# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/261 "2000-12-21T02:05:47Z")
A fat, grey Pokemon? That’s cute? ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/262 "2000-12-21T02:09:39Z")
This should be in the pit, but FUCK YOU AND FUCK POKEMON! It’s not a pokemon! And even if it was, how could you say it wasn’t cuter than an ogre? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/263 "2000-12-21T02:12:56Z")
Calm down there, bucko. I was kidding, but if you’d like to continue being insulting, please open a Pit thread, and I’ll be happy to oblige. I don’t know a fucking thing about Pokemon or Nausicaa, nor, based on your last post, do I want to. Get a sense of humor. It was a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/264 "2000-12-21T02:13:09Z")
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have blown up, but everyone confuses all anime with pokemon. It really pisses me off. Sorry. And anyway, everyone knows the big fat pokemon is Snorlax. (Used to be one of my screen names… Snorlax the Inhaler) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/265 "2000-12-21T02:19:55Z")
Hey, s’okay. Sorry I snapped. So let me extend the olive branch by asking about Nausicaa. So…what’s Nausicaa? ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/266 "2000-12-21T02:26:29Z")
Well, the whole site of [Nausicaa.net](http://Nausicaa.net) is dedicated to Hayao Miyazaki, a god in the world of Anime Directors. Nausicaa was a comic he created, and it was the first movie he ever produced. Thanks for being cool about it Ogre. You’re cool in my book. Put in a good word for me, maybe I’ll get a mentor. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/267 "2000-12-21T04:35:52Z")
Hrmph. I was all set to adopt **Born Dodgy** , but she flitted off into the Austrian Sunset. :: looks over the roster of potential newbies :: Hmm, mighty slim pickings here. What is this, the bargain rack at Filene’s Basement? 😛 :: looks around the room, barely notices **Just A Girl** over in the corner :: You there, with that cute smile, and those tearful eyes. I’m such a sucker for the tearful eyes. If you promise not to lay on the water works, perhaps I might adopt you. It’s this stupid holiday season, I tell ya. I can’t stand to see little orphaned waifs at Christmas time. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/268 "2000-12-21T04:38:30Z")
I offer to adopt you, **Totoro** , but I seem to have misplace my last newbie and I don’t think the Adoption Bureau will look kindly on that. I’m dreading their next evaluation visit–I’ll spend the rest of my days as a pariah once the news hits the papers. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/269 "2000-12-21T05:38:14Z")
Oh Dire Wolf, you’ve made me such a happy little newbie. 😃 I promise not to turn on the waterworks so long as you give me a “home.” I put myself in your able and experienced hands… …and now, back to my corner until further notice… ---
**Author:** ![Pammipoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/270 "2000-12-21T08:19:52Z")
Yes, I’m on the 6th page. I’m a little late, I’m sorry. But I would very much like a mentor…anyone out there for me?? I’m cute, I’m redheaded, and I beg nicely…what more can a person ask for?? ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/271 "2000-12-21T20:50:34Z")
Kat! You Will? Oh BOY! \ Oh, wait a sec, this isn’t a movie. Anyway, this is great! SKILLS! \ As long as you’re still willing, I mean, then it’s great. Yeah, so, cool! ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/272 "2000-12-22T02:25:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*I offer to adopt you, **Totoro** , but I seem to have misplace my last newbie and I don’t think the Adoption Bureau will look kindly on that. I’m dreading their next evaluation visit–I’ll spend the rest of my days as a pariah once the news hits the papers. \*\* Accckkk!!!..I’m so sorry. Please take me back. I’ll be good, I promise. I’ve been out of town since monday (meaning no computer access) and before that I was finishing my finals for school. Due to this I have had very little time to do much else (except develop a lovely gastric ulcer. I call him Billy), but I’m all done until the New Year (woohoo!) so I’ll finish my tasks tonight and post links. **gets down on knees and begs** I’m soooo sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll do anything you want (and I mean **anything**!). ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/273 "2000-12-22T04:01:05Z")
Oh, look, my newbie’s back! I was so worried…you didn’t even take a jacket with you…you could’ve got pee-new-monya. **Corvus** say hello to your new adopted newbie-sibling **Totoro**. **Totoro** I will work on putting together a list of chores for you in the next couple of days. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/274 "2000-12-22T04:10:43Z")
