# The SDMB heist! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2017, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295 "2017-04-26T15:50:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/1 "2017-04-26T15:50:56Z")
We’re planning a heist! Target TBD. What skills do you bring to the table? Feel free to copy and past to add to the list below. **iiandyiiii** : Qualified Navy nuclear engineer. Qualified submarine officer. Basic firearms training and proficiency. A few years wrestling in high school and boxing in college. Very strong organizational and logistical skills. 70 words per minute typing speed. Strong grammar, spelling, and “wordsmithing” skills. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/2 "2017-04-26T15:58:06Z")
Hmmm. I think we’ll have to knock you off the “computer skillz” list. You got submariner sewn up though. 🙂 **Sunny Daze** : Trained in handling a wide variety of domestic and exotic animals; extensive theater/make up experience, including some special effects; some medic skills; type way faster than **iiandyiiii** ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/3 "2017-04-26T16:01:58Z")
I can drive a getaway car or a decoy. I know how to sew, so I can make disguises. Or I could bake cookies for the heist meetings. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/4 "2017-04-26T16:02:02Z")
**Omar Little:** Convincing liar. Generalist. Proficient with firearms and driving. Financial specialist. High pop-culture knowledge. Arm-chair psychologist. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/5 "2017-04-26T16:02:42Z")
I’m an excellent driver. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/6 "2017-04-26T16:07:10Z")
I can hold the door open. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/7 "2017-04-26T16:11:54Z")
**Bullitt** : another excellent driver, with strong stamina (can easily drive an all-nighter, if our hideout happens to be 1,000 miles away (Mexico?)), expert marksmanship, good and safe motorcyclist with no accidents in 200,000 miles, qualified artillery fire direction operations control chief, trivia master – I can usually out-Cliff Claven others, and I could nail a standing tennis racket with a football from 80 yards away back in my younger QB-ing days. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/8 "2017-04-26T16:17:57Z")
I can make beer, wine, and liquor for the post-heist celebration. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/9 "2017-04-26T16:35:04Z")
I know people. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/10 "2017-04-26T16:35:41Z")
The roster so far: **iiandyiiii** : Qualified Navy nuclear engineer. Qualified submarine officer. Basic firearms training and proficiency. A few years wrestling in high school and boxing in college. Very strong organizational and logistical skills. 70 words per minute typing speed. Strong grammar, spelling, and “wordsmithing” skills. **Sunny Daze** : Trained in handling a wide variety of domestic and exotic animals; extensive theater/make up experience, including some special effects; some medic skills; type way faster than iiandyiiii **FairyChatMom** : I can drive a getaway car or a decoy. I know how to sew, so I can make disguises. Or I could bake cookies for the heist meetings. **Omar Little** : Convincing liar. Generalist. Proficient with firearms and driving. Financial specialist. High pop-culture knowledge. Arm-chair psychologist. **QuickSilver** : I’m an excellent driver. **Knowed Out** : I can hold the door open. **Bullitt** : another excellent driver, with strong stamina (can easily drive an all-nighter, if our hideout happens to be 1,000 miles away (Mexico?)), expert marksmanship, good and safe motorcyclist with no accidents in 200,000 miles, qualified artillery fire direction operations control chief, trivia master – I can usually out-Cliff Claven others, and I could nail a standing tennis racket with a football from 80 yards away back in my younger QB-ing days. **TroutMan** : I can make beer, wine, and liquor for the post-heist celebration. **kayaker** : I know people. Anyone want to take a first stab at assigning some roles? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/11 "2017-04-26T16:48:38Z")
I, uh… this is difficult. I’m good with animals, if there are going to be any involved somewhere. My knowledge base is esoteric, but eclectic. So I might know a random helpful obscure fact. Especially if it involves science. Especially biological/zoological science. I have a very good written vocabulary. I am at home with all manner of sesquipedalian words. I pronounce half of them wrong because I read them instead of hearing them, but I know what they mean. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/12 "2017-04-26T17:13:35Z")
