# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/121 "2000-12-08T20:45:04Z")
\*\* [/QUOTE] Should I add this to my sig as well? “Friend of Welfy”? 😉 \*\* [/QUOTE] That would be splendid! ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/122 "2000-12-08T21:04:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Melpomene \* > **I have my very own SilverFire!!** First of all, I like your sig. I’ll have to think about changing mine. Next, there’s a space between the “Silver” and “Fire” in my name. 🙂 Not a big deal, just thought I’d point it out. And I’m still thinking of an initiation process. Check this thread often for that. ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/123 "2000-12-08T21:05:29Z")
Done! Welfy, you will now follow me wherever you go, attached at the end of all of my posts. You _will_ be famous! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/124 "2000-12-08T21:17:25Z")
How do you know I’m not already famous? ---
**Author:** ![TP605](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@TP605](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TP605)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/125 "2000-12-08T21:41:24Z")
This looks like lots of fun but shouldn’t the initiation involve more action than just using the SDMB search funtion? There oughta be some harmless pranking; the message board equivalent of underpants up the flagpole. This is how I imagine my initiation would go: 1 - make a relevant Jack Dean Tyler insult 2 -ask a sexual question in GQ on a topic or practice _that has never been addressed before on the SDMB_ (maybe impossible, but only the attempt matters) 3 - ask Esprix why he thinks he rocks. OR get Cecil to respond personally to any post. Do ya dare me? ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2000, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/126 "2000-12-08T22:28:21Z")
dismounts his horse and kneels before **Lady Persephone** Glorious Mistress, I have returned from your challenge, my head bloody but unbowed. Forthwith, here are the answers you seek! > [@](#): > > **1) What is the name I use IRL?** > [@](#): > > My name is Cristi. C-R-I-S-T-I _(snip)_ My maiden name is Bates. > [@](#): > > \*\*2) How many children do I have? \*\* One Kid! (Cornchips ground into carpet) > [@](#): > > …late father-in-law’s name was John. Nice name. In fact, it’s the name my husband and I chose for our own son. > [@](#): > > \*\*3) What does my husband do for a living? \*\* > [@](#): > > My husband is a musician, and he took a stage name quite some time ago. His favorite guitar player is Jimi Hendrix, so while he’s gigging, his last name is James. When I’m out with him, I often get referred to as Mrs. James, or jokingly as Mrs. Tragedy (Tragedy is my husband’s nickname–cool stage name, eh? Tragedy James). _(snip)_ …my husband. His name is Timothy, and he goes by Tim. > [@](#): > > \*\*4) What is my religion? \*\* > [@](#): > > …us Godless Heathens don’t go to Sunday School. > [@](#): > > \*\*5) What hobby have I recently undertaken? > \*\* > [@](#): > > Persephone is a Goddess. or > [@](#): > > I keep a herd of small goats in my basement. or > [@](#): > > “moderator whipped” I did it all for you, milady! :::Our hero, having fulfilled his quest, collapses exhausted into the grass. His mistresses attendants carry him into the keep in order to tend to his wounds.::: ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/127 "2000-12-09T00:56:24Z")
Who _are_ these people buggin’ me, can’t they see I’m busy, for Heaven’s sake!?! Oh. yeah. Cow-orkers. And there’s another one that keeps asking me for stuff . . . almost like he’s my boss or something. Look buddy, I’m sorry about your pathetic little reports, I have WORK to do here. _progress update_ (see, here’s how you can tell I work at a corporation. I have to make progress reports so everybody knows how hard I’m working.) Anyways. #2 found vague reference and following doggedly - but still no answer yet #3 Satans [butt](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=4771)? #8 Anniz/Montfort, Satan/DrainBead, and Crunchy Frog/Honesty 1. I can’t find any current ones. The fact that there were iggerant statements made about the North that went unanswered in the interminable Canada/US assimilation threads, which I decline to link to at the moment, was a dead giveaway. Eris, referenced [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=16) doesn’t seem to be an active poster anymore, last post was [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=11584). Pity, I probably know her . . . wonder if it was Eddie’s niece . . . Maybe elbows - he knows the right answer to [this question](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=15882), but he doesn’t live here now (profile says Ontario). However, the fact that [this gentleman’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=22826) question went unanswered is the clincher. I didn’t see it . . . Does anyone want the answer anymore? - back to thread-sifting \* Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![Deacons\_Trucked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@Deacons\_Trucked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deacons_Trucked)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/128 "2000-12-09T00:57:25Z")
