# The root of our problems **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 14, 1999, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111 "1999-11-14T20:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/1 "1999-11-14T20:01:00Z")
You know what the problem with this country is? Those damned kippers. They’re the cause for all this crime and degeneracy! They’re lazy and dumb, who’s ever seen a kipper with a steady job? And ugly! You can always tell a kipper. The beady eyes, the strange nose, and the smell! Every damned one of 'em smells like he’s never even seen a shower. And they probably haven’t, even if they ever managed to steal one they’d be too stupid to know what it’s for! They’re always in their little groups. They even all look the same! How can anyone tell them apart? They always gather together in the dark, probably thinking up some conspiracies against the rest of us. Their violent minds have no concept of good Christian morals. I’d be afraid of them if I didn’t know they were too dumb to get organized. The only good kipper is one that’s been chopped up into litte pieces and fried! Who’s with me? Fry the kippers! ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/2 "1999-11-14T20:13:00Z")
How can one who is not kipper even claim to understand kipper cultural traditions and community values? Kippers have historically been segregated from the greater society and have been relegated to menial positions in the food industry. Only when kippers have received educational assistance and achieve prominence in industry and politics can we ever hope to understand kipper ethnicity. We can’t hope to tear down the walls that separate kippers from society as a whole until we acheive a greater integration of kippers. Do _you_ think you know the kipper experience? I suggest we immediately implement kipper studies in all baccalaureate degree programs and urge the entertainment industry to develop more kipper programming. The only good kipper is a fried kipper, indeed! ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/3 "1999-11-14T20:37:00Z")
That’s typical kipper-loving talk! As if it’s not enough that all they do is eat and breed, now you to spread their filth to our children! Oh they’d love that. They could do the same old thing but now it’s sponsored by society. We’d be helping them destroy us because they’re not capable of doing it themselves! Is that what you want? ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/4 "1999-11-14T20:50:00Z")
Well, I wouldn’t want MY daughter to date one! * * * “Damn you, Smiley Face!” ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/5 "1999-11-14T21:01:00Z")
So much for winning one for the kipper… * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/6 "1999-11-14T21:05:00Z")
Hey now! My daughter watches Kipper every day on Nickelodeon. He seems nice enough. I don’t see anything wrong with… Oh wait. You’re talking about _kippers,_ aren’t you? Oops. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/7 "1999-11-14T22:16:00Z")
I feel like showing the world how dumb I am. What the hell is a kipper? – Sylence * * * And now, for my next trick, I will talk in spooky half-references. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/8 "1999-11-14T23:41:00Z")
**kipper** _n._ 1. a fish, esp. a herring, that has been cured by splitting, salting, drying and smoking. 2. a male salmon during or after the spawning season. –_v.t._ 3. to cure (herring, salmon, etc.) by splitting, salting, drying and smoking. * * * Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99. Semper Ubi Sub Ubi ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 1999, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/9 "1999-11-15T02:09:00Z")
Excuse me, but I think they prefer “aquatic-edible-Anglican”. Let’s see some sensitivity out there. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 1999, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/10 "1999-11-15T03:53:00Z")
No. What have they ever done for me? ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 1999, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/11 "1999-11-15T05:03:00Z")
Kippers are our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport. ---
**Author:** ![The\_LION](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e7dd6/32.png) [@The\_LION](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_LION)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 1999, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/12 "1999-11-15T05:22:00Z")
The problem with kippers is the schools. Overcrowded innercity schools. Fix that problem and kippers can become productive members of society. Peace t lion ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/13 "1999-11-16T04:14:00Z")
Yes, I cannot tell you how much it pains me to see those little kippers packed into their classrooms like sardines… * * * “That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/14 "1999-11-16T04:36:00Z")
Oh, so you’re gonna go pickin’ on the sardines now. You think kippers have had it rough! Yeah! Well it’s a no-brainer - we can slam the sardines - nobody’s in their corner. Do you realize what they’ve lost to anchovies as regards their ethnic identity? It’s horrific! ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/15 "1999-11-16T20:28:00Z")
Well, I took a kipper out to see a movie and I didn’t have to pay to get him in. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/16 "1999-11-16T20:44:00Z")
_I_ dated a kipper for six months during my college years. Man, they are ANIMALS in the sack! * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![torq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@torq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torq)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/17 "1999-11-16T22:25:00Z")
Dirty Devil: And kippers are never seen drinking cappucino in Italian restaurants with oriental women. Yeah. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 1999, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/18 "1999-11-16T22:29:00Z")
**Uke** : > [@](#): > > _I_ dated a kipper for six months… Nah. Too easy. * * * Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/19 "1999-11-17T06:39:00Z")
Kippers, kippers, Roly-poly kippers. Kippers, Kippers, Eat them up. Yum! ---
**Author:** ![Moonshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Moonshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonshine)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111/20 "1999-11-17T09:11:00Z")
Fry me kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast. * * * It only hurts when I laugh. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-root-of-our-problems/11111.md?page=2)