The SDMB Mommy's Group (Daddies Welcome!)

Can someone translate what AP and CIO stand for and actually mean?

I have a Sears book but some of these others are beyond me. BTW, I find to be a great site. I especially like the weekly and monthly emails they send out depending on age.

Hey China Guy!

AP is Attachment Parenting, CIO is cry it out. The other big controversy is Babywise by Gary Ezzo. I’ll leave it to someone else to define these more clearly. NCSS is the No Cry Sleep Solution book.

I want to start a new acronym - FAB - Fuss a Bunch! That’s what my kids do!

Congratulations on your twins! Since you’ve already been through the baby drill once, and are planning to hire help, you’ve really got the big issues under your belt. The only things we have two of are car seats, high chairs and cribs. And exersaucers, but they’re different.

Of course, right now the disadvantage to your existing knowledge concerns the pregnancy - twin pregnancies are (for most women) vastly different and I think women who’ve already had babies get fooled by it. Make your wife take it easy!!! I’ve read so many posts from twin moms whose babies were premature and thus spent weeks in the NICU, and they all say they wish they’d listened to their doctors more closely and curtailed their activities. Of course there are exceptions, and cases where things just happen - who knows?

Personally, I was exhausted for most of the 9 months and I rarely did a thing. Even to the point of not unloading the dishwasher. It is soooo depressing to be inactive that way, and it is really painful towards the end, but I carried my babies to 38w 5d and they were each almost 6 lbs. I was the size of a Volkswagon, but after my scheduled C-Section I felt great within hours! It was such a relief, I was dancing jigs!

Re: twin anecdote - people sometimes think that with twins, you often have two screaming babies. That’s actually rarely happened. When one of them works up a big head of steam, the other one will look over as if to say “ok, you take this one” and will shut up. They’re quite aware of one another and have been since about 8 weeks or so. Nowadays they laugh at one another all the time.

Mine was three when we had our second. We didn’t do much, except tell her there was a baby in mommy’s tummy who’d be coming out soon, etc.

She came to the hospital, and looked at him in the crib, and I said, “There’s your baby brother. Do you like him?”

“No,” she said.

Well, at least she was honest. But she’s done all right. We’ve stressed that she’s the big sister, and the little guy needs her help, and that seemed to help.

As for sleeping–like others have said, everyone needs to work out what works best for them. I’m convinced that not only are families different, but babies are. Some things that work like a charm for one kid just won’t for another, and I look at the different childcare experts’ advice as options I can try to see if they work and if they don’t I try something else. I certainly don’t see them as rules for the “right way” to raise kids.

That said, my kids slept with us for quite awhile. When my daughter was about three, I started putting her to bed in her room, and that worked fine. I didn’t have to teach her to go to sleep on her own, though I did spend a week or so rubbing her back for awhile after tucking in so she wouldn’t feel lonely after I put her to bed.

Same for my son. He’s four now, and I’ve been putting him to bed in his own bed since he was about two and a half. I didn’t have to teach him to go to sleep on his own.

I think that if what you’re doing is working, there’s no need to switch to something else just because someone else says it’s not right. I think kids learn to put themselves to sleep in a variety of ways, and some kids learn better going to sleep with mom or dad there so they feel secure once they’re ready to do it on their own, and some kids need a different kind of training–or some parents need the room in their own bed! I know how that goes, too. You’ve got to go with what’s best for you and your family.

Hey there…

I have two kidlets. The girl child turned 3 in May and the boy child will be one in October.

To commemorate the end of my childbearing experiences I got a tattoo! Yay me.

My son is currently practicing using a stool. He wanted his sister’s milk so he pushed a toy over to climb on so he could reach it. She got mad and moved the milk. He decided to attack daddy’s laptop. I closed that. Now he’s stealing remotes but his sister is taking them away so I’m all set there.

My kids sleep great. We put them in cribnito when they got tired and got them up when they decided they were awake. They’ve been sleeping through since they were 8 weeks (girl) and 12 weeks (boy.) I don’t know if it is because of or in spite of our parenting skills.

The girl child stopped naping about 18 months. The boy child still takes his 3 hour siesta.

I don’t read parenting books - they made me feel really inadequate. The pregnancy books scared the crap out of me! “Why yes here is what your baby is growing this week and the 8,000,000 ways that can go wrong - but don’t worry!” Thanks. Parenting books seem like guides for you to decide what kind of neurosis you want your kid in therapy for when he’s 30.

