### Author:  [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/61 "2013-03-11T22:21:38Z")
> [@anyrose](#):
>
> Where do you shop, **freebie**? I see “slice-n-bake” all over the place
This in the booming metropolis of Wooster, Ohio. They do have slice and bake cookies at Aldi, but I really haven’t seen the Pillsbury kind for a long time.
**Ethilrist** (I haven’t learned all the mumper nicknames yet!), you are absolutely correct. I left out the “breaking apart” step.
Cool story about the chirality of Pop ‘n’ Fresh tubes! I still call them “wampum” biscuits (because you whomp 'em on the counter to open them), even though now you’re supposed to press the seam of the tube with a spoon. Where’s the fun in that!?!??
---
### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/62 "2013-03-11T22:26:12Z")
Ya know sometimes a nice comfort food dindin is just the thing. YUM! I done good and got told I done good. 😃
> [@April\_R](#):
>
> I’m sorry Ide had to do it, even if it made me look a little Aholehole, just for the Halibut
I’m sure **mmmmmm’s** is thinkin’, “Holy Shrimp! These fish puns scampi happenin’ again!”
**Ethi** I love it! They struck a blow for all us left-handers who have to endure how to make things work in a right-handed world! Lefties Unite!
ETA: I agee **Freebie**. I want the satisfyin’ sound and feel of “whompin’” the tube on the side of the counter.
---
### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/63 "2013-03-11T22:51:38Z")
I think I’m done for the night. Gonna watch a little TV, then crash… _\_
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### Author:  [@Sario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sario)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/64 "2013-03-11T22:59:13Z")
My wife called me an old man and was promptly assaulted by bread. I’m not sure what to make of that:confused:
---
### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/65 "2013-03-11T23:11:42Z")
> [@Sario](#):
>
> My wife called me an old man and was promptly assaulted by bread. I’m not sure what to make of that:confused:
Sounds like your wife has a case for assault and breadery.
BA_DUM_BISH!
Thank You! I’ll be here all week! Try the waitstaff! Tip the veal!
---
### Author:  [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/66 "2013-03-11T23:23:45Z")
my husband has a song he wants to dedicate to the **MMP** , coming soon.
---
### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/67 "2013-03-11T23:29:54Z")
> [@April\_R](#):
>
> my husband has a song he wants to dedicate to the **MMP** , coming soon.
OOOH! A theme song, mayhaps? We should have a theme song!
---
### Author:  [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/68 "2013-03-11T23:32:08Z")
[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI)
[spoiler]Wet Dreams
by Kip Addotta
Lyrics:
It was April the forty-first
Being a quadruple leap year
I was driving in downtown Atlantis
My barracuda was in the shop
So I was in a rented stingray
And it was overheating
So I pulled into a Shell Station
They said I’d blown a seal
I said, “Fix the damn thing
And leave my private life out of it
Okay pal?”
While they were doing that
I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive
But I knew the owner
He used to play for the Dolphins
I said “Hi Gil”
You have to yell, he’s hard of herring
Think I had a wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet dream
Gil was also down on his luck
Fact is he was barely keeping his head below water
I bellied up to the sandbar
He poured me the usual
Rusty snail, hold the grunion
Shaken not stirred
With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side
Heavy on the mako
I slipped him a fin
On porpoise
I was feeling good
I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry’s squids
For the halibut
Well the place was crowded
We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal
What sole
Tommy was rockin’ the place with a very popular tuna
Salmon Chanted Evening
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers
Probably there to see the bass player
One of them was this cute little yellowtail
And she’s giving me the eye
So I figured this is my chance for a little fun
You know, piece of Pisces
But she said things I just couldn’t fathom
She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure
Boy, could she drink
She drank like a . . .
She drank a lot
I said “What’s your sign”
She said “Aquarium”
I said “Great, let’s get tanked”
Think I had a wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet dream
I invited her to my place for a midnight bait
I said “Come on baby, it’ll only take a few minnows”
She threw me that same old line
“Not tonight, I gotta haddock”
And she wasn’t kidding either
Cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock
I’d ever seen come down the pike
He was covered with mussels
He came over to me and said
“Listen, shrimp, don’t you come trollin’ around here”
What a crab
This guy was steamed
I could see the anchor in his eyes
I turned to him, I said
“A-balone, you’re just being shellfish”
Well, I knew it was going to be trouble and so did Gil
‘Cause he was already on the phone to the cods
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch
I catch him with a left hook
He eels over
It was a fluke but there he was
Lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel
Kelpless
I said “Forget the cods Gil
This guy’s gonna need a sturgeon”
Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend
She came over to me, she said
“Hey, big boy, you’re really a game fish
What’s your name”
I said “Marlin”
Think I had a wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet dream
Well, from then on we had a whale of a time
I took her to dinner, I took her to dance
I bought her a bouquet of flounders
And then I went home with her
And what did I get for my trouble
A case of the clams
Think I had a wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet dream
Cruisin’ thru the Gulf Stream
Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Wet Dream is the sixth (6th) song on Disc 1 of the Dr. Demento’s 20th Anniversary compilation album. It is an original song by Kip Addotta.[/spoiler]
---
### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2013, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/69 "2013-03-11T23:36:23Z")
> [@Spiderman](#):
>
> **ThelmaLou** –\> Thelma & Louise = **Fugitive** , which works unless **One armed man from Chicago** joins the MMP.
[ThelmaLou](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0528619/bio) was Deputy Barney Fife’s girlfriend on the _Andy Griffith Show_. Predates Thelma & Louise by a bunch and is probably the origin thereof.
---
### Author:  [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/70 "2013-03-12T00:06:59Z")
All y’all are making me crazy.
