# The SDMB Legion of Honor **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367 "2000-05-12T20:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/41 "2000-05-15T05:23:06Z")
1. Spelling and grammar: (see 6 above. Actually, I could include a disclaimer that I was invoking the cultural research by drinking a bottle of Gamay Beajolais before posting to this thread. You decide.) ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/42 "2000-05-15T15:32:28Z")
“Pah-thetic”. - . . . and like the wind he is gone into the night\* ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/43 "2000-05-15T16:08:11Z")
While the [Legion of Doom](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24315) is already embroiled in internecine conflict, our organization appears to be functioning smoothly. The Legion of Honor operates on all the best modern concepts of teamwork and collaborative management. Accordingly, I am designating the following team members: **Reclusive Leader** SingleDad **Executive Team** purplebear waterj2 **Finance & Administration** London\_Calling Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor **Security** Kat\* **Bumbling Agents** WallyM7\* Shadenwawa Osip **Bumbling Agents Support** Arnold Winkelried TVeblen TopazAntares\*\* **Suave & Sexy Agents** Omniscient Ultress\* Jess Cristi **S&S Support Team** Shayna Falcon TopazAntares\*\* **Superhero Team** weirddave TheNerd **Science Team** Sealemon88 Argeable Democritus **Ordinary Agents** MoosieGirl **Mascots** Talkinsquirrel\* **Casualties, Bystanders, etc.** MysterEcks xenophon41 casdave **TBD** Angkins Nen \*\*Double agents \*_More than one category_ The Executive Team will assume responsibility for the day-to-day operation of the Legion of Honor. Please direct any questions or comments to them. Just as a note, the Legion of Honor is financed primarily by my vast personal wealth, inherited from my grandfather who assembled his fortune through war profiteering on urinal cakes. Some operations are financed by various governments; my contacts among the under-secretaries and vice-ministers (who _really_ run things, as Cristi has pointed out) are especially valuable. Naturally, any accountant interested in setting up his retirement in Argentina would necessarily posses the complex and subtle skills necessary to avoid embarassing questions from auditors. A double-agent as chief of security is a must. To function effectively, your loyalties must remain absolutely opaque and your professionalism in _both_ organizations of the highest standards. We have a first-class team of primary agents, some with powers that might place them in the Superhero category would that their loyalty to humanity be somewhat more ambiguous. The Bumbling Agents are quite encouraging; it is quite difficult to defend against someone who can’t predict his or her _own_ behavior! Our Suave Agents are highly valued and critical to our success. And with our crack support teams (no pun intended) I’m sure morale will remain high. The salary is low (you _are_ motivated by a dedication to TJ&tAW) but all agents have an unlimited expense account. Our ordinary agents are especially valuable. While usually not acheiving the same recognition as the primary agents, there is much to be said for the ability to spontaneously appear at the critical moment and save the day. Our science team is second to none. Keep those gadgets flowing, and try not to kill _too_ many bystanders. Our bystanders and casualties will have ample opportunity both to motivate and complicate important operations. We’re counting on you! Angkins and Nen: We have a vast organization; both of you would make valuable additions. Please examine the enclosed brochure and let us know where you feel your services would be most valuable. If no existing positions seem to suit your talents and inclinations, perhaps you might suggest your own job description. At the Legion of Honor, we value creativity and initiative! A special note to **xenophon41** : You have indeed stumbled upon a secret of enormous magnitude. We hope that you might be interested joining us. You would be privy and able to contribute to our noble work. The Legion of Honor offers on-site day care, excellent medical, dental and vision benefits, a liberal retirement pension. The LoH is an Equal Opportunity Employer and undertakes outreach programs to minority and low-income groups. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/44 "2000-05-15T16:24:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Keep those gadgets flowing, and try not to kill too many bystanders _tosses away the Girl Guide Cookie bomb_ Damn thats out of the question then. _falls to the ground when it blows up the trash can sending out shrapnel killing her assistant… she stands and brushes herself off coughing a little from the smoke and walks to her assistant looking down at him_ Oh… sorry about that… _shakes her head_ What a shame and he was so good in bed too. _goes back to the drawing board letting the janitor clean up the mess_ ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/45 "2000-05-15T16:27:16Z")
