# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/61 "2000-12-07T19:37:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > I think Nen needs to protect me anyway. I feel fragile. šŸ˜ƒ Iā€™ll use that whopping 60 post differential as padding. That or the nine month differential. Cripes, my N factor is about the same as yours. Nonetheless, when a beautiful woman requests assistance, the chivalrous must attend. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/62 "2000-12-07T19:43:02Z")
Hey now, waitaminit, I thought it was oldscratchā€™s job to defend Nymā€™s honor? Or was that just a passing fad? And how the hell did Nen work his way into our elite clique? šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![HannibalV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@HannibalV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HannibalV)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/63 "2000-12-07T19:49:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > **HannibalV > Registration date: November 21, 2000 > Number of full months on the board (M): 0 > Post Count (PC): 22 > 22/0 + 0(100) = 0 > N = 0 > HannibalV is a newbie, but we knew that becuase he has been here less than a month.** Three quick things: 1. Actually, by this math, Iā€™m the oldest poster here: 22/0 approaches infinity. A possible workaround on this is to use the fact that Iā€™ve been here, say, .5 months. This makes my N valueā€¦carry the twoā€¦how many miles in a liter?..94, which is still infinitesimal in this context. 2. Whoo-hoo! Iā€™m a math problem! And my Calc III professor said I couldnā€™t hack it. 3. Iā€™m still looking to be taken in. Pweeze? Iā€™m not just a snot-nosed math punk! ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/64 "2000-12-07T20:03:22Z")
Semi-shy (until I gets to know you, then LOOK OUT) MF, mid-thirties, mother of two, looking for mentor on the boards, as she is somewhat overwhelmed by the wit and ah, occasional vociferousness of the boards. I can spell vociferous, and know what it means. I know the difference between the three kinds of rain (rein and reign) and use them properly in context - something spellcheckers donā€™t catch and neither, apparently, do most editors these days . . . Iā€™m definitely a source of mundane pointless trivia, Iā€™ve even gotten to answer two General Questions (well, OK, [one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48683), the other had no definitive answer yet], a keen appreciation of wit and humor tending to the darker side (Edward Gorey, anyone?), and a dedicated bibliophile. The home library was up over 1,500 volumes last time we counted - mostly sci-fi & fantasy, with a smattering of reference books.( **UncleBeer** , you paying attention?) Fond of boring my friends with long lectures giving more information than they ever wanted to know on a range of different subjects - I already know better than to do that here. Cites? What cites? I read it somewhere in the last year. Dunno where I read it . . .nnnnnoooooo, I donā€™t wanna look it up, not just now, weā€™re busy discussing it. Look, just trust me, OK? Really. Iā€™ll go over now and stand in line with **Johnathan Chance** , **DynoSaur** , **Juniper200** and the rest, looking hopeful and adorable. Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/65 "2000-12-07T20:17:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tisiphone \* > \*\* a keen appreciation of wit and humor tending to the darker side (Edward Gorey, anyone?) > \*\* T is for Titus Who flew into bits. or The Yawfle stares, and stares, and stares, and stares, and stares, and stares, and stares. šŸ˜ƒ Iā€™m with you on that one. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/66 "2000-12-07T20:20:15Z")
Oh man, can I just adopt them all? They all sound so charming! _jumping up and down_ -a rabid Edward Gorey fan at that, but also likes crows/ravens and dinosaurs ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/67 "2000-12-07T20:24:30Z")
Hi! Iā€™m new. Donā€™t hurt me. Iā€™m fragile and timidā€¦ andā€¦ andā€¦ quite frankly, you people scare me! \ No mentor for me, eitherā€¦ I donā€™t think my butt cheeks are ready for any elaborate initiations! ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/68 "2000-12-07T20:32:03Z")
Quick post while I contemplate how best to fulfill **struuter** ā€™s requirements. I just couldnā€™t let a Gorey reference slide past. I love Gorey! OK, that wasnā€™t very profound. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/69 "2000-12-07T20:40:03Z")
Hmmmmmā€¦I think Iā€™ll take Tisiphone. Now what do I do with a newbie šŸ˜‰ Keith ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/70 "2000-12-07T21:53:07Z")
Oboy,oboy,oboy, Iā€™ve been adopted!!! Thank you Odieman. Wow. Adopted by someone with _connections_. šŸ†’ Gotta like that. :breathlessly awaiting appropriate rite: Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/71 "2000-12-07T22:01:39Z")
Awwwā€¦you took the Edward Gorey-liking one! _pouts_ Oh wellā€¦letā€™s seeā€¦ _whips out fishing pole and starts singing the Goldfish Crackers song_ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/72 "2000-12-07T22:02:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > \*\*And Iā€™m a bit disappointed that Silver Fire has declined my mentorship. I guess a threesome is out of the question. Rats. \*\* UncleBeer, itā€™s been brought to my attention (see page one) that I am no longer a newbie. ā˜¹ So you canā€™t have me anyway. ::sigh:: Okay, who can I adopt then? ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/73 "2000-12-07T22:07:29Z")