I wanna be adopted!!! Tell me what to do! Beat me, whip me, cover me in peanut butter and put celery in my ear!! Seriously…I wanna be adopted. What should I do? Whoever’s up for the challenge, look at my few previous posts to find out more. JEEZ, sounds like a personal ad!! Help this mundane poster flourish into a…a…creamy passion flower of wit and creativity! Dont care who it is, but a big strong man would be especially nice. 😉 I’ll do anything. Within reason. I would love a more interesting challenge than merely scanning your previous posts to find miscellaneous info on you. Like something outside this board such as obscure trivia?? C’mon…get creative. I love a challenge. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/129 "2000-12-09T01:31:30Z")
**fun2d8** - don’t forget you can emial me for help. Or what the hell, if you still live in the St Louis area, call me. ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/130 "2000-12-09T03:21:53Z")
Thanks! Yes, I still live in the St. Louis area. I have actually fallen behind in my assignment because I took the kiddies to the zoo for “wild lights”. Here’s what I have so far… 1. (an easy one) What username did I originally register under? **BratMan007—wow, you have some serious history on this board!** 2. I currently have a thread open to all newbies, what was the nature of my first thread to welcome newbies? \*\* Females only-cleavage, nudity, baby oil, rubber gloves… I’m shocked!\*\* 3. What is my “mood jacket” and how did it get that name? \*\*Here’s the pic > [@](#): > > [the mood jacket](http://home.att.net/~jskellogg/lynda/linda28.htm) > [@](#): > > [and this looks to be the story behind it…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=26657&pagenumber=2) \*\* 1. I had two accidents (on separate occasions) while doing electrical work at my sister’s home, what were they? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > I had a mishap [doing work at my sister’s house](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=37140). Not as funny as the first time I screwed up at my sister’s place, but my bother-in-law likes teasing me about it still. > > But the one that the whole family remembers is the time I nearly electrocuted myself [trying to be cool in front of a nurse](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=28606). This is the one I will never live down. > > \*\* 1. Provide a link to the story I asked permission to use in a book I’m writing. > [@](#): > > [_ **I was laughing so hard at this story that I had tears in my eyes! Hugs to you on this one!** _](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24442) > > \*\* 1. What extreme length did aha go to in order to be welcomed by Cecil Adams? **He threatened to shoot a puppy and he made this offer… “One hello from you and I will wash your ass and drink the water”. That is just sick! And all he got was "Oh, and just to end the suspense, here’s a big yo to Hoo-ha, or whatever his name is."** 7, 8, 9… **I’m getting there!** 1. Why do people write “Hi Opal” in the middle of lists? **Quote from Coldfire "Opal (among other things) doesn’t like lists that are shorter than three points. She used to point that out to people, or at least did at one stage. So, the running gag then became to include a “Hi Opal!” as a third point."** 11 & 11.5… **I’m saving the best for last!** 1. (another easy one)What is Evil Bitch and how did it get its name? \*\* PLt’s travelling teddy bear-named after his ex-girlfriend.\*\* How am I doing so far? I am very eager to please! ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/131 "2000-12-09T04:14:52Z")
I still feel like a newbie, but I don’t think anyone would want to adopt me as one…sigh. Me and my silly submissive side. (On the off chance someone who has a clue wouldn’t mind my overgrown-newbieness, please pipe up, I want to be a full fledged member!) ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/132 "2000-12-09T04:29:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*I still feel like a newbie, but I don’t think anyone would want to adopt me as one…sigh. > > Me and my silly submissive side. > > \*\* Oh, please, MC - you know all the guys (and a few of the girls) on this board would love to adopt you, but you’re in the middle ground between elite and newbie just like so many of us. Have to admit it would’ve been fun if they had this a few months ago. ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/133 "2000-12-09T05:21:10Z")