I wish to extend a warm welcome and my deepest appreciate to the new members of the Legion of Honor. You have undertaken a most serious and difficult task. Both the Legion of Doom and the Legion of Honor share the same underlying motivation: Each person’s desire to impose his or her will on the universe. The forces of righteousness and corruption oppose each other, and thus express Nature’s imposition of the qualities of symmetry and balance. Corruption left unopposed will eventually degenerate into decadence and ineffectuality; thus we stand in opposition. But it has been persuasively argued that the pursuit of righteousness constitutes a greater threat to freedom. Thus even the forces of evil fulfill a needed place in the natural balance. Both sides of the coin of will complement the other and hold its worst in check. Please keep this sense of balance and symmetry in your minds as you go about your duties. ---
**Author:** ![Shadenwawa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Shadenwawa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadenwawa)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/46 "2000-05-15T16:38:03Z")
So, like, do we get a dental plan? ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/47 "2000-05-15T17:41:11Z")
**SingleDad** : Upon review of the brochure and employment roster, I have decided that you are bit deficient in the suave and sexy agent department as it is predominantly staffed by females. Who is to seduce the heterosexual women while using wonderous martial arts skills to incapacitate the enemy? Without going so far as to submit my qualifications in a personal ad motif, I request consideration for this occupation. Then again, considering **Democritus’s** flight experience, your science team might be a man short in the near future. Perhaps a physicist would be a valuable addition. I suppose, given a roll of duct tape, I could create my own preposterous gadgets in the field. I leave my fate in your capable hands. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/48 "2000-05-15T17:49:02Z")
This side seems sort of icky, and like, good. It makes my teeth hurt. What’s in it for me if peradventure it came to pass that I joined up? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/49 "2000-05-15T18:15:51Z")
_ **Reprinted from the Gothametropolis Daily OpEd pages "Letters to the Editor"** _ Dear Sirs, I know how this paper’s editorial staff seems to feel about the hardworking city employees. However, you should know that we are longsuffering servants of this city, and that their [sic] are bigger problems than your paper is willing to acknowledge. I recently found not just ONE but TWO so-called “corporate identities” operating within this fine city that appear to have not only unregistered foreign workers but are abusing the cities [sic] resources without any accounting! When I reported to elected city officials that these “companies” (which I think must be fronts for Dangerous Foreign Elements!) had large unexplained shipments of probably dangerous material going in and out under secrecy of night, and that I also had proof that employees at one of these “businesses offices” was actually seen testing some sort of ODOR BOMB, do you think any of our Elected Bosses paid attention to me?? No, sirs, they did not. In fact, I was slapped with an injuction to stay 500 feet away from their places of business by some slippery Lawyer type from one of the “organizations” and I was actually Bribed with Employment by the other! And I swear there are people following me and watching me! I can’t prove it yet, but I see the shadows… Mark my words, there’s some kind of _dirty work_ involved here! signed Disgruntled City Employee [Ed. note: Guys like this are the reason we investigated city hiring practices last year.] ---
**Author:** ![Elthia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e274bd/32.png) [@Elthia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elthia)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/50 "2000-05-15T18:25:26Z")
I’m not officially joining either group. I am the mastermind female Witch who sits in the background, controlling both groups through hidden forces. _evilgrin_ And I’m totally neutral, I’m doing this for hidden purposes of my own. -Elthia ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/51 "2000-05-15T19:00:44Z")
RL SingleDad, sir! \ XO purplebear reporting as ordered, sir! _giggles_ \ First order of business, XO waterj2, we must have a meeting. Of the minds as it were. No, really, just the minds. :o **WHAT**?? That’s all I meant. Honest! Anyway, why don’t you email me, XO and we’ll plan our first strategy for the masses. Meantime, Science Team and the S&S Agents (all other agents are on standby for now, more to follow) continue on with your inventions and infiltrations as before. Report in tonight if possible to do so. Finance and Admin, we will have a major plan to put into effect soon, and will need much ready cash. Also, would you please see that the Science team has sufficient funding for it’s ‘research’. If more than 2 people are killed during the testing of any new gadjet, please feel free to deduct a fine on whichever team member disobeyed RL’s injuction. Nen, you will serve double duty as a science team member and as a S&S Agent; with your primary duties to the Agent side. Welcome. As soon as the XO’s have had their meeting, and cleared aforementioned plan with our esteemed leader, we will let you all in on it. (Those with a need to know, at any rate). After that time, I shall expect to see each group have their own meetings to coordinate and impliment said plan. Until later, my LoH members. purplebear signing off for now. \ \ ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/52 "2000-05-15T19:54:12Z")
