# The \*REAL\* start of the year! September mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 1, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847 "2011-09-01T15:24:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/401 "2011-09-16T20:09:03Z")
I actually asked a friend to get our seven-year-old a gift card rather than a book this past birthday (she had asked me for advice; I didn’t bring it up until asked), because she is beginning to understand the concept of money and doing it that way gave her the fun of going to the bookstore and looking through the titles and choosing something. So I think reasonable minds could differ on this issue. But if your daughter doesn’t get it yet, then asking her to rethink is reasonable in my view. So is intercepting the gift card and turning it into an openable present when it arrives. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/402 "2011-09-16T20:10:21Z")
What is it with my co-workers this week and their sudden lack of personal space?? I was sitting at a co-worker’s desk hashing out some scheduling with her and all of a sudden hear a squeal behind me, then feel hands grabbing my hair. “I’ve just wanted to do this forever!” said one of our contractors. Don’t get me wrong - I’m used to having my hair played with. I have long, curly brown hair. My kids really like it. My friends like to “boing” my curls. But strange women I rarely interact with at work? Back off, lady. That was yesterday. Today I went downstairs to meet a vendor I’ve met once before. I extended a hand to shake and she grabbed my hand, yanked, and engulfed me in an enormous bear hug. It really squicked me out. Who _does_ that? That’s what my kids are there for - to climb all over me, hug me, kiss me, grab my hair and generally rub themselves on me (my 2-year old is really tactile and constantly rubs her hands and tummy on any area of exposed skin she can reach). Adults that I barely know, on the other hand, should keep their distance. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/403 "2011-09-16T20:12:43Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Thank you, **curlcoat** and **flatlined**. As a matter of fact, the driver’s mother was in the passenger seat, so it’s all going on _her_ insurance. I don’t know how that quite works - was it her car? - but what a blessing! Sounds like you should be able to get reimbursed for expenses, lost time, etc. > [@](#): > > Which brings me to another point: what kind of dumb fucking useless bitch lets her unlicensed son drive her around?!? Um, he needed the practice? I got nothing… :smack: > [@](#): > > The Other Shoe is very stiff - standing and sitting like a pregnant woman - and has a few bruises, the worst of which is bigger than my freaking hand :eek: and features the most amazing technicolor. However, thanks to the miracle of pharmaceuticals (e.g. a muscle relaxer) he finally got some much-needed sleep. Sounds like you’d better add some pain and suffering into that insurance claim! Poor thing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/404 "2011-09-16T20:34:48Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > What’s an oystercard? It’s a pay-in-advance pass for the London Underground (maybe other things too, but it’s the sort of thing that once you lose it, the money on it is just gone). ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/405 "2011-09-16T20:40:34Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > I actually asked a friend to get our seven-year-old a gift card rather than a book this past birthday (she had asked me for advice; I didn’t bring it up until asked), because she is beginning to understand the concept of money and doing it that way gave her the fun of going to the bookstore and looking through the titles and choosing something. So I think reasonable minds could differ on this issue. > > But if your daughter doesn’t get it yet, then asking her to rethink is reasonable in my view. So is intercepting the gift card and turning it into an openable present when it arrives. I totally agree. Some of my best presents have been gift cards (especially to book stores). I am just annoyed because her reasoning wasn’t because she thought my little girl would enjoy picking out something herself (which she doesn’t) but that she was too busy. It happened to my grandma a couple of times when I was little (my grandpa had a habit of getting hospitalized around my birthday). So she just talked to my dad and asked him to get something on her behalf (which they were happy to do given she had other things to worry about). But it’s not like my MIL didn’t know this was coming. The wedding has been in the works for over a year and it’s not like my daughter’s birthday changed. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/406 "2011-09-16T20:41:38Z")
> [@gregorio](#): > > I can’t tell. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Normally, it’s a good thing. I would hate for it to cause problems on my SIL’s big day, though. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/407 "2011-09-16T21:59:11Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > But for him to tell me that he only got paid for people who registered as republicans, that may be illegal for whoever is employing him or whatever Right, that was the part I thought was illegal: paying people per registration for Party X. > [@Morgyn](#): > > I think multi-quotes only work within a thread. Nope, you can multiquote across multiple threads. When you finally hit the quote button in the thread where you want to post, you’ll see a message in small print at the botton of the composition window: “You have selected 1 post that is not part of this thread. Quote this post as well, or deselect this post.” > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That almost never happens with penises. Just sayin’. 