# The real thing replacing self-lovin'? (sex) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902 "2004-03-12T15:16:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/21 "2004-03-13T04:15:13Z")
> [@erislover](#): > > In your experience, has available sex replaced the desire to masturbate? I masturbate far less now that I’m married. I think I’m down to about 22 times a day now. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/22 "2004-03-13T05:42:10Z")
If I didn’t masturbate, what would I do when I’m both horney and tired? Sex with a partner is an awful lot of hard work. Enjoyable work, of course… ---
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/23 "2004-03-13T06:13:57Z")
Wow- with my first husband I was very upset that he preferred to masturbate when I was totally at his disposal at any time. It was a very touchy subject with us. With current Mr NVME I know he has to. I dont see him until the weekend. Thanks to this thread, I am beginning to understand that it is a very necessary thing for some people. ---
**Author:** ![amie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@amie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amie)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/24 "2004-03-13T06:53:03Z")
I’ve been in a live-in relationship for 4 1/2 years, and we have actual sex about 4-6 times A YEAR. He seems to prefer masturbating over sex with me, so that’s what he does, and I take care of myself too. I, however, don’t feel that masturbation should take the place of intimate contact with someone you love. ---
**Author:** ![msklystron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@msklystron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msklystron)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/25 "2004-03-14T05:23:27Z")
> [@BoringDad](#): > > Heh. I’d say you hit the nail on the head. Unless you are dating someone that you have chained naked to your bed, odds are good that you are not both going to be in the mood at the same time ALL the time. For instance, if I yelled from the shower at 6:15 am on a Tuesday, “Honey? Can you get out of bed and come get freaky with me?” all I would be likely to get would be the sound of a slammed door. So there I am, horny in the shower, obvious solution at hand. I suppose so. This is where singing very loudly in the shower comes in handy. … unless you have a pretty widow next door. ---
**Author:** ![msklystron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@msklystron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msklystron)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/26 "2004-03-14T05:28:55Z")
> [@amie](#): > > I’ve been in a live-in relationship for 4 1/2 years, and we have actual sex about 4-6 times A YEAR. He seems to prefer masturbating over sex with me, so that’s what he does, and I take care of myself too. I, however, don’t feel that masturbation should take the place of intimate contact with someone you love. No it should not. Do you love this fellow? If so, go see a relationship counsellor. If he won’t go with you go yourself. The number of times/ month an average couple has sex varies a lot, but that is exceptionally low. I’m assuming that you are not separated from one another for long periods due to business travel etc. Expressing you love for each other physically and enjoying horizontal sports is part of the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/27 "2004-03-14T12:20:45Z")
Having sex available on a fairly regular basis has reduced my desire to self-love. I still do, maybe once a week or so, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as the real thing. I really only do it because we don’t live together currently, and sex isn’t always available. Now, if she’s involved in some way, it suddenly becomes VERY hot, though I still prefer her to me. The whole jerking off because your bored thing is basically out the door now. I get done and feel like “eh, shoulda watched FoodTV”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/28 "2004-03-14T13:18:46Z")
Am I the only guy? Sometimes when I wack-off its to relieve presure down there. Kinda like walking around when you have to piss but can’t. Also, like others have said it’s just more convienient at times. ---
**Author:** ![amie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@amie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amie)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902/29 "2004-03-14T18:09:18Z")
> [@msklystron](#): > > No it should not. Do you love this fellow? If so, go see a relationship counsellor. If he won’t go with you go yourself. > > The number of times/ month an average couple has sex varies a lot, but that is exceptionally low. I’m assuming that you are not separated from one another for long periods due to business travel etc. Expressing you love for each other physically and enjoying horizontal sports is part of the relationship. I do love him, and no, we are not apart at all. We come home from work every night and sleep in the same bed. I’ve tried talking about it with him, but he always tells me that if I think sex is that important, then there is something wrong with me. I realize that there is nothing wrong with me, but something definitely wrong with him… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-thing-replacing-self-lovin-sex/233902.md?page=1)