# The psychology of punctual people vs late people according to lisalan
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 8, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875 "2011-01-08T13:58:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/1 "2011-01-08T13:58:15Z")
I have always been a punctal person all of my life. I believe punctuality shows that you have mastered the skill of time management. I also believe that punctuality shows strength of character. It shows that you are dependable, care about other people’s feelings and respect their time.
People who are late are deficient in the skill of time management. Lateness shows a weaknes of character. It shows that you are not dependable, are selfish and put your feelings above others and have no respect for other people’s time.
Late people…I loathe you:D You are my crypotnite.
So lets discuss this amongst ourselves. Am I right about this?
Late people. Prove me wrong. Justify your actions to me.
Let the intellectual battle begin. Punctual people vs late people…discuss.
---
### Author:  [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/2 "2011-01-08T14:13:44Z")
I think that people who are habitually late are mostly careless and disrespectful. However I don’t really give a shit because I allow for them being late and if they fuck up something that matters I just carry on without them.
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/3 "2011-01-08T14:29:47Z")
Pretty much every punctual person I have ever met thinks this way, and I don’t understand why. I get feeling like you’ve mastered something other people haven’t, because you have. But, knowing that, why do you then assume that the person is being disrespectful? If someone lacks a skill, they lack a skill.
I could make the opposite argument: that the people who get all offended by late people are selfish. It’s all about them, and how the latecomer makes them feel.
Plus, I know plenty of dependable people who run late all the time. Sure, I may not be able to depend on them to be present at the exact moment the clock says they should be, but I can definitely depend on them to do what they say they will do.
And I know a lot of punctual people who are not trustworthy. They are only on time to things they want to do. And when I need them, they are the most likely to say No, because they have something else scheduled that they can’t possibly be late for.
I think it’s just one group of people justifying why they get annoyed by another group, rather than someone trying to actually figure out what’s going on.
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### Author:  [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/4 "2011-01-08T14:58:54Z")
My husband is often late, though not always. I think it’s because he seems to be unable to accurately estimate how much time something will take. He’s really, really good at estimating how much space something will take up, or how far away something is – physical measurements – and his confidence in _that_ ability carries over where it has no business carrying over, to his time-estimation skill.
In particular, his time-estimation nearly always leaves out a realistic fudge factor. He may know, accurately, that driving from here-to-there means 1:45 of driving… but he then drastically underestimates the time it takes to get everyone and everything into the car. And, as far as I can tell, it’s a moral issue with him: he resists allotting a realistic amount of time for that because _we have so much to do and people are expecting us and it SHOULDN’T take us so damn long to get ready._ It’s as if he feels that if we would just focus, we could get ready so much faster. He wakes up every morning convinced that today, unlike all other days, we will be efficient. Today, unlike all other days, we will remember everything the first time, and everything will be where we expect to find it, and decisions will be instant without having to hem and haw, and so on.
He routinely gives himself lists of things to do that are not actually possible to do – but conceivably could be, if a mythical superhuman were able to do everything perfectly efficiently. Then, when he doesn’t get everything on his list done, he feels like he’s failed (again).
In sum, he feels like his lateness is a moral failing on his part (or a joint moral failing by whoever else is late with him, e.g., me) even though it’s really unrealistic expectations for efficiency, and I wish he’d learn otherwise. Punctual people (not necessarily **lisalan** ) who believe that late people are “just selfish” don’t help.
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### Author:  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/5 "2011-01-08T15:06:17Z")
People who keep you waiting are saying that you are not important enough to deserve consideration.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/6 "2011-01-08T15:26:25Z")
> [@madmonk28](#):
>
> People who keep you waiting are saying that you are not important enough to deserve consideration.
Exactly. That is the message they are sending.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/7 "2011-01-08T15:28:04Z")
> [@BigT](#):
>
> Pretty much every punctual person I have ever met thinks this way, and I don’t understand why. I get feeling like you’ve mastered something other people haven’t, because you have. But, knowing that, why do you then assume that the person is being disrespectful? If someone lacks a skill, they lack a skill.
>
> I could make the opposite argument: that the people who get all offended by late people are selfish. It’s all about them, and how the latecomer makes them feel.
>
> Plus, I know plenty of dependable people who run late all the time. Sure, I may not be able to depend on them to be present at the exact moment the clock says they should be, but I can definitely depend on them to do what they say they will do.
>
> And I know a lot of punctual people who are not trustworthy. They are only on time to things they want to do. And when I need them, they are the most likely to say No, because they have something else scheduled that they can’t possibly be late for.
>
> I think it’s just one group of people justifying why they get annoyed by another group, rather than someone trying to actually figure out what’s going on.
Yes they lack the skill of time managment but is that an excuse to NEVER try and develop the skill? I think not.
