# The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through A Gaping Hole In His Sternum. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355 "2004-03-15T03:04:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/81 "2004-03-16T18:54:17Z")
> [@Obsidian Flutterby](#): > > Behind every man is a stunned woman. -can’t remember I think it’s… Behind every _good_ man is a stunned woman. My personal motto… Why do today what you can avoid all together. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/82 "2004-03-16T19:06:01Z")
Warning: I’ve infected others with this mangled saying. It’s contagious. “Well, that throws a monkey in the wrench!” ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/83 "2004-03-16T19:54:54Z")
One I heard on Frasier: Give a man a beer, and he’ll drink it. Show him where they’re kept and he’ll drink all day. That’s how I remember it, anyway. Might be a paraphrase. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/84 "2004-03-16T20:42:20Z")
If you can’t beat 'em… let **ME** beat 'em! My family puts the _fun_ in dysfunctional You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t wipe your friends on the bottom of the sofa. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/85 "2004-03-16T21:38:07Z")
Women, you can’t live with them, you can’t shoot them. or Women, you can’t live with them, but you can have sex then give them cab fair and send them home. Guns don’t kill people, people who kill people…kill…people. People who need people are codependent. Early to bed, early to rise and you won’t see the TOP TEN LIST. ---
**Author:** ![jackfartington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6de8d8/32.png) [@jackfartington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackfartington)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/86 "2004-03-16T21:45:20Z")
Here’s one i made my-self: Lige is like flu season, You never know what you’ll get. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/87 "2004-03-16T21:49:11Z")
I’ve always preferred to use: Is a bear Catholic? and watch for the corollary to sink in. My favorite is: **Mind like a foam rubber trap** closely followed by: **Mind like a steel trap, rusted shut** ---
**Author:** ![jackfartington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6de8d8/32.png) [@jackfartington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackfartington)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/88 "2004-03-16T21:53:39Z")
Here’s one i made my-self: Life is like flu season, You never know what you’ll get. ---
**Author:** ![jackfartington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6de8d8/32.png) [@jackfartington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackfartington)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/89 "2004-03-16T22:05:21Z")
Here are a few i just whiped up: If life gives you lemmings, make lemming-aid. If life gives you gators, make gator-aid. If life gives you peas, don’t drink the juice. If life throws you some fast balls, kick 'em. ---
**Author:** ![jackfartington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6de8d8/32.png) [@jackfartington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackfartington)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/90 "2004-03-16T22:17:05Z")
If life had a band, would the make band-aids? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/91 "2004-03-16T22:25:05Z")
You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. But you can catch _even more_ flies with a big pile of steaming dogshit. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/92 "2004-03-16T22:37:48Z")
> [@little\*bit](#): > > I think it’s… > Behind every _good_ man is a stunned woman. > > My personal motto… > Why do today what you can avoid all together. Uhm… it’s every successful man actually. “Behind every successful man is a stunned woman.” I was typing while half asleep, which is bad. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/93 "2004-03-16T23:43:46Z")
> [@j66](#): > > Is a bear Catholic? Actually, no, but I can’t speak for all bears everywhere, so I suppose the answer is “some of them”. 😃 And it’s “Behind every successful man is a stunned mother-in-law.” I once coined “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.” –SSgtBaloo ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/94 "2004-03-17T01:56:38Z")
Let he who is without sin live in a glass house… Guns don’t kill people. Gaping bullet wounds kill people… That which we call a nose by anyother name could still smell… ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/95 "2004-03-17T02:23:59Z")
(Heard this on the bus this morning) Violence is not the answer. Violence is the question. Yes is the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Empress\_Jolrael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@Empress\_Jolrael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Empress_Jolrael)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/96 "2004-03-17T02:55:07Z")
**auntnut** , there’s one more! An engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/97 "2004-03-17T03:02:44Z")
You can’t make an omelette without ham, red peppers, onions, cheese and salt and pepper to taste, unless you’re making one without those ingredients, in which case you can. The grass is always greener after a thorough paint job. or The grass is always greener before you smoke it. Some say the glass is half empty, some say its half full, some say it’s actually a cup. Neither a burrower nor a lunger be. Always look on the bright side of the moon. ---
**Author:** ![nano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/dec6dc/32.png) [@nano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nano)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/98 "2004-03-17T03:30:18Z")
If it ain’t fixed, don’t break it. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/99 "2004-03-17T03:55:16Z")
Lead, follow, get out of the way, or stand around scratching yourself. If at first you don’t succeed, never play Russian Roulette. If you claim to be part of the solution, you’re probably part of the problem. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stranger\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@The\_Stranger\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stranger_1)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/100 "2004-03-17T04:14:47Z")
When you have the upper hand… make sure to slap them with it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=6)