# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/141 "2000-12-10T04:27:18Z")
Oh, iampunha! Hey–what to I have to do as my initiation? ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/142 "2000-12-10T04:27:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Corvus \* > Am I new enough? > > I certainly don’t feel like a reg, and I’ve been around for a while, so technically I’m not a newbie, although I still fell like one… > > Well, I’ll just be in the corner if you need me. I’d be happy to have you Corvus. I’ll start a list of tasks for you right now. ---
**Author:** ![sk8rixtx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@sk8rixtx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sk8rixtx)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/143 "2000-12-10T05:25:19Z")
Okay, since Ed Zotti doesn’t want me to be his mentor, I guess I’ll need a volunteer… Someone? I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED!!! IS THAT SO WRONG?!?!!?? ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/144 "2000-12-10T06:46:18Z")
I’m looking for a female newbie who likes to be spanked. **ducks flying objects aimed for his head** _ **WHAT?!?!?!** _ ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/145 "2000-12-10T09:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*\*\* DRY_\* you reg’d after me. I adore you and I know you have an ungodly number of posts, but still. > \*\* Doesn’t matter. You aren’t a member of the Elite Clique [sup]TM[/sup], so you weren’t at the last Elite Clique Meeting, where these assigments were made. The committee for Newbie Mentoring told me that they had two pieces of bad news for me: **Michi** wasn’t available and **Medea’s Child** was. 😛 \*\* > [@](#): > > (I’m into submission, not always pain…please keep this straight) > \*\* Filed away for future reference. “I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle” –The Comedy of Errors, Act 3, Scene i ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/146 "2000-12-10T15:00:11Z")
**blastfurnace** – Gosh, I didn’t even know about this thread until you linked me to it. And I offered to be your mentor! Guess that means I was meant to be your mentor. 🙂 Because I can’t bring myself to make you do anything evil or torturous (and because I can’t think of anything either evil or torturous that isn’t incredibly lame), I’m just going to offer you a choice between two SDMB challenges: **1)** Start a thread in GQ, GD, or the Pit. (The topic of this thread is entirely up to you.) This thread must receive at least 20 replies. Conditions: a) You have to be sincere in your OP. The thread must be about something you really do want to learn about and/or discuss and/or bitch about. b) You have to keep up with your thread. Clarify points as needed, elaborate on ideas and give examples, and take leadership of your thread if it loses sight of its purpose. c) Your own replies to other posters’ posts will not be counted towards the goal of 20. d) You have to have your 20 replies within 2 weeks of posting your OP. **2)** I noticed that most of your posts have been in either MPSIMS or IMHO. My challenge to you is to **not** post in either forum for your next 15 posts. Conditions: a) You are only free to haunt ATMB, the twin Comment forums, GQ, GD, and the Pit. b) As in Challenge 1, your posts have to be sincere. I should not sense that you’re making posts just to get through your 15. c) You do not have to be as actively involved in each thread as you have to be in Challenge 1. d) There are no time constraints on this challenge. e) You are allowed two exception posts, for use at your own discretion. Let me know which one you’d like, and I’ll post back to acknowledge that the challenge officially has begun. ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/147 "2000-12-10T16:18:52Z")
Hello. I am dodgy and I am neither a real newbie nor an oldboy. I am _looks down on herself_ female. Who wants me? ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/148 "2000-12-10T22:18:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*I’d be happy to have you Corvus. I’ll start a list of tasks for you right now. \*\* Woohoo!!! (Oh dear god what have I gotten myself into?) ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/149 "2000-12-10T22:56:58Z")
I adore you DRY. Dodgy…that was the most dangerous question I think I have ever heard come out of an intellegent person’s mouth…er, post. Take care of yourself. lurker, I know nobody can adopt me…can’t stop me from trying. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/150 "2000-12-11T02:07:30Z")
Don’t worry, Corvus, I’m a relatively benign despot. Here are your first assignments: 1. Answer a question/assist a poster in ATMB. 2. Find a Column or Mailbag Answer/Staff Report that interests you and start a thread or participate in a current thread dicussing it. (The point of discussion you post about could be a problem, overlooked/incorrect information, clarification, etc. related to the Column or Answer/Report, but should be something you sincerely think should be addressed.) 3. Post a question in GQ that you’ve wondered about for a while. 4. Suggest signatures and/or new usernames for those currently looking for them. 5. Name 4 non-mods from the old AOL board. 6. List 5 of my favorite books. 7. Think of the most interesting and original MPSIMS topic you can. Try to find a thread already discussing it and post a link here. If you can’t find a thread, post the topic here instead (or start a thread on it if you want and post a link). 8. Find out when and where the first DopeFest took place. 9. Name 3 different kind of “thread themes” that have appeared on the board. 10. Link to your favorite thread from within the last 2 weeks. ---