I have two daredevils now. They seem to want to kill themselves by climbing. My daughter is houdini and can escape any child thwarting device around. My son watches carefully and imitates as best as he can. I knew kids were smart but I didn’t realize they could be so devious!

Hey tanookie!

I just have to say, I get a real kick out of all the names you guys use for your babies, kidlets, catterpies, etc. So clever.

I think you’re right, Bren_Cameron - I know that people are telling the absolute truth when they say one particular method worked beautifully, and I’m equally covinced when I hear an opposing truth. Since my babies are fraternal I see every day what different individuals they are, and it takes different tactics.

Re: siblings, a former boss of mine gave his two kids gifts “from the baby” to help smooth things over. I think they bought it, for a while anyway. :wink:

OMG, that is so cute, them laughing at each other! Laughing is one of the best things about babies. Every time I get fed up with how intense Chloe can be, I’m reminded that while her curiosity, neediness, and frustration are forceful, so is her joy.

As for parenting advice and books - I finally found a way to look at it all that works for us. All the books and parenting styles, and what your friends tell you - all of that is a great source for ideas. If you try to follow some book or expert as an absolute authority, you will probably feel inadequate and guilty a lot. But if you realize that no one really knows what works best, and only you know your baby as an individual, you can take tidbits from different sources, and create a fluid plan that works for your family.

For instance, every book I read said that a nap of less than an hour is not a “real” nap, and predicted all kinds of dire consequences, including chronic insomnia for the rest of her life, if she didn’t nap “correctly.” Well, she’s done the 30 min nap thing for at least six months, and she sleeps for 12-13 hours at night, usually without needing me. I finally just relaxed and let her be herself, and I’m a lot happier. She’s also happier, without me trying to force longer naps on her (as if that were possible!).

I never bothered to read any general parenting books, never needed to, never wanted to. My wife read the “What to Expect When Your…” books and found them to be nothing more than worry-generators - she was particularly unnerved at one passage that talked about spinal development, temperature sensitivity regarding this particular moment which implied that one shouldn’t take a bath during the X number of hours that this nerve is developing. I give the books a hearty :rolleyes: seal of disapproval.

The others that I browsed through seemed to be a kaleidescope of ideology with the occasional nugget of common sense, therefore not worth my while.

Shockingly enough, despite my ignoring the experts, Sophie is a wonderful, intelligent, amazingly-polite two-year-old (almost 3, actually) who is a joy to be with.

And she still naps for about 2-3 hours a day, late afternoon. And if she doesn’t nap, she knows well enough to stay in her room and quietly play… and yes, we do believe in schedules.

Oh yes, the pregnancy books scared the hell outta me too. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about as is! (I didn’t know I was pregnant till I was about 9 weeks along and as such had been out partying, not taking folic acid, not eating very well… thankfully Caterpie is showing no signs of problems big sigh of relief)

The parenting books I borrowed from the library, scanned a couple and kept the what to expect books as long as I could just to read certain parts of it. I never bothered with reading the whole thing, just stuck to the stuff about starting solids and such. I’ve had a fair bit of experience with babies so I wasn’t completely lost at the start, just tired and right now I pretty much wing it.

And thanks for the liking what I call him. I picked it cuz it was cute and fit with my username (I thought) :smiley:

We had an idea that something was amiss when my lovely and svelte wife ate an entire Bloomin’ Onion at Outbacks, prior to putting away an entire meal.

“What’s up? Are you hungry or pregnant?”
“… Oh, shit!”


Actually, we had been trying for 5 months so it wasn’t that much of a shock. It was close enough to Valentines Day as to give us the opportunity to wait for confirmation until then, allowing us to (more or less) truthfully tell our little girl that we discovered that Mommy was expecting her arrival on Valentines Day.

I think I will let my son do the math on his own some day to discover he was concieved on Valentine’s Day. :eek:

We live a kind of bohemian lifestyle. Sleep when we’re tired - eat when we’re hungry. Both mommy and daddy are home most of the time. I couldn’t function by a schedule without some serious reconditioning. We also know we are really lucky to have daddy and mommy both working out of the house. We’re enjoying it while we can since we know nothing is forever.

