# The punks who assaulted my daughter (long) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 26, 2008, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262 "2008-06-26T01:14:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/81 "2008-06-27T02:23:20Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > What does your 17-year old daughter think of this? She’s very emotionally sensitive, but she’s handling it well. She has good friends and a counselor to discuss it with, and of course, she can always talk to me. She’s outraged, though, and wants to hurt them. And she’s generally not violent. > [@](#): > > For that matter, (as she’s a doper herself?) what does she think of the fact that you’ve discussed it on a public message board? She understands that you guys are a coping mechanism for me, and I’m doing what I have to do to deal with it. > [@](#): > > For that matter what do you think your 8 year old daughter will think in 10 years if this thread still exists? Hopefully, she’ll realize that I was (am?) a member of an online community where I can discuss things I can’t necessarily discuss with my IRL friends (I don’t want this around the neighborhood yet). I hope that she would be glad her mom had an outlet when she needed one, and I think she would think it was cool that Dopers were so supportive of the situation (she’s been to a number of DopeFests, which is how she ended up already having a username, lol). If she thinks otherwise, I hope we can discuss it. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/82 "2008-06-27T02:27:12Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > Oh, and how in the name of all that’s holy is this possibly not a Pit thread? Because I needed support more than I needed hyperbolic anger. ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/83 "2008-06-27T02:29:32Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] I think you at least owed it to the other parents to let them do their own parenting. [/QUOTE] Parents do _parenting_. Police do _law enforcement_. Simple, really. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/84 "2008-06-27T02:37:06Z")
How did I just see this? **Norinew** , you’re an amazing mom, you handled this way way way better than I would have. Hugs to **mudgirl**. **Sunrazor** , that’s about the assholiest thing I’ve ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/85 "2008-06-27T02:40:15Z")
I truly, honestly believe **Sunrazor** must have misread the OP. **norinew** I can’t imagine how tough this must be for you given what you went through as a kid yourself. It’s hard when those issues come up to live in the present and not the past. It’s bad enough coping with this as a parent, but as an abuse survivor… that must be something else. If someone did something like that to my kid I think I’d probably lose my mind on the spot. I am really impressed – and impressed you taught your kids good coping skills and reactions. You did the right thing and we’re proud of you. (((Hugs))) ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/86 "2008-06-27T02:48:43Z")
You and your daughter did well, norinew, you did the right thing, and it’s a miracle that you could cope so well. I read this thread earlier but couldn’t post because I was too upset and angry for you. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/87 "2008-06-27T03:11:46Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] **Sunrazor** , that’s about the assholiest thing I’ve ever read. [/QUOTE] I won’t give a formal warning because your comment is directed at **Sunrazor** ’s post and not him personally. But poster to poster, I’m going to throw it out there that the most important thing here should be supporting **norinew** and her family. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/88 "2008-06-27T03:26:06Z")
[QUOTE=Baker] I’m not even her parent but I find myself wanting to crawl through the computer and hurt somebody. That **norinew** had the sense to stay cool speaks volumes for her talent as a parent. I’d be in agreement with father, in wanting to kill them. The only thing that would be holding me back would be that the child would suffer, if her parent was taken away for assault, or murder. God forgive me, the issue of child abuse makes me angry like nothing else. Please, keep us informed if you are up to it. [/QUOTE] Agreed, if I had a daughter, I’d have to be prevented from going over to those punks with my good friend Mr. Mossberg and have a little…“discussion” with them **Norinew** and **Mudgirl** have shown admirable self control and maturity as for the punks, throw the book at 'em, it’s slammertime, time for them to get a vacation at the Juvie Straight-Bar-Motel ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/89 "2008-06-27T03:34:28Z")
