# The Saga of a Stupid Lamp **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 18, 2004, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808 "2004-10-18T12:10:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/41 "2004-10-19T01:13:34Z")
Aaron has learned to turn his bedroom light on and off. Which he does first thing in the morning; it’s how we know he’s awake. It looks a little like Morse code, which makes me wonder what he’s signalling. Probably something like “Mommy’s a meanie!” Robin ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/42 "2004-10-19T01:46:22Z")
I don’t have any lamp problems, I only have two in the whole house. One in my bedroom and one in my son’s room. I need more, but until I buy my new furniture, I’m holding off on the lamps. Light bulbs on the other hand…What the hell is the deal with light bulbs nowawadys anyway?! I even spring for the “long life” bulbs and _still_ they burn out well before they’re supposed to. **vunderbob,** hugs are sent your way. Chee-_rist_ it’s definately your turn for some thing to go right for you. Best of luck to you in this ordeal. **Kally,** I’m glad you’re back. I haven’t forgotten about you at all…Your puns were, um…well…I just can’t come up with a pun that hasn’t already been used. Suffice it to say that I thought they were “illuminating”. **Swampy,** I’m so glad you had fun during your cruise. Those drinks sounded yummy. So, where’s \*my \* present? I must dash, I have meat to cook now… ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/43 "2004-10-19T04:10:40Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > Continuing with me Electrical Helping, **Kiwi** (Good to see ya! How ya been?) it’s obviously your “take up” wire in your lamp. See, the electricity comes out of your wall (“pink electricity” comes out of the closet) and goes through your lamp (along the “wires”) then, after it squirts through your light bulb it’s all tired and has to go back into the wall for a rest. Obviously the wire it has to go through after it makes the bulb bright is too small. The electricity gets all backed up in the bulb and wears it out real fast. You should take the whole lamp apart and re-wire it. You could just re-wire the “take up” side, but both wires are stuck together and you’d have to split them up and then glue the new wire onto the old one. This is a LOT of bother, so you should just change out all the wire at one go. The hardest part of the whole thing is figuring out the “underwriters knot”, or as I like to call it “the big wad of duct… _electrical_ tape”. > > Or you could just knock it off your desk, blame it on the kid and get a new lamp. A Perfect Plan. Thank you for the mumbo jumbo talk. It confused me greatly. I am thinking about going with the Perfect Plan. Kids need to get in trouble sometimes, it’s character developing. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/44 "2004-10-19T05:14:49Z")
> [@Taters](#): > > **Swampy,** I’m so glad you had fun during your cruise. Those drinks sounded yummy. So, where’s \*my \* present? > > I must dash, I have meat to cook now… Sounds like you already have your present . . . ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/45 "2004-10-19T12:31:46Z")
> [@Taters](#): > > **vunderbob,** hugs are sent your way. Chee-_rist_ it’s definately your turn for some thing to go right for you. Best of luck to you in this ordeal. Despite my whining, the trip wasn’t a total waste. I got to see a buttload of relatives and friends who weren’t my wife, including VunderKind and my 97 y.o. grandmother. I set up time at IUPUI to finish my degree when we go back at Thanksgiving. The real estate deal is gonna happen, I just don’t know when. The nice thing about FHA mortgages is that at this point, it’s awful hard to walk away. And I needed the time off, even though I also needed the time for my design review prep. However, being a mainstream Protestant, I don’t generally believe in karma, but I am beginning to wonder who I pissed off in a previous life. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/46 "2004-10-19T12:33:55Z")
> [@Magickly Delicious](#): > > I say forget it – when it gets dark out, go to bed. Most efficient way to take care of lamp problems! Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Real Men aren’t afraid of the dark. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/47 "2004-10-19T13:19:30Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > A: None. Real Men aren’t afraid of the dark. As long as they have a woman to cuddle and snuggle with. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/48 "2004-10-19T13:19:50Z")
I’m sticking my tongue out at that mean ol’ mortgage company that’s giving **vunderbob** such a bad time. 😛 I think everyone else should too. **Kalley** dahlin! How wonderful to see you! _MWAH_ _MWAH_ Let’s do lunch! Have your people call my people. I didn’t have any chocolate covered slugs on my cruise but I did have escargot. It was yummy. ACBG was grossed out. I had a yummy treat and grossed somebody out. A twofer! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/49 "2004-10-19T13:28:10Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I’m sticking my tongue out at that mean ol’ mortgage company that’s giving **vunderbob** such a bad time. > > 😛 > > I think everyone else should too. OK 😛😛😛😛😛😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/50 "2004-10-19T14:25:54Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > Friday night I went with my boy to a strip club… I did not know you had a kid **Scout**. The things you learn around here. It’s so nice you share his interests. That’s the way you keep those mother-son bonds strong. (What’s the number for Child Services again?) Thanks **Dogzilla**. It’s hearing stuff like that that keeps the MMP coming your way. So if anyone asks, it’s all your fault. (You might want to add a few of the “regulars” to your Friends List. That way it’s a simpler search- you just see what we’re up to. Odds are the current MMP would show up pretty quickly. And it saves a little wear and tear on the hamsters. Just a tip.) I didn’t get their old lamps **Magickly** , but when we were “between houses” and camped out at the 'rent’s I had to re-wire their living room lamps. They just wouldn’t stay lit anymore. (I think they were about 17 years older than me.) It made me crazy (Mom wasn’t too keen on them either, but Dad just didn’t notice) so I went to the hardware store, picked up some new sockets and changed them out. They were “like new” in that they stayed bright. They were “like old” in that they were still ugly. Eventually replaced them with new lamps. That was a couple of years ago. I’m not sure Dad noticed yet. (Ha! I kid. I’m pretty sure he noticed they have new lamps. Pretty sure anyway.) This is for **Bob** ’s mortgage company: 😛 -Rue. (didja see my smiley?) ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/51 "2004-10-19T14:47:28Z")