OK, so I have 5 weeks to go until #2 comes along. Child #1 (my little girl) will turn 2 during those 5 weeks.
I’m a little bit concerned about the effect on her, but I have to say, I am really concerned about the effect on me! Maybe I’m just sick of being pregnant during the heat and humidity, as well as having to work, AND I have some odd rash/itchiness thing that is making me miserable…but I have become a real bitch lately and just so overwrought.
I have very genuine fears that I will lose all patience and perspective when I have 2 to take care of. I grew up with a mother who was bitchy and impatient and smacked us around to “teach” us and basically got zero enjoyment out of being a parent, and I don’t want to end up like that.
Words of encouragement, please?

[Note: I don’t hit my child and plan never to. I threw that in there to illustrate just why I am so afraid of turning out like my own mom.]

Well if you’re worried about that happening I’d say that’s a first step to it not happening. Because then you’ll be more aware of what you are doing and if you start to do that you’ll pull back.

Not to say you won’t get bitchy, I do and I only have one! I don’t direct it at him though. He can’t understand that Mommy’s in a bad mood or has a headache and really doesn’t want you screeching today.

I’m just trying not to turn out like my Mom or my Grandmothers… the Grandmothers are are really strict, and my Mom is… well she’s pretty lax. I’m trying to hit the happy medium and not get guilted into anything (like baptism, that one hasn’t come up yet thankfully)

Hey, can I join? My kids are a little older than most of the ones you guys are talking about, but I might have some helpful stuff to contribute. I have three girls, ages 17, 13 and 4. Yeah, I know, I know. For years after girl number 2, we both said, well, two kids is enough. We don’t need more than that. Then, when girl number two was almost 7 years old, hubby said, “well, we could try one more time for a boy, couldn’t we?” So, I ended up having another baby at 38 years of age. Eight years between my second and third. There are blessings and drawbacks to these kinds of age differences. My oldest has a host of mental and emotional problems, including but not limited to, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, suicidal tendencies, alcoholism and drug addiction. She’s currently attending the alternative high school here in town. My 13-year-old is a gem, beautiful, smart and geeky. My 4-year-old is a joy. Smart and funny. I call her “monkey girl” because she climbs so much! She’s a study in contradictions. She’s a tomboy who loves skirts that “twirl”. She’ll start preschool tomorrow. She has a speech-delay problem, as did my middle daughter.

So, my take on a couple of things. Sleeping: I did CIO. One important thing if you’re going to do this: use a timer! When your baby is crying, two minutes seems like at least 15! If you decide not to do this, don’t feel guilty. Like most other things in life, everyone has to find their own way. Don’t worry too much about any one thing you do being a mistake. You’ll make thousands of mistakes before your kid is grown. You can drive yourself nuts worrying about every little thing!

lorene, I absolutely understand your concerns! When I was pregant with my second one, my SIL told me “two kids are more than twice as hard as one”. Turns out she was right. Also turns out, I handled it. Everyone talks about sibling rivalry, and all that stuff. Well, all that stuff exists, and if anyone wants it, I have some advice. But something that very few people talk about is how wonderful it is to see sibling interact in a positive way with each other. When they are loving and/or caring towards one another, it’s very rewarding.

fessie, I think this thread is a great idea!

norinew! so wonderful to see you!

lorene hon, I know just what you mean! That end of pregnancy period is SO hard! Good for you hanging in there - shoot, I was a real bitch during most of my pregnancy & on quite a few occasions since!! And you’re working? You’re tough!

Although I’m far from the most experienced parent here, I can really relate to your concerns about raising two. I agree with Flutterby about awareness being the first step. Then I think you have to prioritize. I decided that my first order of business is safety and basic care; second is affection and patience; and playing and enthusiasm come in third. It’s a pretty distant third some days! Because I always have to keep myself an energy reserve; if I give everything I’ve got during the day, I really hit the wall at night. Lean on relatives for help, too; as soon as I get enough visiting adults around to take care of my kids, I’m outta here! I also decided that when I spoke to my babies it would always be with affection, and when I touched them it would always be with love. So far, so good (knock wood!).

BTW, lorene, I had my first baby in the middle of June. I was so miserable the last few weeks that I timed my second two pregnancies so I wouldn’t have another summer baby!

So norinew - what have you chosen to do differently with your third daughter? Oh, and my twins were born two months after I turned 39! Yep! If I don’t keep my roots at bay with ol’ #63, I start getting “So are these your kids?” everywhere I go. My mother has borderline personality disorder, she’s a wonderful woman but it’s been difficult.

tanookie bohemian is a great word! Me too!

