# The Q and X Union. We represent the underused letters of the alphabet **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643 "2001-03-27T04:44:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2001, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/61 "2001-04-13T09:46:53Z")
_heh, heh, heh_ Even now, fascist vowel brethren, the campaign continues. See how Agent E’s potions work even now against the likes of **brother rat** , who burbles … > [@](#): > > I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!! … when clearly he is, for he is “rat”. _heh, heh, heh_ Campaign reports to follow, brothers and sisters. Until then, keep the faith, and kick the Quacks! Yours, in secret whispers in the dark, The Vowel Fascists. PS: We’re in darkness 'cause we forgot to pay the utility bill last month. But, once we have sorted that out (a consonant clerk in the accounts department was at fault. We’re dealing with him right now), we’ll be in touch! _heh, heh, heh_ ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2001, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/62 "2001-04-13T11:10:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ice Wolf \* > \*\*We’re in darkness 'cause we forgot to pay the utility bill last month. But, once we have sorted that out (a consonant clerk in the accounts department was at fault. We’re dealing with him right now), we’ll be in touch! > > _heh, heh, heh_ \*\* Oh dear. A once fearsome regime which can no longer afford to pay its power bills. What’s that you say? A clerical error? MWAHAHA… One can now almost (but not quite) feel a certain pity for TVF, hunkered down in their damaged _Vowelstag_, the building itself a mere shadow of the glory days of deluded vowel supremacist euphoria. Sad indeed to witness this once noble foe reduced to concocting _potions_ and issuing rambling edicts from the bunker. We are waiting for them to reach new depths with “THE CONSONANTS ARE USING THE NUMBERS AS MUSCLE” routine at their dwindling VowelShirts rallies. Will Herr Wolf follow the traditional way out, only to suffer the added indignity of a posthumous testicular stocktake at the fingers of a consonant coroner? History will look kindly upon the good citizens of New Zealand, the seat of the infamous _Vowelstag_. This country has long suffered a scarcity of vowels, with the proletariat being forced to subsist on admittedly generous “U” rations, while the other vowels were in almost constant short supply. “A, E, I, and O” are required for the war effort", they were told. But the resistance forces knew better. O Yes! The honest, hard working folk in the streets of Auckland were surviving on U-modified \*fush und chups \*, while inner party members within the _Vowelstag_ lay back on plush couches whilst semi-naked nubian maidens lowered bunches of As and Es into their greedy mouths. The people could bear no more! COMRADES, it is my glorious duty to tell you that our armoured regiments are descending on the _Vowelstag_ compound, and are meeting no resistance apart from a few old men with E-shooters. The building itself appears to have smoke coming from it. The end is near for the evil ones! (and for this thread 😃 ). LONG LIVE THE CONSONANTS! GD DFND NW ZLD!!! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/63 "2001-04-14T05:23:48Z")
(Psst! **Great Zamboni!** I really loved this thread! – Ice Wolf) _ahem_ Und now, I see ve are gettiing vit the personal attack, hmm? _slaps riding crop hard against jackboot_ > [@](#): > > _By ZeLoadedDog_ > Will Herr Wolf follow the traditional way out, only to suffer the added indignity of a posthumous testicular stocktake at the fingers of a consonant coroner? Heh, heh, heh. You mean _Frau_ Wolf, don’t you? In the even of our glorious demise, should it _ever_ come – testicular stocktakes won’t be our concern. Who do you think we are – that has-been painter from Austria? > [@](#): > > History will look kindly upon the good citizens of New Zealand, the seat of the infamous Vowelstag. This country has long suffered a scarcity of vowels, with the proletariat being forced to subsist on admittedly generous “U” rations, while the other vowels were in almost constant short supply. “A, E, I, and O” are required for the war effort", they were told. But the resistance forces knew better. O Yes! The honest, hard working folk in the streets of Auckland were surviving on U-modified fush und chups This from a QXA lackey who lives amidst a poleaxed, over-bronzed poplace who say, “Giiiiiiiid-dyyyyyyyaaaaaaeee!” at every opportunity? Heh. No one loves their vowels like the Aussies. That’s why The Vowel Fascists love you big lugs. > [@](#): > > while inner party members within the Vowelstag lay back on plush couches whilst semi-naked nubian maidens lowered bunches of As and Es into their greedy mouths. Actually, we’re more into semi-naked toned stud-muffins, but hey – we are sure there can be room for trade. > [@](#): > > COMRADES, it is my glorious duty to tell you that our armoured regiments are descending on the Vowelstag compound, and are meeting no resistance apart from a few old men with E-shooters. The building itself appears to have smoke coming from it. The end is near for the evil ones! (and for this thread ). Ja, ja – und you think we’d leave lovely big signposts for you dumkopfs to come und attacks us? What do you think this is, “Hogan’s Heroes”? We moved off-shore years ago. Forget the old men – they die as heroes for the cause. The Vowel Fascists will slip away, as we have down throughout millennia. When the smoke clears, and you pretty boys are finished with your games – we will be back. We always come back. As they say – ya can’t kill weeds. Not forever. _heh, heh, heh_ Signed (possibly signing off, who knows, eh GZ?) The Vowel Fascists ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/64 "2001-04-15T12:01:49Z")
