# The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through A Gaping Hole In His Sternum. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355 "2004-03-15T03:04:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/101 "2004-03-17T05:53:56Z")
A boob in the hand is worth two in the blouse. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/102 "2004-03-17T07:22:04Z")
> [@photopat](#): > > Neither a burrower nor a lunger be. My new motto. ---
**Author:** ![Mellon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19adc/32.png) [@Mellon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellon)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/103 "2004-03-17T15:21:34Z")
Give a man a fish and he owes you a fish. Teach him to fish and you’ve lost your fishing monopoly. ---
**Author:** ![Chaniel\_Dubb\_Foundation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Chaniel\_Dubb\_Foundation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chaniel_Dubb_Foundation)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/104 "2004-03-17T15:55:03Z")
Why does it always rain on me? Is it because… a) Warm air meets cold air causing it to rise, cool and condense - precipitation shortly follows b) I move in conjunction with the Inter-tropical Convergence Zone. c) I live in Scotland ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/105 "2004-03-17T17:27:47Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > “The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. But that’s the way to bet”. > > and (occasionally seen in action on the Dope)… > > “Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle”. I thought it was: Hell hath no fury like the robot army of a woman scorned. ---
**Author:** ![Lars\_Aruns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Lars\_Aruns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lars_Aruns)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/106 "2004-03-17T17:44:18Z")
I remember I read this on some webcomic: Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. So how come nobody suggests to ban people? IT-related ones: **Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology** : “There is always one more bug…” My addition: “… if you hire consultants and pay them by the hour”. **Parkinson’s Law of Data** : “Data expands to fill the space available for storage…” My addition: “… as soon as your employees find out there’s no porn-filter on the office broadband connection”. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/107 "2004-03-17T17:50:42Z")
Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky all day, you’re in the middle of Crisis on Infinite Earths. He who laughs last is slow to get jokes. If life gives you lemons, point out that on the order form you specifically asked for tangerines! Never judge a Chinook by its hover. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/108 "2004-03-17T18:31:20Z")
> [@Michael Ellis](#): > > If you claim to be part of the solution, you’re probably part of the problem. That’s: If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the precipitate. ---
**Author:** ![psiekier](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psiekier/32/116_2.png) [@psiekier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psiekier)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/109 "2004-03-17T19:08:47Z")
> [@Empress Jolrael](#): > > An engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. That’s because he has the other half of his water in a redundant glass! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/110 "2004-03-17T20:16:10Z")
When Life gives you lemons, kick it in the nuts and scream out “I want some fucking jelly for my biscuit!” ---
**Author:** ![Loopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loopus/32/15343_2.png) [@Loopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopus)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/111 "2004-03-18T04:03:39Z")
When life gives you lemons, make applesauce. One more from the great Norm Peterson: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” ---
**Author:** ![TimeWinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@TimeWinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimeWinder)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/112 "2004-03-18T07:11:02Z")
Those who remember the past are doomed to repeat it…to anyone who’ll listen. ---
**Author:** ![sportshoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@sportshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sportshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/113 "2004-03-18T08:00:20Z")
Half a loaf is better than none. - John Heywood (c.1497-1580) Half a wife is better when you have the bottom half Hard words break no bones. (only the dinnerware) Have confidence in yourself and you can lick anything. I thought that was : Be flexible and you can lick anything ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/114 "2004-03-18T11:13:27Z")
Once we iron out all the bugs, we’ll be running on flat bugs. Mind like a steel sieve. Body by Nautilus. Brain by Mattel. If you can’t be a good example, be a bad influence. ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/115 "2004-03-18T11:53:21Z")
“If God had meant for us to eat waffles, he would have given us… lips like snowshoes” Rev. Billy C. Wirtz “I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy” I don’t remember exactly who said it but it came from the Dr. Demento show Unclviny ---
**Author:** ![dannyv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ab097/32.png) [@dannyv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dannyv)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/116 "2004-03-18T13:28:10Z")
you can pick your nose, and you can pick your kids’ nose, but you can’t pick your kids. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/117 "2004-03-18T16:31:17Z")
**It’s Not The Money, It’s The Principle!** The principle in this case is I don’t want to be out that amount of money ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/118 "2004-03-18T18:38:03Z")
> [@](#): > > “I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy” That would be Tom T-Bone Stankus in his surrealist salute to the Wizard of Oz. That song is out there on the net if you know the kinds of programs to use (cough). I think he just says, “frontal lobotomy”, though. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/da6949/32.png) [@The\_Immortal\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Immortal_Mango)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/119 "2004-03-18T20:36:42Z")
If a tree falls in the wood and crushes a mime artist, does anyone care? Terry Pratchett If at first you don’t succeed, give in and go get drunk in a pub somewhere. Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand. Homer J. Simpson He knew the value of a man’s life. Often to the penny. Terry Pratchett [of assassins] ---
**Author:** ![Thirty-Nine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f0a364/32.png) [@Thirty-Nine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thirty-Nine)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/120 "2004-03-18T22:05:11Z")
If you come to a fork in the path, take it and look out for a knife. I slept like a baby last night - I woke up three times crying, wet the bed, soiled the sheets and ended up sleeping in my parents’ room. (British Comedian) Bulimic Science: What goes down must come up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=7)