**Author:** ![blastfurnace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@blastfurnace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blastfurnace)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/151 "2000-12-11T02:27:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\* > **1)** Start a thread in GQ, GD, or the Pit. (The topic of this thread is entirely up to you.) This thread must receive at least 20 replies. > > Conditions: > a) You have to be sincere in your OP. The thread must be about something you really do want to learn about and/or discuss and/or bitch about. > b) You have to keep up with your thread. Clarify points as needed, elaborate on ideas and give examples, and take leadership of your thread if it loses sight of its purpose. > c) Your own replies to other posters’ posts will not be counted towards the goal of 20. > d) You have to have your 20 replies within 2 weeks of posting your OP. > **2)** I noticed that most of your posts have been in either MPSIMS or IMHO. My challenge to you is to **not** post in either forum for your next 15 posts. > > Conditions: > a) You are only free to haunt ATMB, the twin Comment forums, GQ, GD, and the Pit. > b) As in Challenge 1, your posts have to be sincere. I should not sense that you’re making posts just to get through your 15. > c) You do not have to be as actively involved in each thread as you have to be in Challenge 1. > d) There are no time constraints on this challenge. > e) You are allowed two exception posts, for use at your own discretion. > Let me know which one you’d like, and I’ll post back to acknowledge that the challenge officially has begun. \*\* **Audry** , I guess maybe I could do both because I can’t decide between the two! ::Thinking to myself: I _must_ work hard to to have the most deadly kung fu. I _am_ the young grasshopper:: ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/152 "2000-12-11T05:32:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Don’t worry, Corvus, I’m a relatively benign despot. Here are your first assignments: > > 1. Answer a question/assist a poster in ATMB. > > 2. Find a Column or Mailbag Answer/Staff Report that interests you and start a thread or participate in a current thread dicussing it. (The point of discussion you post about could be a problem, overlooked/incorrect information, clarification, etc. related to the Column or Answer/Report, but should be something you sincerely think should be addressed.) > > 3. Post a question in GQ that you’ve wondered about for a while. > > 4. Suggest signatures and/or new usernames for those currently looking for them. > > 5. Name 4 non-mods from the old AOL board. > > 6. List 5 of my favorite books. > > 7. Think of the most interesting and original MPSIMS topic you can. Try to find a thread already discussing it and post a link here. If you can’t find a thread, post the topic here instead (or start a thread on it if you want and post a link). > > 8. Find out when and where the first DopeFest took place. > > 9. Name 3 different kind of “thread themes” that have appeared on the board. > > 10. Link to your favorite thread from within the last 2 weeks. \*\* Ooohh… This is gonna be fun! I’ve already started research, and I will have some answers tommorow. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/153 "2000-12-11T06:00:39Z")
I choose StephenG and Dynosaur. Maybe if I make a list of tasks and the first person to turn in the tasks wins! And the other can just be my butt buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/154 "2000-12-11T07:05:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Odieman \* > \*\*9) What current poster used to be known as Michael Masterton? > \*\* Psssst! Odie. It’s Masterson, NOT Masterton. 😉 _(Just wanted to clear that up.)_ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/155 "2000-12-11T08:03:17Z")
**blastfurnace** , you can do both if you like. I hope you have fun with this. 🙂 So… is that your decision? Shall we begin? ---
**Author:** ![StephenG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/156 "2000-12-11T08:35:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Welfy \* > \*\*I choose StephenG and Dynosaur. Maybe if I make a list of tasks and the first person to turn in the tasks wins! And the other can just be my butt buddy. \*\* Woohoo! I was getting worried there… Thank you, Welfy, I am honored to be chosen. [sub]But, uh, what’s a “butt buddy”? Now I’m scared! =)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/157 "2000-12-11T08:54:31Z")
Someone choose me!!! I am new here and i ain’t that well known around these parts, so it would be nice to be adopted. Bye Dumbledore ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/158 "2000-12-11T09:04:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*I adore you DRY. > Dodgy…that was the most dangerous question I think I have ever heard come out of an intellegent person’s mouth…er, post. Take care of yourself. > > lurker, I know nobody can adopt me…can’t stop me from trying. > \*\* I adore you, too, **Medea’s Child**. Even if you can’t spell “intelligent”. 😉 I do believe that you are, in fact, in the middle ground between newbie and veteran. So, while I’ll still adopt you (I’d _really_ prefer someone a little more docile, but the Elite Clique insists), I think you can find someone of your own to adopt, in turn. [sub]May I recommend that new poster, **Medea**? Kind of a neat juxtaposition, no?[/sub] 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DynoSaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DynoSaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DynoSaur)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/159 "2000-12-11T15:13:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Welfy \* > \*\*I choose StephenG and Dynosaur. Maybe if I make a list of tasks and the first person to turn in the tasks wins! And the other can just be my butt buddy. \*\* Tasks? There’s going to be work involved? Uh oh 😉 And, um, what’s the prize here, exactly? It would have to be pretty damn good to get me to turn down the second offer 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/160 "2000-12-11T17:12:56Z")
_sniffles_ Methinks I have been forgotten be my Mentor… Perhaps I should track her down and offer her some homemade cookies or candies to bring her back. Or maybe I should just get naked and cover myself in Chocolate Sauce… _shucks off her robe and grabs the Hershey’s bottle_ Silver Fire!! Your adoptee awaits your commands! _waits_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=9)