OK, **Just A Girl** , my mission is to make you a valuable and productive member of Straight Dope society. So for starters, that means no more hanging out in the park with your friends until all hours of the night, no more baggy pants, uh, no jaywalking, and, um, let’s see, no spitting on the sidewalk. Oh yes, and remember to wipe your feet before you come in here, and close the door behind you. We’re not paying to heat the neighborhood, you know. 🙂 No need to scratch off any gamepieces, or check under any bottle caps. Further instructions will be posted here in the days ahead. Any questions? Don’t be shy, just fire at will. ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/275 "2000-12-22T05:38:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Oh, look, my newbie’s back! I was so worried…you didn’t even take a jacket with you…you could’ve got pee-new-monya. **Corvus** say hello to your new adopted newbie-sibling **Totoro**. > > **Totoro** I will work on putting together a list of chores for you in the next couple of days. \*\* Hi **Totoro**! Are we supposed to start some sort of newbie-sibling rivalry now? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/276 "2000-12-22T07:02:12Z")
Well Dire Wolf (or would you prefer me call you some name that somehow states your vast superiority?), I can’t say I have any burning questions right now. Just rescue me from obscurity in this place! I am ready for my instructions whenever you feel so inclined… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/277 "2000-12-22T07:59:41Z")
Thankyou, thankyou thankyou! :happy dance, happy dance: I hope to be a helpful part of the background chorus, popping up occasionally to make smart remarks and insert useful trivia. :seizes soapbox and RUNS before anybody gets any more creative: Jeez that Odieman’s a nice guy. When I see how it could’ve been . . . :shudder: Gonna have to buy him a beer someday . . Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/278 "2000-12-22T11:25:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*1) Answer a question/assist a poster in ATMB. \*\*[Done](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=52242) > [@](#): > > **2) Find a Column or Mailbag Answer/Staff Report that interests you and start a thread or participate in a current thread discussing it. (The point of discussion you post about could be a problem, overlooked/incorrect information, clarification, etc. related to the Column or Answer/Report, but should be something you sincerely think should be addressed.)** This will be answered tomorrow, it’ll take me a while to think of what to do. > [@](#): > > \*\*3) Post a question in GQ that you’ve wondered about for a while & 8) Find out when and where the first DopeFest took place. \*\* Finding the location of the first DopeFest was proving harder than I first assumed, so I said to my self, “self, why don’t we kill two birds with one stone?”. And of course, being a wiseass, I said “well that’s a good plan, but it’s winter and it’s dark out, where are we going to find any birds?” “Good point. Why don’t we just post this question as a question in GQ instead?” I replied. “Hey, works for me!” I cordially agreed. And so it was [done](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=52250) (okay, look, I realize this may be viewed as cheating, but a) I really did look for the answer, and failed to find it, and b) it’s late and I’m tired.) > [@](#): > > \*\*4) Suggest signatures and/or new usernames for those currently looking for them. > \*\* Two words: Heywood Jablowmi (Heck, a local radio station got a guy to legally change his name to this, so I figure why not here? I mean we got **SofaKing** right?. I would find a link, but I think the person who was looking for a new nick got one, so I’ll just post it here.) > [@](#): > > \*\*7) Think of the most interesting and original MPSIMS topic you can. Try to find a thread already discussing it and post a link here. If you can’t find a thread, post the topic here instead (or start a thread on it if you want and post a link). \*\* [Little Orphan Annie] Tomorrow, tomorrow, it’s only a day away! [/Little Orphan Annie] > [@](#): > > \*\*9) Name 3 different kind of “thread themes” that have appeared on the board. \*\* Well I got one, so for the remaining two I would have to say: [ul] [li]The make up a unique title/government position for a fellow doper type thread (i.e. patron saint of…)[/li][li]And the perennial favorite around the pit, the “boy, aren’t the mods around here a bunch of fascists?” type threads[/li][/ul] > [@](#): > > **10) Link to your favorite thread from within the last 2 weeks.** [Gotta be this one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48799). Sadly enough, I learnt quite a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/279 "2000-12-22T18:02:55Z")
Wait a sec, where is this? I missed our thread! CRY! Couldya tell me where it is? ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/280 "2000-12-22T21:24:02Z")
We can’t afford a thread of our own on our budget, Totoro. Corvus got his assignments some time back in this very thread. I’ll get yours up soon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=15)