# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/241 "2000-12-19T07:45:58Z")
Thank you Odieman. :collapses into armchair, weary: Your intrepid newbie thus reports on the progress of her researches, with incidental asides: To obtain this list, I had to convince my sister-in-law to give me a ride to work and back, and then spend an hour wrestling my husband away from his game of Diablo II. Explaining that this was _much_ more important took some convincing. It’s my computer, I win. 1. You are definitely from Weyburn Saskatchewan. 2. Boy, now this one was a toughie. I finally found it, waaay back in this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=30653) - “The Birdfinding Guide to Canada”. Which I will be looking for as my Dad is getting seriously into birdwatching. 3. I never checked back all the way through . . . didn’t want to allow spoilers . . . is it his ass? 4. Ed Asner. At first I thought, “Eeeeewwwwwwwww,” but I am beginning to see the twisted, perverted sensuality of it all. However, just because I can sort of understand it doesn’t mean I can possibly agree. 5)Handy would be the current leader with over 7000 posts. OK, I sorta cheated on this one, as I did see the thread last week posting the totals-of-the-moment. 1. "If women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you . . . " - Red Green My husband has been known to quote the Men’s Prayer at most inappropriate moments,such as when we are “discussing” things. 😉 2. Flora McFlimsy. 3. Anniz/Montfort, Satan/DrainBead,and Crunchy Frog/Honesty. 4. As he so kindly noted, Silo was once known as Michael Master **s** on. I know better than to comment further. Yet. 😃 5. Unless I can cheat and beg the mods for help, I cannot figure out how to search the profile database by location. However, I still stand by my previous answer. Eris hasn’t posted in months, elbows is currently in Ontario, and nobody answered the question about Yukon beer. As the Yukon Brewing Company has debuted a couple of good ones last year sometime, I must mention Chilkoot Pale Ale and an amber lager - I don’t drink beer so I can’t remember what the name was. If any Yukoners are out there, currently posting from the Yukon, I double-dog dare you to come out and show yourselves! And I now know who WallyM7 was, and am deeply sorry I missed him. I’m still working on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and the cement one . . . I gather he’s not mentioned much either? Am I still a total newbie? Do I get my official soapbox yet? :perks up at thought: Tisiphone ps Thanks for the hugs Odieman. Back atcha, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/242 "2000-12-19T16:45:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*Please forgive your Mistress her error. \*\* Pish & tosh, glorious Lady! Your Sovereign Wisdom is never in error! [sub]Pish? Didn’t they break up? …no, I don’t gotta pish right now, though I do need to finish my beer. After that, who knows…[/sub] > [@](#): > > **Tygr, I hereby promote you from the ranks of Clueless Newbie to the ranks of Still A Newbie, But _Damn_, He’s Good!** :: Our Hero falls on his face at the feet of his Radiant Mistress [sub](Oooch, forgot to loosen my codpiece. That’s gonna leave a mark.)[/sub]. Tears of joy stream down his face as he looks up to his Benevolent Lady. :: Thank You, Highness! Your glorious blessing is all this humble knight shall want for nourishment evermore! Further, should you find it pleasing to your eyes, I shall take up the mantle as your Champion, night and day ready to battle all who would dare to challenge your wisdom, virtue, and benevolence! > [@](#): > > \*\*Now I’m off to the Mistletoe thread…gotta see if I can promote you from “Good” to “Oh My!” \*\* Well? How’d I do? [sub]Hey, what a GREAT time to get promoted! I just passed my century mark! Is this grounds for a posting party? Passing my initiation and my 100th post simultaneously? Nah, I didn’t think so… I’ll just be over here at the back corner table hoisting an ale to myself.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cherry\_Blossom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@Cherry\_Blossom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry_Blossom)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/243 "2000-12-19T18:27:06Z")
I am the ultimate newbie. I am looking for a regular to show me the way; shape and mold my Straight Dope persona. It should be someone with a tolerance for the criminally insane and a brutally sick sense of humor. Any takers? ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/244 "2000-12-19T20:28:44Z")
**Nymysys** , (Is that kind of like “nemesis”?), you should be glad you _have_ tasks. 😉 Some of us are still waiting… **DynoSaur! Dyno!!** Did you _see_ that?! Our mento has been spotted! She came in, she hijacked the thread without so much as a by-your-leave … then she left again. :Sigh: Do you think we’ll ever see **Welfy** agin? Do you think our wondrous mentor will once again grace us with her presence, and assign us tasks so that we may contribute to her glory? **Welfy**? Are you out there? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DynoSaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DynoSaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DynoSaur)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/245 "2000-12-19T23:33:14Z")
No, Steve, dude…we’ve completed our tasks already? Remember? And question not our mistress. She shall deign to speak to us when it suits her. ---
**Author:** ![jaimest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@jaimest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaimest)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/246 "2000-12-20T00:17:38Z")
I’m afraid I’ll never be adopted, and end up a ward of the court…doomed to a lifetime of atrocious grammar, bad spelling, and half-assed flames, all posted 3 days late. _poses alongside a concerned looking Sally Struthers_ Will someone please adopt me? For the time it takes to mix instant hot cocoa, one of you can help me achieve something in life! \*when not so pretty, appeal to pity ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/247 "2000-12-20T01:01:28Z")