😛 - this one’s for the mortgage company 😛 - this one’s for **Rue** ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/52 "2004-10-19T14:51:56Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > This is for **Bob** ’s mortgage company: 😛 **My** mortgage company has been very helpful and understanding through out all this; they’d rather be paid off than have to foreclose. Bank One, who holds the 2nd mortgage, has been a big bunch of pricks, which is SOP for them. The one I hate is the buyer’s mortgage company. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/53 "2004-10-19T15:08:45Z")
:smack: Sorry 'bout that **Bob**. My head was spinning from using a smiley, accedents were bound to happen. Bank One bad! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/54 "2004-10-19T15:47:02Z")
**I, for one, loooove all mortgage companies. No matter what they do, I’m sure it’s in our best interests.** Okay, do you think the all-seeing mortgage company demons are gone now? Phew. Jeesh you guys, you gotta be careful about bad mouthing those fellas. And since they’re gone, a big 😛 to Bank One for giving **bob** trouble. Poor **vunderbob** , my sweet little triple-timing slut. _Fine_ **swampy** , don’t share your pocket present with me. I’ll just imagine you in bright pink hot pants. Which I might buy for myself. Really. It’s not such a leap from what I’ve got on today, an outfit involving marabou feathers, velvet and crocodile leather. Sure, I look like I skinned a muppet. But a _fashionable_ muppet. Were those pink pants at least plaid pink pants, **Lissla**? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/55 "2004-10-19T16:06:16Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Okay, do you think the all-seeing mortgage company demons are gone now? Phew. Jeesh you guys, you gotta be careful about bad mouthing those fellas. And since they’re gone, a big 😛 to Bank One for giving **bob** trouble. Poor **vunderbob** , my sweet little triple-timing slut. **Ashes[sup]2[/sup]**, I need some cheering up. How about you tell me to get on my hands and knees, and have me bark like a dog? ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/56 "2004-10-19T16:56:34Z")
:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/57 "2004-10-19T17:22:47Z")
What?! You’re not doing that already?! Remember sweeting, a good **vunderslut** never approaches mistress, except upon his knees. The barking shouldn’t be forced however. If I do my job right, it’ll come naturally. Speaking of which, where is that crop of mine? Perhaps, since I’m already wearing the spiked heels, we’ll go with that… ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/58 "2004-10-19T17:31:08Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > \*\*[SIZE=1] > _Fine_ **swampy** , don’t share your pocket present with me. I’ll just imagine you in bright pink hot pants. Which I might buy for myself. Really. It’s not such a leap from what I’ve got on today, an outfit involving marabou feathers, velvet and crocodile leather. Sure, I look like I skinned a muppet. But a _fashionable_ muppet. **Were those pink pants at least plaid pink pants,Lissla**? :eek: My eyes! My eyes! Plaid pink pants! PLAID PINK PANTS!!! And I suppose they are capri pants as well! Please, for all that is holy and right, please tell me this was some misbegotten mental glitch in your perfectly coiffured mind! Excuse me while I go pour boiling hot coffee on my eyes. Plaid pink pants. \ Now, I don’t want to make anyone jealous, but I have in my possession, right now, in my house (and in my car, unpacking is not my strong suit) an award-winning vintage art deco torchiere. Which I got for free. From my Mom. It is a lovely black and gold floor lamp, with a (what do you call the glass part of a torchiere? the shade? the base? the bowl? I like bowl, let’s go with that) bowl of frosted glass with an etched design which I won’t begin to describe, suffice to say it is simple, elelgant and oozing with class. It also takes an oversized bulb, which I have not located yet, so I don’t know if it will need re-wiring or not. If it does, you can bet I won’t be doing it. I’ll hammer stuff, saw stuff, re-attach stuff, but if it has to do with electiricity, I leave it to someone else. Electricity is a very powerful godling, and my hair is frizzy enough, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/59 "2004-10-19T17:56:40Z")
Not plaid. Plaid might have been better, in a strange way. Then they could be just part of the teenybopper punk look, which is ugly but sort of fun. These were just PINK. Except more pink than that. I am breaking in my new Doc Martens. I have soaked them, and now I am wearing them and waiting for the water to evaporate. They are not comfy right now. I want hot chocolate as consolation. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808/60 "2004-10-19T18:01:48Z")
I would have been back here sooner but my computer decided to commit suicide by fire this morning here at work. No real flames but it smelled nasty enough around my cube to bring the property manager and his lackey running to see if the AC ducts were on fire. Anyhoo, the IS guys took my tower away en masse (picture the little black things taking away the bad guys in Ghost) and around noon came back with a new tower with my transplanted hard drive. So far I haven’t needed to tell it to go into the light. Sooooo… \*\*hi, kalley, missed ya babe! For bob, BAD MORTGAGE COMPANY!! :p\*\* Saaaayyy!! I have a pair of pink hip hugger capri pants and they are very cute! So there! 😛 Tupug (Pretty in Pink 😛😛 ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-saga-of-a-stupid-lamp/269808.md?page=4)