MEMO (restricted) Igor, Comrade, you have been with me throughout our glorious struggle, and now we are faced with this crushing humiliation. The fall of the _Vowelstag_ was to be my greatest triumph. I was to be made Konsonant-General because of it. A villa on the banks of the Grdzrwv. And now… and now… THIS!! The enemy headquaters stripped and empty. And Frau Wolf, ever one for the theatrical touch, leaving Agent Q’s tail in that jar of formaldehyde where she knew I would find it. And the pithy note… > [@](#): > > Und now, I see ve are gettiing vit the personal attack, hmm? _slaps riding crop hard against jackboot_ > \*\* A handsome woman! That accent! The BDSM outfit! Oh Igor!!! No… must… be… strong… We have the numbers. Their U-boats cannot have gone far. Igor, not a word of this, you understand… ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/65 "2001-04-16T03:34:30Z")
[sub]Taking a small break while rearranging the living room. Oh, the clutter! The clutter! – Ice Wolf[/sub] Encoded Telegram to Herr General TheLoaded Dog follows … [Transmission Start] Herr General.STOP.We have room in The Vowel Fascists for a man of your obvious talents.STOP. Committee has decided to create new rank, complete with pensions and all the nubile young maidens you want.STOP.Rank to be known as Vowel-Marshal.STOP.All yours.STOP.Acknowledge message for return transmission of U-Boat coordinates for pickup.STOP. The Vowel Fascists [Transmission ends] ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/66 "2001-04-16T04:53:54Z")
[Dan Rather] Well, obviously, this whole TVF and QXA “stand-off-challenge-crisis” thing is a huge plot masterminded by only one person: the !. Yes, you heard me, the !. Who else could be so diabolical as to put both sides of our beloved alphabet against each other? The !. It makes perfect sense. You see, as soon as the two factions eliminate each other, the ! and his minions (@,#,$,%, etc.) will quickly take over the speaking world. Soon, we’ll all be speaking as if we’re characters ripped from our Sunday comics. We cannot live in a society where it seems like we’re always cursing at each other. Unless the two factions come to an agreement, I fear that whole world will be in ruin. But on the plus side, we won’t have to hear George W. Bush speak anymore. This is Dan Rather, signing off. [/Dan Rather] W@$tr&l (Agh, it’s already beginning!) ---
**Author:** ![Mothra\_s\_Pilot\_Car](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mothra\_s\_Pilot\_Car](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mothra_s_Pilot_Car)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/67 "2001-04-16T05:35:28Z")
::sits at Vowelstag bar, gradually becoming more belligerent:: GNAhhh! ::cough:: I ALWAYSH THOUGHT that Q was a big phony. RUNNIN AROUN with her little slash jusht _daaaannglin_ aroun. WHY ANY FOOL could shee that Q’s just an O gone wrong! SHE’SH ANN -ann- ANNO!! _foolssh_. . . CANTrushter. . ::snort:: WUZZA fine lookin vowel, once. ConFUSEDed, thatsh what she ish. . . - **Mothra** ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/68 "2001-04-16T10:33:45Z")
_Furtively, the intrepid agent for the Vowel Fascists looks around himself, then nods, and talks urgently into the potted plant_ “Your eyes in the Vowelstag bar here. Looks like most of the QXA army have come in here tonight, and they’re absolutely blotto! One keeps calling himself Dan Rather, and is animatedly talking to a pickle stuck on a fork, with a long piece of noodle dangling from the tines, while another is telling everyone about his hot and steamy affairs with transgender letters. So far they haven’t tracked down the off-shore base. I’ll advise any further intelligence, as soon as I’ve found any that the vodka hasn’t reached yet. Up the Vowels!” _Standing, straightening his back, our intrepid spy then returns to his duties polishing the glasses and spitting on the bar. He winces as one of the soldiers weaves his way across the floor to the pot plant, and then proceeds to urinate on it. Our spy shakes his head, shrugs, and vows to use the petunia next time._ ---
**Author:** ![ryoushi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@ryoushi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryoushi)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/69 "2001-04-16T10:54:25Z")
If only this Union had been formed earlier… James Bond films could still be graced by the inclusion of Desmond Llewelyn as the beloved **Q** … Now, after an attack by the Vowel Fascists 2 years ago that the Union was not here to prevent… we have to put up with John Cleese in the new films!☹ And his name is **R**! ☹ _-bursts into tears-_ Why couldn’t we have saved him? :(☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/70 "2001-04-16T11:03:27Z")
Dear comrade **ryoushi** : You cannot blame us for anything to do with James Bond. That is completely out of our control. If we had it our way, the replacement for the late, lamented Desmond Llewellyn would have been coded “U”. However, The Vowel Fascists were not consulted. So there you have it. Fondly recalling the “Q” of James Bond, “_Really_, 007 – not _another_ Aston Martin!” The Vowel Fascists. ---