**Sunrazor** Here is what the mother reported hearing from the daughter- the eight-year-old daughter: > [@](#): > > Her: They forced me to suck on their private parts. > Me: > Me: OK (trying to be calm so I don’t upset the kid) Did you actually do that, or did they just try to talk you into it? > Her: (looks at the floor) > Me: It’s OK, baby, you can tell me the truth, I won’t be angry with you. Did you actually do that, or did they just try to get you to? > Her: A little of both. When a pair of teenagers forces the daughter to “suck on their private parts,” it’s over - what you’ve got is some degree of sexual assault/battery on a minor. The correct response is to report the crime, and see to it the alleged miscreants learn, in a hard, clear way that forcing sex is a crime. And the daughter needs to be reinforced in that she was correct in resisting and reporting. Mom and Daughter did well. If the alleged miscreants are guilty, they need to be dealt with severely, as they apparently have a history of disruptive, annoying and predatory behaviour. firm action now might salvage them. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/90 "2008-06-27T03:40:30Z")
Re: Why this isn’t in the Pit. [QUOTE=norinew] Because I needed support more than I needed hyperbolic anger. [/QUOTE] Bingo. Advice here has been and will remain focused and appropriate. The Pit often encourages little more than rabid frothing. That, right now, does no one the least bit of constructive benefit. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/91 "2008-06-27T03:46:06Z")
Doggone it, I DO support \*\*norinew \*\* and her family! But good grief, do we have to pop pills and drink wine to deal with this stuff? Look, guys, I was a newspaper reporter for more than two decades, I covered more sexual assault cases against children than anyone on this thread, unless you worked for law enforcement or the courts. I already said Mom did a great job raising the child, and the child did a great job stopping something wrong when she did. I’m just saying that where I come from – and I don’t mean geographically, but culturally – when kids get out of hand, the parents handle it. What do you guys think it means when we small-town folk say “it takes a village to raise a child”? Okay, you don’t have to agree with me, and obviously none of you do. It’s not the first time I’ve had to defend an unpopular opinion. But let me ask you this before you demonize somebody else’s child: What do you think gave those boys the idea in the first place? Why would they try that right in the girl’s own back yard? I don’t for a moment doubt the veracity of the eight-year-old girl’s account. On the other hand, when I was asked to put a “Believe the children” bumper sticker on my car, I refused because I knew that there are always more facts than what a child can know. If she wants only hugs and support, she needs to go to her family, that’s what families are for. But if she comes here, she has to know that there are people out here who disagree with the way she handled the incident. I will say this, however: Since she called the police, she’d better be tough enough to handle the process without chemicals and alcohol. What she’s about to experience is not going to be fun. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/92 "2008-06-27T04:03:45Z")
Holy fucking shit, **Norine**. As if sexual assault by teens on an 8 year old isn’t bad enough, this is **Mudgirl** we’re talking about! My unhelpful suggestions involve a sturdy filleting knife. ((((( **NorineW** )))) **Sunrazor** , would you like another shovel? Assuming that the OP is accurate – and for all I respect **Norine** , her post is anectode not evidence – the situation went FAR beyond “kids getting out of hand.” You’re welcome to your opinion, but kindly take it one forum down. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/93 "2008-06-27T04:04:55Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] I already said Mom did a great job raising the child, and the child did a great job stopping something wrong when she did. I’m just saying that where I come from – and I don’t mean geographically, but culturally – when kids get out of hand, the parents handle it. [/QUOTE] **Sunrazor** , it is completely inappropriate of you to equate sexual assault of a small child by teenagers to “kids [who] get out of hand”. You were wrong, you were called on it, and I suggest that you drop this now. (I would pit you myself, but I don’t think that’s what **norinew** wants.) ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/94 "2008-06-27T05:57:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Okay, you don’t have to agree with me, and obviously none of you do. It’s not the first time I’ve had to defend an unpopular opinion. But let me ask you this before you demonize somebody else’s child: What do you think gave those boys the idea in the first place? Why would they try that right in the girl’s own back yard? I don’t for a moment doubt the veracity of the eight-year-old girl’s account. On the other hand, when I was asked to put a “Believe the children” bumper sticker on my car, I refused because I knew that there are always more facts than what a child can know. [/quote] I think the boys were ok with this behavior because of bad parenting. That is why it would be better to call the police. What is it about the parents of these two boys that you think makes them better suited to handle this than the police? Especially since the only thing you know about them is that their kids think it is a good idea to sexually abuse an eight year old girl. > [@](#): > > I will say this, however: Since she called the police, she’d better be tough enough to handle the process without chemicals and alcohol. What she’s about to experience is not going to be fun. Let’s not try to demonize her for drinking. It can be done responsibly. As far as toughness goes, succumbing to a glass of wine after her kid has been sexually abused, with first hand knowledge of what sexual abuse is like, puts **norinew** far ahead of what most people can handle. **Norinew** , sucks that you have to go through this. Remember that things will get happy again. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/95 "2008-06-27T06:34:45Z")
