# The 'REAL" US Citizen test **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2010, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273 "2010-06-15T08:21:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![howye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9adbd/32.png) [@howye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howye)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/21 "2010-06-15T15:25:27Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > What is the proper name of the sport that’s currently being buzzkilled in South Africa: > > a. Football > b. Soccer > **Who Cares! That’s like a whole other country.** > > When crossing the street, which way do you look first: > > a. Right > b. Left > **Cross the street? Why wouldn’t I drive to the other side?** > > To get to the convenience store about 1/2 mile from your front door, do you: > > a. Walk > b. Drive > **Drive, otherwise where do I put my slurpee and chili dog?** > > Please place these words in their correct place in this sentence: “I **Work** to **eat** ” > > a. Work > b. Live I placed my answers above, do I get to stay a citizen? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/22 "2010-06-15T15:27:32Z")
Write-in responses are not allowed. Please report to the processing center at 10:00am tomorrow for detaining and possible deportation. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/23 "2010-06-15T15:33:49Z")
What condiments are acceptable on hot dogs? a) mustard b) ketchup c) onions d) cheese e) chili f) relish Any answer other than b) is acceptable 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hemulen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hemulen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hemulen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/24 "2010-06-15T15:54:28Z")
Heh… this foreign bastard’s gonna infiltrate the shit out of you. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/25 "2010-06-15T16:09:57Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Apropos … even if a trick question … > How many many players in football are allowed to touch the ball with their hands? Christ, if that’s a requirement for American citizenship, [none of these guys](http://www.thestar.com/sports/football/cfl/greycup/article/732819--grey-cup-mystery-how-did-it-happen) would even be able to get a visa. For those of you who don’t want to read the article, last year the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost the Canadian equivalent of the Super Bowl because there were one too many players on the field. I think the entirety of Saskatchewan jumping up in triumph and then dropping to their knees in defeat caused an earthquake. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/26 "2010-06-15T16:20:02Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > I have no idea what it is, either. My answer was a total guess! I didn’t know it was a movie. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/27 "2010-06-15T16:21:46Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > In America, any boy can grow up to. . . > A) win the World Series > B) become President > C) be on a reality show > _Correct answer:_ traditionally B, but all are acceptable Shouldn’t B and C be different answers? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/28 "2010-06-15T16:21:50Z")
> [@kushiel](#): > > Christ, if that’s a requirement for American citizenship, [none of these guys](http://www.thestar.com/sports/football/cfl/greycup/article/732819--grey-cup-mystery-how-did-it-happen) would even be able to get a visa. > > For those of you who don’t want to read the article, last year the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost the Canadian equivalent of the Super Bowl because there were one too many players on the field. I think the entirety of Saskatchewan jumping up in triumph and then dropping to their knees in defeat caused an earthquake. Geez, the CFL already lets you put 12 players on the field. That’s just being greedy. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/29 "2010-06-15T16:21:56Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > My answer was a total guess! I didn’t know it was a movie. I start a thread about it every year. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/30 "2010-06-15T17:05:16Z")
You save for your retirement in a/an: a) ESPN b) AFSCME c) IRA d) DHL e) UAW “Tailgating” is something: a) Involving pickup trucks b) Done in dorms by college kids c) Traditionally done in football stadium parking lots d) Scandalous, like “Watergate” or “Monicagate” e) Impossible using today’s technology Which of the following is not a college football game? a) The Rose Bowl b) The Fiesta Bowl c) The Sugar Bowl d) The Punch Bowl e) The Orange Bowl ---
**Author:** ![howye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9adbd/32.png) [@howye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howye)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/31 "2010-06-15T17:11:08Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Write-in responses are not allowed. Please report to the processing center at 10:00am tomorrow for detaining and possible deportation. Can’t, Springer is on then, after that my stories. ---
**Author:** ![rayman5321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@rayman5321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayman5321)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/32 "2010-06-15T19:33:36Z")
Dumb ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/33 "2010-06-15T19:38:00Z")
> [@rayman5321](#): > > Dumb Congratulations. You passed. You get to be Governor of Alaska. ---
**Author:** ![SlowMindThinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@SlowMindThinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlowMindThinking)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/34 "2010-06-15T19:55:01Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Heh. I picked that movie because from my experience, everyone in the US has seen it so many times they can practically recite it from memory, whereas I’ve run into more than a few people from elsewhere who had no idea what it even was. Mrs Slow absolutely hates that movie, and I never saw it until a coworker loaned me a DVD - this past Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/35 "2010-06-15T19:56:29Z")
when shopping for a car you 1: look for a practical car, and decide if it meets your needs. 2: count the cup holders, and walk out of the showroom if they arent conveniently located. (I just don’t get the American obsession with coffee-while-you drive. 'Cause, me, I tend to associate the word “Coffee” with the word “Bathroom”. I drink my caffein _after_ I get out of the car, and know where the nearest plumbing is. ) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/36 "2010-06-15T20:53:03Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Fill in the blanks > > 1. Batman is to Bruce Wayne as Spiderman is to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Rex Banner > [@](#): > > 1. According to Yoda, you must \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ what you have learned. Eat > [@](#): > > Essay Question > > Who is the greatest Captain of the Enterprise and why?\* Bill Gates > [@](#): > > Multiple choice > > 1. Which of these forms of Kryptonite will weaken Superman? (consider all versions to be pre-crisis continuity) > > a. Green > b. Red > c. Blue > d. Gold > e. White > f. Orange > g. Silver > h. anti-kryptonite Gold > [@](#): > > Skills test > > 1. Whistle the theme song to the Andy Griffith Show. I don’t know how to whistle. How’d I do? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/37 "2010-06-15T20:54:48Z")
Complete the phrase: Great green gobs of \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Little rabbit Frou-Frou, \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ On top of spaghetti, \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/38 "2010-06-15T21:27:46Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Complete the phrase: > > _snip_ > > Little rabbit Frou-Frou, \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ > > _snip_ sexin all the moo-moos? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/39 "2010-06-15T21:30:40Z")
That’s: Little BUNNY Foo-foo. And I’d totally wash out on the kryptonite question. I know green weakens him. I think red mutates him. I’ve heard of gold, but don’t remember what it does. All in all, I think saying, “What? You think I’m a geek who reads comic books?” should be a passing answer. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273/40 "2010-06-15T21:55:16Z")
Label the following True (T) or False (F) John F Kennedy’s assasination was done alone The moon landing was fake HIV does not cause AIDS 911 was a plot by the US Government to get us into a Mideast War Al Gore won the 2000 election And of course the question EVERY American knows the answer to Why do birds sing so gay? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-real-us-citizen-test/543273.md?page=3)