# The Scylla theory, the toddler test **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 9, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183 "2002-05-09T23:26:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/1 "2002-05-09T23:26:42Z")
After two years on this board conducting a secret sociological study for unnamed government agencies, and performing experiments of all of you for the sake of those studies, \*\* I have reached conclusions concerning the forums known as Great Debates, and The BBQ Pit. The free exchange of information has made us all experts in things we know nothing about. Ready access of vast quantities of information on all subjects has left us overeducated and underinformed. We have immediate access to everything but the wisdom that comes from experience and expertise. We are toddlers paddling about in our water wings in the ocean of knowledge pretending we’re going somewhere. My conclusion is that in order to find truth, knowledge, beauty, understanding and all that shit we need to embrace this toddlerhood. Try this in Great Debates: Pretend you are a three year old. Explain your point from the vocabulary and grammar of a three year old. If you can do this, and it still makes sense, you probably have a valid argument worthy of further debate. If you cannot, the you are full of shit. Try this in the PIT: Pretend you are a three year old. Now explain your grievance the way a three year old would to his Mommy. Does your grievance still sound pretty horrible? If it does, it’s probably valid. Or, are you just whining for a lollipop and a hug (not that there’s anything wrong with that.) You can also use this on your opponents. For example: > [@](#): > > George Bush is doing it all wrong, and he won’t share. or > [@](#): > > Mommy, he took my Florida! Seems as if it accurately somes up half the poltical threads I’ve seen here over the last year. I don’t mean to pick on Democrats. Clearly it works both ways. Try applying the toddler test to the next debate or argument you’re in. It’s a good way to remember which side of the diaper holds the poop. \*\*Just wondering if there’s anybody around here who remembers the first time that cropped up, and do you still tremble at the thought? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/2 "2002-05-09T23:32:09Z")
Scylla is a poo-poo head! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/3 "2002-05-09T23:38:07Z")
I can go you one better – I _listen_ with the mind of a three year old. I haven’t understood a goddamned thing anybody has said on this board in almost two years. Doesn’t stop _me_ from posting, though. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/4 "2002-05-09T23:45:08Z")
If this means that I have to start watching [The Wiggles](http://www.thewiggles.com.au/), then I’m afraid that I will have to kick your candied ass back to the stone age my friend. ---
**Author:** ![jane\_says](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jane\_says](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jane_says)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/5 "2002-05-09T23:49:57Z")
I think most people act like a bunch of spoiled, whiny three-year-olds in the Pit anyway. No sense encouraging it. And bringing up those creepy-ass Wiggles is unforgivable. Ick. ---
**Author:** ![jane\_says](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jane\_says](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jane_says)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/6 "2002-05-09T23:50:58Z")
Um, who put those little numbers up there? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/7 "2002-05-09T23:58:14Z")
The Illuminati Overlords, of course. Best not to ask questions. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/8 "2002-05-10T00:24:21Z")
**The Illuminati Overlords** BAND NAME! [sub]I’m buzzed right now. I think I will be embarrassed as hell if I look up this thread tomorrow. Or maybe not.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/9 "2002-05-10T00:27:40Z")
Hey … you and me both, **swampy**. I’m totally gooned on Tylenol Cold and Flu Tablets. And it appears as though my entries have gone from blatant Dennis Miller rip-offs to blatant Sluggy Freelance rip-offs. Let me check my notes. ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/10 "2002-05-10T00:49:59Z")
Ok, Scylla, Time out for you. Go to your room, and no leaving until you clean up your mess. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/11 "2002-05-10T01:19:05Z")
Pampers or Huggies? Discuss. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/12 "2002-05-10T02:41:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\* Explain your point from the vocabulary and grammar of a three year old._\* Make me. \*\* > [@](#): > > If you cannot, the you are full of shit.\*\* I know you are, but what am I? ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/13 "2002-05-10T15:38:36Z")
Er… how many three year olds have a sound grasp of economics, politics, religion, logic, … Could be a tough test. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/14 "2002-05-10T16:18:20Z")
Economics: I will trade you this lolly for a lick of your ice cream. If you take my lolly, that’s not fair. If we all share everyone would be happy. But sometimes some people are mean, so we can’t share it all. Politics: Let’s all choose who runs the playgroup. Sometimes bigger kids want to run it all by themselves. That’s naughty. Religion: There’s a magic man in the sky that makes all the puppies and the kittens, and he even made you. Logic: If I hit him and take his tonka toy, he will cry. He is crying. But that doesn’t mean I hit him and took his tonka toy. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/15 "2002-05-10T16:27:50Z")
Hello boys and girls. Today we are going to talk about gun control. Can you say “gun control”? Good. Mr. McPheely will be coming by shortly and he’s going to bring his AK-47 in for us to play with. Can you say “constitutionally protected”? Good. But first we’re going to the neighborhood of make-believe, where nothing is real and everyone is a puppet. Can you say “GWB’s energy policy”? Good. By gosh you’re right **Scylla** , this is fun. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/16 "2002-05-10T18:39:44Z")
OK let’s _do_ try gun control. Bobby over there hurt people with his toy. Now Jane wants to take away _my_ toy. I haven’t hurt any one. That’s not fair. Jimmy has a toy too, and Jane want’s to take away Jimmy’s toy, too. Jane is not fair to many people. I think Jane is mean. Hey! It works! ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/17 "2002-05-10T19:26:44Z")
Mommy! Jimmy just shot Jane, and I think she’s DEAD! ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/18 "2002-05-10T20:13:51Z")
Mommy! You took away Jimmy’s cap gun! Now Jimmy and Jane are BOTH dead! ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/19 "2002-05-10T20:31:35Z")
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” Dang, channeled my inner Ralph Wiggam instead. Oh well. “It tastes like burning.” Heh heh heh, what were we talking about- I swear I have the attention span of a three year old. . . . 😉 _-me_ ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183/20 "2002-05-10T20:38:51Z")
Mommy, why would Jimmy kill himself just because somebody took away his toy after he killed Jane with it? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-scylla-theory-the-toddler-test/108183.md?page=2)