I lurked here for about a year before I registered, and I still post to about 1/100 of the threads I read, but I can be fun and interesting. Really! [attempt at sucking up] Ooh, ooh, **Welfy** , pick me, pick me! Pretty please? Iā€™ve been reading all your posts (well, most of them anyway) , and I think youā€™re the coolest regular, and Iā€™d be so honored if youā€™d be my mentor. šŸ™‚ [/attempt] ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/74 "2000-12-07T22:17:36Z")
I _know_ Iā€™m a newbie because Iā€™ve been regā€™d here for less than a month. Not that I really need a math problem to tell me that, but hey, I will have my newbie factor figured out! And I found my previous NICK! **Ophelia** Unfortunately, I canā€™t recall what e-mail address I used to register and I have changed all e-mail addys since Ophelia was first regā€™d. As Ophelia, I racked up 42 posts. Now my count is 64. So my total is a measly 106. 2 weeks existence as Ophelia and 2 weeks as Melp now, still puts me at one month. Soā€¦ 106/1 + 1(100) = 206 Did I do that right? If I failed, does that mean I have a better chance of being adopted? Do I have to dress up pretty and smile a lot and do fun antics in order to attract Regs to want to adopt me? Do bribes work? I make a meeeean chesecake! I see Welfy hasnā€™t picked anyone yetā€¦hmmā€¦ Pick Me! Pick Me! Pick Me! ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/75 "2000-12-07T22:22:01Z")
You know, I somehow overlapped Silverfire mentioning she needs someone to tortureā€¦and I must say that I think SF is more my type of mentor {no offense Welfy} and Welf has more than enough beggers at her feetā€¦ _turns on her knees towards SilverFire_ šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/76 "2000-12-07T22:27:42Z")
Okay, Melpomene, a few questions: Why do you think I should adopt you and why do you think Iā€™m more your type, as far as mentors go? These are very important questions and your answers will help me make my decision. ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/77 "2000-12-07T22:34:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by StephenG \* > \*\*[attempt at sucking up] > Ooh, ooh, **Welfy** , pick me, pick me! Pretty please? Iā€™ve been reading all your posts (well, most of them anyway) , and I think youā€™re the coolest regular, and Iā€™d be so honored if youā€™d be my mentor. šŸ™‚ > [/attempt] \*\* Well, somebodies popular around hereā€¦ But alas it looks DynoSaur beat me to the punch. Nertz. So ummmā€¦ if anybody else wants to mentor meā€¦ Iā€™ll be over here. Hey **Omni** are you still looking for a victā€¦ er, newbie? ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/78 "2000-12-07T22:42:37Z")
Hmmm, well, I still need to figure out which one(s) I want to choose. Maybe if you would say why you think Iā€™d be a good mentor for you it would help me. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/79 "2000-12-07T22:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silver Fire \* > \*\*Okay, Melpomene, a few questions: Why do you think I should adopt you and why do you think Iā€™m more your type, as far as mentors go? These are very important questions and your answers will help me make my decision. > \*\* Ok. {deep breath} I find that we gravitate towards the same threads, whether or not I have posted to them, I have read many of the threads that you have responded to. I very often find myself cheering on the points you make or the opinions you give. I find myself siding with enough of your posts to give me a sense of camaraderie, which makes me think that in areas of disagreement, teachings could be made from you to me. I think Welfy is just more like me, period. So there wouldnā€™t be much for me to gain from a mentorship, although we could probably get along really well. I like your sarcasm, your caustic wit, entwined with your ability to throw out the stinging one-liners and be light in humor as well. You are one of the posters about whom I find myself saying aloud (at my desk while everyone gives me quizzical looks) ā€œThatā€™s just what I was thinking!ā€ or ā€œDamn! I wish I could have said it like that!ā€ or ā€œHeeHeeHeeā€¦{uncontrollable giggle here}ā€¦ā€ You seem to walk that line between people liking you and people disliking you for being able to make comments like ā€œI miss those kids but, most of all, I miss shooting at them with my paintball gun.ā€ without leaving smiley faces and not having anyone jump down your throat about you being a big (blue) meanie. I admire these qualities. These are the things I wish to strive for as a Doper. And I like to think that we are a near-enough mindset that it would be beneficial for me in learning my place on thie board, how to post efficiently, get known and make friends while keeping some enemies on the side for fun. I also like to think that I am moldable to where I can be an even better reflection on you and your reputation around here. Besides, youā€™re in tight with UncleBeer and he rocks! Anyone UB wants to have a threesome with has _got_ to be pretty damn cool. _crosses fingers and waits_ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2000, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/80 "2000-12-07T23:20:51Z")
Youā€™re just saying that, arenā€™t you? šŸ™‚ Okay, youā€™re in. Congratulations, you now have your very own Silver Fire. Now I just have to think of a good initiation. I hope I donā€™t keep you waiting too long. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=5)