# The Rants Came Marching One By One (March minirants) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 1, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588 "2014-03-01T13:23:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/161 "2014-03-08T18:50:53Z")
> [@Mr.Accident](#): > > Also, non-profit reps are some of the most arrogant, self entitled bastards I have ever met. 9 times out of 10 somewhere in the chat they will demand; not ask for, demand a discount because they are a non-profit. > > They aren’t happy with a 20% discount either. They want more. I should feel ashamed of myself for not giving them a better deal! (Been told this a lot.) Hell, I’ve had them get pissed because I could only offer them 50% off the software sometimes. It isn’t the small non-profits who are giving me this trouble either. Its the ones who are handling $200k+ a year in funds, and this includes churches. Well, hell, if you’re authorized to apply a 20% discount, start by offering 10%. Then when they complain, tell them that due to the importance of THEIR non-profit’s work, your supervisor is letting you bump it to 20%. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/162 "2014-03-08T20:20:24Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > My old-ass cat has started shitting on the floor. In my crappy new little apt. that I got shuttled off to live in after my husband’s death. Which has installed wall-to-wall carpeting. > > So … is he sick? Old? Senile? Objecting to the move in the only/smelliest way he knows? I know he ain’t senile, he still knows ezzactly when his mealtimes should be (purple got up? breakfast! purple got home? dinner!) so smart money is on one of the other options. :mad: > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I was trying to make a kitteh-joke about the smell of catshit on carpeting, but it didn’t work anyway, so … thanks for at least letting me know how to spell that! > > Woke up this morning to a smell (yeah … your day is going downhill from there when that happens) and had to clean him up (“Mrrrrow!” “Dude, I don’t like this anymore than you do.” “MrrrrrrrrWWWWW!” “Dude.” “MrrrwwaaAAAHHH!” “You wanna clean this up yourself?” “MrrrwwWWWW!” “With your tongue?” “MRRR … . . rrr ww” “Yeah, I thought so.”) and so I ran home on my lunch break, expecting catshit caked to his fur, on the furniture, up the walls … he was just chillin’ and looked at me like “Where my scritches be?” > > I’m coming home (after an evening with my parents, which is its on pittting) to Apocalypse Meow, aren’t I? Lots of snipping…but I’ve got some questions. Is it new carpeting? If so, he might be reacting to the smell of the under pad outgassing. If this is the case, leave the windows open as much as possible. It can’t be good for you or your kitties. If its old carpeting, some other cat might have been going there, so he’s trying to cover it up with his scent. Get some enzyme cleaner (you have carpets now, so buy it in the gallon bottle) and just hose the area. You can stop when you are the last one to have marked the area. You said he’s getting old, and didn’t you once say he was a Maine Coon, or some sort of **big** fluffy cat? Giant breeds tend to develop joint problems. Aging cats often develop joint problems. If it hurts him to get into the box, he will find another place. While you are getting the enzyme cleaner, look for a lower litter box, or look for ones with really low cutouts at the front of the box. When my big ol’ fluffy guy got old, I took him to the groomer for crew cuts just so I didn’t have to deal with poop stuck to fur. He couldn’t squat properly because of his sore hips and it would get suck to the long hair on the back of his legs. My rant: I was eating sticky candy and pulled a crown off. As if that wasn’t enough, I bit down on the crown and broke the tooth. Damnit, I HATE going to the dentist. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/163 "2014-03-08T21:43:32Z")
I’m getting a pimple or something down my ear canal. It’s pushing on things and all sore and stuff. \ ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/164 "2014-03-08T23:52:04Z")
**overlyverbose** , I hear you. Two is a breeze versus three or four. Today, I think that the almost-four-year-old has been in time out more than not. But the two-year-old is also making me crazy, with her preternatural ability to ferret out all writing instruments, wherever they’re hidden. I think I have to retouch every single wall in this house, to cover up the crayon, ballpoint, and Sharpie marks two feet above the floor. Add in the perpetually grumpy husband (I get it, he’s in pain, but he’s making everyone miserable,) and a couple of teenagers, and I’m ready to run away from home. I would really like a drink right now, but that probably isn’t wise. Also, I have the beginnings of either a pimple or a cold sore on my bottom lip. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/165 "2014-03-10T00:28:32Z")
Freaking sinus infection. Freaking snot rolling down the back of my throat and screwing up my stomach, making me want to vomit. Walgreen’s that charged me $70 for a stupid generic antibiotic. I pit all of the above. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/166 "2014-03-10T02:03:00Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Yesterday, I got paybacks for once. We were at Costco buying the month’s supply of items for a local backpack lunch program that we run. It requires one of those large carts and the damn thing is very heavy when full, difficult to get moving and slow to stop. > > So we’re ready to turn a corner and head for checkout when this little boy (probably about 4 or 5) steps out and stands in front of my cart. I dragged it to a stop before hitting him and the little shit just stands there, daring me to move. I hear his mother: “Now Danny, move away. …” I pivoted to the side and started to push and the little snot moves in front of me, giving me an insolent look that his mother can’t see. “Now, Danny. . .” > > I move once again and he moves again, giving me the “nyah, nyah” look. I look at his mother and say “He’s going to get run over.” She trots over and tells him “Okay, you have to ride in the cart now.” Danny starts whining and blubbering as she sticks him in the cart. As she moved away, Danny looked back at me with a big pout on his face, and I mimed laughing my ass off while I pointed at him. > > Yeah, it was childish and I enjoyed every moment of it. One day I was in line at the grocery checkout. There was a lady with a small boy ahead of me. This kid was having an epic meltdown because he wanted an ice cream bar that was in a glass front cooler right there at the checkout. (Imagine that!) Anyway, Mom was hanging tough in the NO department but this kid just wasn’t letting it go. He annoyed me so much I took one of the ice cream bars out of the freezer and plopped it down on the checkout counter with my stuff. I gave him a big “what d’ya think of that, shithead” look. That shut him up! Like you say, childish. Still makes me smile when I remember it. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/167 "2014-03-10T04:00:35Z")
Childish story here too: I was sitting at the airport, reading a book and a little girl thought that I should entertain her. What are you doing? I’m reading, go away. Read to me!!! No, go away. Whine…read to me!!! No, go away, go back to your mom. That’s not my mom, that’s my aunt, READ TO ME!!! The aunt was totally involved with her phone and when I complained, she said that the girl loved books and that I should just read a few sentences to make her happy. I pulled out my e-reader, found the part at the end of “Infection” where Scary Perry killed the other infected person and cut his dick off. At some point, the aunt noticed that the kid was crying and gave me stink eye while dragging her off. Moral of this story is that if you expect strangers to babysit annoying kids…don’t get upset if we do things to make them go away. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/168 "2014-03-10T06:50:13Z")
So heading home tonight I got caught by a cop for doing something everybody does everyday. But since it was night I didn’t see the cop vulture around the corner. And low and behold my issued ticket is a charge of “pay for the cops vacation”(ok so it’s impeding traffic). Now, impeding traffic is 0 points and 180 bucks. What I am truly accused of doing is making a bad turn on red, which is 2 points and 100 bucks. It is also true that the no turn on red sign at that intersection is improperly posted and it is a pile of bullshit. So my choices are 1. pay 180 and be done with it. 2. lose a day of work , go in with my color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was, and have the judge fuck off on the law and end up giving me the two point offense 3. Hire a crack-whore lawyer for 500 to go in with the color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was, with the infinitesimal possibility of forcing them to repost the sign to code, and likely ending up paying the fine anyway. God I hate cops and lawyers and politicians. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/169 "2014-03-10T11:10:44Z")
Sucks when you get caught deliberately breaking the law, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/170 "2014-03-10T11:38:32Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > I pulled out my e-reader, found the part at the end of “Infection” where Scary Perry killed the other infected person and cut his dick off. At some point, the aunt noticed that the kid was crying and gave me stink eye while dragging her off. Ah, this made me laugh! Something I would totally do, probably from a Stephen King novel. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/171 "2014-03-10T14:39:36Z")
Why does this school computer have to be so slow? It makes getting caught easier. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/172 "2014-03-10T16:53:07Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Childish story here too: I was sitting at the airport, reading a book and a little girl thought that I should entertain her. What are you doing? I’m reading, go away. Read to me!!! No, go away. Whine…read to me!!! No, go away, go back to your mom. That’s not my mom, that’s my aunt, READ TO ME!!! The aunt was totally involved with her phone and when I complained, she said that the girl loved books and that I should just read a few sentences to make her happy. > > I pulled out my e-reader, found the part at the end of “Infection” where Scary Perry killed the other infected person and cut his dick off. At some point, the aunt noticed that the kid was crying and gave me stink eye while dragging her off. > > Moral of this story is that if you expect strangers to babysit annoying kids…don’t get upset if we do things to make them go away. People - what a bunch of bastards! I think I would have just changed seats - your idea is better. 