🙂 You know what never happens with vibrators? Complaints, lost erections, size mismatches, lack of clitoral stimulation, or the inability to shove the thing in a drawer and go to sleep when your’e done. Just sayin’. 🙂 > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Sucks to all hell that a) he has no health insurance, so doc-in-a-box is mighty expensive, and b) he finally got around to replacing the (expensive, model-mandated) tires after putting that particular expense off. Accident blows, glad he’s okay, but… not sure why these things are concerns, since he wasn’t the driver at fault. All this is being covered by the other driver('s mom), right? > [@MLS](#): > > No, I don’t have a backup pair of glasses. FWIW, I always hang on to my previous pair for this reason. I’d be absolutely useless without mine, though, so I’m pretty paranoid about it. > [@Chimera](#): > > There is a small part of me that wants to go down late tonight and pound that fucking van into a cube. But I’m not that guy. How about teens in the building with bats and a need for someone to buy them beer? Do you have those? > [@perfectparanoia](#): > > [My MIL] emailed my husband this week and said she was just going to give her a giftcard to Toys ‘R’ Us. Give me a break. The kid is turning 8. She is a kid. She likes opening presents. She doesn’t really get money yet and wouldn’t see it as a present. […] Anyway, my husband emailed her back saying that her plan was a tad inappropriate and that we would be happy to pick something up on her behalf. She hasn’t responded yet which probably means that she’s not speaking to us. So, let me get this straight. Your MIL, who lives hours away and presumably seldom sees your daughter (i.e., has no idea what she likes or even much about her personality at all), freaks out about what to get your daughter, sends you a gift card for her, and instead of thanking her for the gift you tell her she’s wrong? :dubious: Your daughter might not appreciate a gift card at 8, but I would have–so maybe MIL is just clueless and nervous. “Thank you, MIL, we’ll pick out something for MiniParanoia for you” is fine, if your daughter wouldn’t understand a gift card. “Your gift is bad” is just tacky, in this situation.\* Not making time for her granddaughter’s birthday, on the other hand (especially if she’s never been able to make it before), is kind of a dick move; if it were my mother pulling that with my kid (i.e., in your husband’s place), I’d be having serious words with Mom over it. \*It would be an appropriate response if she sent, like, a thong. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/408 "2011-09-17T00:15:29Z")
Yeah, I think it sounds like Grandma doesn’t think MiniParanoia is worth her time. Why did she veto the cake-and-gift-at-Gmas-house idea? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/409 "2011-09-17T01:36:54Z")
Huh. My developmentally challenged niece regularly asked for gift cards as young as 6 because she ‘got’ the idea that they meant she got to go shopping and get stuff. Oh, Uncle Chimera gave me this Target card, so that means grandma (who nannies her) will take me to Target once or twice when I want to go, and I get to get something I want! I think that if it were properly explained in those terms, the kid might think it was awesome. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/410 "2011-09-17T01:41:07Z")
It was a beautiful day today. I had a nice brisk ride to work in the morning, missed the afternoon storm, a great ride home. I pulled into my driveway, opened the barn and rode in. HOLY COW!!! A skunk had dug under the wood floor and was happily taking a nap (or doing whatever it is that skunks do during the day) when the noise machine rumbled over its head and it instantly fired both barrels. I was able to see the black and white flash from the corner of my eye before my eyes were watering so much that I could barely see. I managed to back my bike out and put it on the kickstand before I started gagging from the smell. So, now I have stinky clothes on the back deck, my bike is sleeping outside until I figure out how to treat a wood floor and I can’t just leave the doors and windows open because anyone from the road can see my toolboxes and compressor. Flipping skunks. I’m usually a live and let live sorta person when it comes to the wildlife. I try to use non-lethal methods of keeping them away. I hates skunks. When it comes to an animal I’d shoot just because it walked in front of me, skunks would be the one I’d pick. Somehow, I have the feeling that when I call my friends and ask for help moving stuff out so we can soak the floor with skunk off, they will all be busy. I certainly can’t blame them, I’d be busy too! ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/411 "2011-09-17T01:42:43Z")
What sort of stupid person thought it would be a good idea to enrol in a Masters program that is front heavy on the economics when they know nothing about economics? Oh yeah, ME. Equimarginal Priniciple? Marginal Abatement Costs? help ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/412 "2011-09-17T03:19:27Z")
Another jaywalker died in the hospital today, struck after sunset last night. This happens with alarming frequency in my city. A couple of weeks ago, I had the left-turn arrow, and I came thisclose to hitting two teenaged girls and a middle-aged woman, as the came darting out in from in front of a large truck to my right against the light. You ever have that moment when your brain says, “Oh, hey, I am definitely going to hit that object there with my car”? I had that. I was able to stop just in time, though- my car may have barely touched one of them, but she wasn’t hurt and didn’t even stop. They all looked at me as they kept running for the bus, with a vague blank look on all of their faces. I still had the light, but I just sat there stunned for another cycle. I know that if I ever hit someone with my car, even if it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing that I could have done, it would destroy me. I would not ever be the same. It pisses me off that someone could thrust that lifetime of guilt on me just because they’re careless. Fuckers. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/413 "2011-09-17T03:22:32Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I know that if I ever hit someone with my car, even if it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing that I could have done, it would destroy me. I would not ever be the same. It pisses me off that someone could thrust that lifetime of guilt on me just because they’re careless. Fuckers. But! But! Pedestrians have the right of way! It never occurs to them that “right” and “dead” can be concurrent conditions. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/414 "2011-09-17T03:23:17Z")
