# The Really Bad Advice thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334 "2004-05-09T20:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/121 "2004-05-13T01:11:20Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > what should I do if a wasp gets in my car while I’m driving? The temptation is to flail you arms about, but you should resist, as this can not only enrage the insect, but also cause you to lose control of the vehicle. Instread, swat it with one of your feet. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/122 "2004-05-13T01:54:10Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > How do I marry a 90 year old millionaire and secure his fortunes for my own greedy interests after he kicks the bucket? Drug him, then quickly get him to the altar while he’s still conscious. Afterwards, drag him outside the church and leave him on the grass until the drugs take full effect. Then call the undertaker to come and pick him up. How do I find a 90 year old millionaire so that I can try this too?? ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/123 "2004-05-13T15:03:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by **Rufus Xavier** _My question: what should I do if a wasp gets in my car while I’m driving? I think we may have mis-informed poor **Rufus** … If you are driving on a crowded interstate, it is dangerous to discharge firearms! In these cases, it is always best to _calmly exit the vehicle_… especially if you are traveling 70mph or faster. Question: How can I politely inform my cow-orkers that I do not appreciate their slack-asses making extra work for me? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/124 "2004-05-13T15:33:26Z")
> [@verbenabeast](#): > > Question: How can I politely inform my cow-orkers that I do not appreciate their slack-asses making extra work for me? Nothing says ‘I do not appreciate you’ more politely than a big, steaming pile of human waste. Liberally place them in the common areas where these people normally congregate. In no time, they’ll be calling YOU ‘slack-ass’! ZombiesAteMyBrain: The best place to find 90-year-old millionaires is in a country that used to be a Communist Dictatorship. You would do well to brush up on your German, Polish, Russian, or Rumanian. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/125 "2004-05-13T15:36:57Z")
My question: What’s the best pet to give as a gift to a four-year-old? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/126 "2004-05-13T15:43:48Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > My question: What’s the best pet to give as a gift to a four-year-old? Neglect is the biggest killer of children’s pets, so get something that can fend for itself; a Siberian Tiger, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/127 "2004-05-13T15:46:03Z")
> [@verbenabeast](#): > > Question: How can I politely inform my cow-orkers that I do not appreciate their slack-asses making extra work for me? If you prefix it with “Now I don’t mean to offend, but…”, you can say anything you like without fear of upset. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/128 "2004-05-13T15:46:39Z")
A tiger or lion kitten is a world of fun for a four-year-old. The child can play with the kitten from the beginning, and as the kitten grows and learns its hunting skills, it can teach the child–as the child teaches the kitten how to deal with humans. By the time kitten and child reach adolescence, they’ll be such good friends that they’ll practically be part of each other. My question: I’m having lunch with a senior cabinet minister this weekend. How can I best present my petition to her? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/129 "2004-05-13T16:49:14Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > My question: I’m having lunch with a senior cabinet minister this weekend. How can I best present my petition to her? Tattooed on your naked posterior. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/130 "2004-05-13T21:03:47Z")
Where should I put my piano? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/131 "2004-05-13T21:13:44Z")
Libertarian asked, Where should I put my piano? The answer is: Over there. Or maybe there. No, definitely not _there_. My question: What’s the first think I should do when I get through the entrance to Disneyland tomorrow? ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/132 "2004-05-13T21:17:42Z")
Whip out and take a nice, long, satisfying whiz on the bush shaped liked mickey. It’s a tradition. What is the best way to break up with my fiancee? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/133 "2004-05-13T23:52:32Z")
verbenabeast asked: What is the best way to break up with my fiancee? My answer, ripped straight from verbenabeat’s own playbook: Whip _it_ out and take a nice, long, satisfying whiz on _her_. It’s a tradition. My question: I seem to have run out of petrol. Where can I get more? ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/134 "2004-05-14T00:32:11Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > My question: I seem to have run out of petrol. Where can I get more? Take your own step in the “war against terror” - Invade a small weak country with ample oil reserves, terrorise the inhabitants and take possession of the oil wells. If you’re from the USA, leak your plan to the Government, and they’ll help you out with arms, troops etc. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/135 "2004-05-14T00:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **verbenabeast** said: > What is the best way to break up with my fiancee? After sex, wipe off the lil guy with her cat. (I actually read a letter to Cosmo’s Agony Column about a woman who woke up to find her boyfriend doing exactly that.) ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/136 "2004-05-14T14:43:41Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > My question: what should I do if a wasp gets in my car while I’m driving? The easiest solution is to time it and when the wasp lands on the dashboard on the passenger side, immediately drive head-on into a wall or tree. The deploying airbag will smash the wasp and you avoid being stung. My question: I’m over 50 with gray hair. I have a serious case of the hots for Hilary Duff. How can I score with her on her 18th birthday? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/137 "2004-05-14T15:15:37Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > My question: I’m over 50 with gray hair. I have a serious case of the hots for Hilary Duff. How can I score with her on her 18th birthday? Tell her you are a 90 year old millionaire. My supervisor is away on a family emergency, and I have nothing to do at work but read the SDMB. How can I keep my supervisor away for the rest of her life? ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Magic8ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Miss\_Magic8ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Magic8ball)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/138 "2004-05-14T17:30:50Z")
How many family members does your supervisor have? If you;re interested, I have a number you could call and you could off all her family members… one at a time. Permanent family emergency. How do get rid of scars? ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/139 "2004-05-14T17:38:30Z")
> [@Miss Magic8ball](#): > > How do get rid of scars? Depends where they are - some people [or so I’m told] find them sexy. If you really want to get rid of them, I suggest using an electric sander. What do I do when there’s nothing worth watching on TV? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334/140 "2004-05-14T18:48:41Z")
Go out and commit a few murders. You will definitely be interested in TV when you yourself are on every channel for weeks on end. I’m 50 years old and single. How do I get a man? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-advice-thread/244334.md?page=8)