🙂 > [@wolfman](#): > > So heading home tonight I got caught by a cop for doing something everybody does everyday. But since it was night I didn’t see the cop vulture around the corner. > > And low and behold my issued ticket is a charge of “pay for the cops vacation”(ok so it’s impeding traffic). Now, impeding traffic is 0 points and 180 bucks. What I am truly accused of doing is making a bad turn on red, which is 2 points and 100 bucks. It is also true that the no turn on red sign at that intersection is improperly posted and it is a pile of bullshit. > > So my choices are > > 1. pay 180 and be done with it. > 2. lose a day of work , go in with my color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was, and have the judge fuck off on the law and end up giving me the two point offense > 3. Hire a crack-whore lawyer for 500 to go in with the color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was, with the infinitesimal possibility of forcing them to repost the sign to code, and likely ending up paying the fine anyway. > > God I hate cops and lawyers and politicians. Can you spare any hate for people who get caught breaking the law and whine about it, instead of being grateful for the hundreds of time they did the same thing and _didn’t_ get caught? How about realizing that most laws are there for a reason and by breaking them people often endanger other people? How about some hatred for the entitled few who think laws and rules don’t apply to them? Yeah, you may have triggered one of my peeves. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/173 "2014-03-10T17:50:14Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/174 "2014-03-10T17:56:58Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Childish story here too: I was sitting at the airport, reading a book and a little girl thought that I should entertain her. What are you doing? I’m reading, go away. Read to me!!! No, go away. Whine…read to me!!! No, go away, go back to your mom. That’s not my mom, that’s my aunt, READ TO ME!!! The aunt was totally involved with her phone and when I complained, she said that the girl loved books and that I should just read a few sentences to make her happy. > > I pulled out my e-reader, found the part at the end of “Infection” where Scary Perry killed the other infected person and cut his dick off. At some point, the aunt noticed that the kid was crying and gave me stink eye while dragging her off. > > Moral of this story is that if you expect strangers to babysit annoying kids…don’t get upset if we do things to make them go away. :eek:😃 How about one from the other side? I heard a story from my dad about the time his aunt and her granddaughter (age 3-4) were in a waiting room and she (granddaughter) was trying to read her little book. A lady sitting next to her began trying to engage her in conversation–“Oh, do you like that story?” “You’re a pretty little girl!” and so on. Finally, exasperated, she looked up and snapped, “You’re a-worryin’ the shit outta me!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Accident](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Mr.Accident](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Accident)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/175 "2014-03-10T18:29:40Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Well, hell, if you’re authorized to apply a 20% discount, start by offering 10%. Then when they complain, tell them that due to the importance of THEIR non-profit’s work, your supervisor is letting you bump it to 20%. Thanks, I think I’m going to use that. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/176 "2014-03-10T19:01:40Z")
My husband bought a stoplight. I’m not really sure what more to say. ETA - make that TRAFFIC Light. I did some googling and that’s it’s official name. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/177 "2014-03-10T19:22:54Z")
That way he can mount it in the living room facing the couch, with the red light on. “Honey, I can’t go, I still have a red light!” ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/178 "2014-03-10T19:33:58Z")
Or in the bedroom. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/179 "2014-03-10T19:52:43Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > That way he can mount it in the living room facing the couch, with the red light on. > > “Honey, I can’t go, I still have a red light!” > [@Kimballkid](#): > > Or in the bedroom. 😉 Don’t encourage him. 😃 Actually, I shouldn’t complain - it’s kinda cool. In an “I’ve had three gin and tonics and no food for lunch after this happened and now I’m drinking beer because I’m home” kind of way. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588/180 "2014-03-10T20:00:27Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Or in the bedroom. 😉 Or in the bathroom. Fucking prostate. The lady from the doctor’s office calls and said I should come in for the appointment prepared to give a urine sample. Honey, if I could pee on demand, I wouldn’t need the fucking appointment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-rants-came-marching-one-by-one-march-minirants/682588.md?page=10)