# The SDMB Anti-Vampire Weapon Development Guild **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371 "2004-07-16T04:54:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/1 "2004-07-16T04:54:36Z")
We’ve all had some [fun in the past,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4688030) brainstorming means, weapons, and tactics for wiping out the undead. Sometimes it’s for RPGing, sometimes just for fun. (Hopefully, not for any real-life needs.) And of course, we being who we are, we’ve come up with a HELL of a lot more inventive ways for dispatching vampires (and whatnot) than “find where they’re sleeping, and pound a stake through their heart.” And so I say, let’s us form a repository of knowledge of such anti-undead methods. It can be something you’ve thought up or used before, or something new. It just has to be designed to work against Vampires, or allied supernatural creatures. (Like Werewolves, or…I dunno, Mummies. Or ghosts. _Are_ there any anti-ghost weapons?) To start things off… •Adapted [Underwater Small Arms](http://www.gurpsmaster.de/uwater.htm). Kind of like modern-day spearguns, but a hell of a lot more advanced…like the Russian APS Underwater Assault Rifle, which fires 120mm long [sic] darts, on _full-automatic_. The range of the APS is somewhat more limited than a normal assault rifle, especially on land—something in the order of 100 meters. But the darts it fires obviously have enormous anti-vampire potential—they could probably be remade as either wood or silver “stakes.” •Ever seen those “lenses” for laser pointers, that turn the point of light into anything from a circle, to a complex logo? Why not use one of a holy symbol, like a cross, or a Star of David? Even better if you could use an _ultraviolet_ laser with such an attachment. •[Arsine Gas](http://www.biochemhazard.com/arsine.htm) A chemical weapon, that kills by destroying red blood cells. And, apparently, the gas smells like…garlic. If that’s not a “good omen,” I don’t know what is. •If holy symbols or printed spells/prayers work (or those “spell scrolls” you see in any number of anime), how about loading 80,000 of 'em onto an [M-129 “leaflet bomb”](http://www.psywarrior.com/leafbomb.html)? Kind of an Undead Area-Denial Weapon. Good for dealing with large-scale infestations, or “total war” situations. •[This mofo ACH-47 Variant.](http://www.kitsune.addr.com/Rifts/Rifts-Earth-Vehicles/Technowizard/TW-ACH-47V_Vampire_Shredder_Chinook.htm) So…anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/2 "2004-07-16T05:35:25Z")
What’s wrong with a Super-Soaker filled with holy water? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/3 "2004-07-16T06:25:23Z")
> [@xgxlx](#): > > What’s wrong with a Super-Soaker filled with holy water? It just makes us… I mean them THEM itch! ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/4 "2004-07-16T06:36:49Z")
[ST3306 JOHNLITE SUPER SEARCHEYE](http://www1.tpgi.com.au/users/p8king/st3300.htm) Ten million candlepower of vampire zapping goodness! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/5 "2004-07-16T13:57:25Z")
Bring back the Holy Water Sprinkler. Selectively transparent roofs. Push the panic button and it’s broad daylight inside. Keep a broom and dustpan handy. Garlic cologne and breath spray. Tattoo a cross on your neck (I don’t know why the Scoobies never thought of that…). 'course, they’d probably just kill you out of spite, but at least you wouldn’t get turned into one of the Walking Dead. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/6 "2004-07-16T14:12:12Z")
I’ll take one of those multi-use chainsaw/wooden stake thingies used in From Dusk Til Dawn, please. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/7 "2004-07-16T14:15:04Z")
I was thinking something along the lines of **Flaming pitch throwing Catapults** - with stakes embedded in the pitch of course. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/8 "2004-07-16T14:34:32Z")
I’ve always been a fan of the Holy Water Balloon. And the ultraviolet bullets (as seen in _Underworld_) would probably be pretty kickass. IANAScientist, but somebody smarter than me can probably find a way for solar collectors to _discharge_ their sunlight. At least, in my head, it’s a viable solution. Then again, in my head, there’s a whole lotta things I find possible. I think Molotov Cocktails with a healthy dose of garlic powder in the gasoline could probably work, as well. It’s all about _combining_ harmful elements. Saute some garlic in holy water, double the vampire-killin’ punch. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/9 "2004-07-16T15:17:57Z")
Well, defensively, you could bathe and wash your clothes in garlic-infused holy water. That would surely make you **less** attractive to the vamps, particularly if you’re with somebody else who hasn’t taken these precautions. 🆒 Offensively, you’ve got several basic options: **Holy Water** : the aforementions super soaker is always good. Also, for area effect, we can look at water balloons and slingshots. **Fire** : flamethrowers are nice but unwieldy, and probably attract a lot of unwanted attention from landlords, police, etc. Aerosol cans and a lighter make a pretty effective improvised flamethrower, though. Also, I assume that White Phosphorous will be fairly effective as well - particularly as you could follow up with holy water (which won’t douse the flames) and burns so bright you might even get some ancillary UV benefits. **Wooden Stakes** : We’ve got to be able to come up with some kind of toothpick gun with a huge cyclic rof. Toothpicks are so cheap and easy to find. Barring that, we should look into a system of mobile and semi-mobile booby trap systems that will serve as both an advance warning system and an easy and safe way to thin the vamp ranks before they get to us. **Decapitation** : Big honking axes, like Gunn’s in AtS. Preferably plated with a silver finish, washed with holy water and rubbed with garlic prior to battle. We can also adapt the blades to the booby trap system to work in conjunction with the stakes. **Sunlight** : Never gonna work at night. But we can still work on our taunting skills to enrage the vamps so that they totally forget it’s daylight and they chase us out of the abandoned building into the town square. **UV Light** (in some mythos) : Giant UV lights, a la Blade. I’m thinking we can also rig up some king of suit covered in LEDs designed to emit light in the UV spectrum - push of a button and the vamps are running the other direction. ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/10 "2004-07-16T16:03:36Z")
