# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/41 "2000-12-07T04:36:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*PC/M + M(100) = N > > If N \< 400, then Poster X is a newbie > \*\* Well, I have (as of this post) 3076 posts. 3076/6 + 6(100) = 512 + 600 = 1112 Evidently I am no longer a newbie. Nocturne has requested that I take her under my arm. She has been here since July and as such is technically a newbie, but if you look at her post rate and overall post count I don’t think she really is (plus I likes her . . . :)). So I am taken. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/42 "2000-12-07T04:39:59Z")
The dividing line between regular and newbie lies in the Initiation! For the purposes of getting the fun started, you can use any old system to determine the Initial Newbiness. So get cracking, folks! ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/43 "2000-12-07T04:44:26Z")
_sits in a boat with a fishing pole, a la Ernie from Sesame Street_ Heeeere Newbie newbie newbie! Come on! I don’t bite… hard! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/44 "2000-12-07T05:05:17Z")
**Welfy** , if I may point out, DynoSaur is sitting over there in the corner like a puppy in a cardboard box. G’wan! Get over there and Initiate! ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/45 "2000-12-07T05:47:46Z")
_sigh_ Too old to be a newbie… Too silent to be a mentor. ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/46 "2000-12-07T06:54:45Z")
_cough_ _cough_ Huh? oh, don’t mind me… I’m just a newbie. _looks in **welfys** direction_ ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/47 "2000-12-07T14:06:01Z")
I want to be initiated too… any mentors out there for me? ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/48 "2000-12-07T14:37:06Z")
Ogre… Damn, that was nice. _oops_ I mean…My, how eloquent you are! 😉 Really, that was lovely. Much more than I expected. Were you impressed with how poorly I used your favorite words? Leave it to lurker to point out just how bad a job I did. _sighs, kicks dirt_ I’ve been doing a little research on you…actually am in the process of it…so here’s my idea for your rites. Ten feats befitting this forum. You’ve taken care of one–catering to my ego. (thanks again, btw) Your second–random acts of kindness, three of them. And I want to hear all about them in gorey detail. I have a feeling you’ll excel at this. Your third–since this the forum for the mundane and pointless, find and post ten completely useless, but interesting nonetheless, facts. Here’s the twist, you can’t get them from other threads or use information about other posters (that’s covered later). Your fourth–come up with a new sig for me(this is closest I’ll get to hazing, I promise). Your fifth–pick ten posters and give me two little-known facts about each of them. That’s all I’ll plague you with today. Oh…and I want all those answers in German. 😃 Just kidding, just kidding… _obligatory knee-slap_ What a good sport you are, Ogre. Your GF is one lucky girl. Sure you want to go on with this? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/49 "2000-12-07T15:07:03Z")
Well here goes: 307/8 + 8(100) = N or 38.375 + 800 = 838.375 Then why do I still feel like I’m not one of the cool kids? C’mon people show some love for the 33-year old, mundane businessman here! Um Someone? ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/50 "2000-12-07T17:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\ ***Nymysys** > Registration date: November 3, 2000 > Number of full months on the board (M): 1 > Post Count (PC): 506 > 506/1 + 1(100) = 506 + 100 = 606 > N = 1061 > Nymysys is not a newbie, even though she has barely been here a month, as her N \> 400 \*\* So I’m not a newbie? How weird is that? I still FEEL like a newbie. I think Nen needs to protect me anyway. I feel fragile. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/51 "2000-12-07T17:19:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by struuter \* > \*\*Ogre… > Leave it to lurker to point out just how bad a job I did. _sighs, kicks dirt_ > > \*\* ``` Struuter, I hope I didn't hurt you - I didn't mean to. If I phrased it so clumsily I insulted you, I apologize. Guess if it was "Leave it to lurker " I must be getting a rep as a smart ass. Sorry. ``` ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/52 "2000-12-07T17:31:30Z")
lurker… Ah honey, I was thinking along the lines of you being smart. Not a smart ass. I can only imagine that that part of your anatomy is as cute as the rest of you. 😉 General rule of thumb with anything I post–I mean it in the best way possible. I’m the gooooood Ash. Not the baaaaaad Ash. If you took offense, then maybe I was the smart ass. Forgive me? ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/53 "2000-12-07T17:50:29Z")
well, seeing as UncleBeer hasn’t checked back and I don’t want the other mentors to get snatched up, I’m putting myself up for adoption again. Whoever wants me… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tevya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tevya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tevya)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/54 "2000-12-07T18:00:25Z")
**Green Bean,** I choo-choo-choose you…to be my mentor. What say you? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/55 "2000-12-07T18:00:42Z")
Hey! Sorry for the delay **stargazer** , I was distracted by my work for a bit. My apologies to you; won’t happen again. Let me think up a good initiation for ya. I may ask a legitmate question over in the GQ forum that you’ll be required to research and answer. I’ll give you a heads up though before I post it, so the vultures over there don’t get to it before you have a chance. How’s that sound? In the meantime, if you have any questions about, or need guidance on, the message board, fire away. And I’m a bit disappointed that Silver Fire has declined my mentorship. I guess a threesome is out of the question. Rats. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/56 "2000-12-07T18:09:55Z")
Yay, I have a mentor! Thanks, **UncleBeer**! Good thing I like research. I just hope I don’t get a big project at work at the same time! ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/57 "2000-12-07T18:48:56Z")
Um, if it’s not too late, I wouldn’t mind having a mentor, if only to be considered enough of a “regular” to get a kiss in the mistletoe thread. (shameless, unmacho sniffling) Any volunteers left? ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/58 "2000-12-07T19:13:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by struuter \* > \*\* Forgive me? \*\* ``` I could forgive you anything. Done. ``` ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/59 "2000-12-07T19:20:26Z")
_blush_ Too sweet. Just too good to me. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/60 "2000-12-07T19:30:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > **…I’ll give you a heads up though before I post it, so the vultures over there don’t get to it before you have a chance…** Hey, waitaminnit! Some of my best friends are vultures! Really. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=4)