**Sunrazor** , may I point out, very gently, that despite your experience as a reporter you are neither a police officer nor a lawyer; that the police officers **norinew** talked to considered this to be serious; and that, after speaking with **mudgirl** alone, the police officers decided that this was a matter that had to be investigated? I suggest you rethink your opinion in light of the fact that the police consider this to be a probable crime. And remember that _any_ sexual contact with an 8 year old is a felony. They weren’t playing doctor here, and the boys are definitely old enough to know better. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/96 "2008-06-27T07:49:39Z")
I’m curious, and i realize this has nothing to do with the matter at hand…but why do you call her **Mudgirl**? Just curious. But my 2 cents is you did the right thing in calling the police. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/97 "2008-06-27T08:09:57Z")
[QUOTE=Jolly Roger] I’m curious, and i realize this has nothing to do with the matter at hand…but why do you call her **Mudgirl**? Just curious. [/QUOTE] She likes to play in the mud at Gettysdopes. She may like to play in the mud elsewhere, but that’s where she got the name. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/98 "2008-06-27T08:41:15Z")
Bloody hell **Norinew** , that’s just, gah, words just fail me. I hope the swine who did this get the full force of the law thrown at them. You and your entire family have my sympathies. Especially **Mudgirl**. Damn. Words are just failing me. Just damn. {{{{{{{{{ **Norinew** and **Mudgirl** }}}}}}}}}} As for unhelpful suggestions, I could always detour en route to Boston next week to use a couple of lead bricks to ensure the two swine can never do anything like that again… ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/99 "2008-06-27T10:01:36Z")
I’m sorry this happened. You both did exactly the right thing, and with any luck this will all be no more than a minor, though unpleasant memory. Childhood is full of crappy things that happen, and there is no reason why this incident has to be more significant than that. I know someone who was involved in a similar incident (though with closer ages). By the time he was older he had pretty much forgotten that it ever happened, until decades later he got a tearful phone call from the perpetrator saying that it’s something he’s never forgot and he’s spent his whole life battling feelings of guilt and shame. So yeah, there is justice in the world. **Sunrazor** , I too briefly thought the same thing until I looked at their ages. If it were a couple of twelve year olds I’d say it was something that got out of hand and might be best for everyone involved if it was resolved without the drama of the police. But an eight year old and a fourteen year old is a different thing entirely. This is a small child in her first years of elementary school and a young man of high school age. This is a young man who preys on people smaller than him, and the risk that he will continue to do so is too great. If it was something that got out of hand he needs a very clear understanding of why he needs to never do anything even vaguely like that again. And if it is part of a larger pattern, he needs whatever help, isolation or surveillance will keep him from doing something to another little kid who might not be so lucky. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262/100 "2008-06-27T10:54:23Z")
I’m curious: what kind of punishement will these 14-year olds most likely be facing? The comments in this thread mention everything from: “their lives destroyed” to “jail” to “counseling”. Would they, for instance, go on record as “sexual offender”? Would that label stay with them the rest of their lives, and how would it affect their chances at obtaining education and jobs? I see **Sunrazors** point, insofar as there are three kids involved here. One is eight, two are fourteen. While I’d hate to see the eight-year old traumatized, (and kudo’s to norinew for how she handled her daughter) I’d also hate to see the fourteen-year old’s lives destroyed. If they weren’t born psychopaths, or incredibly dumb, there is a big likelyhood that these boys, too, are victims of at least bad parenting and probably more serious stuff as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-punks-who-assaulted-my-daughter-long/454262.md?page=6)