**Author:** ![ryoushi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@ryoushi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryoushi)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/71 "2001-04-16T11:08:35Z")
My sincerest apologies. Also, I’ve just realised that I have more vowels in my name than consonants, so I’d be better suited to an alliance with TVF. Will you accept me, comrade **Ice Wolf**? ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/72 "2001-04-16T11:20:11Z")
_Someone wants to join us? Really?! Gosh, grab 'im quick!_ Certainly, comrade **ryoushi**. You are most welcome among The Vowel Fascists. (BTW, we’re not really fascists, but all the other words had been taken at the School for Despotic Loonies. We had to take what we could. We’re really _nice_ fascists.) Sorry about the state of our U-boat, we had a little victory party last night that got slightly out of hand. “Will someone take that bra off the periscope? Thank you. _And_ the G-string.” _mutter, mutter_ Make yourself at home. Signed The Vowel Fascists. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/73 "2001-04-16T11:52:38Z")
CONSOGRAM * * * Frau Wolf STOP I can wait no longer STOP I will join you STOP conditional on bringing my faithful lickspittle Igor STOP he is a good boy and will not get in the way STOP also he is very skilled at jackboot polishing STOP a little daft and emits unusual nocturnal noises but has buns to die for STOP indescribable feeling of liberation STOP had fill of pinko K-huggers on student grants STOP anticipating sharing schnapps und bawdy cabaret show mit dich STOP Will confirm U-boat pickup co-ordinates STOP leave G-string on periscope for identification STOP * * * ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/74 "2001-04-17T00:20:35Z")
_Somewhere 'neath the Seven Seas …_ Welcome, Vowel-Marshal **TheLoadedDog**. We meet at last! Oh, and I see you have your Igor with you. Such a sweet little – whatever. Er. I see your Igor is _very_ good at polishing jackboots. But can’t he wait until I take them off? May I introduce you to Kommandant **Ryoushi,** another of our new recruits. I’m sure you will both have many, many stories to swap, ja? I – Excuse me a moment … _You! Yes you! Knock it off mit der “We All Live In A Yellow Submarine” singing, got that? Vot? No, you cannot have any more schnaps. You’ve had too much already. Give me that, it’s for the new recruits. Danke._ Now, gentlemen, where were we? ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/75 "2001-04-17T04:19:00Z")
Bah! Someday you’ll all see the light and bow down to the One Symbol, the Holy One: The !. His minions will take over your puny bases and categorically stomp on your clauses and phrases. Soon enough He’ll take down everything, including the mainstay of language: “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.” Don’t resist. Because resistance is futile. But you knew that, didn’t you? -//@$+[&|\_ (That’s Wastrel, you inferior letter-users!) Someday, us Symbols will rule zi world! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/76 "2001-04-17T05:22:25Z")
_noise of an extremely loud, lecherous party going on, somewhere in the world_ Oh, yeah, **Wastrel**? Point is, do ya know how to rumba? _cha-cha-cha, bomp, bomp, cha-cha-cha_ Signed The Vowel Fascists Motto: "Now, where _did_ we put our cocktail? ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/77 "2001-04-17T05:45:10Z")
Rumba? Bah! Sissy’s dance! _tries desperately to cover up the fact that behind him a giant breakdancing party is going on_ Um, don’t mind what’s behind me…it’s nothing…hey look over there! It’s Al Gore! They say that he’s entirely composed of consonants. Go get em! (Doesn’t this all seem a bit one-sided? _sigh_ it’s hard running a secret world-domination faction alone) -//@$+[&|\_, Grand Poobah, SIOoS (Secret Internation Organization of Symbols) Damn, if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times! Please watch the china there! It’s been in the family for a long time…OH! Now you’ve done it! If you don’t stop, I’ll…say stop again! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/78 "2001-04-17T05:54:20Z")
C’mon, **Wastrel**. Ya know you’re just dyin’ t’ join in. After all, aren’t we _all_ symbols, when it comes down to it? C’mon. Who’s going to know? New delivery of vodka, rum, tequilla, whiskey and beer come in … whatcha say, huh? The war’s over! Party on! Signed The Vowel Fascists ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/79 "2001-04-17T06:00:42Z")
After hours of consideration, the SIOoS is disbanding. Whether because of money troubles, or just a lack of good booze and Hostess snacks, we can’t be sure. So where’s the line for the partaaaaay? And where the hell did the original OP idea go anyway? Anyone want to venture a guess? -Wastrel SIOoS Vacuum and Household Appliance division: “We make things that suck!” ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643/80 "2001-04-17T07:48:59Z")
Good point, comrade **Wastrel**. I think the moral of this sordid little tale is – “Q” is still cool with a “U” or without, and is currently starring in a off-Broadway hit: “Tails Adrift”, and “X” found itself, came out of the closet as it were, and is now seeking a lucrative career in the art photography business. And they star in their own right, more and more each day. Thanks to Scrabble players everywhere. The QXA association of consonants need the vowels, and The Vowel Fascists just love consonants. Without 'em, life would be one heck of a scream. Y’know, we feel the need for a group hug coming on. Let us all gather together, and _HUG_ Don’t you fell aaalll better now, leibchen? Signed The Vowel Fascists. The End? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-q-and-x-union-we-represent-the-underused-letters-of-the-alphabet/59643.md?page=5)