# The Quotable Simpsons Bonanza **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 13, 2007, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195 "2007-11-13T00:09:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/81 "2007-11-15T19:22:43Z")
One that we use a lot: Homer: That’s the problem with marriages today, Marge. Communication. Too much communication. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/82 "2007-11-15T19:30:59Z")
Homer, on spotting some wildlife: “D’oh! A dear! A female dear!” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/83 "2007-11-15T19:46:03Z")
Detective Don Brodka: “If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.” I use that one at least once a week. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/84 "2007-11-15T19:51:37Z")
[QUOTE=DoctorJ] Detective Don Brodka: “If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.” [/QUOTE] “Catfish?” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/85 "2007-11-15T20:10:31Z")
I just noticed my dumbass mistake. D’OH! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/86 "2007-11-15T21:00:52Z")
That’s all right, deer. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/87 "2007-11-15T21:44:17Z")
Homer just relax. (Homer’s gut expands several inches) YOU! Conceal it. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/88 "2007-11-15T21:55:19Z")
Homer: D’oh Lisa: A deer Marge: A female deer. Jasper: Who shot who in the what now? I say these whenever someone is trying to describe something that I cannot grasp. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/89 "2007-11-15T22:37:47Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] The episode in question was what I think of as the Gabbo episode, although others may call it the Krusty’s Komeback Special episode. Gabbo had snaked Itchy and Scratchy out from under Krusty’s nose, and all that remained for him to show was the Eastern European (Cold War Era) _Worker and Parasite_, IIRC. My favorite part was when the 'toon was over and tha camera cut back to Krusty. He’s standing there wth his mouth hanging open, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lower lip. A Zippo lighter is aflame about an inch away from the tip of the cigarette. **Krusty:** What the hell was _that_? [/QUOTE] Reminds me of a Krusty retrospective show where he showed clips from earlier shows – in one he was singing the Doors’ “Break on Through” against a psychedelic background, mostly while writhing on his back: > [@](#): > > '60S KRUSTY: Try to run! > Try to hide! > Break on through > To the other side! KONTEMPORARY KRUSTY: :eek: What was I **on?!** Then there was the bit with Sideshow Raheem (black, huge and Afro’d): > [@](#): > > 70S KRUSTY: The script says I’m supposed to hit you with a pie at this point . . . > > SIDESHOW RAHEEM: Ah wouldn’t. > > '70S KRUSTY: No, no, of course . . . KONTEMPORARY KRUSTY: Angry young man . . . angry . . . And Krusty’s interview with Robert Frost: > [@](#): > > FROST: . . . Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, > I took the one less traveled by > And that has made all the difference. > > KRUSTY: Hey, Frosty, want some snow, man?! > > [pulls lever releasing deluge of snow on Frost] > > KRUSTY: Hey-hey! > > FROST: We talked about this before the interview and I said no. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/90 "2007-11-15T22:42:46Z")
[QUOTE=robardin] Mention of the one-time screening of the Cold War Soviet Bloc cartoon _Worker and Parasite_ on Krusty’s show called to mind another Simpsons jab at the defunct era: when Homer is looking to buy a used car at “Crazy Vaclav’s” and is shown a car (that resembles a Yugo hatchback… Remember the Yugo?) with Cyrillic letters on the gear shift. “What country was this made in?” asks Homer, and Vaclav admits, “It… It no longer exists.” [/QUOTE] “But, this car can go up to 24 kilometers on a liter of kerosene!” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/91 "2007-11-15T22:55:27Z")
LISA [babysitting for Bart, who so resents being put in his younger sister’s charge that he’s been fucking her with prank phone calls all evening]: Hello, 911?! This is the Simpson residence! My brother just broke his arm! 911 OPERATOR: Simpson?! Oh, no! We’ve already been out there tonight for an emergency sisterectomy, a case of terminal buttrot, and a leprechaun fight! How dumb do you think we are?! ---