1. Whose balls do I have on display at my home? \*\* UncleBeer’s? 😉 \*\*Actually, it’s \*\* > [@](#): > > Bob Gibson, Lou Brock, Stan Musial, Ozzie Smith, Jim Edmonds , Fernando Tatis, and Ted Williams\*\* (who happens to be the greatest hitter to ever play the game) 1. (another easy one) What is Coldfire’s favorite rock group? \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Best Band of All Time: **Rush** > \*\* \*\* 9) What male Doper slept with Satan? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\*I slept with John Corrado! 😉 > \*\* 1. What are the three words that end in -gry? (just kidding) **angry, hungry and …. Language…** 11.5) Name 2 things I collect. **Easy… Comic Books and Daffy Duck stuff** _Shameless attempt at kissing up…_ **I want to change my name to "IluvCrunchyFrog"** [sub]Did I get any brownie points yet?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/134 "2000-12-09T13:17:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*I still feel like a newbie, but I don’t think anyone would want to adopt me as one…sigh. > \*\* Fine, I’ll have pity on you. \*\* > [@](#): > > Me and my silly submissive side. > > (On the off chance someone who has a clue wouldn’t mind my overgrown-newbieness, please pipe up, I want to be a full fledged member!) > \*\* Fair enough. I’m not going to quiz you on board knowledge. We’ll take our initiation rites from that classic movie, “Animal House”: –Kneel –Bare your butt This won’t hurt [sub]much[/sub] And remember, the appropriate response is “Thank you, sir, may I have another.” Hey, you’re the one talking about being submissive. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/135 "2000-12-09T17:13:46Z")
**fun2d8** oh so close on a couple of those. The mood jacket was so named by WallyM7’s daughter Amy when I asked to be the first board member to get an Amy original sig line. (Wally supplied sigs for many of the Dopers). The sig line she gave me was something along the lines of not need a mood ring, cuz I have a mood jacket, with a link to that picture. I just found the thread where I asked her for the sig, and sure as shit, the answer isn’t in that thread. Sorry about that. Maybe she emailed it to me or something. As for what I collect . . . I’ll let you slide on the Daffy Duck stuff. I don’t really collect it as much as people just give me Daffy Duck crap ever since I got the tattoo, but I think I might have said I collect it somewhere on the boards. The other thing I collect is baseball memoralbilia. Close enough for government work though. You’re almost there . . . I just need to think of something really good for you to do. And if you liked Wally’s gerbil story, here’s one where he tries [cybersex](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=20722). For more on Wally, I suggest you go to Opal’s page where she has a Wally Hall of Fame. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/136 "2000-12-09T17:25:04Z")
\*\* DRY\*\* you reg’d after me. I adore you and I know you have an ungodly number of posts, but still. (I’m into submission, not always pain…please keep this straight) ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/137 "2000-12-10T01:59:29Z")
Well, if there are any newbies that still want/need a Reg mentor, I’ll take applications. I’m not sure who has and hasn’t been spoken for, because I got all cross-eyed by the time I finished reading this thread. ---
**Author:** ![blastfurnace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@blastfurnace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blastfurnace)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/138 "2000-12-10T02:47:35Z")
YAHOO!!! YIPPEEEE!!! WOWIE ZOWIE!!! what’s all the fuss? check this out: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=49862&pagenumber=2](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=49862&pagenumber=2) **Audrey** , I accept your generous and benevolent offer. your humble servant, blast ::shufflin’ down the street, whistlin’:: ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/139 "2000-12-10T04:07:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Well, if there are any newbies that still want/need a Reg mentor, I’ll take applications. I’m not sure who has and hasn’t been spoken for, because I got all cross-eyed by the time I finished reading this thread. \*\* Am I new enough? I certainly don’t feel like a reg, and I’ve been around for a while, so technically I’m not a newbie, although I still fell like one… Well, I’ll just be in the corner if you need me. ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/140 "2000-12-10T04:15:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\ ***fun2d8** oh so close on a couple of those. > > The mood jacket was so named by WallyM7’s daughter Amy when I asked to be the first board member to get an Amy original sig line. (Wally supplied sigs for many of the Dopers). The sig line she gave me was something along the lines of not need a mood ring, cuz I have a mood jacket, with a link to that picture. I just found the thread where I asked her for the sig, and sure as shit, the answer isn’t in that thread. Sorry about that. Maybe she emailed it to me or something. > > \*\* Damn, I had it all along-that’s where I got the picture! Here you go… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amy \* > \*\*Here is a signature for you that you might like: > > **Mood ring? Big deal! I have a mood jacket.** [You can see it here.](http://home.att.net/~jskellogg/lynda/linda28.htm) \*\* I’m ready and waiting for my next assignment! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=8)