# The Quickest Way To A Man's Heart Is Through A Gaping Hole In His Sternum. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355 "2004-03-15T03:04:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mbossa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Mbossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mbossa)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/121 "2004-03-19T03:10:06Z")
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead, Do not walk in front of me, for I may not follow, Do not walk beside me either, Just leave me alone. ---
**Author:** ![Bernard\_Marx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@Bernard\_Marx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bernard_Marx)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/122 "2004-03-19T09:23:27Z")
For engineers/technical people: If it ain’t broke, fix it until it is. ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/123 "2004-03-19T10:48:17Z")
Give a man fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/124 "2004-03-19T18:05:51Z")
Give a man a beer, and he’ll be happy for a while. Teach a man to make beer, and he’ll bore all his friends with talk of yeast, wort, and must. The trouble with organized religion is that it cannot be both. (This was originally parsed as a haiku, but I don’t know the form.) ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/125 "2004-03-19T18:33:53Z")
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s a game of “Find the Eye!” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/126 "2004-03-19T19:04:12Z")
Behind every great man is a woman looking for loopholes in the pre-nup. A watched pot boils in exactly the same amount of time as an unwatched one. A skeptic says the glass is half full or half empty. A true believer says the glass remembers being full and the missing water can be contacted by John Edward. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/127 "2004-03-19T20:01:43Z")
Every clown has a silver lifeboat. Children should be seized and not hard. You can’t have your Kate and Edith. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/128 "2004-03-20T02:31:06Z")
“And if a hard-on falls in the forest… Do you go blind?” - Bill Hicks. ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/129 "2004-03-23T03:48:32Z")
In an episode of the Flintstones, I heard Fred say “Thats the last camel that broke my straw back”. I had a friend who liked to say “You’re opening up a Pandora’s box of worms there”. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/130 "2004-03-23T04:24:09Z")
If you can’t say something nice… come sit next to me. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/131 "2004-03-23T12:32:23Z")
You’d have to be a gearhead to get this, but it was discussing drag race starting a miata: “Essentually, you rev the motor to $6000 and drop the clutch”. How my brain inserted a ‘$’ in there, I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/132 "2004-03-23T18:37:26Z")
_spoken in all seriousness by my mom when I was about 10 years old…_ “Remember son, little things come in small packages.” Ahhh, the sage wisdom of mothers ---
**Author:** ![eman77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f04885/32.png) [@eman77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eman77)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/133 "2004-03-23T22:06:03Z")
It’s all fun and games until someone loses their eye…or their virginity. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/134 "2004-03-24T02:42:56Z")
Only users lose drugs It ain’t pretty being easy A fool and his money are soon partying ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/135 "2004-03-24T12:34:50Z")
> [@modro](#): > > “And if a hard-on falls in the forest… Do you go blind?” - Bill Hicks. And what does an atheist scream when they come? - Bill Hicks. Oh I do like that man… “That which doesn’t kill you reaaaallly hurts” “My father always told us kids that laughter was the best medicine… I guess that’s why most of us died of tuberculosis.” “It rains because God is crying. Why is he crying? Because of something you did.” ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/136 "2004-03-24T18:37:12Z")
The meek shall inherit the Earth. Then we’ll kick 'em over and take it from them. Really, what are a bunch of meeks gonna do about it? ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/137 "2004-03-24T18:53:27Z")
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Or charges a subscription fee. ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/138 "2004-03-24T22:57:41Z")
Friend of mine has unwittingly melded “There’s no doubt about it” and “There’s no two ways about it” into “There’s no two doubts about it”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/139 "2004-03-26T21:52:09Z")
As I was parallel parking on 6th Avenue at 8:30PM last night, I had an epiphany. I assume it came as a result of doing some reading in GD a few hours prior: **Assholes are like opinions. Everyone thinks their’s don’t stink.** ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355/140 "2004-03-26T22:40:00Z")
If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we put them **all** there? (Also, see sig line.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quickest-way-to-a-mans-heart-is-through-a-gaping-hole-in-his-sternum/234355.md?page=8)