I agree with all of you about parenting books & magazines, even though I still browse through them, trying to cover all my bases. WTEWYE is too earnest & dour for me. Part of that could be because I started reading it when I had morning sickness - it makes me nauseous!! The only author I really like is Vicki Iovine, she’s a hoot. Her books are more about mommy’s needs, she’s very sympathetic (although she seems to have some food/body issues of her own). The only magazine I really love is Brain, Child.

LillyoftheValley people have done that to my kids, too; my daughter’s good at making eye contact, so sometimes people will ignore my son. He notices, too, one day his little mouth went all wiggly when my friend turned away (so of course I intervened). I’d love to see pix of your ValleyGirl!

Talking about babies interacting – a few weeks ago my son was just babbling away & my daughter was laughing at him. I said to Hubby “I think he’s telling jokes”, and Hubby said (in his baby boy voice) "… so then the Jewish baby said, ‘But my bris isn’t until next week’ ". :stuck_out_tongue:

It’s not so much a matter of what I’ve chosen to do differently as what she’s demanded I do differently :wink: . Our oldest daughter was very easy going. I could put her down anywhere and she’d entertain herself for hours. She slept through the night starting at 2 weeks. She was very social, and my sisters took her for overnights and weekends all the time. She was fully conversational by age two. My father said “don’t ever have another baby; you’ll never have another one this good”. Four years later, I had my second daughter. My second daughter was also quite docile, but in a different kind of way. She would listen to everything I said, and do it, even if she was unhappy about it. When I took her out of her crib and put her in a bed when she was two and a half, she would sit on the top of the steps in the morning, waiting for someone to notice her and tell her she could come down. She had speech-delay problems. Starting at about the time normal babies start talking, she started immitating animal sounds, but not talking at all. By the time she was three, she could make over 40 animal sounds, including different sounds for “nice kitty” and “angry kitty”. She started intensive speech therapy at 3 years old (15 hours a week), and just blossomed. Now you can’t shut her up! My third one, though, is just like her father! She’s strong-willed and intrepid. Last night, when she was out chasing fireflies, she caught a slug instead. She named it Cup, and it now lives in a small jar in her room. She loves creepy-crawlies. I use time-outs with her (as I did with the first two), and they seem successful. But whereas the first two would sit passively in time-out, the little one screams the whole time; she gets pissed off about it! The differnet tempraments demand different ways of interacting with them.

One thing I do with my youngest that I ddint’ do with the other two, because I never thought of it, is I use a timer. If it’s almost time to get ready to go somewhere, I’ll set my timer and tell her when the timer beeps, we have to put away the Play-Doh and get ready. When it’s nap time, I set the timer and tell her she has to lay down for 15 minutes; if she gets up, it gets reset. When I play with her, I set the timer to let her know when playtime is over. At clean-up time, I set the timer for 5 minutes to let her see if she can pick up her toys before the timer beeps. She loves the timer, and responds well to it.

Wow! I talk a lot, huh? :smiley:

You just keep talking :stuck_out_tongue: ! That timer bit is a great suggestion! I guess I was hoping to hear “now that I’m an experienced parent, I know better than to (fill in blank)”, but apparently there’s no way to use your learning curve to circumvent my own mistakes ;). There is no Simple 'n EZ route, is there?

I was actually thinking I’d gone a bit far in my remarks to lorene, sometimes I’m too passionate. I hope I wasn’t overbearing.
That “Don’t-Want-to-be-Like-My-Mom” thing really strikes a chord with me, but I’m betting it’s just about the biggest fear we all have (after SIDS).

I refuse to be my mom!

The thing with kids is that they really are their own people. Each one is different, different temperament, different ideas, different likes and dislikes. There is no one size fits all trick to work with all kids.

Well there is one. No matter what style you parent in - consistency is key. They really need to be able to depend on you!

You weren’t at all overbearing! Trust me, it’s a relief to have people relate to what I’m saying/fearing.
I liked your explanation about the priorities, too. I think that’s where I kind of shoot myself in the foot sometimes—I try to do it all at once, and then wonder why I don’t have the energy to do it all perfectly. But the idea that enthusiasm can take a back seat, as long as I’m mastering safety, affection and patience…well, that just makes sense.

norinew, I love the timer idea, too! My duaghter has trouble at times transitioning from one activity to another, especially because she is just too young to understand that we are not saying goodbye to that activity forever. I think the timer would eventually help.