# The Ron Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2008, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417 "2008-12-02T22:39:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/1 "2008-12-02T22:39:49Z")
Okay - this is for the people from [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495289) that read this snippet: > [@](#): > > Okay - this is not a “lousy” christmas present - but it was an “ewwwwww” present. > > My brother’s current flame thought he was really something. My sister who was so broke, couldn’t afford to buy any gifts, had written each of us letters which was sweet. Her bf - whom we didn’t really even know yet - showed up with presents for all of us from HIM (he made sure we realized it wasn’t a joint gift) These were CVS type gifts - can of peanuts for my dad and husband, etc. > > My gift from sleazoid? A can of body spray that he told me “smelled so good in the store he had to spray it all overhimself and just made him want to get naked and rub up against everyone he met.” He then encouraged me strongly several times to “spray it all over myself cause he wanted to smell it on me - he bet it would make me smell soooo good.” > > This while my husband was sitting on one side of me and my dad was sitting on the other. All three of us just looked at him in utter awe of his moxy. My sister just sat there oblivious (Og rest her soul - she was always a tad clueless), my stepmom was holding my dad’s arm back and trying not to either gag or burst out laughing. > > Needless to say, I didn’t spray it on me and I “accidentally” left it at my parents house when we left. My stepmom teased me unmercifully before agreeing to just throw it away. > > (there are more Ron stories - but I don’t want to hijack the thread any more than I already have.) The first time I met Ron was at a holiday party I was hosting at my house. My sister and Ron showed up 2 hours late - because they were shopping for toilet paper. yes you read that right. I was the older sister (by 2 years and 363 days but who’s counting?) and so therefore you would assume a certain desire to make a good impression. What I got was my sister and Ron doing the human hand-holding contortion: His arm around her shoulder, her hand holding that hand. His other hand in her lap, her hand on his lap. Their ankles intertwined. It was a kitchen chair version of Twister. In fact, they would only break hands to feed each other food from their plates and then lick around the edges of their mouths to get the excess crumbs off. It was lovely, I tell ya. So, as the party is breaking up and my sister (y’know - the one Ron has been pawing for the past hour) is in the bathroom, and my friend Tina’s husband is off getting their coats, Ron starts chatting up Tina: “You know, I manage a restaurant downtown. You should really stop by some time for lunch - y’know, if you are off shopping by yourself. Just c’mon by my place and have lunch on me - you’ll love it. If you time it right, I should be able to join you - it’ll be great!” Tina is a little naive sometimes, so she isn’t sure how to take that. She just smiles and thanks him for the offer. Ron takes that as a good sign. “Yeah, y’know, I practically run the place, and I invest in shares of the business, so I’m an owner too. You should really stop by. Really.” At this point, I’ve heard it too - and turn to look at Ron. He’s looking very self-assured and I’m sure he thinks he’s suave. My sister returns at that point and I say, “Wow, hun, Ron was just telling inviting us downtown for lunch sometime - wasn’t that nice of him?” My sister said, “Not me - I can’t stand eating at Burger King. No offense, sweetheart.” ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/2 "2008-12-02T22:57:19Z")
(I’ve got more - I just don’t want to waste your time or mine if y’all were just being nice before.) ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/3 "2008-12-02T23:04:08Z")
Oh, no, please keep posting! That was awesome. Ron. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/4 "2008-12-02T23:06:15Z")
Ron! Ron! Ron! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/5 "2008-12-02T23:07:50Z")
This guy sounds familiar. I mean, really, haven’t we all met a Ron at some point? (Would you be honored if Ron becomes an inside reference on the SDMB, as a shorthand name for this kind of character?) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/6 "2008-12-02T23:09:24Z")
Heh. So wait, this is your sister’s flame or your brother’s? You mention your brother in the snippet, so I got confused. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/7 "2008-12-02T23:11:16Z")
Ron is my new hero! I will spend every waking moment from this day forward trying to achieve the same level of awesomeness as Ron. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/8 "2008-12-02T23:15:31Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Okay - this is for the people from [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495289) that read this snippet: > > The first time I met Ron was at a holiday party I was hosting at my house. My sister and Ron showed up 2 hours late - because they were shopping for toilet paper. > > yes you read that right. > > I was the older sister (by 2 years and 363 days but who’s counting?) and so therefore you would assume a certain desire to make a good impression. > > What I got was my sister and Ron doing the human hand-holding contortion: His arm around her shoulder, her hand holding that hand. His other hand in her lap, her hand on his lap. Their ankles intertwined. It was a kitchen chair version of Twister. > > In fact, they would only break hands to feed each other food