# The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through A Gaping Hole In His Sternum. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355 "2004-03-15T03:04:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/61 "2004-03-15T23:55:49Z")
One swallow does not a blow job make. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/62 "2004-03-16T03:00:20Z")
I once complained I had no shoes - until I met a man who had no feet. So I said - ‘hey, you got any shoes you’re not using?’ — Steven Wright You can get more with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word. — Al Capone The meek shall inherit **nothing**. Frank Zappa ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/63 "2004-03-16T03:14:20Z")
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/64 "2004-03-16T04:11:42Z")
“This life does some poor creatures dirt And Mother Nature lets it; The early robin gets the worm, The early worm just gets it.” -N.M. Bodecker ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/65 "2004-03-16T04:28:59Z")
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat the class… ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/66 "2004-03-16T04:54:50Z")
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t call the kettle black. I once cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So uh, I took his shoes. You know, because… he didn’t need 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/67 "2004-03-16T05:16:51Z")
Behind every man is a stunned woman. -can’t remember ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/68 "2004-03-16T05:56:13Z")
Always follow the path of righteousness, for the path of sin is already congested. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/69 "2004-03-16T06:11:42Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > A friend of mine in college had another variation: Women–can’t live with 'em, can’t masturbate forever. One of my favorites: Men. Can’t live with 'em, can’t bury 'em in the back yard. They lower the property value. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/70 "2004-03-16T07:53:34Z")
The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. A pessimist says the glass is half empty An optimist says the glass is half full. A housewife says “I’ll probably have to wash the damned thing, seeing as no one else lifts a finger around here!” ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/71 "2004-03-16T12:53:49Z")
If at first you don’t succeed, then redefine success. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/72 "2004-03-16T13:13:12Z")
“Give a man fire and he’s warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.” Possibly a Terry Pratchett original. “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then we can play with the eye.” -Definitely not Terry Pratchett. ---
**Author:** ![Feit\_C\_Taj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@Feit\_C\_Taj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feit_C_Taj)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/73 "2004-03-16T15:26:06Z")
I once complained that I had no flamethrower until I met a man who had no chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![PalJuicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a8b319/32.png) [@PalJuicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PalJuicy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/74 "2004-03-16T16:44:47Z")
Well! Aren’t you a sore for sighted eyes! ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/75 "2004-03-16T17:49:07Z")
Dead men tell no tales. They’re fresh out of anecdotes and witty comments, too. That makes them very boring dinner guests. Three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and dirty dishes. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/76 "2004-03-16T17:49:35Z")
There is no such thing as a stupid question… unless you’re Jessica Simpson. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/77 "2004-03-16T17:56:21Z")
Here’s one of my own: Take the middle path. Just make it VERY wide. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/78 "2004-03-16T18:12:00Z")
If a bear shits in the woods, and nobody’s there to smell it, does it still stink? ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/79 "2004-03-16T18:33:43Z")
That reminds me of a variant I once cobbled up: If a tree falls in a forest onto a bear taking a shit in the woods, who gives a shit? ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/80 "2004-03-16T18:48:18Z")
…or, If a man speaks in the forest and there’s no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong? I’ve always like the whore-to-culture saying, attributed to Dorothy Parker upon being asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=5)