_nervously chewing on hair_ Uhmmmm . . . how’d I do? Do I get my ceremonial soapbox yet? Or do I have to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (post hastily edited - y’all don’t need any more ideas) hmm hmmm hmmm A is for Amy that fell down the stairs B is for Basil, devoured by bears C is for Clara, who wasted away D is for Desmond, thrown out of a sleigh . . . Y is for Yorick, whose head was knocked in Z is for Zorah, who drank too much gin Did I mention that my parents got phone calls at home over that little gem? I memorized it about age 12, and horrified adults all over our dinky little town by reciting it ad nauseum. Just to see their faces. 😃 Mom and Dad asked me to stop, 'cause the grownups were getting creeped out, and they didn’t want to have to censor my reading material. So I did - CENSORSHIP? :eek: HORRORS!! :eek: We couldn’t be having that! Definitely MPSIMS. Hmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmm \*whup, hey, I get to go hang out here from home now - assuming I can wrestle the computer away from the boys . . \* Later, Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/248 "2000-12-20T01:10:42Z")
Ok Tisiphone you pass. Remember use your powers for good, not evil. Keith ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/249 "2000-12-20T01:47:27Z")
Well, here I sit, like poor little Charlie Bucket, pressing my nose against the glass of the candy store while some english fop tosses free chocolate to all the other kids . . . I’m available for adoption if some poor soul would have me. I’ll behave, I’ll do my chores, and I’ll never pee on the virtual carpet. _giant sad eyes slowly welling up with tears_ _a single tear rolls_ ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/250 "2000-12-20T01:55:59Z")
Okay, so maybe I’m not fit to adopt. Can I be adopted? Preferably by a really hot girl. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/251 "2000-12-20T01:56:47Z")
Am I too late to be adopted?? I realize I’m on the 5th page, but hopefully someone will notice me!! :stands on tiptoes to see over crowd of flocking newbies: :displays sweetest smile she can muster: :widens tearful eyes: I’m just a little newbie…won’t someone give me a chance? ---
**Author:** ![Iblis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Iblis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iblis)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/252 "2000-12-20T02:07:43Z")
hmm… i’m fairly new here, anyone wanna give me a try? i figure it would be a good way to get used to this place, and meet some of you all. And since i’m on break right now, i nothing but free time. ---
**Author:** ![Iblis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Iblis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iblis)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/253 "2000-12-20T02:21:27Z")
grr, can’t edit my post for some odd reason… i forgot the have, have free time…dang it. /me kicks a can /me goes and sits back down thank you for your time ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/254 "2000-12-20T08:08:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sk8rixtx \* > … Can I be adopted? Preferably by a really hot girl. \*\* Sorry, **sk8rixtx** , you’re too late; **DynoSaur** and I already got her. 😉 **Dyno** , I don’t know how I forgot. Of course we’ve already completed our tasks. And I would never think to question our mistress, **Welfy** – she knows what is good and right. :beatific smile: ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/255 "2000-12-20T21:54:13Z")
Hey! \*\* SOME ONE ADOPT ME! \*\*I’m housebroken, and I can speak Japanese! Just so I can finally become a regular! Man, never getting noticed sucks… ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/256 "2000-12-20T22:49:44Z")
sdmb yearning to educate needing to elucidate providing safety for intellegensia wondering wandering aimlessly hoping needing reaching out to others with the same frame of mind along comes one then another then two more meeting of the words if not the bodies feeding off each other finding chat then here come the sigs the posse is complete \ I’m laughing my ass off here. Okay, continuing… along comes one yet again a new one one that I’ve heard of but never seen prophesy of things to come someone pegged us before we had even passed each other on the boards not two days not three before we’ve fallen prey to that feeling of presque vu how well can two know each other without ever meeting and with all those other damn people in the room the answer seems to be more well than imagined seeing as how you already finish my sentences the only question that remains to be asked is Nen, will you be my best friend? A nice balance of utter and complete cheese and schmaltz with just a dash of sincerity at the end. Think I’ll pat myself on the back. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Davidbw1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7993a0/32.png) [@Davidbw1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidbw1)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/257 "2000-12-20T23:16:36Z")
Anyone want to adopt this “Newbie”? ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/258 "2000-12-21T01:16:44Z")
\*\* FOR GOD SAKES I’M DESPERATE! \*\* Ogre got it, I’d like to have my own personal ten challenges, or whatever. I’d fail so bad, but you gotta gimme a chance! And I’m so much cuter than him too… ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/259 "2000-12-21T01:52:59Z")
Cuter than an Ogre? Don’t have very high standards, huh? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/260 "2000-12-21T01:57:59Z")
Have you ever SEEN a Totoro? Go to [Nausicaa.net](http://Nausicaa.net), and look for the Totoro page. I’m DEFINITELY cuter than an ogre! Still waiting for a mentor too… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=14)