What with foreign languages and puns.
I once baked these horrible cookies. We called them bullets.
They didn’t taste so bad as much as they would break your teeth.
The got et, once all the chocolate chip and ginger snaps were gone.
Everyone said how awful they were but they kept on eating them.
I think they were some ‘health’ cookies using whole wheat flour and honey and stuff.
I never liked the slice and bake cookies all that much, they always had a bit of an off taste to me.
I haven’t made black bottoms for a while. They sound good.
So the last couple of weeks have been a bit unsettling.
I swear one day I will type it all out so y’all will have something to read on those sleepless nights.
---
### Author:  [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/71 "2013-03-12T00:34:44Z")
Wow a thread just jumped up on MPSIMS that **Opal** passed.
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### Author:  [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/72 "2013-03-12T00:36:49Z")
Well, if I do say so myself, I make really good shamrock cookies.
At least we sell a lot at work.
3 cups flour
1-1/2 cups sugar
8 ounces butter
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon almond flavoring
2 eggs
Cream butter and sugar together, add flavor and eggs and mix. Stir in the flour, baking powder and baking soda. Chill dough until firm. Roll out on a floured surface to the thin/thickness desired, cut out, bake at 350 degrees until very lightly browned.
Let them cool and ice them. Icing is a simple glaze, powdered sugar with milk or cream and a little more almond flavor, to make a thin icing. It should be almost runny. Spread over the cookies, I use a dinner knife or a narrow metal spatula. If you are going to put sprinkles on them, don’t wait to ice all the cookies, the glaze sets up quickly. Ice a few at a time, sprinkle, lather, rinse repeat.
---
### Author:  [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/73 "2013-03-12T00:41:28Z")
aren’t they supposed to be green somewhere?
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/74 "2013-03-12T00:47:10Z")
> [@April\_R](#):
>
> aren’t they supposed to be green somewhere?
Green eggs. Ham optional.
---
### Author:  [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/75 "2013-03-12T01:33:45Z")
> [@April\_R](#):
>
> aren’t they supposed to be green somewhere?
I’ve been using white icing and shamrock shaped sprinkles, and a shamrock shaped cookie cutter.
And changing the subject from cookies, but keeping the shamrocks, my father once deliberately annoyed a supervisor(not his own) at the Goodyear plant where he worked.
Dad said the guy was a jerk. He also happened to be an immigrant, coming to the US from Ireland when he was a teen. So one St. Patrick’s Day Dad wore a shamrock to work, cut from construction paper.
_Orange_ construction paper.
Dude couldn’t do anything about it, freedom of speech and all that.
---
### Author:  [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/76 "2013-03-12T01:50:42Z")
That was just mean! (And funny!)
We used to have Father Gallagher over for dinner on St. Patrick’s Day, and, after he had a few whiskey sours in him, he would sing, to the tune of “Turkey in the Straw”:
There’s the Rotterdam Dutch
And the Potterdam Dutch
And the Amsterdam Dutch
And the Goddamn Dutch.
Oh, hooray for the Irish!
They ain’t very much
But they’re a damn sight better
Than the Goddamn Dutch!
What is it with me and songs today?!??
---
### Author:  [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/77 "2013-03-12T01:53:49Z")
> [@Sario](#):
>
> My wife called me an old man and was promptly assaulted by bread. I’m not sure what to make of that:confused:
This is potentially very wrong. Need more details, was it _good_ bread or white bread? Didja throw a roll at her or whack her with a loaf of french bread? :rolleyes:
> [@ThelmaLou](#):
>
> [ThelmaLou](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0528619/bio) was Deputy Barney Fife’s girlfriend on the _Andy Griffith Show_. Predates Thelma & Louise by a bunch and is probably the origin thereof.
You can choose your username, but your nickname shall be bestowed upon you…whether you like it or not! 😃
In other news, I don’t like the results of my cheesecake 'speriment. Instead of one big one, I made a bunch of mini ones. Much better as normal slices eaten with a solid fork cause I like heavy, leaden Nu Yawk cheesecake & the mini ones are not deep enough. ☹ Guess I’ll just need to make another, normal one; oh darn. 😃
---
### Author:  [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/78 "2013-03-12T02:30:51Z")
> [@swampbear](#):
>
> Ya know sometimes a nice comfort food dindin is just the thing. YUM! I done good and got told I done good. 😃
> I’m sure **mmmmmm’s** is thinkin’, “Holy Shrimp! These fish puns scampi happenin’ again!”
>
> **Ethi** I love it! They struck a blow for all us left-handers who have to endure how to make things work in a right-handed world! Lefties Unite!
>
> ETA: I agee **Freebie**. I want the satisfyin’ sound and feel of “whompin’” the tube on the side of the counter.
Gah! Do not make me stop this car young man! 😛
Monday was Monday like.
Parsnips are delicious we par boil them thenroast them with a touch of olive oil and salt and pepper and garlic gloves. About 10 mins before you plan to eat add a drizzle of honey to them. Yummy !
---
### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/79 "2013-03-12T02:35:28Z")
> [@Spiderman](#):
>
> You can choose your username, but your nickname shall be bestowed upon you…whether you like it or not! 😃
What’s my nickname again?
---
### Author:  [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-really-bad-cookies-and-other-stuff-mmp/652625/80 "2013-03-12T03:04:43Z")
> [@swampbear](#):
>
> **mmmmmms** is gonna shake her fist at you! 😃 Most excellent pun **Apes**!
>
> Dindin shall be beastloaf (bakin’ away as I post), mac & cheese, green beans and rolls. Real inventive and excitatin’ I know but nice and comforty which I need.
>
> ETA: First on Two!
Sounds like a perfectly reasonable and tasty dinner.
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