I also think that SOME late people are just lazy and are procrastinators.
If they are truly not selfish people like you say don;t you think they they would try to change/improve their time management skills???
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/8 "2011-01-08T15:29:16Z")
no, it’s the message you are _perceiving._ there’s a difference, and it’s not a small one.
> [@](#):
>
> If they are truly not selfish people like you say don;t you think they they would try to change/improve their time management skills???
why would they, if they have no incentive to do so?
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/9 "2011-01-08T15:31:09Z")
> [@emmaliminal](#):
>
> My husband is often late, though not always. I think it’s because he seems to be unable to accurately estimate how much time something will take. He’s really, really good at estimating how much space something will take up, or how far away something is – physical measurements – and his confidence in _that_ ability carries over where it has no business carrying over, to his time-estimation skill.
>
> In particular, his time-estimation nearly always leaves out a realistic fudge factor. He may know, accurately, that driving from here-to-there means 1:45 of driving… but he then drastically underestimates the time it takes to get everyone and everything into the car. And, as far as I can tell, it’s a moral issue with him: he resists allotting a realistic amount of time for that because _we have so much to do and people are expecting us and it SHOULDN’T take us so damn long to get ready._ It’s as if he feels that if we would just focus, we could get ready so much faster. He wakes up every morning convinced that today, unlike all other days, we will be efficient. Today, unlike all other days, we will remember everything the first time, and everything will be where we expect to find it, and decisions will be instant without having to hem and haw, and so on.
>
> He routinely gives himself lists of things to do that are not actually possible to do – but conceivably could be, if a mythical superhuman were able to do everything perfectly efficiently. Then, when he doesn’t get everything on his list done, he feels like he’s failed (again).
>
> In sum, he feels like his lateness is a moral failing on his part (or a joint moral failing by whoever else is late with him, e.g., me) even though it’s really unrealistic expectations for efficiency, and I wish he’d learn otherwise. Punctual people (not necessarily **lisalan** ) who believe that late people are “just selfish” don’t help.
Your husaband has expressed to you that he feels that his lateness is a moral failing. He has told you the reason point blank. Yet you are trying to make up excuses for him by saying he has unrealistic expectations for efficiency. If he is telling you it is a moral failing then it IS a moral failing. I’m not saying he has no morals. I’m sure he is a great guy.
My husband is always late and I’ll say the same thing about him. He is selfish because he does not consider what he is doing to me by making me wait for him all the freaking time.
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/10 "2011-01-08T15:33:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> My husband is always late and I’ll say the same thing about him. He is selfish because he does not consider what he is doing to me by making me wait for him all the freaking time.
there’s also the chance that he thinks _you’re_ being selfish by trying to make him snap to your deadlines.
here’s the real answer- different people have different personalities and priorities. _Get over it._
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### Author:  [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/11 "2011-01-08T15:34:31Z")
This used to be a real hot button for me - it could make me berserk. I have dropped friends where were chronically late.
> [@madmonk28](#):
>
> People who keep you waiting are saying that you are not important enough to deserve consideration.
Yes, this was exactly my reasoning. I strongly felt that people who kept me waiting just felt like I wasn’t import.
As I have aged, I have mellowed on this. Everyone’s mind focuses differently. I for instance, am very tolerant of clutter, but am almost \*always \*on time. If I’m not on time, something has happened.
A good friend of mine can’t handle clutter at all - but he is perpetually late. I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t think I am not important. He has done some amazingly nice things for me - but time is not on his mind. He will be in a book store, find an old copy of Sherlock Holmes and buy it for a friend who is a fan (so I know he is thoughtful) - but time is not on his mind.
Now when I meet people, I take a book and sit patiently until they arrive.
I confess though, that there is a limit to how long I will wait.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/12 "2011-01-08T15:36:34Z")
> [@jz78817](#):
>
> no, it’s the message you are _perceiving._ there’s a difference, and it’s not a small one.
>
> why would they, if they have no incentive to do so?
So the fact that they make everyone wait for them and waste people’s time is not an incentive to change?
I’m sure that most people who are always late must make it to work on time. Why you ask? That’s because there is something in it for them…money.
However, lets say the wife says we have to be at so and so’s at 4:00 and because of the husband they get there at 4:30. This shows they are selfish because the consequences of being late to so and so’s just means that other will be irritated at them. the consequence of being late for work mean getting fired.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/13 "2011-01-08T15:38:24Z")
> [@jz78817](#):
>
> there’s also the chance that he thinks _you’re_ being selfish by trying to make him snap to your deadlines.
>
> here’s the real answer- different people have different personalities and priorities. _Get over it._
I don’t need to get over anything…These are not deadlines I am making him snap to. These are important appointments that one cannot be late for.
Why do I have a feeling that you’re one of those late people???