from their plates and then lick around the edges of their mouths to get the excess crumbs off. > > It was lovely, I tell ya. > > So, as the party is breaking up and my sister (y’know - the one Ron has been pawing for the past hour) is in the bathroom, and my friend Tina’s husband is off getting their coats, Ron starts chatting up Tina: > > “You know, I manage a restaurant downtown. You should really stop by some time for lunch - y’know, if you are off shopping by yourself. Just c’mon by my place and have lunch on me - you’ll love it. If you time it right, I should be able to join you - it’ll be great!” > > Tina is a little naive sometimes, so she isn’t sure how to take that. She just smiles and thanks him for the offer. Ron takes that as a good sign. > > “Yeah, y’know, I practically run the place, and I invest in shares of the business, so I’m an owner too. You should really stop by. Really.” > > At this point, I’ve heard it too - and turn to look at Ron. He’s looking very self-assured and I’m sure he thinks he’s suave. > > My sister returns at that point and I say, “Wow, hun, Ron was just telling inviting us downtown for lunch sometime - wasn’t that nice of him?” > > My sister said, “Not me - I can’t stand eating at Burger King. No offense, sweetheart.” That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. You must share more! ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/9 "2008-12-02T23:21:46Z")
[del]I got thrown out of a bar in New York City.[/del] Sorry, wrong thread. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/10 "2008-12-02T23:22:38Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > In fact, they would only break hands to feed each other food from their plates and then lick around the edges of their mouths to get the excess crumbs off. Do you mean each other’s mouths? Because I have a sick feeling you meant each other’s mouths. Burger King, HA! ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/11 "2008-12-02T23:29:45Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > (I’ve got more - I just don’t want to waste your time or mine if y’all were just being nice before.) Various weird anecdotes from people’s past (and occasionally present) are my absolute favorite part of this board. Now get to typin’. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/12 "2008-12-02T23:43:44Z")
And how long has your sister been dating this charming young man? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/13 "2008-12-02T23:55:13Z")
I must insist upon more Ron tales. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/14 "2008-12-02T23:58:22Z")
From now on, I will always ask myself, “WWRD?” ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/15 "2008-12-02T23:58:42Z")
Lordy. I used to have a friend that was a bit like Ron. Not as bad, but he was the sort of person who found a reason – any reason, no matter how tenuously related to the topic at hand – to inject something about himself and his achievements into a conversation. There were two ways he would couch such things: 1. Trying to play it cool and nonchalant, as if it were nothing, even though the fact that he’s bringing it up, often with little context, says he thinks it’s quite something indeed. Or… 1. Complaining about how hard he has it when the situation he is describing clearly isn’t. Talking about how much money he has to shell out for car payments, second car payments, mortgage payments (making a point to include the fact that it’s his “starter home”), Christmas gifts for the wife, their friends, bills, bills, bills and OH GOD I’M SO BROKE I only have a couple grand in chequing… In other words, it is for him and him alone that a symphony of microscopic violins plays. But yes, let’s here more of this Ron fellow. He sounds delightful, like he constantly has to be at the gym in 26 minutes… ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/16 "2008-12-02T23:59:09Z")
RoooooooooooooooN! ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/17 "2008-12-03T00:26:02Z")
I married a Ron. That’s his real name, but he has some other Ron qualities. He did most of the cooking when we first started dating, and he liked to experiment. He got off work before I did, and most nights I’d get home and he’d call and tell me supper was ready, come on over. Good food but nothing too imaginative – midwestern stuff, meat, potatoes, a vegetable, or something on the grill. One night he surprised me with stuffed manicotti. Know what he stuffed it with? Hot dogs. He thought it was so cool that the manicotti shape was the perfect fit for a hot dog. I didn’t laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/18 "2008-12-03T00:37:40Z")
I did- laughed my damned ass off! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/19 "2008-12-03T00:40:03Z")
**AuntiePam** , you may be the most devoted wife ever. Seriously, I’m impressed. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/20 "2008-12-03T00:58:51Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > I married a Ron. That’s his real name, but he has some other Ron qualities. > > He did most of the cooking when we first started dating, and he liked to experiment. He got off work before I did, and most nights I’d get home and he’d call and tell me supper was ready, come on over. Good food but nothing too imaginative – midwestern stuff, meat, potatoes, a vegetable, or something on the grill. > > One night he surprised me with stuffed manicotti. Know what he stuffed it with? Hot dogs. He thought it was so cool that the manicotti shape was the perfect fit for a hot dog. I didn’t laugh. That is simply priceless. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417.md?page=2)