Heist-specific skills: I’m pretty good at picking locks. A million years ago I worked as an office maintenance guy and would pick peoples desks and file cabinets when they forgot or lost the keys. It’s still a hobby of mine. I’m quite good at [Not Being Seen](https://youtu.be/dTQYEkIvN2M). I can drive heavy equipment such as bulldozers, backhoes, road rollers, etc. I have some experience with blowing things up as both an amateur and professional (Navy Aviation Ordnance). ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/13 "2017-04-26T17:17:47Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > The roster so far: > > **iiandyiiii** : Qualified Navy nuclear engineer. Qualified submarine officer. Basic firearms training and proficiency. A few years wrestling in high school and boxing in college. Very strong organizational and logistical skills. 70 words per minute typing speed. Strong grammar, spelling, and “wordsmithing” skills. > > **Sunny Daze** : Trained in handling a wide variety of domestic and exotic animals; extensive theater/make up experience, including some special effects; some medic skills; type way faster than iiandyiiii > > **FairyChatMom** : I can drive a getaway car or a decoy. I know how to sew, so I can make disguises. Or I could bake cookies for the heist meetings. > > **Omar Little** : Convincing liar. Generalist. Proficient with firearms and driving. Financial specialist. High pop-culture knowledge. Arm-chair psychologist. > > **QuickSilver** : I’m an excellent driver. > > **Knowed Out** : I can hold the door open. > > **Bullitt** : another excellent driver, with strong stamina (can easily drive an all-nighter, if our hideout happens to be 1,000 miles away (Mexico?)), expert marksmanship, good and safe motorcyclist with no accidents in 200,000 miles, qualified artillery fire direction operations control chief, trivia master – I can usually out-Cliff Claven others, and I could nail a standing tennis racket with a football from 80 yards away back in my younger QB-ing days. > > **TroutMan** : I can make beer, wine, and liquor for the post-heist celebration. > > **kayaker** : I know people. > > Anyone want to take a first stab at assigning some roles? QS: Pretty sure I’ve got the fastest car, so I’m driving. Kayaker: procure the necessary tools and fire-arms, chat up the guard. iiandyiiii: heist plan in MS Project and ransom note. Shooter. Sunny Daze: Medical supplies and bullet extraction FairyChatMom: Sutures Trout Man: Booze in lieu of anesthetics per bullet extraction procedure (above) Omar Little: Diversion and distraction of target Knowed Out: Muscle Bullit: Navigator August West: Safe cracker Malleus, Incus, Stapes!: How do you look in a revealing top and skirt? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/14 "2017-04-26T18:24:26Z")
Running away may be necessary. I can help with the preparation. ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/15 "2017-04-26T18:25:53Z")
Cornelius Tuggerson Professional software engineer with lots of experience, rather useless in heist. Fat, loud, and obnoxious, can cause a scene if needed. Made sandwiches for a living back in college. Took a 4 hour handgun safety course and put in ~80 hours at a shooting range with various pistols and rifles over the years. Inconspicuous driver. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/16 "2017-04-26T18:38:05Z")
If we need to create a diversion by sliding granite stones along a sheet of ice, and then make our getaway on a large sailing ship, I’m your guy. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/17 "2017-04-26T18:42:15Z")
Obviously the heist can’t be done: there is no midget to go down the chimney! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/18 "2017-04-26T18:54:47Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Obviously the heist can’t be done: there is no midget to go down the chimney! Actually, I’ve got a dwarf (prefers to be called a little person, though). Also, he’ll work for a 1/2 share. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/19 "2017-04-26T19:23:38Z")
Apparently I’m invisible to police, whether driving, walking or standing right in front of them, needing assistance. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2017, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295/20 "2017-04-26T19:28:55Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Malleus, Incus, Stapes!: How do you look in a revealing top and skirt? Depends what it’s revealing. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-heist/785295.md?page=2)