# The Quotable Simpsons Bonanza **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 13, 2007, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195 "2007-11-13T00:09:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/21 "2007-11-13T15:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=fluiddruid] No, [it was right the first time](http://adequatulence.com/hartman/vault/sounds/sounds.php). One of my favorites: “How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don’t just make the office look good, they’re filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!” [/QUOTE] I believe the quoted page is wrong, I too would swear it was accidentally not kinda, as that and “no money down” are my favs as well. But if I’m wrong I’ll apologize 🙂 [SNPP.com](http://SNPP.com) has it correct as accidentally. I think the mistake is made because he says "He’s _kind of_ had it in for me… ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/22 "2007-11-13T15:20:14Z")
While watching _LA Law_. “That’s television for you! As if lawyers work in big offices! And have secretaries! And wear belts!” ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/23 "2007-11-13T15:23:27Z")
[QUOTE=Wee Bairn] I believe the quoted page is wrong, I too would swear it was accidentally not kinda, as that and “no money down” are my favs as well. But if I’m wrong I’ll apologize 🙂 [SNPP.com](http://SNPP.com) has it correct as accidentally. I think the mistake is made because he says "He’s _kind of_ had it in for me… [/QUOTE] YES! Sweet vindication! [sub]I wish I hadn’t been so quick to flog![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/24 "2007-11-13T15:25:43Z")
[QUOTE=Wee Bairn] I believe the quoted page is wrong, I too would swear it was accidentally not kinda, as that and “no money down” are my favs as well. But if I’m wrong I’ll apologize 🙂 [SNPP.com](http://SNPP.com) has it correct as accidentally. I think the mistake is made because he says "He’s _kind of_ had it in for me… [/QUOTE] The page has audio clips of the quote. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/25 "2007-11-13T15:42:44Z")
“I’ve studied law at some of the finest schools in the country. Harvard… Stanford… the Louvre…” The “bad trial thingy” is my favorite. But let’s not forget his work as a realtor… Hutz: “Now, Marge, there’s the truth, and then there’s… the _truth_. Take a look at these pictures of houses for sale. How about this one?” Marge: “Well, it’s awfully small.” Hutz: “I’d say… it’s _cozy_.” Marge: “This one is a dump.” Hutz: “A real fixer-upper!” Marge: “This house is on fire!” Hutz: “Motivated seller!” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/26 "2007-11-13T16:19:55Z")
“As of now, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!” I think my favorite Hutz moment is his reaction to the National Council of Churches walking in. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/27 "2007-11-13T16:56:18Z")
Most of the gems I remember are here already, but… “I’ll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you’ll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality” “Don’t worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. The judge won’t know what hit him.” And of course, that the name of his firm is “I Can’t Believe It’s A Law Firm” ranks up there with “Bloodbath and Beyond” among my favorite Simpsons business facades. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/28 "2007-11-13T19:31:45Z")
[QUOTE=KGS] Hutz: Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she _forgot_ she was carrying that bottle of delicious bourbon…brownest of the brown liquors…what’s that? You want me to drink you? But I’m in the middle of a trial! Excuse me… [dials phone] Hello, David? I’m really tempted! David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time. And know that I love you. Hutz: I love you too, man. [/QUOTE] This is sort of an in-joke: Crosby is looking at a Crobsy, Stills, and Nash album while he’s talking to Hutz. Although the cover simply reads “CROSBY STILLS AND NASH,” Phil Hartman designed a number of album covers before he became an actor, including the interlocking “CSN” logo used by that band. > [@Elendil's Heir](#): > > But let’s not forget his work as a realtor… No, let’s not. Sadly, this was Hutz’s final appearance on the show. Although Troy McClure (you might remember him from such threads as “Most Disturbing Hollywood Nude Scenes” and “Why Do These Actors Keep Getting Hired?”) would appear a few times afterwards, both were forever silenced by the tragic murder of Phil Hartman on May 28, 1998. All three of them will be forever missed. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/29 "2007-11-13T19:42:31Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] This is sort of an in-joke: Crosby is looking at a Crobsy, Stills, and Nash album while he’s talking to Hutz. Although the cover simply reads “CROSBY STILLS AND NASH,” Phil Hartman designed a number of album covers before he became an actor, including the interlocking “CSN” logo used by that band. [/QUOTE] Wow. How did this escape me? Great little factoid, thanks. And, as an aside, this might be the only episode where a Crosby is actually Crosby. I’ve heard that, when you see a drawing that looks like David Crosby, it’s most likely John Schwartzwelder, the reclusive staff writer (of You Only Move Once, the Cartridge Family, among countless others) who bares an pretty fair resemblance to Crosby. To tie it all together, when Hutz calls all his surprise witnesses in the Itchy & Scratchy case, Schwartzwelder is among them. And so are those fat twins on the motorcycles, which really cracked me up the first time I saw that episode. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/30 "2007-11-13T20:06:54Z")