**Author:** ![Jayrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Jayrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayrot)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/92 "2007-11-15T23:05:00Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] “But, this car can go up to 24 kilometers on a liter of kerosene!” [/QUOTE] PUT IT IN ‘H’ !!! ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/93 "2007-11-16T00:01:27Z")
Moe turns his bar into a gimmicky restaurant (with help from _Your Gimmicky Resturant_ by Fuddrucker and Bennigan), Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag: (Moe appears with a plate of Million Dollar Birthday Fries attached to his head) Moe: Here you go, here I am! Uncle Moe! Thank you, ma’am! This’ll be a treat- here I am, Uncle Moe, while you eat! (Sherri and Terri clap) One of 'em: Do it again! Moe: It’s _her_ birthday, too? Both of 'em: We’re twins! Moe: [sighs, with less enthusiasm]: Here I am. Uncle Moe. Eat your fries. Eat ‘em. Homer: It’s always been my lifelong dream to own the Dallas Cowboys. Marge: I thought your lifelong dream was to appear as a contestant on _The Gong Show_. And you did it in 1972, remember? [Flashback to _The Gong Show_. Homer and Barney are in a giant pair of pants playing _Oh Suzanna_ on a giant harmonica. One of the judges makes an angry face and hits the gong several times] Homer [wistfully]: We got more gongs than that breakdancing robot who caught on fire. Bellamy: Hi. I’m June Bellamy. I do the voices of Itchy and Scratchy. Homer: You? But you’re a lady! Bellamy [in character voices]: She’s a lady, all right- a beautiful lady. Homer: It really _is_ you? How did you get so good? Bellamy: Just practice, I guess. I started out doing Road Runner. Meep! Homer: You mean “meep meep?” Bellamy: No. They only paid me to do it once, then doubled it up on the soundtrack. Cheap bastards. Homer: Is this going out on the air live? Bellamy: Very few cartoons are broadcast live. It’s a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/94 "2007-11-16T02:58:33Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Reminds me of a Krusty retrospective show where he showed clips from earlier shows [/QUOTE] Some of those bits involving Krusty’s past are very funny. One of my personal favorites is in the _Rear Window_ parody episode where Bart breaks his leg (“Bart of Darkness”). At first, he’s happy because he doesn’t get to go to school and can watch all the TV he wants. Unfortunately for him, Krusty’s off for the summer, and he’s stuck with an (ugh) “Klassic Krusty” episode in which, for some reason, he is interviewing AFL-CIO chairman George Meany. The idea of a clown hosting a serious talk show is just funny for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/95 "2007-11-16T04:27:28Z")
[QUOTE=RandMcnally] I don’t like you and you don’t like me. I like you. Well I don’t like you. Maybe if you get to know me you might. I forgot who said what. [/QUOTE] I think this was the episode where Homer joined the Navy Reserve. “It’s my first day!” ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/96 "2007-11-16T05:58:45Z")
Grampa Simpson (as a strikebreaker): We can’t crack skulls like we did in the 30’s. All we can do now is tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I decided to take the train to Shelbyville. I had to get a new nail for my shoe. So I decided to take the train to Morganville, which is what we called Shelbyville at the time. First thing I did was tie an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to get to Shelbyville cost a nickel, and back then, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. “Gimme five bees for a quarter!” you’d say. Now…where was I? Ah, yes. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have red onions, because of the war. All you could get were those small green onions. (I can’t believe I typed all of that from memory!) ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/97 "2007-11-16T06:17:45Z")
Dad, you shot Zombie Flanders! ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/98 "2007-11-16T06:28:58Z")
Because I’m much too lazy: what was the FIRST spoken line of The Simpsons? ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195/99 "2007-11-16T08:48:25Z")
[QUOTE=blondebear] Because I’m much too lazy: what was the FIRST spoken line of The Simpsons? [/QUOTE] If you count the Tracy Ullman shorts, it was **“Good night, son.”** The first line of the series itself was **“Careful, Homer!”** Is that boring or what. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-quotable-simpsons-bonanza/426195.md?page=4)