# The Return of Sarcastic Answer Theater **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265 "2005-08-09T13:20:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/41 "2005-08-10T19:38:47Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > \*\*What is this little car I keep seeing? \*\* > It’s a Chevy Hallucination. This totally cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/42 "2005-08-10T19:40:53Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > [ **Humpty Dumpty’s portrayal as an egg** > Better than Pacino but still not as good as Olivier So did this. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/43 "2005-08-10T20:21:57Z")
[Can someone explain what this is?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329630) Yes, it’s a thread on a message board. But that’s not important right now … ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/44 "2005-08-10T20:24:38Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > [Can someone explain what this is?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329630) > Yes, it’s a thread on a message board. But that’s not important right now … YES! Perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/45 "2005-08-10T21:29:19Z")
**Bungee jumping and sky diving** I guess you can try it, but most experienced skydivers prefer parachutes. **My mint plantation has been clear cut** Is that what they call a Brazillian wax? **testy** one-y, two-y. . . **Dog Farms** Yep, I got 600 acres of Airedale **wishing death on Ctrl+W** Another damn undocumented feature in Windows **Did Katherine Harris get…uhh…enahnced?** Every day I thank God for the spirited discussion of vital issues we find in Great Debates. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/46 "2005-08-10T22:58:53Z")
[what are the dangers of spontaneous ignition when storing “fatwood”?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329628) The dangerous of spontaneous combustion? Well, first of all, you could burn your house down… ---
**Author:** ![yohan\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yohan_go/32/3620_2.png) [@yohan\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yohan_go)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/47 "2005-08-12T07:45:26Z")
Selling FOOD on flights. WHAT? What “WHAT?” Selling barf bags on flights would be more like “WHAT?” ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/48 "2005-08-12T13:10:23Z")
[Share Your Weird-Ass Dream](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329648) That’s one misplaced comma away from TMI. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/49 "2005-08-12T13:22:25Z")
**How did you learn to type?** Wehuqbhiadbuil3;79P38 n0=\ ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/50 "2005-08-12T13:59:56Z")
**I miss lunchboxes** I mister thermos flasks. \*\*The international candy exchange \*\* What’s “international candy”? **Is There American Cheese in Europe?** There’s an American Werewolf in London, does that help? **"Diamond Jim" Brady: How Could Someone Eat that Much?** I like him, but couldn’t eat a whole one. **Cold War Secrets** Shhhhhhh! **Can US win Vietnam war ?** Yes, with one last-ditch attempt. **Motorcycle attire.** Well, mine has the cutest little shawl. **Men are attracted to lesbians, but women are not attracted to gay men…how come?** How come? Vigourously. **Big Brother: 8/11** I’d say closer to 3/10. **I am Straight but I can’t help noticing…** …that you’re not. **F\*ck stores that rearrange themselves!** I also prefer my F\*ck stores to retain their original layout. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/51 "2005-08-12T18:27:40Z")
**When will ABC’s lovefest over Peter Jennings end?** When we pry his cold dead body out of their hands. **Cheaper to turn A/C to 85 degrees during day?** Cheaper than _what_? **Why do my shoes come untied only once per day, in the morning?** Because it’s hard to put them on when they’re tied? **Are there any honest televangelists out there?** The answer to this and many other pressing matters of faith can be yours for just three easy faith pledges of $14.95! Hurry, our telephonic interaction ministers are standing by with your salvation! **Bathroom Situation at Work; Your Advice, Please (Will Contain TMI)** I advise everyone not to read this thread. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/52 "2005-08-12T18:46:11Z")
**Ever diagnose a character with a mental illness?** No, I can only do that when I _don’t_ have a mental illness. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/53 "2005-08-12T18:50:00Z")
**Cecil’s sentence** Come on, give the guy a break. She sure _looked_ a lot older than fifteen. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/54 "2005-08-12T18:50:06Z")
[New Levels of Klutziness](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329867) Quick, hold this rare insured-for-$50,000 urn for me. [Birthday gift ideas.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=329715) I don’t know. Is it possible to buy a clue? ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/55 "2005-08-12T19:45:29Z")
\*\*If we should love our enemy, should we love even Satan? \*\* Yes, but wear a condom. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/56 "2005-08-12T20:35:14Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > \*\*If we should love our enemy, should we love even Satan? \*\* Yes, but wear a condom. “Satan, your ass is \*big \* and red. Who do you think I’m thinking of - Liza Minelli?” ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/57 "2005-08-16T07:12:11Z")
New questions in GQ: \*\*Is it illegal to simply carry around a gun? \*\* Yes. You’re required to carry them in a complicated way. \*\*Albino cricket = proof of evolution? \*\* What do pasty-skinned Brits playing a nonsensical sport have to do with evolution? 😉 \*\*Long-range sniper question (where to aim?) \*\* Far away. \*\*Why do hybrid or electric cars have wheel ‘pants’? \*\* So they won’t be naked and get laughed at by Lincoln Town Cars. \*\*Is a 22 caliber bullet untraceable? \*\* Just get a pencil and a piece of paper. Duh. \*\*What Accounts For The Existence Of Dentists \*\* Well, first there’s this sperm and this egg… \*\*Why do some Jews rock back and forth during prayer? \*\* You must not have noticed their iPods. ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/58 "2005-08-16T19:41:06Z")
[Toronto Dopers–where should I stay?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=330195) Right where you are! ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/59 "2005-08-17T01:47:51Z")
\*\*What would living on a toroid planet be like? \*\* Non-stop sex. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said a _torrid_ planet. \*\*Why aren’t the baseball divisions even? \*\* They aren’t? That’s odd. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2005, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265/60 "2005-08-17T01:52:56Z")
From IMHO: \*\*Am I doing my son/kids a disservice by not buying them an Xbox? \*\* No, you’re doing them a disservice by not buying **ME** an Xbox. \*\*Racoon Eyes? \*\* Yes, Aardvark Nose? \*\*How do I dress to look older? \*\* Wear purple. With a red hat. \*\*Space Shuttle: why not use a net? \*\* Because the dolphins would get caught in it, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-return-of-sarcastic-answer-theater/316265.md?page=4)