[QUOTE=Wee Bairn] I believe the quoted page is wrong, I too would swear it was accidentally not kinda, as that and “no money down” are my favs as well. But if I’m wrong I’ll apologize 🙂 [SNPP.com](http://SNPP.com) has it correct as accidentally. I think the mistake is made because he says "He’s _kind of_ had it in for me… [/QUOTE] I watched the [clip](http://youtube.com/watch?v=IDOtPIP_Fg4) on YouTube before I posted. I did get it wrong it that “repeatedly” is supposed to come before “kinda”. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Greenjeans](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.greenjeans/32/551_2.png) [@Mr.Greenjeans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Greenjeans)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/31 "2007-11-13T20:24:21Z")
[QUOTE=Birdmonster] And, as an aside, this might be the only episode where a Crosby is actually Crosby. [/QUOTE] Not exactly. Crosby also appears in the B-Sharps episode and has this wonderful conversation with Barney: Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero! David: Oh, you like my music? Barney: You’re a musician? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/32 "2007-11-13T20:29:19Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Greenjeans] Not exactly. Crosby also appears in the B-Sharps episode and has this wonderful conversation with Barney: Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero! David: Oh, you like my music? Barney: You’re a musician? [/QUOTE] Yeah, I was going to bring that one up. It was a good moment. ---
**Author:** ![LionelHutz405](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lionelhutz405/32/536_2.png) [@LionelHutz405](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LionelHutz405)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/33 "2007-11-13T20:36:43Z")
Never heard of him. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/34 "2007-11-13T21:05:47Z")
Me neither. ---
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/35 "2007-11-13T21:32:12Z")
(reassuring client): Don’t worry. I watched _Matlock_ in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on, but I think I got the gyst of it. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/36 "2007-11-13T21:33:38Z")
[QUOTE=Mr. Greenjeans] Not exactly. Crosby also appears in the B-Sharps episode and has this wonderful conversation with Barney: Barney: David Crosby? You’re my hero! David: Oh, you like my music? Barney: You’re a musician? [/QUOTE] Out of lurkerdom with the answer! Well done. I must remember the first law of Simpsons trivia: Even though I’ve seen every episode countless times, I will always be trumped by somebody. This is a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![Jayrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Jayrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayrot)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/37 "2007-11-13T22:47:58Z")
My favorite: Hutz: [pushing through] Out of the way…Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer…er, keeper-awayer. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/38 "2007-11-14T01:11:46Z")
(yes, another one) Troy McClure: Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin”, and “Get Confident, Stupid.”. Troy McClure: Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such other medical films as “Mommy, What’s On That Man’s Face?” and “Alice Doesn’t Live Anymore”. Selma: Are you gay? Troy: Gay? I wish! If I were gay they’d be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see… Selma: Stop! Troy: Here, try one of my cigars. Selma: My God! It’s like five cigarettes at once! Oh, my head is swimming! Troy: That’s not cigars, baby: that’s love. Selma: Is this a sham marriage? Troy: Sure baby, is that a problemo? Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver’s ed films as “Alice’s Adventures through the Windshield Glass” and “The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot.” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/39 "2007-11-14T01:23:41Z")
Selma: But … don’t you love me? Troy McClure: Sure I do! Like I love Fresca. Isn’t that enough? The only difference between our marriage and any one else’s is: we know ours is a sham. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/40 "2007-11-14T01:24:02Z")
“Baby, Jub-Jub is _fantastic!_ He’s everywhere you want him to be!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195.md?page=3)