# The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through A Gaping Hole In His Sternum. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355 "2004-03-15T03:04:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Feit\_C\_Taj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@Feit\_C\_Taj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feit_C_Taj)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/41 "2004-03-15T17:16:32Z")
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Give a man a gun, and _others_ will feed him for a lifetime. (Per Norm, _ **Cheers** _) Women… Can’t live with 'em, pass the beer nuts > [@AugestWest](#): > > Guns don’t kill people, it’s the bullets that do it Guns just make bullets go really, really fast. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/42 "2004-03-15T17:20:35Z")
We’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it. If wishes were horses, we’d be knee deep in horse puckey. Blessed are those who run round and round in large circles, for they shall be known as big wheels. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/43 "2004-03-15T18:06:01Z")
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows. ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/44 "2004-03-15T18:29:39Z")
If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving. Two heads are better than one, expecially on a crowded ship. If God had meant for man to fly, He would have given us some means of discerning His intent. He who laughs last didn’t get the joke. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/45 "2004-03-15T18:45:04Z")
He who laughs last… didn’t get the joke the first time. Does the pope shit in the woods? Don’t count your chickens in the same basket. My favourite is by the great sage **Norm** , and I’ve been beaten to that one. ☹ However it bears repeating: Women, can’t live with them… pass the beer nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/46 "2004-03-15T18:47:39Z")
Blast you **Moose**!! He who repeats previous post, didn’t submit fast enough. ---
**Author:** ![malkabat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@malkabat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkabat)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/47 "2004-03-15T19:11:11Z")
It’s _ **NO** _ fun 'til someone loses an eye! ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/48 "2004-03-15T20:17:47Z")
I always thought it was: **Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, Teach a man to fish and he’ll drink for a lifetime.** ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/49 "2004-03-15T20:18:52Z")
A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend. If God had meant for man to fly, we’d all have been born with propellers on our noses. I heard this on the radio the other day, so it must be fairly well known: “Well, it’s not rocket surgery!” ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/50 "2004-03-15T20:27:58Z")
“Ahh, women. Can’t live with them…[awkward 10 second pause]” Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do. “You know what they say about men with big feet.” “Yeah, they need big shoes” ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/51 "2004-03-15T20:36:14Z")
Useful for either gender: Can’t live with 'em…can’t shoot 'em. Can’t live with 'em…can’t sell 'em for spare parts. ---
**Author:** ![Tender\_Betty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@Tender\_Betty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tender_Betty)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/52 "2004-03-15T20:42:34Z")
It’s its not one thing - It’s my mother! ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/53 "2004-03-15T20:49:01Z")
From Grand Theft Auto: Guns don’t kill people, death kills people. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray. Because anyone who trusts a mouse to make a good plan is too f\*\*\*\*ing stupid to come up with a good plan himself. A 7-inch vibrator is a girl’s best friend. Alternatively, My penis is a girl’s best friend. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/54 "2004-03-15T21:09:26Z")
> [@Waenara](#): > > What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger - unless you lose a limb. I’m mean, c’mon… Jeez, hilarious. Guns don’t kill people, massive tissue damage kills people. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/55 "2004-03-15T21:19:28Z")
A friend of mine in college had another variation: Women–can’t live with 'em, can’t masturbate forever. ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/56 "2004-03-15T21:27:14Z")
I heard this one from my brother, don’t know if he got it from somewhere else… When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirt gun and shoot people in the eye. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/57 "2004-03-15T22:33:00Z")
“Guns don’t kill people, but they help. I mean otherwise you’re jsut stood there making silly noises…” Eddie Izzard “Guns don’t kill people…f\*\*\* yeah they do!” Dunno “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime. Teach a fool to fish and he’ll probably hang himself with his own rod.” “If at first you don’t succede…skydiving isn’t for you.” “Violence doesn’t solve anything, it’s just really fun!” ---
**Author:** ![DaveX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@DaveX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveX)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/58 "2004-03-15T23:11:02Z")
Go take a dirt nap off a short pier… ---
**Author:** ![SamuraiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@SamuraiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamuraiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/59 "2004-03-15T23:24:49Z")
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/60 "2004-03-15T23:36:51Z")
> [@SamuraiSam](#): > > You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think. Not according to the American Whore-To-Cultural society. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=4)