---
### Author:  [@Al\_Bundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al_Bundy)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/14 "2011-01-08T15:41:55Z")
> [@lisalan](#):
>
> I have always been a punctal person all of my life. I believe punctuality shows that you have mastered the skill of time management. I also believe that punctuality shows strength of character. It shows that you are dependable, care about other people’s feelings and respect their time.
>
> People who are late are deficient in the skill of time management. Lateness shows a weaknes of character. It shows that you are not dependable, are selfish and put your feelings above others and have no respect for other people’s time.
> Late people…I loathe you:D You are my crypotnite.
You said it all.
---
### Author:  [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/15 "2011-01-08T15:42:35Z")
I had several ex-friends who were _ **always** _ late. To everything–dinner, movies, weekend outings, carpooling to work, etc. Sometimes they’d call and say they were running behind, which was really an excuse to be even more tardy. I tried subtle hints, not-so-subtle hints, even scheduling things earlier and going ahead without them. Those strategies did not cure the lateness, and that is why those people are ex-friends.
My co-worker is always late coming in, and it’s gotten worse over the years. He used to be 10 minutes late, then 15, now it’s up to 30 minutes. The boss doesn’t seem to care, so now I come in 15 minutes early…and leave early, too. That helps me beat the commute traffic in both directions, so I guess it’s a win-win situation.
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/16 "2011-01-08T15:53:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Why do I have a feeling that you’re one of those late people???
I’m not. What I _am_ is one of those people who get irritated at other people who say things like “I think (_x_) is really important. What’s WRONG with those people who don’t think (_x_) is as important as I do?”
> [@](#):
>
> So the fact that they make everyone wait for them and waste people’s time is not an incentive to change?
no, not if it doesn’t have any tangible negative consequences. people aren’t always going to pick up on your silent seething and feel sufficiently shamed.
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### Author:  [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/17 "2011-01-08T16:09:11Z")
> [@BigT](#):
>
> Pretty much every punctual person I have ever met thinks this way, and I don’t understand why. I get feeling like you’ve mastered something other people haven’t, because you have. But, knowing that, why do you then assume that the person is being disrespectful? If someone lacks a skill, they lack a skill.
I think part of our disbelief is that, IMHO, the OP is wrong. \*\* Punctuality is not a “skill.”\*\* It doesn’t take enough effort to “master” to call it a skill. Punctuality is a choice. Either you choose to get there on time or you don’t. If you aren’t leaving in time (leaving aside cases where you’re delayed by forces truly outside your control) then you are choosing not to.
What skill is involved in it? Someone showing up late to work every day is choosing to be late. If you’re late on this one occasion when there was a bad accident on the highway, hey, that’s life. Late every day is a choice.
---
### Author:  [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/18 "2011-01-08T16:20:03Z")
> [@lisalan](#):
>
> Your husaband has expressed to you that he feels that his lateness is a moral failing. He has told you the reason point blank. Yet you are trying to make up excuses for him by saying he has unrealistic expectations for efficiency. If he is telling you it is a moral failing then it IS a moral failing.
No no no – sorry if I gave that impression – he has never stated this; it’s my interpretation. For balance, I also get the impression that he feels morally inadequate when he doesn’t understand something, requires sleep or food or warmth, comes down sick, gets injured, etc. He has… issues with ordinary humanness, sometimes. It’s a Calvinist Yankee heritage thing.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/19 "2011-01-08T16:23:06Z")
> [@jz78817](#):
>
> I’m not. What I _am_ is one of those people who get irritated at other people who say things like “I think (_x_) is really important. What’s WRONG with those people who don’t think (_x_) is as important as I do?”
>
> no, not if it doesn’t have any tangible negative consequences. people aren’t always going to pick up on your silent seething and feel sufficiently shamed.
Are you seriously trying to say that people who are always late affect no one’s lives but their own? They are hurting and incoveniencing other people by their actions.
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### Author:  [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-psychology-of-punctual-people-vs-late-people-according-to-lisalan/566875/20 "2011-01-08T16:24:47Z")
> [@RickJay](#):
>
> I think part of our disbelief is that, IMHO, the OP is wrong. \*\* Punctuality is not a “skill.”\*\* It doesn’t take enough effort to “master” to call it a skill. Punctuality is a choice. Either you choose to get there on time or you don’t. If you aren’t leaving in time (leaving aside cases where you’re delayed by forces truly outside your control) then you are choosing not to.
>
> What skill is involved in it? Someone showing up late to work every day is choosing to be late. If you’re late on this one occasion when there was a bad accident on the highway, hey, that’s life. Late every day is a choice.
Time management IS a skill. People who are late often don’t realize how much time it takes to do A. So they get caught up in doing A and then are late.
Time management is a major component of punctuality. Punctuality is also part of ones personality though…it’s complex.
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