# The Ron Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2008, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417 "2008-12-02T22:39:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 27
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/521 "2009-09-15T22:11:21Z")
> [@Junkman209](#): > > Another Ron picture: > [Watchman](http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/08/22/saturday-night-special-watchman/) Time to pluck that upper lip again, Mom. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2009, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/522 "2009-09-17T05:41:49Z")
Whee! An excuse for new posts - who has them? ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/523 "2011-06-09T21:39:24Z")
subscribing to read later ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/524 "2011-06-09T21:43:09Z")
“Bookmark this page” not working on your computer today? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2011, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/525 "2011-06-09T21:44:12Z")
Woah! The Return of Zombie Ron. “You just can’t keep a bad man down.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/526 "2011-06-10T04:11:50Z")
Damn. I was hoping for all-new Ron content. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/527 "2011-06-10T04:24:19Z")
> [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](#): > > Damn. I was hoping for all-new Ron content. While not quite as good [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/528 "2011-06-10T04:43:34Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > While not quite as good [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit. Ouch, that hurt my brain. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/529 "2011-06-10T06:52:57Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > subscribing to read later Just use the thread tools, and skip the placeholder comment. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/530 "2011-06-10T12:11:02Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > While not quite as good [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit. Ah, **Big D Ron** , we hardly knew ye. And I’m okay with that. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/531 "2011-06-10T12:20:30Z")
You guys actually had me racking my brain pre-coffee trying to come up with a new Ron story to entertain you with. And I’ve thought of one. Hopefully the zombie police will let me post it after a swigs of joe. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/532 "2011-06-10T12:22:17Z")
Zombies move pretty slowly, so I think you’ll be OK. ---
**Author:** ![ajdebosco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@ajdebosco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajdebosco)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/533 "2011-06-10T13:32:26Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > You guys actually had me racking my brain pre-coffee trying to come up with a new Ron story to entertain you with. And I’ve thought of one. Hopefully the zombie police will let me post it after a swigs of joe. For some odd reason, I can’t seem to get a certain Carly Simon tune out of my head…🆒 ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/534 "2011-06-10T13:45:29Z")
My friend Seaver is a very big-hearted guy, and last year when a new friend of ours, Malcolm, was relocating to the area, he offered to let Mal move in as a roommate. Everything was great at first, Mal found a job and was doing really well. Then Mal had a hernia in his groin and was laid up on the couch for a couple of weeks trying to recover. Only, Mal started enjoying being laid up so much that he didn’t return to work, just sat like a lump on Seaver’s couch. So much so that he actually carved out a butt-shaped permant dent in the couch. He would actually watch whole seasons of tv shows on Netflix in one sitting - even watched whole series from that position - so we started referring to Malcom as “the Lump.” Not that Lump wasn’t looking for jobs. He’d tell anyone who’d listen about all the jobs he’d applied for. I actually work for a staffing agency, so I tried to give him some pointers about job-hunting, resume writing, and the like. I never went so far as to offer him a job though - because I didn’t think he would be able to transition me from friend to “boss lady.” It’s not like I hid it from him, I just avoided bringing up that I was hiring. However, Lump came across one of my online job postings and excitedly messaged me on Facebook. In his head, just knowing me got him the job. I politely promised to review his resume but explained that we were a little slow at the warehouse. A week or so went by, and I had been scraping the bottom of the barrell for new temps to hire for the warehouse. And feeling guilty, not for Lump’s sake, but for Seaver’s, I decided to pull up Lump’s online application and see what I could. Only, I couldn’t find it. . . I messaged Lump on Facebook and told him I couldn’t find his app. Lump went by a few different nicknames, so I thought maybe i had his real name wrong, or was spelling his name wrong, or something. He messaged back the correct spelling and even copy and pasted the text from our website confirming that he had applied. I looked again but still couldn’t find it. Not having time to mess with it, I moved on and hired some other people. Another week or so went by and Lump was getting Lumpier. The couch cushion was getting flatter. Poor Seaver was getting more and more stressed out. Finally, against my better judgment, I decided that I would find that application if it killed me - and give Lump a job - just to get him off Seaver’s poor, oppressed couch. I searched every way I could (understand, I had hundreds of online apps to look through) and then finally decided to go back and manually go through each online app. Still nothing under any version of his name. Finally, I decided to go to just the day he first contacted me and open every online file from that day. AND THEN I FOUND HIM! His name on his application? Charlotte North Carolina. :smack: With all the hundreds of applications that boy filled out - can you imagine if every one of them was filled out so ineptly? No wonder why he wasn’t finding a job. Happily, by the time I found his application, Lump had decided to move out of state to mooch off, I mean, live with other friends. And now, whenever we talk about Lump, my boyfriend calls him by his new nickname. . . Charlotte. 😃 Happy Friday, Folks! ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/535 "2011-06-10T13:46:46Z")
> [@ajdebosco](#): > > For some odd reason, I can’t seem to get a certain Carly Simon tune out of my head…🆒 were there clouds in your coffee? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/536 "2011-06-10T14:10:48Z")
OMG, I was hoping that was the story she’d tell when I saw new Ronness on the horizon. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/537 "2011-06-10T14:30:20Z")
He’s Lump. He’s Lump. He’s Lump. He’s in **Mel** ’s head. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/538 "2011-06-10T14:48:48Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > OMG, I was hoping that was the story she’d tell when I saw new Ronness on the horizon. glad to oblige 😃 > [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > He’s Lump. > He’s Lump. > He’s Lump. > He’s in **Mel** ’s head. get him out of my head, **Maus**!! ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/539 "2011-06-10T14:52:24Z")
If you all head up to Taste of Charlotte tonight, I’ll buy you a beer to help drive him out. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417/540 "2011-06-10T15:03:17Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > If you all head up to Taste of Charlotte tonight, I’ll buy you a beer to help drive him out. Allergic to beer ☹ I’m debating - don’t want to get shot at in the gang wars. Was actually contemplating the Found Film Festival at UNCC. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417.md?page=26) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ron-thread/475417.md?page=28)