# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/221 "2000-12-14T23:11:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Prof. Dumbledore \* > \*\ ***Hey Welfy** > can you adopt me??? Please… \*\* Well, I guess you can join in the game. Once I get my questions conjured (I’ll try to do it this weekend), you can try to answer them, too. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/222 "2000-12-15T04:16:49Z")
Well, **dodgy** , I’ll take that to be a yes. Das ist gut! Bitte, bringen Sie mir eine neubie. (How’s that? Sorry, I don’t know a whole lot of German) Once all the adoption paperwork is official with Straight Dope Social Services, I’ll begin your initiation. I must think of something good…😉 ---
**Author:** ![maidenunicorn41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@maidenunicorn41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maidenunicorn41)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/223 "2000-12-15T06:20:31Z")
Well, I guess better late then never is good. I need to be adopted, I wanted to ask _ **lurkernomore** _ but he states he is not a _regular_ so cant ask him\*\*(pouts and cries)\*\*☹ So, I guess I will ask my good and bestest friend _ **PB** _\*\*(rats really wanted a male)\*\* to adopted me, unless anyone else would like to be so kind. 😉 😃 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/224 "2000-12-15T06:59:35Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by maidenunicorn41 \* > Well, I guess better late then never is good. I need to be adopted, I wanted to ask **lurkernomore** but he states he is not a regular so can’t ask him_\*(pouts and cries)\*\*☹ > > So, I guess I will ask my good and bestest friend **_PB_ (rats, really wanted a male)** to adopt me, unless anyone else would like to be so kind. 😉 😃 _Ahem_ I suppose second choice is better than none. I’ll be happy to adopt you. Now I just have to figure out what that means… 😉 Just don’t call me Mom, ok? I’d have to really hurt you then. Like…oh, say, put a little too much Vick’s on your friend? _wicked grin_ ---
**Author:** ![maidenunicorn41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@maidenunicorn41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maidenunicorn41)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/225 "2000-12-15T07:28:39Z")
Why would I call you mom, I have one of them.🙂 And you would never be so cruel to my **friends** like that. you wicked lady.😃 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/226 "2000-12-17T17:57:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by maidenunicorn41 \* > Why would I call you mom, I have one of them.🙂 > > And you would never be so cruel to my **friends** like that. you wicked lady.😃 I know that, and a very nice lady she is too. Who? _ME_? No, not me. I’m a perfect angel. Yep, all sweet and innocent. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. 😃 You don’t believe me? :eek: Have I ever lied to you before? Wait, don’t answer that. 😛 As to the rest of this, I’m still thinking. \ ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2000, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/227 "2000-12-17T18:00:07Z")
Purplebear: Who is Wulfy? Would that be a poster who was here during my absence? Just curious, because anytime I see your sig it catches my eye since the name is so similar to my own. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/228 "2000-12-17T19:38:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by purplebear \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by maidenunicorn41 \* > > Why would I call you mom, I have one of them.🙂 > > > > And you would never be so cruel to my **friends** like that. you wicked lady.😃 > > I know that, and a very nice lady she is too. > > Who? _ME_? No, not me. I’m a perfect angel. Yep, all sweet and innocent. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. 😃 > You don’t believe me? :eek: Have I ever lied to you before? Wait, don’t answer that. 😛 > > As to the rest of this, I’m still thinking. \ \*\* ``` I **SO** want to see this one.... ``` ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/229 "2000-12-18T15:10:06Z")
and falls to the floor at the feet of his Sovereign Lady. Struggles to one knee, pulls out tattered parchment :: Milady, your champion salutes you, having returned from the far-ranging and perilous quest Your Benevolent Highness, in her infinite wisdom, charged him with long weeks ago. [sub]Ooog, WHY do I insist on speaking like this, first thing on a Monday morning? [/sub] Ahem… > [@](#): > > \*\*1) What is the name I use IRL? \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > My name is Cristi. C-R-I-S-T-I. > [@](#): > > **2) How many children do I have?** > > > [@](#): > > > > Happy 1st Birthday, My BabyGuy! (10-02-2000) > > Between the two of us, we already sort of had six–your older brother, > > his two older sisters, your older sister that I relinquished for adoption > > twelve years ago, her younger brother, and of course, the Little Goddess, > > the older sister that you love so much now. Lessee… (pulls off armored shoe, having run out of fingers) …um, a bunch? 😃 > [@](#): > > **3) What does my husband do for a living?** > > > [@](#): > > > > My husband is a musician > [@](#): > > \*\*4) What is my religion? \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > I am a practicing Pagan > [@](#): > > **5) What hobby have I recently undertaken?** > > > [@](#): > > > > I’m trying to learn how to make decorative holiday crocheted G-strings. [sub]Actually, crocheting in general.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/230 "2000-12-18T23:18:07Z")