Tho. Tho. Goddamn that particular abbreviation irritates the living hell out of me. I can’t tell if you think it’s cute or if you are simply uneducated. I am not exceptionally particular about grammar or spelling, but this makes me crazy. It might just be me tho. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/415 "2011-09-17T03:48:08Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > But! But! Pedestrians have the right of way! > > It never occurs to them that “right” and “dead” can be concurrent conditions. They wouldn’t even have been in the right. Their right of way doesn’t extend to all situations and there was clearly a ‘don’t walk, bitches’ sign. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/416 "2011-09-17T06:14:28Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > \ > You know what never happens with vibrators? Complaints, lost erections, size mismatches, lack of clitoral stimulation, or the inability to shove the thing in a drawer and go to sleep when your’e done. Just sayin’. :)\ I thought my post was so ridiculous that no one could possibly take it seriously. I really should know better. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/417 "2011-09-17T06:20:03Z")
Lettuce does not belong in a burrito when the burrito is baked because then the lettuce WILTS and that is gross. My mp3 player needs to stop playing the same song by Blondie [“Call Me”]every fourth song because that is annoying the fuck out of me and makes me want to punch somebody. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/418 "2011-09-17T07:26:01Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I thought my post was so ridiculous that no one could possibly take it seriously. I really should know better. 🙂 You mean you weren’t being serious? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/419 "2011-09-17T17:30:23Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > You mean you weren’t being serious? As serious as a heart attack. Or a broken penis. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847/420 "2011-09-17T18:27:28Z")
> [@Lancia](#): > > So it’s 9am, I decide to go mow the lawn before its gets hot. Less than five minutes into it, something stings me on the leg. Then another. I haul ass across the yard, but guess what? I’m still being stung! I can _feel_ something crawling on me. No, theres more than one! OWWWWWW!!! FUCKERS!!!. So I run, stripping off my shirt and shorts as I go. I arrive at the front door naked save my shoes, and blow through the door like my ass is on fire. I take stock of the damage. You know, I sorta chuckled reading this and the follow ups. I now repent. Those stings DO hurt foully. Today I headed out to clean up our lilac hedge – there’s all sorts of other weedy bushes/trees starting to invade and I planned to cut them down. I got two steps into the hedge, bent down to start sawing at the first intruder and…YOW! and YOW and YOW and YOW!! The damned weeds have their own perimeter guards. :mad: You can then picture me running across the back yard, down the side yard, and half way across the front to reach the only unlocked door. The whole time yelling and waving my arms and beating on the yellow jackets as I felt them stinging my back and thighs and nect and, oh god, they’re crawling on my hair! I get inside and run to the kitchen, thinking that maybe running water on the stings will make them hurt less. And then I get stung again! And again! The damned things must have ridden into the house on my clothes! And then it’s on. They’re fast and can fly, but now they’re trapped in MY territory, and I have the big brain, yes? Well, it’s not as big an advantage as I hoped. ☹ Still, a half hour later I’d managed to trap and smush eight of the fuckers, but there were still five or so that refused to settle down on anything within reach. Then I remembered someone saying they used a vacuum cleaner! Aha, she said, with a mad scientist type laugh. Five minutes later three of them were sucked into oblivion. Leaving two. I know there are at least two left, because I saw a pair of them buzzing near the top of the window while I was sucking one down near the light fixture. BUT I CANNOT FIND THEM. I know they’re still in the house – somewhere – damn the inventor of the open floorplan style. They are hiding from me! Lurking! I spent a long time looking for them, especially around the windows and light fixtures since they seem attracted to light, but no luck. I just know the second I let my guard down I will be stabbed again… \<\\> I finally forced myself to stop looking, feeling I was in danger of developing a Captain Ahab like obsession with hunting them. But I keep thinking I feel something moving against my skin. Or hearing the buzz of wings… \<\\> Now I’ve got one hand sitting in ice water on and off, two of the fingers hurt so bad I want to whimper for my mommy. And tonight I will have to try to sleep in a house infested with revenge seeking yellow jackets. Just waiting for me to let my guard down. \<\\> [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-start-of-the-year-september-mini-rants/594847.md?page=22)