\*\* OOH!! OOH! OOOH!!! \*\* Can I be the dim-witted sidekick whose job it is to screw up the protaganist while offering a bit of comic relief in case the viewer thinks we’re all taking things a tad too seriously? In lieu of that, I’d prefer to be the beautiful dead wife who the superhero hero pines over, while also offering an excuse as to why everyone puts up with this loose cannon, aside from the fact that he’s drop dead gorgeous with perfect teeth… ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/53 "2000-05-15T20:39:00Z")
Memo: To the XO’s I fear that we are placing the LoH in a dangerous position by not strictly defining the upper echelons of the hierarchy. While I have no doubt that a robust staff of scientists can be a strong asset keeping my munitions fully stocked with cutting edge tools, I fear that a devisive dynamic could develop between the multiple S&S agents. I know things can run smoothly with myself and my female counterparts, but I fear the spite of any other male members could hurt team morale. I fear the lack of ordinary agents, as well as a weak superhero staff could create a situation where more mundane tasks remain unaddressed. This could be a potential weakness the LoD could exploit, indundating us with individually trival concerns like bad tippers, people wearing white after Labor day, and a spandex fad. But these factors combined could crush a city like Gothametropolis. \*Doing my part to help the cause, while minimizing competition for the affection of my truely beautiful Support Staff. Now Jess, how’s about you and I go out and give these LoH expense cards a trial run. How do you feel about Monte Carlo? I’ve got a connection I could exploit, I think it’s be an excellent opportunity for us S&S agents to compare techinques. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/54 "2000-05-15T20:53:28Z")
_sigh_ Anything you’d like me to do as your secretary while you jet off with another woman, Omni? After all, that _is_ my job… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/55 "2000-05-15T20:58:23Z")
shhhhhh. collect secrets. report back to me. bring more wine. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/56 "2000-05-15T21:12:10Z")
_noticably shaken from his typical cool demeanor_ Falcon, I’m sorry, but reconosance has informed me that you’ve been shopping your services in the LoD. As such I fear I may need to remove you from my service. While I have a penchant for disobeying command and abusing expense accounts, I am fiercely loyal, and expect the same from my subordinates. After the years of tireless service you’ve provided I’m hurt that you have ignored my generosity and attention. Jess, I think we’ll need to break open that Scotch I picked up at the duty free shop. Also, it appears I’ve encountered an archenemy. Sue Duhnym appears to me my foil. I’m both secretly attrcated to her, but disgusted by her diabolical and unjust ways. I forsee much conflict within as I seek to incarcerate her. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/57 "2000-05-15T21:24:34Z")
\ Here’s a couple of new inventions, people. For the sexy super agents, I already have the afore-mentioned nuclear earrings. I’ve also developed a stick of hallucenougenic(sp) lipstick. If you find your lips tingling after aplication, just lie down somewhere, and avoid operating heavy machinery. I’ve designed this special compact case. Light reflected into the mirror is magnified and focused into a laser. It will be much more useful as soon as I figure out an effective aiming system… Something special for Falcon: A pair of ultra-light wings, with a jet pack! _Be sure to pack a parachute. Or at least strap a pillow to your ass._ ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/58 "2000-05-15T21:41:02Z")
_ **Standing in the rain, two blocks down from the public exit of LoH HQ…** _ \ \ Pssst! Hey buddy… Ah, I couldn’t help but see that you’ve come out of that brownstone over there… eh, I’m investiga— I mean, I’m uh looking for work – yeah, looking for work, and I was wondering what kinda business you guys are in. Just so I know whether I’m interested you see. -What? Snooping? C’mon, pal, I’m just an honest citizen lookin’ for ---- where you going? Hey, come back here, you; I’m trying to fool -er- convince you I’m… Ah, crap. \ _I’ll find the barrel these bad apples are at the bottom of yet…_ ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/59 "2000-05-15T22:04:11Z")
Having briefly looked into the financial resourses available, i can confirm that due to SingleDad’s enormous wealth there is enough money in the pot for…everyone from mascot upward to have at their disposal Aston Martin DB7’s (use at the weekend, oil slick making machine, machine guns and ejector seats included). HURRAH ! Double Agents are, of course, entitled to two although admin will need to see a chitty (that’s two ejector seats , not DB7’s). Potted plants are on order, requests for choice of foilage are being taken. Please bear in mind your girth when selecting said folage. Thank you for your attention. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367/60 "2000-05-15T22:47:26Z")
_mutters under her breath_ Dammit!! MC, I _told_ you to keep a low profile! _turns around and smiles sexily_ But Omni, I’ve given you SUCH good service over the years…you KNOW I’d never betray you, honey! _leans over, showing her cleavage_ Are you SURE we can’t work something out? _batting eyes_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-legion-of-honor/19367.md?page=4)