…because I’m a doofus. Tygr, I emailed you a while ago with the answers to the two questions you had originally missed. That is, I emailed them before checking here, to see if you’d found them on your own. I am humbled. Please forgive your Mistress her error. Now, the hobby question, I figured that you’d find that one out. But the kid question, well, I am _impressed._. While the actual number of children is three, you managed to find the paragraph in which I list _all_ the kids in my life, not just the ones I’m biologically related to. That, dear Tygr, is nothing short of amazing. [sub]Or terrifying. You don’t have my social security number, do you?[/sub] **Tygr,** I hereby promote you from the ranks of Clueless Newbie to the ranks of Still A Newbie, But _Damn_, He’s Good! Now I’m off to the Mistletoe thread. I posted a request to you there…gotta see if I can promote you from “Good” to “Oh My!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CircusPhreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b487fb/32.png) [@CircusPhreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CircusPhreak)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/231 "2000-12-19T00:54:33Z")
I want to be adopted by some one, everyone needs a little guidence, especially around here, which I have deemed the depths of hell. And if being here is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/232 "2000-12-19T01:04:23Z")
Damn, damn, DAMN! Had y’all let this thread die, I wouldn’t have had to do my tasks! DAMN! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/233 "2000-12-19T01:09:34Z")
CircusPhreak, this isn’t hell. This is MPSIMS. Hell is the Pit. \<— Over there. It’s kinda like MPSIMS, 'cept they get to use bad language and call each other “doodyheads” & stuff. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/234 "2000-12-19T02:35:51Z")
You aren’t getting off _that_ lucky, Nymysys. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/235 "2000-12-19T03:10:06Z")
\ Yes, sir. On my way, sir. Newbie-with-as-many-posts-as-you reporting for duty, sir. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/236 "2000-12-19T03:28:09Z")
It was a beautiful post. It was witty, and just chock-full of links and appropriate smilies (and a small explanation of where I’ve been) PLUS the complete list of answers. I went to check on one more thing, and It happened. The fscking connection, our only pipe to the Wide Warm South, died. And of course, since I tend to post from work, it still wasn’t fixed by the time I had to go home. And since this is Monday, of course I forgot my list of answers at work. However, since this is not a pity party, and some sort of extraordinary effort (aside from the research - d’ya have ANY idea how much you guys talk about books?) is definitely required of this rite, I will be back in a couple hours. 😃 With said list, found (except for **handy** ’s post count) solely WITHOUT the cheat aids available in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/237 "2000-12-19T03:53:43Z")
I’ll forgive ya Tisi, you have done excellent work so far. {{{Tisi}}}} for your friend. Keith ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/238 "2000-12-19T04:41:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \ Yes, sir. On my way, sir. Newbie-with-as-many-posts-as-you reporting for duty, sir. 😃 Well, I did point that out, but I suppose I can back off a bit on your to-do list. You still have to write the poem, but the translations are unnecessary. And you still have to watch the film (it’s just so damn good). Other than that, you can continue to slack off as usual. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/239 "2000-12-19T04:42:58Z")
Pardon me, excuse me, oops, sorry, didn’t mean to step on your foot, let me through please. ::Kat grabs intercom and presses button:: [intercom broadcast]Has anyone here seen my newbie? He’s overdue on his mission report.[/intercom broadcast] I hope he wasn’t captured by the enemy. ---
**Author:** ![Crispy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@Crispy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crispy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/240 "2000-12-19T05:22:59Z")
Me! Me! Over here! I need a mentor… Someone to love and cherish me and guide me through these perilous boards. O, Mighty Regs, please be compassionate and merciful enough to help a stumbling newbie to greatness. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=13)