if I had no standards with regard to personality, interests, physical appearance, or basic literacy, I would still have very few potential _dating_ partners. My odds would be more than 10 times better if I were interested in a heterosexual relationship. As things are, after nearly a year I have not had one date thanks to this site. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2008, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/47 "2008-10-28T23:50:08Z")
> [@Gadarene](#): > > Wow, work’s sucked lately; I’m back to this thread pretty late. You said it. I forgot all about this thread in the local madness. Check your PMs now, though. > [@Gadarene](#): > > [QUOTE=mischievous] > > Unfortunately, I have a firm policy of eliminating all sane people from my social circle. A sound policy if I’ve ever heard one. [/quote] It means that when the smiling pink rabbits come to take your bank account information, all your friends can sympathsize. > [@Gadarene](#): > > In lieu of the general “about me” stuff I’ve got a sort of ridiculous, rambling story that I have a sneaking suspicion drives off more interesting people than it draws in; **twickster** was okay with it, which makes me feel better, but a third or fourth opinion couldn’t hurt. Thirded, it’s way more interesting than other “about me” section I’ve ever read before. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962/48 "2008-10-29T00:04:25Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > To twist an old quote, my friends and I believed: > > Attractive, intelligent, sane…pick 2. My current partner, on a scale of 1 to 10: Attractiveness: 9 Intelligence: 10 Sanity: fish [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-proverbial-sea-has-now-been-fished-online-dating-and-me/467962.md?page=2)