I was always fond of the idea of a massive, aimable mirror in orbit, placed in such a location that it can reflect sunlight onto a chosen spot on the earth’s surface. A spotter on the ground can relay GPS coordinates for an instant sunlight sweep. Rather expensive to set up, but a nasty suprise when the vampires are surrounding you and you call down daylight. ---
**Author:** ![ZaLucky1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4af34b/32.png) [@ZaLucky1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZaLucky1)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/11 "2004-07-16T16:11:00Z")
How about that 1920s style Deathray with ultra violet rays 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/12 "2004-07-16T16:21:51Z")
> [@ZaLucky1](#): > > How about that 1920s style Deathray with ultra violet rays > 🙂 Ah, a 2020s-Style Undeathray. What? ---
**Author:** ![yellowcakesolid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/cdc98d/32.png) [@yellowcakesolid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowcakesolid)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/13 "2004-07-16T16:48:11Z")
Blood Substitute Bars - I don’t know if the whole synthetic blood thing is legitimate or a load of crap. You’d have to ask somebody who knows what they’re talking about. I guess vampire behavior would also be a factor. Some animals won’t chase something down and kill it unless it starts to run away. So I don’t know if a chain of blood substitute bars would help or not. Holy Waffle – I don’t know what has to be done to officially make a wafer holy, but maybe you can do the same thing to waffles. American Gladiator Wooden Spike Ball – The wooden spikes would probably make rolling around difficult, but that’s why engineers get all the cash and chicks. Test Software or Die – Lock a vamp in a room and give him the option of killing himself or testing software for a week. I’m working out the details on how to get the vamp into the room. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/14 "2004-07-16T17:02:46Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > (… Or ghosts. _Are_ there any anti-ghost weapons?) I believe [Venkman, Stantz, and Spengler](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087332/) have conducted exhaustive research in the field of anti-ghost technologies and methodologies. Their 1984 work is (IMHO) the best citation on this subject. For anti-vampire equipment, how about an ultrasonic noise generator? Something designed to screw up a vampire’s bat-form echolocation. Heavy construction equipment is also a good idea. Vampires tend to set up lairs in inaccessable areas, so the heros would need to clear a path through rough terrain. Also, backhoes are particularly useful for excavating graveyards to clear out the vampires’ coffins. ---
**Author:** ![Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f04885/32.png) [@Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ninja_Pizza_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/15 "2004-07-16T17:55:25Z")
Small arms ammo: silver semi-jacketed wooden bullets with a core of garlic puree and holy water Booby traps: claymores w/wood and silver schrapnel. Pressurized garlic & holywater tanks, on a trip-line, with the wavy hoses like some lawn sprinklers. Or, even, lawn sprinklers that spray holy water and are triggered by a trip-line or electric eye. Area denial: a variation on the fuel/air explosives utilizing garlic puree and holy water Orbital kinetics: silver-tipped wooden stakes launched from orbit ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/16 "2004-07-16T19:27:23Z")
> [@yellowcakesolid](#): > > Holy Waffle – I don’t know what has to be done to officially make a wafer holy, but maybe you can do the same thing to waffles. Did anyone else find themselves struggling here with an image of The Waffler from Mystery Men (complete with theme song and Truth Syrup), only with Vampire Hunter D’s hat? Okay, maybe it’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/17 "2004-07-16T19:49:06Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > Did anyone else find themselves struggling here with an image of The Waffler from Mystery Men (complete with theme song and Truth Syrup), only with Vampire Hunter D’s hat? > > Okay, maybe it’s just me. “Gold’n’crispy! Bad guys are history!” Funny, but… no, just you on that one. 😉 I definitely wasn’t thinking about the Vampire Hunter D hat. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/18 "2004-07-16T20:47:46Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > IANAScientist, but somebody smarter than me can probably find a way for solar collectors to _discharge_ their sunlight. At least, in my head, it’s a viable solution. Then again, in my head, there’s a whole lotta things I find possible. Simple, just reverse the polarity. But seriously, nope. Can’t be done. Or rather it can, but it’s no better than a lightbulb. Essentially, the photons from the sun knock some electrons loose and the potential energy well in the semiconductor in the collector sweeps the electrons away, producing a current that can be used directly or stored in a battery. You can run electricy through the semiconductor bits, and get electrons to jump back into position, releasing energy as photons, but it’ll just be light (an LED), without whatever special quality sunlight has that lightbulbs don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/19 "2004-07-16T20:57:55Z")
**Throwing Stars of David** - of course, this only works if your particular breed of vampire is vulnerable to all religious items, or was Jewish while alive. ;j ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371/20 "2004-07-16T21:18:07Z")
Is this a good time to point out I’m a kittycat, not a vampire… please dont deaded me! :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-anti-vampire-weapon-development-guild/255371.md?page=2)